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High Rise Jokes

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Two guys are working a roofing job for a high rise condo

One guy is on the roof and the other is on the ground

The foreman on the roof realizes he forgot to grab his hand saw, so he goes to the edge to yell to his partner to bring it up.

"Hey! I need my hand saw!"

His partner cups his ear as if he didn't understand.

"**I NEED ...

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

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Three high rise builders were sitting on top of a high rise (long)

Three high rise builders were sitting on top of a high rise eating lunch. The first builder opens up his lunch pail and says "fuck man, if I get a turkey sandwich one more time I'm gonna jump off this building and kill myself". The second builder opens up his lunch box and says "Jesus, if I get a po...

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3 guys having lunch on a high rise construction site.

As they open their lunchboxes

1st guy says. Bologna sandwich again! If my wife packs me another bologna sandwich tomorrow I'm jumping off this high rise and killing myself.

2nd guy opens his lunch up. Ham and cheese again! If my wife packs me this lunch again I'll jump with ya!
...

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During lunch break on a high rise construction site....

...Dave says, "Hey Daryl tell the crew how you made a fast $50 this morning!"

"It was weird!", says Daryl. "I was on the 23rd floor and bumped a brick off the edge, I immediately yelled out "FALLING BRICK!!!. There was a lady standing at the bus stop below, she heard me, stepped to the side a...

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Two strangers are sitting in a bar at the top of a high rise...

The first man says to the other: "Did you know the clouds are so thick up here that you bounce right back off of them if you jump out the window?"
The second man says: "Is this some kind of a sick game? That's not physically possible!"
The first man stands up and says "Let me show you!" An...

The wife & I were staying at a fancy high rise hotel when the argument started.

Things didnt get any better as the night went on. She started to threaten that she would jump out the window. In a panic I called the front desk. They asked how could they help? I said you better send body up here right away, the window wont open.

Tom, Glenn and Scott were working on a high rise building project

Glenn fell off and was instantly killed.

As the ambulance took the body away, Scott said, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Tom says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, Tom came back carrying a 6-pack. Scott asked, "Where did you get...

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A man walks into a bar on top of a high rise

And sees another patron in a deep conversation with the bartender. As the man walks up and orders a beer, he can't help but hear the patron extolling the wonders of urban air currents to the visibly bored bartender.

"Yeah Murray, it's incredible. The speeds these updrafts can reach would blow...

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Three construction workers were having lunch on a high rise..

The first worker opens up his lunchbox and says, are you kidding me? Another bologna sandwich! Every day its bologna! If I get another bologna sandwich i'm going to jump off this high rise! The second worker opens his lunch box and says, yeah i'm with you man I cant take anymore of this! The third w...

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A Ukrainian, American, and Polish guy work on a high rise construction site...

Every day they take lunch on top of the building. Ukrainian guy opens his lunchbox and exclaims: "Fucking borscht again? I swear, if I get another borscht for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building!"

 

American find a PB&J sandwich in his lunchbox and also exclaims: "I...

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A man goes to a bar in the top floor of a high rise building.

When he approches the bar, a man infront of him orders a scotch and proceeds to walk to the window where he jumps out. Shocked and horrified the man runs to the window and sees no sign of the man. He orders his drink and try to process what just happend.


About an hour later the window ju...

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A man walks up to a high rise roof top bar and sees another gentleman drinking..

The man walks up to the gentleman and asks what the gentleman is drinking and the gentleman tells the man, "if you drink this special cocktail, it will give you great power." The gentleman pounds the cocktail, then immediately hurls himself out of a window. The gentleman then runs back up to the b...

Two well dressed men....

Two well dressed men are talking at a rooftop bar about 70 stories from the ground floor. They over hear a guy talking about how he's a hedge fund manager and how much money he makes. One of the well dressed men mentions to his friend how much he hates hedge fund managers. His friend agrees.
The ...

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Three guys died the same day

3 guys all died on the same day, and they're standing in line before Peter and the pearly gates.

Peter says "ayy fellas, I'm a little full today. I tell you what. Whichever one of you has the best death story gets in today."

So ol' Pete pulls the first guy over and asks how he dies. ...

I’ve got a business...

What’s you business?

A trampoline company in Prague.

How’s it going?
It’s not great, the Czech’s keep bouncing...



What’s your business?

We repair elevators in high rise buildings.

How’s it going?
Meh, it’s up and down.


What’s your b...

Glass eye

A guy just exited a high rise hotel on the beach and he's walking along the sand and boom something hits his foot. After further examination he sees that it's a glass eye. He immediately looks up and there's a beautiful woman on the 3rd floor looking over the balcony and he shout's "is this your gla...

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Having a bad day at work…

An associate goes to the bar in the top floor of his high rise office building and orders a drink. The place is empty except for the bartender and a lone man at the other end of bar. While staring into his drink, he can’t help but notice the other guy pound 4 shots.
“Must’ve had a worse day than...

