Dwarf Jokes - 79 Hilarious Dwarf Jokes

I won't ever joke about Dwarfs.

I'm a responsible man. They Look up to me.

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Snow White and the Prince decided to buy the Seven Dwarfs a hot tub.

They all got in and started feeling Happy. So he got out and left, now they're all Grumpy.

When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice.

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A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed...

how could anyone stoop so low

What do you call a Mexican dwarf?

A paragraph... Because it's not a full ese

I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs..

Not Happy

I’ve seen a few jokes about dwarfs recently and I’m sick of it.

My girlfriend has dwarfism, and is kinder and works harder than anyone I know. She deserves respect and shouldn’t be treated so poorly by you lot.

In fact, to make it up to her I’m going to make her a lovely meal, pour her a glass of wine, and run her a nice hot sink.

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

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Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

What's the difference between a Munchkin, a dwarf and an Oompa-Loompah?

Very little.

Met a Dwarf Today....

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

I called a dwarf by the wrong name.

He wasn't Happy.

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A dwarf once offered me money for a .

I'd never stoop so low.

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What did the dwarf say to the prostitute?

Hi ho.

Why does nobody ever talk about how tall the average dwarf is?

Because it’s a little mean.

My late grandfather was a dwarf.

He lived a short life.

Why can't the Seven Dwarfs get into a bar?

Because they don't serve miners.

Hey girl, are you a white dwarf star?

'cause you're pretty hot but kind of dim.

What do you call a dwarf psychic who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

A dwarf was upset someone picked his pocket

He said, " How could someone stoop so low"

Due to COVID-19, The Seven Dwarfs have been restricted to gather in a group of no more than six.

One of them is not Happy.

I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall

It was a little condescending

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

A dwarf was kicked out of a nudist colony

Apparently, he kept sticking his nose in everyones' business.

"Why are scientists calling Pluto a dwarf planet?"

"Oh I think it is pretty self-explanetory."

What do dwarfs talk about on a date?

Nothing much really, they just make small talk

Why doesn’t anybody want to be one of Snow White’s Dwarfs?

Because 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren’t allowed to be Happy.

What do a you call a punctual dwarf who lives in the city?

Metrognome.

A Genie once granted me one wish, so I said “I just want to be happy”.

So now I’m living in a little cottage with 6 dwarfs, working in a mine and singing ?’Whistle while you work…….’ ?

What is the dwarfs favorite type of cake?

Shortcake.

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A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a blonde walked up to him and said "Ive always wanted to have with a little person"

**The dwarf replied "Im sorry, but Ive had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up" "Its ok" said the woman, "my husband is working away until next week" So, against his better judgement he goes back with the woman. They start having...

A dwarf from Prague runs into a bar…

“Help! Help! The Secret Police are after me. Can you cache a small Czech?”

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

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It’s a rainy Tuesday and a dwarf lady runs into a doctors office in tears.

She sobs and tells the doctor “I can’t stand it any more, every time it rains I get a terrible pain in my crotch! Can you help me?”

The doctor is rightly baffled by this, so he asks the lady to get on the table so he can examine her. Straight away he says “Ah I can see the issue, and I’m sure...

what do you call a dwarf with erectile dysfunction?

Micro soft

Snow White, a dwarf and Freddy Krueger are having an argument

Snow White says "I'm the most beautiful person in the world! I know it!" The dwarf says "Stop lying, of course you're not! But I'M the shortest person on this earth." Freddy Krueger says "Well, I'm the ugliest person on earth!" Snow white says "Guys, stop arguing! We can just go to the magic mirror ...

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A Female Dwarf

Goes to the doctors and says "everytime it rains my hurts" The doctor has a good look at her lady garden and can't see anything that could cause it. He advises to come back on the next rainy day.

A few days later the dwarf is back at his office saying its raining and my is hurti...

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We were looking up at the sky and my astronomer friend said, “Do you know what a white dwarf is?”

Me: Yes. I think his name is Peter Dinklage.

Why did the dwarf get slapped by the woman?

He said “your hair smells amazing.”

A local store recently had an incident where a dwarf was spotted standing on the shoulders of two vampires and hiding merchandise beneath their cloaks.

