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I was traveling on a 10 hour flight and thought I'd have a quick chat to make time go by faster

So I turn towards the young person beside me.

Me: Hello, would you like to have a quick chat to make time go by quicker?

She: Sure. What do you want to talk about?

Me: So why don't we talk about Iran's Nuclear Program?

Then she goes "All right then" and puts down her cra...

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The ole cowboy

An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would yo...

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A stockbroker walks past a kid selling lemonade

“Hey mister, ya want some lemonade?”

The stockbroker is just getting out of his brand new BMW in a nice tailored suit. He was about to walk past when he a double take at the sign that says “Lemonade $50”.


“Your sign is wrong kid. I think you mean fifty cents.”

The little gi...

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A woman pregnant with twins is in a bank when two masked men enter with shotguns, a shot goes off and the woman is hit in the stomach by two stray pellets in the crossfire.

The woman goes to the doctors and they tell her that the pellets hit the unborn infants but that they would be ok, they'll just naturally pass the pellets as they get older. Years pass and the now mother is approached by her daughter "Mom, Mom I was on the toilet and a pellet came out!" The mother t...

You know the joke where a guy tells another guy to eat rabbit pellets saying that they are "smart pills"?

The second guy comes back the next day and says, "Hey, these are rabbit pellets! They're not smart pills at all!"

And the first guy says, "You see, they're working already."

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A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

One morning, at the research lab...

...an assistant accidentally left a cage open while cleaning, and a little bunny rabbit escaped when he wasn't looking. The little bunny rabbit followed the assistant out of the room, down the hallway, and right out the door.

The little bunny rabbit looked around in amazement; he'd been bor...

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A hunter shot a rabbit and his wife made a stew with it

They all ate well and were very content.

A couple days later, his daughter walks in and she says:

"Dad, i went to the toilet and peed shotgun pellets. What's wrong?"

"Ah shoot!" exlaims the dad "i just remembered I forgot to clean them out of the carcass. Call the rest of the fa...

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Smart pills

Little Billy is standing in the barn with his grandpa

There are rabbits in the barn and their droppings are all over the floor.

The boy says, "What are all these pellets on the ground, grandpa?"

Grandpa says, "They're smart pills, Billy. Eat them and you'll get smarter."
<...

Man I’ve really had it with Ebay

I’ve had it with eBay! Every time I order chicken pellets they email me asking for their feed back!

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How to be a macho mouse

Three very macho mice are standing around trying to outdo each other. The first mouse says, "You know those little pellets they put out around the house trying to poison us? I love those things. I eat 'em like candy." The second mouse, not to be outdone says, "Oh yeah? Well, you know those mouse...

A redneck mom puts shotgun shells in the family soup by mistake...

A redneck mom puts shotgun shells in the family soup by mistake...

At any rate, the family had nothing else they could eat, so they ate the soup as it was.

The next day in the morning, mom checked the baby's diaper. Shotgun pellets were apparent in the fecal matter.

The kinderga...

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An atheist and little girl were sitting next to each other on an aeroplane.

'Flight goes quicker when two aeroplane buddies chat to each other,' said the atheist to the little girl.

'What would I want to talk to you about?' replied the little girl.

'I dunno, maybe about how why there is no God.'

Now the girl believed in God and was also very smart indee...

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Smartenin' pills

This little kid Jimmy was frustrated, because every day as he walked to school with his lunch, the big bully Buster would stop him and ask him what he had for lunch. Then he would take the lunch and eat it!

So one day Jimmy decided he had enough, he had to do something about this. Now his A...

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Three mice are sitting at a bar...

Arguing about which one is the most bad ass mouse. The first one says. "You know those traps with the cheese? I can sneak the cheese out without setting them off." As he munches on a piece. The second mouse says. "Man you ain't shit! You know those poison pellets they set out to kill us? They don't...

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I was flying by myself on an airplane

I take my seat and a stranger sits next to me and he says,

"Hi, my name is Phil. I really dislike flying, so if it's okay I'd like to hold a conversation with you on this flight to take my mind off of flying"

"Sure, what would you like to talk about?" I said

Phil replied "oh I ...

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A little girl and a businessman are sitting next to each other on a plane.

The girl is reading, but the businessman is obviously getting bored. So, he says to her "ya know, talking is the best way to pass the time on a flight." The girl, showing slight annoyance, puts down her book and says "okay, what do you want to talk about?" He says "let's talk about religion, do you ...

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3 Mice and their bravado (NSFW - words used)

3 Mice are sitting at the bar, smashing a few cold ones back...

The first Mouse, wanting to showcase his toughness tells the other two of how a RAT trap sprung on him, but instead of keeling over and dying he lifted the bar off of himself and feasted on the cheese with no problems whatsoever...

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