When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice.

I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs..

Not Happy

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

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I met a dwarf the other day

He told me that my hair smelled good

So I reported him for sexual harassment

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Saw my dwarf neighbor this morning standing at the bus stop.. So I stopped and said "jump in I will give you a lift". "Fuck off!!" he screamed at me. I thought to myself "what an ungrateful person "

So I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.

A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.

The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."

The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to ...

What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run?

A small medium at large

I just ran over one of Snow Whites dwarfs.

He wasn't Happy!

Heard about the dwarf that got his pocket picked

How could anyone stoop so low

I went to the mall and you know those people that set up their little shops? Well, there is a dwarf in a little hut, and he tells fortunes. Come to find out he is a fugitive and wanted for some crimes.

I guess that makes him a small medium at large...

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What did the pimp say to the dwarf prostitute upon discovering she had eaten a copious amount of edibles?

High ho, high ho, it's off to work we go

A dwarf walks into a bar, he's very, very thirsty.

The dwarf approaches the counter. It's very high up, so he can't see the other side.

He tries anyway and says: "Can I have a Coke please?"

(no answer)

He tries to jump as high as he can, saying "Can I have a Coke please?"

(no answer)

He jumps up and down, saying ev...

So a dwarf stumbles out of a bar...

...because he's a little drunk.

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PornHub now requires users to watch at LEAST 10 minutes of MILF dwarf content before accessing anything else.

That's just a bare mini-mum.

I asked my friend if he wanted to hear the story of Bobby the Dwarf.

He said, "No thanks, I don't have much time."

To this, I responded, "Are you sure? It's a pretty short story."

I called a dwarf by the wrong name.

He wasn't Happy.

A clairvoyant dwarf escaped from prison...

please be on the lookout for a small medium at large.

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The Seven Dwarfs are spying on Snow White in a room with her Prince.

They fight a little bit who's going to be spying on them through the keyhole but after a while, they settle that it'll be a job of the tallest dwarf.

So he's looking through the keyhole and suddenly he tells the second dwarf next to him: "He's kissing her.", the second tells the third dwarf: ...

Have you heard the one about the dwarf who abuses his tall wife?

It's a little offensive.

But a real knee slapper.

A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"

The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".

What do dwarf and antivax advocates have in common?

\#ShortLivesMatter

A Dwarf Woman Got Mad And Was Yelling Insults At Me

I just walked away and didn't say a thing. I didn't want to stoop down to her level.

Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?

Because the grass tickles their balls

What do you get when a dwarf mother turns up naked?

The bare minimum.

I ran into a dwarf today with my shopping cart. I said “Oh man, are you okay?!” He said “I’m not happy!”

I said “Well which one are ya then?!”

The seven dwarfs have now been told that they can meet in groups of six

One of them isn’t happy.

What’s the difference between Karen in a marathon and an intellectual dwarf?

One is a cunning runt.

My parents were dwarfs...

they struggled to put food on the table their whole lives.

What do you call an urban dwarf who's great at keeping time?

A metrognome

The Hero: I'm on a quest to avenge the death of my Father!

The Paladin: You have my sword!

The Elf: And my bow!

The Dwarf: And my axe!

The Necromancer: And your father!

Snow white now have 6 dwarfs.

Because sneezy is under quarantine.

Did you hear about the dwarf that escaped by rappelling from Alcatraz?

I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.

These times are harder on people with disabilities.

My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table

What do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk

[NSFW] The seven dwarfs decided one day that they’re going to watch Snow White get undressed

So they go outside and stack themselves on top of each other to peer through her window:

Doc, Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

“She’s taking off her shirt...”

...

“She’s taking off ...

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A dwarf walks into a

A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass.
The madam asks how she can help him.
He says "I need a woman for mine has left me."
The madam says "Whatever for? And what are the honeycomb and jackass for?" The dwarf says, "my wife found a genie that could grant her three wish...

I read in the newspaper today that a dwarf had been pick-pocketed

...I thought to myself - "How could anyone stoop so low?"

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Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

I sent a dwarf to the hospital today.

He said my girlfriends hair smelled nice.

I’ll tell you what I know about dwarfs

Very little

I saw a dwarf goalie play two games in a row, and asked him, “Are you sore?”

He said, “Yes, I’m a little tender.”

I was walking down the street the other day when I noticed someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don’t understand how anyone could stoop so low.

To the dwarf who stole my antidepressants ...

I hope you're Happy

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A guy walks into a fancy club and right past the bouncer.

When the bouncer tries to stop him, the guy says "let me through, I'm fucking rich."

The bouncer, eager for a tip, lets him through. The guy proceeds right to the VIP section, past the ropes, and sits down at the best table.

The bouncer tries to stop him again, but the guy says "I can...

