What two things do you get when you throw a firecracker into a french kitchen?

Linoleum Blownapart and debrie every where.

My Dad tried twisting the wicks of a handful of firecrackers together and accidentally pulled them out. I told him to stop and not try to fix them, it wasn't safe.

He refused two.

Two kids were walking down the street. One was drinking battery acid and the other one was eating firecrackers.

Police charged one and let the other one off.

This 4th of July please remember it's not "firecracker"

This Independence Day, please remember it's not "firecracker," that term is very offensive to some people. It's "fire-caucasian." Thank you.

What do you get when you cross a firecracker and a ghost?

Bamboo!

What do computers eat for snacks?

Micro-chips


(Discovered on a Firecracker Popsicle stick)

Today things are so politically correct you can't even say firecracker...

...You have to say, Bill you're fired.

Two troublesome boys

So these two kids are just the worst. They're 8 and 6, and they get into trouble every day. Kicking cats, firecrackers in mailboxes, the works. If something is broken or missing in their neighborhood, it's these kids' fault.

Their parents are at their wits end; they've tried grounding th...

Irritable Bowel Syndrome (Warning: joke does contain some curse words)

One thing I’ve figured out is that sometimes laughing at yourself can actually help you deal with bad situations in your life. A personal example of how I do this is with my own health. I’ve had the digestive problem IBS since I was a teenager. It’s not the easiest thing in the world to live with so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Proper procedural Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a Pathan couple decided that enough is enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fi...

An old woman is

Riding in an elevator in a very lavish building in New York City. The elevator stops, and the doors open. A young and beautiful woman smelling of expensive perfume gets on. The young woman haughtily sneers at the old woman and says, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren. 150 dollars an ounce!”

The old w...

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Little Johnny was in class one afternoon

And the teacher asked him to come to the front and tell the class what he had done that weekend, hoping that it would be a nice clean story (ok...)

"Well miss, me and my mate grabbed a frog from the stream and shoved a firecracker up his arse th-"

Feeling a bit flustered and trying to ...

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Little Johnny

It was show & tell time at school when the teacher finally got around to asking Johnny what he had to show or tell. Johnny got up in front of the class and said “On the weekend my friends and I went to the creek near my house. We found some frogs and stuck firecrackers up their ass!” “Johnny!!! ...

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When I was 10

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumb...

What do you call a Caucasian pyrotechnic?

A Firecracker.

What do you call a trailer​ park fire?

Firecrackers

Busted!

A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.

They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and...

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A redneck goes to his doctor...

...and asks him "Hey doc, I don't want to risk having any more kids."

The doctor says "Well I would suggest a vasectomy, then."

The redneck says "That costs way too much, though. Got any other ideas?"

The doctor thinks for a minute then says, "ok, what I want you to do is, when ...

What do you call a burning white guy?

A firecracker

What's a dragon's favorite snack?

A firecracker!

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