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What do you call a firefighter not on the first floor of the fire station during an emergency?

A part time stripper

So I was showing my friends the first floor of my house

When one of them said "What's upstairs?".
I told him that the stairs don't talk.

What's the difference between falling from the first floor and falling from the 10th floor?

First floor: Thump! ...Aaaaaaah!!

Tenth floor: Aaaaaaah!! ...Thump!

Women Only

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have five floors. Go up floor by floor,...

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

A burglar breaks in to a house

A burglar breaks into a house,

as he’s wandering through the first floor he hears “Jesus is watching you “,

Startled, he looks around and he sees a parrot, as he sees the parrot it says to him “Jesus is watching you “,
“Hello parrot” says the burglar, “so your name is Jesus,eh?...

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A construction company builds a 5 stories apartment building but with no bathroom

A reporter asks the contractor:

"Why didn't you build any bathroom in the building?"

The contractor replies:
"The first floor is a kindergarten, they go potty so no need for a bathroom"

"The second floor is for high ranking officials, they've got people to wipe their ass fo...

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Happy Endings...

There's a middle aged guy - getting a bit fat and bald now, got a gimpy leg so he's walking with a cane - his wife just gave up trying to get horny and sent him out to find his fun somewhere else.

So he arrives at a brothel he'd heard about - pretty tall, a townhouse, very plain looking outsi...

In a four story building, there live four residents, one for each floor.

On the first floor lives a Boxer. On the second, a professional football player. On the third, a blind man, and on the fourth, a beautiful woman.

One beautiful day, the woman is in the shower. She hears the doorbell ring, and she yells, “Who is it?” The person behind the door yells back, “Car...

Found this, i think you might enjoy, source in comments

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may c...

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This joke is popular with lebanese people, idk if everyone will find it funny but here we go

Mr. Abed and Mrs. Abed recently moved to a new building on the first floor. They were very happy they moved to a better area, but little did they know there was a man living in the second floor who plays the violin. At night when they went to sleep, the man started playing the violin and it was beau...

St Peter was doing market research with the applicants at the Pearly Gates. Three men were awaiting entry.

"Cause of death?" St Peter asked the first.

"I suspected my wife was cheating on me," the first man replied, "so I came home early and burst into my apartment on the twenty-first floor. I ran into the bedroom and my wife was lying naked on the bed. I searched the apartment but found no-one. ...

A man is in court

(Long but worth it)

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."
Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."
Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you ...

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Woman searching for a husband

A woman goes to the husband store. The store owner tells her each floor has better quality men, but once she leaves a floor she can not return. On the first floor are nice, cute men. "I can do better" she thinks to herself. She goes to the second floor. There she finds nice, cute men with high payin...

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I’m coming

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw.
He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear.
So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs.
He points to his eye, meaning, "I," then at his knee,...

Two girlfriends are chatting.

“Have you heard about the new husband shopping centre in town?" one asks. "It's a four-floor building where women can go to choose a husband from hundreds of eligible men. The only rule is, once you go up a floor, you can't go down, except to leave the place never to return. Let's try it out."
<...

A man is sitting at home in the rain.

The police come to his home and say there is a flood coming and he needs to evacuate.

The man refuses saying he has been a good religious man and God will protect him.

The rain continues and now the water is over his entire first floor. A boat comes and asks him to evacuate with them...

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A man walks into a brothel. NSFW

He goes to the first floor to find a sign that says "slow fucks"

Then he goes to the second floor to find another sign that says "fast fucks"

When he reached the third floor he found a paper on the ground he bend over to pick it up, only to find someone fucking him,he reads the paper, ...

Praying for salvation...

One rainy day, a very religious woman was standing on her front porch watching as the river across the street started to rise up its banks. A policeman drove down the road and saw her, pulled his cruiser up her drive, and got out.

"Excuse me miss," he called over to the woman, "but the rains ...

The Husband Store

So a new store opened up in town where women can go and find the love of their lives. There are some rules though:

1. You can only shop once. Ever.
2. The quality of the 'merchandise' increases as you go up a floor (there are 6 floors total)
3. You can choose any product from any floor,...

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Dam Buster?

Theres an old village in a valley some where with a Dam at one end.

One day theres an earthquake and a crack appears in the dam and the village starts to slowly flood.

The emergency services and army are called and the village is cleared, other than the village church where the priest ...

What a horrible way to die

Two guys meet up in a bar.

The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb,...

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

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Two construction workers are working in a building.

One works on the first floor and the other works on the 2nd floor.

That day the construction worker on the first floor realized that he needed a handsaw, so he yells up to the second construction worker and said, "Hey Tim! I need a handsaw, can you please throw one down to me!?!"

Tim ...

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John arrives in heaven and...

...at the entrance St. Peter shows him a high, high-rise building where he must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard religi...

Two neighbors are talking

One of them is just a simple worker,lives on the second floor, and has been married for 3 years, and has 4 kids.

The other is a cop,lives on the first floor. and has been married for 11 years with no kids.

The cop asks the worker:

"How come you've only been married for 3 years, ...

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Four women go on a road trip

No real reason, they just need to blow off some steam.

They pick a random highway and start driving. They're having a great time, laughing and joking the whole time. It's starting to get late, and they see a billboard advertising a hotel for women only.

Intrigued, they take the turnoff...

