I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs..

Not Happy

I called a dwarf by the wrong name.

He wasn't Happy.

Today, I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.

I thought to myself, “That’s a little condescending”

I sent a dwarf to the hospital today.

He said my girlfriends hair smelled nice.

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There's a porn site that makes you watch 30 minutes of dwarf-MILF action before you can access any other content.

That's the bare mini-mum.

To the dwarf who stole my antidepressants ...

I hope you're Happy

My grandfather was a dwarf

Poor guy always struggled to put food on the table

A dwarf called me an idiot

I told him to grow up

What did the Dwarf say when a tall hooker walked by?

High hoe, high hoe!

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The 7 Dwarfs had twin friends, Horny and Serious visiting from out of town.

Doc walks in to the living room and sees one of them with his pants off playing with his junk right out in the middle of the room.

“You can’t be serious” he yells.

“No,” he replied, “he’s fucking bashful.”

What did the hooker say to the dwarf??

Keep your nose out of my business!!!

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A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey

The brothel keeper asks how she could help him. He replies "I need a woman, because mine has left me."

Brothel Keeper: Why? Also what's with the honeycomb and the donkey?

Dwarf: My wife found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first she asked for a home fit for ...

Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf..

...and he’s struggling to put food on the table

I don't know how to small talk with dwarfs

It's one of my shortcomings and I always talk down to them.

A dwarf walks into a store to pay for an item.

He hands the cashier 4 dollars. The cashier says "Sir, the item costs 5 dollars." The dwarf replies "Sorry, I'm a little short."

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Saw my dwarf neighbour at the bus stop this morning... So I stopped and said jump in i will give you a lift... "FUCK OFF" he screamed at me....

What an ungrateful bastard, I thought as i zipped up my backpack and continued walking.

A dwarf on the subway was playing music with a perfect beat

He was a metro-gnome

“Dwarf Shortage”

Credit to Jimmy Carr.

I rear ended a Dwarf at the traffic lights on the way to work this morning!

He jumped out of his car and stormed up to my window motioning for me to roll it down. He said, "I'm not Happy!"
I said, "Then which one are you?"

I was driving the other day, accidentally hit this guy in the back. Guy gets out. I see that he’s a dwarf. He starts surveying the damage, shakes his head, and says, “Well, I’m not Happy!”

I said, “Well, which one are you?!” And that’s when the fight began.

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A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm,

'I'd like to buy a horth' he says to the owner of the farm. 'What sort of horse?' said the owner. 'A female horth' the dwarf replies. So the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth.' says the dwarf, 'Can I thee her eyeth?' So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes. 'Nithe eyeth.', say...

My dwarf friend went for a stroll, urinating all the way.

Long walk of a short pee-er.

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What do the Seven Dwarfs say when they meet a pair of prostitutes?

Hi Ho, Hi Ho.

How does the outcast 8th Dwarf, Sleazy, start his work day?

With a song, "Hi hoes, hi hoes! Off to work you go!

Why does a dwarf laugh when he runs?

Because the grass tickles his balls.

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Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

Six dwarfs were in a hot tub feeling happy...

So happy got out.

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The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican

When the Pope answers the door, Dopey steps forward and nervously asks "Your Excellency, I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

"No Dopey, I don't think there are," the Pope replies.

The other six dwarfs start to giggle.

"Well, are there any dwarf nu...

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Two dwarfs Grumpy and Happy went to Vatican and meet the pope.

Grumpy, seems a little worried and he keeps asking the pontiff questions about the church, and in particular, nuns.

"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?"

"No, my son, all our nuns are at least five feet tall."

"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that...

I dont date dwarfs...

My standards are too high for them.

Did you hear about the dwarf who was pickpocketed?

How could anyone stoop so low??

I won our local dwarf tossing contest today.

Being thrown the farthest still doesn't make me happy.

What’s it called when you punch a dwarf

A low blow

Why do dwarfs surf in the kitchen

Because there are microwaves

I used to be a dwarf

But I grew out of it

Why can't any of 7 Dwarfs drink alcohol?

They're miners.

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A dwarf walks into a bar and slips on a piece of shit and goes on like nothing happened

A few minutes later a big huge man walks in and slips on the piece of shit. "I just did that" the dwarf shouted. So the man kills the dwarf....

What do you call a dwarf psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

When is it ok to beat up a dwarf?

When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice

So I hit another vehicles bumper the other day, so we both pulled over to the side of the road. The driver got out. I noticed he was a dwarf, he shouted, "I'm not happy!"

I replied, "then which one are you?"

What do you call an Irish dwarf whose limbs keep falling off?

A Leper-chaun.

What do you call a well dressed dwarf that keeps perfect time?

A Metro Gnome

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

A dwarf was upset someone picked his pocket

He said, " How could someone stoop so low"

What do you call an epileptic dwarf?

Little Seizures

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A dwarf enters a competition to see who can lift Mjolnir.

Thousands of people try, but of course, fail. Then it's the Dwarf's turn.

Thor himself is in fact in attendance, and takes great amusement when he sees the dwarf waddle up to the hammer.

He squats down, grabs the handle, and using all of his power, lifts the hammer.

