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Stampede Jokes

how do you stop an elephant from stampeding?

Cut its stampeder off.

How did the cowboy survive the stampede?

He had herd immunity.

What did Scar tell Simba when he was getting chased by the stampede?

Move fassa'

Bobby told Billy he stopped a stampede.

That was the biggest bunch of bull he ever herd.

Why did Simba's dad die in a stampede?

Because he didn't Moofassa enough!

My uncle died from a turtle stampede.

It was a slow death.

What did the villager say after the stampede of bearded antelopes ended?

No Gnus is Good News!

Why did Simba’s dad die?

Because >!he couldn’t Mufasa than the stampede. !<

What do you call a stampede that runs in circles?

NASCOW

What do you call a stampede of mexicans running away from a snake?

**Hiss**-panic

3 soldiers get captured

Three soldiers get ambushed on patrol and get taken prisoner. The enemy decides they will be shown no mercy, and that they will be executed by firing squad immediately.

The three men start thinking of how they can escape.

The first man is stood before the firing squad as he yells “loo...

A man living in Soviet Russia asks his friend.

"Kolya, what would you do if the borders were opened tomorrow?"

"Why, I'd climb the nearest tree, of course."

"But why?"

"I don't want to be trampled in a stampede.

My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard.

All of them!
Over the horizon three and a half billion men are heading to me.
Millions die in the stampede.
All for me and my milkshake.
What have I done?

An oil prospector is waiting at the gates of heaven.

St. Peter had some bad news for an oil prospector who appeared at the pearly gates of heaven: “You’re qualified for admission,” said St. Peter, “but, as you can see, the section for oil prospectors is packed. There’s no way to fit you in.”

After a moment, the prospector asked to say just four...

Big Joe

A guy runs into a bar. "I'll have a vodka tonic, but make it snappy!" he says to the bartender.

The barkeep hands him his drink. The guy throws a twenty down and says, "Keep the change. I gotta get out of here, Big Joe's coming!"

Hearing this, patrons all over the bar frantically get u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Black hand....

A stranger walks into a wild western town, he's a stranger passing through and needs to find a bed for the night.

He calls in at the local saloon and finds himself a place at the end of the bar while he tries to figure out his best options of a bed. The place is rammed, card games, piano play...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and opens his suitcase revealing a million dollars in cash.

"I'll give this million dollars to the first person who can sing "Auld Lang Syne" and give me head at the same time."

Immediately people started a stampede, men, women and children all alike, towards the mans crotch. They whipped his dick out and started battling over who gets to do the "perf...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Melons in Love

Once upon a time, there were two teenage melons who fell in love at first sight, so they decided to run away to Vegas to get married. The melons woke up very early one morning to sneak away, since the drive would take all day and all night, and also because they suspected their parents would not app...

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