A while ago my dad was playing football with a dwarf

Long story short my dads in jail for assult

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The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican NSFW

When the Pope answers the door, Dopey steps forward and nervously asks "Your Excellency, I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

"No Dopey, I don't think there are," the Pope replies.

The other six dwarfs start to giggle.

"Well, are there any dwarf ...

My grandfather was a dwarf

Poor guy always struggled to put food on the table

I was driving the other day, accidentally hit this guy in the back. Guy gets out. I see that he’s a dwarf. He starts surveying the damage, shakes his head, and says, “Well, I’m not Happy!”

I said, “Well, which one are you?!” And that’s when the fight began.

I don't know how to small talk with dwarfs

It's one of my shortcomings and I always talk down to them.

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If I had to choose my favourite type of star, it has to be a white dwarf.

Peter Dinklage is by far #1 in that list.

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

A dwarf called me an idiot

I told him to grow up

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I'm not happy

A man is driving his car when he's suddenly distracted. He doesn't notice the car in front of him stopping and rear ends it. The door opens and to his surprise a dwarf jumps out and approaches the car to assess the damage. The dwarf starts shaking his head saying: "I'm not happy. You bet your ass I'...

With the growing popularity of pigme and dwarf goats being kept as pets, I decided to start a new business. It's already proving hugely popular, theres a massive crowd eager to get in.

'I GROOM KIDS!', is my best idea yet.

A dwarf on the subway was playing music with a perfect beat

He was a metro-gnome

What did the hooker say to the dwarf??

Keep your nose out of my business!!!

I rear ended a Dwarf at the traffic lights on the way to work this morning!

He jumped out of his car and stormed up to my window motioning for me to roll it down. He said, "I'm not Happy!"
I said, "Then which one are you?"

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Three third graders, a Jewish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid are on the playground at recess.

The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game "Lets see who has the largest penis," he says. "Okay." They all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Now not to be outdone, the Hillb...

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The 7 Dwarfs had twin friends, Horny and Serious visiting from out of town.

Doc walks in to the living room and sees one of them with his pants off playing with his junk right out in the middle of the room.

“You can’t be serious” he yells.

“No,” he replied, “he’s fucking bashful.”

What did the Dwarf say when a tall hooker walked by?

High hoe, high hoe!

“Dwarf Shortage”

Credit to Jimmy Carr.

Why can't any of 7 Dwarfs drink alcohol?

They're miners.

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What do the Seven Dwarfs say when they meet a pair of prostitutes?

Hi Ho, Hi Ho.

I dont date dwarfs...

My standards are too high for them.

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

My dwarf friend went for a stroll, urinating all the way.

Long walk of a short pee-er.

How does the outcast 8th Dwarf, Sleazy, start his work day?

With a song, "Hi hoes, hi hoes! Off to work you go!

Bad Jokes

Q. How did the man feel when he fixed the broken plug socket.

A. Shocked.

Q. How much did the rich man lift in the powerlifting competition.

A. A pound.

Q. How did the jewellers speech go.

A. It was crystal clear.

Q. How did the plumber feel when gave blood....

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A dwarf enters a competition to see who can lift Mjolnir.

Thousands of people try, but of course, fail. Then it's the Dwarf's turn.

Thor himself is in fact in attendance, and takes great amusement when he sees the dwarf waddle up to the hammer.

He squats down, grabs the handle, and using all of his power, lifts the hammer.

The dwarf lo...

Here's my attempt to translate a joke

Two friends meet each other and one of them is holding a small tennis court with two dwarfs playing. The other asks: „Man, that's cool, where did you get it?“
„Well, there's this old man sitting on the rock, and he fulfills wishes.“ answers his friend and points the way. So the guy walks there an...

I used to be a dwarf

But I grew out of it

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That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

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A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm,

'I'd like to buy a horth' he says to the owner of the farm. 'What sort of horse?' said the owner. 'A female horth' the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth.' says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her eyeth?' So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. 'Nithe eyeth.', say...

What do you call a well dressed dwarf that keeps perfect time?

A Metro Gnome

So I hit another vehicles bumper the other day, so we both pulled over to the side of the road. The driver got out. I noticed he was a dwarf, he shouted, "I'm not happy!"

I replied, "then which one are you?"

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A dwarf walks into a bar and slips on a piece of shit and goes on like nothing happened

A few minutes later a big huge man walks in and slips on the piece of shit. "I just did that" the dwarf shouted. So the man kills the dwarf....

Why do dwarfs surf in the kitchen

Because there are microwaves

What do you call an Irish dwarf whose limbs keep falling off?

A Leper-chaun.

I won our local dwarf tossing contest today.

Being thrown the farthest still doesn't make me happy.

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What do you call a dwarf whose testicles touch the ground?

Dragon Balls.

What’s it called when you punch a dwarf

A low blow

Earlier today six dwarfs stole my antidepressants.

Not Happy.

The average height of a dwarf is about 3 feet tall

That's a little gnome fact

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