He's being charged with shoplifting on 2 counts.

What do the seven dwarfs say when they go to the club?

Hi hoe!!!!

A dwarf walks into a bar

He hits his head and falls down.

.
.
.

Yes, I could have made a better joke, but the bar was set too low.

Dwarf enters the library

"One book on discrimination of dwarves, please." - says the dwarf

"Third row..." - replies the librarian - "top shelf."

what's the difference between a thieving dwarf and a yeast infection?

One is a cunning runt.

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Probably bad but why not. Al Pacino and a dwarf walk into a bar

The bartender asks Pacino what he wants to drink, but ignores the dwarf. This goes on for some time, until the dwarf gets pissed and tells Pacino. Pacino then pulls out a gun and points it at the bartender, and shouts "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"

What type of milk do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk.

My mom and dad were both dwarfs

All their lives they struggled to put food on the table

Why are dwarfs so good at math?

Because it's the little things that count.

Why should you never make a joke about height around a dwarf?

It’ll just go over their head.

My ex-girlfriend was a dwarf

We really didn't see eye to eye

The dwarf wanted to quit his job and become a butcher...

...but the steaks were too high

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TIL, in the original draft of Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, JRR Tolkien wrote that Bilbo Baggins died while having with a dwarf prostitute…

Apparently old hobbits die hard.

The first time I saw a dwarf escorted off the set of a late night show while the band played goodbye music, it was hilarious!

But now it's a little played out.

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I met a dwarf the other day

He told me that my hair smelled good

So I reported him for harassment

My grandfather was a dwarf

Poor guy always struggled to put food on the table

Did you hear about the dwarf that escaped by rappelling from Alcatraz?

I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.

“Dwarf Shortage”

Credit to Jimmy Carr.

These times are harder on people with disabilities.

My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table

Is this the world's smallest joke?

"Dwarf Shortage"

Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice.

I hate being a dwarf.

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So this Elf, Dwarf and a Thief go out on an adventure

So this Dwarf, Elf and Thief go out on adventure - the Elf armed with a great bow, the Dwarf with a warhammer and the thief with an empty sack "for all the gold we'll find!" They travel for days and days until they approach the entrance to a dangerous and dark dungeon. Bu they see that another par...

Two dwarf brothers are walking home with one girl each...

Two dwarf brothers are walking home with one girl each, to do you know what.
The first dwarf goes to a room and gets in bed with one of the girls, but things don't go their way and after a while they give up. But the first dwarf can clearly hear the second dwarf yelling: "I'm coming, I'm coming!...

What's the seven dwarf's nickname for snow white?

Heigh Ho.

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Dwarfs

A man is driving along a road after doing grocery when a red dwarf jumps in front of his car. His car screeches to a halt and the dwarf says: "im a red dwarf and and if you dont give me all your strawberries then i wont move out of the way." The man reluctantly hands over the strawberries th...

To the dwarf who stole my antidepressants ...

I hope you're Happy

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Why wasn’t the ‘Snow White and seven dwarfs’ parody successful?

There were too many short comings.

A dwarf called me an idiot

I told him to grow up

Who is Bruce Lee's dwarf brother?

Gim Lee

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I was driving past a prison the other day...

Looking out my window, I glanced up and saw a dwarf scaling down a very tall fence. It was obvious he was breaking out of the prison. I looked up at him and he looked down at me with an angry stare like “wtf the are you looking at?”

I drove away and thought to myself that was a little co...

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A guy walks into a fancy club and right past the bouncer.

When the bouncer tries to stop him, the guy says "let me through, I'm rich."

The bouncer, eager for a tip, lets him through. The guy proceeds right to the VIP section, past the ropes, and sits down at the best table.

The bouncer tries to stop him again, but the guy says "I can...

I dont date dwarfs...

My standards are too high for them.

This movie about killing dwarf vampires has no tension

The stakes are too low

As an Italian, I am often confused when people have trouble addressing my dwarf father

I mean, it's a little apparent.

So a dwarf stumbles out of a bar...

...because he's a little drunk.

What did the dwarf say at the job fair?

Minimum wage please!

What do I know about Dwarfs?

Very Little.

\-Joke credit goes to Jimmy Carr

A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.

The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."

The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to ...

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