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Favourites Jokes

My wife thinks I play favourites with my kids.

That's just silly. I love Eric and Not Eric equally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since we're doing favourites, here's mine:

Three men are walking along a beach when they come across a lamp buried in the sand. They pull it out and dust it off and out pops a genie.

"For giving me my freedom, I shall grant each of you three wishes," he declares.

The first guy says, "I wish for a billion dollars!" Poof, his b...

My Grandma tried to not show favourites

But her will was a dead giveaway

One of my favourites: My friend died when we couldn’t remember his blood type

He kept saying “Be Positive,” but it’s hard without him.

One of my all-time favourites

A deer sees a crying bunny, sitting by the road.
When asked what is wrong, the bunny said "The bear asked me if I fuzz, I said that I don't and he used me sa his toilet paper".

Some days later, the deer sees the same bunny at the roadside, laughing histerically.

"Glad to see yo...

One of my favourites

A lawyer went duck hunting for the first time in the country. He killed a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of the fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a d...

One of my favourites: What do you call an alligator in a vest?

...an investigator.

Old joke but one of my favourites.

A man is hired to paint the side of a building. It is summer time and very hot out, maybe 30°C. He puts on two jackets and gets to work.

As he's painting a woman walks by and asks "Why are you wearing two jackets in such heat?"

"Mind your business!"

A while later another woman ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favourites

A man is driving down a road.

A woman is driving down the same road.

They pass each other.

The woman yells out the window, "Pig!"

The man yells back, "Bitch!"

The man drives around the corner, crashes into a hug pig in the middle of the road, and dies.

No Respect

"A girl phoned me up the other day and said, 'Come on over, no one is home.'

I went over there.

And nobody was home!"

Rodney Dangerfield

What are some of your favourites from Mr. No Respect?

A joke my granddad once told me.

I always loved this one, my granddad told it to me years ago. Still one of my favourites.



An elderly woman wakes one morning and looks out of her bedroom window. Across the road she sees two men from the local council office slowly making their way up the grassy embankment at the side...

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