Hope this joke survives Hindi translation

(please view comments from oldest first)

Me: dude my mom just told me that when I was very
Young I fell down from Qutab Minar (high rise
Monument)

Ram: Damn! Did you survive? You didn't die did you?!

Me: I don't remember, I was pretty young when this
...

The laws to get to heaven are new!

They changed the rules to get into heaven and get passed Saint Peter and the pearly gates; you just need to have died in an interesting way.

So three men show up before Peter. Peter asks the first man how did you die?

Man says "well you see i live on the 22nd floor of a high rise apart...

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Superman

Reminds me of joke where Superman is flying over a town and spots Wonder Woman laying out nude on the roof of a high rise.

Superman thinks to himself, "I should fly down knock off a quick piece faster than she can know what happened."

Whosh, zap, a bit of the old in out and off he...

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The old woman's bet

The president of a major international bank is sitting in his office on the top floor of a high rise building when his secretary says an old woman wants to see him and insists that she'd only see him and no one else. He tells her to let her in. The old woman walks in with a suitcase. He shows her th...

A tractor enthusiast

A tractor enthusiast from the country decides to leave his farm and assortment of tractors for a life in the city. He gets a job in a fancy high rise building. One day, the floor he works on catches fire. With one breath the man sucks up all the smoke and flames and blows it out the window. When all...

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Three construction workers are sitting on a scaffolding eating lunch.

An electrician, a bricklayer, and a welder are sitting on a high rise scaffolding on their lunch break. They all open their lunches to find baloney sandwiches. The electrician sighs and says

"I hate baloney, my wife knows I hate baloney, yet every day I end up with this sandwich. If I get on...

The Jumpers

The Jumpers

Three guys, an Italian guy, an American guy, and a Polish guy were working construction together on a high rise. Everyday at lunch, they would sit and eat together on an I-Beam, high above the city. Italian guy opens his lunch and says, "Man, I'm tired of getting the same meatball...

An engineer dies and goes to hell.

When he gets down there and starts going through his punishment he get really tired of the constantly bad living conditions, so he starts working.

He makes an industrial air conditioner and gets the temperature under control.

He makes some industrial mining machines and clears the fo...

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Guy in town on business goes to a local bar...

Guy is in town on business and goes to local bar. As he is drinking he starts talking to the attractive woman next to him. They get up and start dancing.

As they are dancing she says “for $10 I can give you and amazing hand job.” He’s interested but replies “how do I know it will be amazing?...

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The 3 Construction Workers

3 construction workers are sitting on the edge of a high rise they're helping to build, having lunch.

The first one, Alfredo, opens his lunchbox to find spaghetti.
"Mama Mia! Itsa spaghetti again! Ifa I see more spaghetti tomorrow, I'ma gonna jump off anda die!"

The next one, Jua...

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman

All work on a high rise building site together.

One lunchtime while sat high up on the building the Englishman opens his sandwich and exclaims "Ham, fucking ham again. If I get ham in my sandwiches again tomorrow I'm gonna jump!"

The Scotsman opens his sandwich; "Haggis, fucking haggi...

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A tale of two young men

There is a young man walking a tight rope between two high rise buildings. In the same city, at the same time, there is another young man receiving oral sex from from a 80 year old woman. They both are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. What could it be?





...

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Two Australian construction workers

Two Australian construction workers, Pete and Mick, and working on the top floor a high rise building. Pete says to Mick - "I need to take a piss, but there's no dunny up here". Mick suggests that they extend a plank out over the side of the building, supported by Micks weight and that Pete walk out...

An Italian, a Mexican and a Newfie...

are working steel on a high rise 30 stories up in the air. At lunch time they all sit down on one of the beams and open their lunch pails. The Italian opens his and says "Mama mia not pizza again! If I get pizza one more time I swear I'm going to jump to my death.
Next the Mexican opens his lunch...

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This is a long joke, so bear with me. Three guys are standing at the Pearly Gates...

And the angel Gabriel comes out to greet them. While taking stock of the recently deceased, Gabriel says "Alright, guys, Heaven's getting pretty crowded, and I can only let you in if I deem the story of your death worthy." The guys look at each other and nod and agree, all thinking that's fair.
...

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First submission to /jokes, and it's an old one about women making sandwiches.

Three riveters take their lunch break up on the rafters of a high rise. The first one opens his lunch pail and turns to the others, "Goddamn Ham & Swiss *again.* Fifteen years of marriage, and every day it's the same thing. I swear, if my wife makes me one more Ham & Swiss, I'm ending it....

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Robin Hucking

I once knew a guy named Robin. Robin Hucking. Yes, Robin. He hated his name. Everyone called him Hucking, or Huck.



Great guy. Best friend I ever had. Right up to the day he died.



Hucking did have one problem. He was a high rise construction worker with a bad case of acr...

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Three men stand at the Pearly Gates

God tells the three men that Heaven is near it's quota for the day and only one man will be allowed in.

All three men have lived good lives, so God decides he will choose who gets in to Heaven based on how they died. Whoever had the worst luck will get in to Heaven.

So the first man t...

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