Jim asks his formerly obese friend Phil how he has lost weight so fast

Phil replies, "I tell you my secret. There's this clinic I went to. They have a special program that makes you lose weight incredibly fast. Here's the address."



So next weekend Jim has his first appointment at the clinic. He is welcomed by the doctor who sends him upstairs to the firs...

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A man is standing in line at the pearly gates...

When he strikes up a conversation with the man next to him. ''So how did you die,'' he asks him. The man responds ''Oh I froze to death. It wasn't too bad, pretty peaceful. What about you?''

The man says ''well I was a rich man with a huge house and a nice car and I began to think my wife was...

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A woman is desperately looking for a husband, but she happens to stumble upon a stores that sells men.

The woman can't believe her luck, and runs inside. On the first floor, there is a sign that reads:

"Welcome to the Husband Store! There are 9 floors in all, but be warned: once you go past a floor, you're not allowed to go back down. You either make a purchase, or leave empty handed."

...

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Construction Worker working alone

A construction worker works by himself on the twentieth floor of a building being built. Everything is going fine, until one day he realizes he needs a hand saw. Not having one, the closest worker with one is on the first floor, and since they have not yet installed an elevator, and 20th floor guy w...

An adventurer finds a huge tower

On the first floor he finds to his left a ladder and to his right an attractive woman. She tells him, "Take me here or climb to success." His curiosity gets the better of him so he climbs the ladder.

On the second floor he finds a woman even more attractive than the first one! She says, "Take...

My friend jumped out of a 30 story building

Luckily he was on the first floor

Two blondes walk onto a double decker bus

This one's a classic I heard years ago from my grandma and I still enjoy hearing and telling.

So two blondes are traveling in London together and decide to get onto a double decker bus to reach their next stop. However, the bus is so crowded that one of the friends has to sit on the bottom of...

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Three men argue, who has the most stupid wife.

First one says: "My wife can't swim, yet she bought herself a complete scuba diving equipment."
Second one says: "That's nothing: my wife has vertigo even when she looks down a window on the first floor, yet she bought herself a hang-glider."
Third one says: "That's nothing, gentlemen: my ...

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So there’s a 12-floor building

The first floor is named January
Second floor is February
Third is March
Forth is April
Fifth is May
Sixth is June
Seventh -July
Eight - August
Ninth - September
Tenth October
Eleventh November
And finally the twelfth floor is named December.

How do ...

A company is building a tower with diffrent floors

The first floor will be a hexagon the 2nd pentagon, ah you dont need to hear it from me, each story has diffrent sides anyways

A man visits an asylum with 8 floors.

There, he talks to the manager of the asylum, who guides him through it.

"Let me explain to you how this building works. In the first floor, we've got the inmates that aren't very crazy. On the second floor, we've got the ones who are just a bit crazy. On the third floor, we have the ones who...

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An obese man is trying to lose weight

His friend tells him about this gym where he can lose all his unwanted fat within a few days.

The man goes to that gym, the coach welcomes him "Hello, welcome to the best gym ever. Today you will work in the first floor, where you will lose 20 pounds in 2 hours."

The man enters the fir...

There's an apartment with 4 floors...

... on the first floor there is an artist, on the second there's a plummer, the third there is a blind man, and on the fourth there is a woman taking a shower. The woman taking a shower hears a knock on the door, she gets out of the shower, puts her robe on and opens the door. It's the artist, "I ju...

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Tell me, what part of my body is the greatest?

A man had just moved inn, in a new apartment on the 5th floor. One morning, he was going to get his mail on the first floor. When he arrived, he saw a beautiful, blond woman, getting her mail as well. She was wearing an almost transparent morning robe, and the man started to blush. The woman saw the...

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A man's baby was born while he was at work...

As soon as he gets out, he rushes to the hospital to see his son.

On the first floor, he sees a sign which says "here's where gorgeous babies are". He asks the doctor "Is my baby, Gerald, here?" and the doctor says "no, try next floor".

On the second floor, he sees a sign which says "h...

Two dead drunk guys...

walk out of a bar and walking around one of them point at a huge apartment block and says " I bet every woman in that building is currently menstruating". The other guys looks at the building and accepts the bet thinking that he cant lose. The two men walk into the building and on the first floor ri...

In Gods hands...

A man was in his home when a hurricane blew into town bringing with it high winds and torrential rain. A pair of cops came by in waders and asked him to evacuate.

*“No thanks, officers,"* he said. *“My life is in God’s hands.”*

So the police left and the rain continued to fall. A f...

An old woman wakes up one morning to find her town flooding..

The water has filled her first floor and is quickly rising, she looks out the upstairs window and sees 2 men in a row boat. They yell up to her to jump into the water and they will take her to safety. The woman yells back "No! God will provide." "Suit yourself!" the men say, and row away.

A f...

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Odd Signs From England

Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN
THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING
IT BACK OR FURTHER STE...

Jesus is watching you.

A burglar had been planning to rob a couple for awhile. He was sitting outside their house, knowing they would be leaving soon for vacation. They leave, and he enters the house. On the first floor, he's looking around and he hears a voice. "Jesus is watching you. He shines his flashlight around, doe...

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Two construction workers are working on a building...

One working on the first floor, and another on the third. The one on the third floor forgot his saw, so he tried to shout to the other for it, but the wind blocked out the sound. He mimed a sawing motion to the guy below. The other guy saw it, pulled down his pants, and started jerkin it. Furious, t...

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