The dwarf lo...

An irish dwarf and a doctor walk into a bar

An irish dwarf and a doctor walk into a bar, its about 5 in the afternoon but they start putting down drinks like no other. The dwarf not wanting to risk it and drive home decides to call his wife for a ride. He tells her "i was just with a doctor, and I'm a wee bit smashed" and she tells him "Reall...

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A man walks into the pub bathroom...

He notices a dwarf by the urinal. The dwarf appears to be drunk as hell as he's swaying and seems to be making an effort not to puke. The man goes to the urinal and does what he came here to do.

As he turns to go to the sink and wash his hands the dwarf splutters:
\- Hey... hey you!
<...

The average height of a dwarf is about 3 feet tall

That's a little gnome fact

Earlier today six dwarfs stole my antidepressants.

Not Happy.

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

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What do you call a dwarf whose testicles touch the ground?

Dragon Balls.

Do you know the story of the dwarf woman who has 47 children ?

Very short but exciting.

A psychic dwarf broke out of prison last week. The police are still looking for him

He's a small medium at large

Why did the dwarf get kicked out of the nudist colony?

He kept sticking his nose in everyone’s business

Who is Bruce Lee's dwarf brother?

Gim Lee

A dwarf, an elf, and a man are wading a river.

The elf says, “Wow, the water reaches up to my waist!”
The man says, “Well it reaches my chest.”
The dwarf says nothing.

Today I happily walked through a forest, singing a little song, as suddenly an evil sorcerer walked up and told my he'd turn me into a dwarf because I woke him up with my noise.

Now I feel kinda grumpy.

Why was the dwarf alcoholic having trouble driving?

Well, he was a little drunk.

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A dwarf lady goes to the doctors complaining about a pain down below.

She sits down and says to the doctor “I have a terrible pain in my vagina!”

The doctor looks at her for a minute then grabs a pair of scissors. He works away near her vagina for a couple of minutes and then exclaims “There you go. If you would like to stand up for me.”

She stands up an...

The Milky Way experienced a cosmic fender-bender with a dwarf galaxy 500 million years ago.

It was the ultimate slow-down of ultimate density.

A dwarf walked into a bar.

The bar for this joke is set pretty low.

I dated a dwarf once

I was nuts over her

A dwarf with a frog on the head walks into a bar...

The barkeeper asks: "That looks funny, what happened to you?"
The frog replies: "I don't know, I must have stepped into something."

A dwarf ant was complaining to her mom that her friends tease her for being short.

Her mom said, "Be taller-ant."

Be careful of a dwarf psychic who robbed a bank and escaped earlier...

Police are warning the public of a small medium at large.

I visited the dwarf hospital near where I live today but the doctor got angry with me almost immediately.

I visited the dwarf hospital near where I live today but the doctor got angry with me almost immediately.

I think it's because he has little patients.

My girlfriend left me today to be with someone who was a dwarf. I'm heartbroken.

I didn't know she could stoop so low...

What will a cure for Dwarfism lead to? Dwarf shortage

If offended, grow up

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A dwarf is sent to prison for securities fraud

One night he is able to slip under the fence and escape. He runs into the woods for as long as he can, and decides to hide in a tree, in case the guards come to track him down. After some time he falls asleep, being exhausted from running so far. He dreams of freedom and spending his hidden fortune....

Why can't the seven dwarfs walk into a bar?

Because the bar is raised to high.

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A farmer took out an ad to sell one of his horses

The day the ad appeared in the paper, he heard a knock on his door.

When he opened the door, he didn't see anyone there.

"I'm down heah," said voice. The man looked down to see a dwarf there, standing no more than 2 1/2 feet tall. "I'm come to see the horse you have for sale. Wet me...

Dwarf walks into a tavern and says "Ladies, I am 4'11''

..and those are two different measurements!"

Car accident and a fight

I got in a car accident and a fight in the same day! Let me tell you what happened.

I was driving along when some guy pulled out in front of me. I tried to stop, but ultimately rear-ended him. He gets out of his car, and I see that he's a dwarf! He comes over fuming, and exclaims, "I am NOT h...

A dwarf walks into a bar

A dwarf walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him it will be $7. The dwarf asks if he'll take $5. The bartender says "Nah, you're 2 short".

Why is a dead dwarf like a small erection?

Because both are a little stiff.

Sick Dwarf

So two Dwarves are walking through the woods when one of them starts to feel really queasy, he turns to the other dwarf and says, ‘I really do not feel well! I feel really dizzy and light headed’
The second dwarf tells his sick pal to sit down on a tree stump put his head between his legs and tak...

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A Red Dwarf star, a Main Sequence star, and a neutron star are all hanging out and telling stories.

The Red Dwarf decides to share a joke. He says, "What’s a light-year?"

"It's the same as a regular year, but with less calories!" All three burst into laughter.

After a few minutes the neutron star confesses that he didn't get the joke. Both the Main Sequence star and the Red Dwarf tu...

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I said to my wife, "Our relationship is a lot like a Disney movie."

"Aww... That's cute," she giggled, "I'm your princess and you are my charming prince?"


"Not exactly" I said. "I've fucked seven dwarfs."

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

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