I was driving the other day, accidentally hit this guy in the back. Guy gets out. I see that he’s a dwarf. He starts surveying the damage, shakes his head, and says, “Well, I’m not Happy!”

I said, “Well, which one are you?!” And that’s when the fight began.

What do you call a dwarf psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

Why does a dwarf laugh when he runs?

Because the grass tickles his balls.

Six dwarfs were in a hot tub feeling happy...

So happy got out.

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A dwarf walks into a

A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass.
The madam asks how she can help him.
He says "I need a woman for mine has left me."
The madam says "Whatever for? And what are the honeycomb and jackass for?" The dwarf says, "my wife found a genie that could grant her three wish...

Why do dwarfs surf in the kitchen

Because there are microwaves

I used to be a dwarf

But I grew out of it

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Two dwarfs Grumpy and Happy went to Vatican and meet the pope.

Grumpy, seems a little worried and he keeps asking the pontiff questions about the church, and in particular, nuns.

"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?"

"No, my son, all our nuns are at least five feet tall."

"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that...

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I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.
"Fuck off" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped my backpack and continued my walk.

I saw a news article about how a dwarf got pickpocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

What’s it called when you punch a dwarf

A low blow

When is it ok to beat up a dwarf?

When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice

So I hit another vehicles bumper the other day, so we both pulled over to the side of the road. The driver got out. I noticed he was a dwarf, he shouted, "I'm not happy!"

I replied, "then which one are you?"

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While on holiday, the Seven Dwarfs visit the local convent to buy some souvenirs...

They meet up with the Mother Superior and Dopey stops to talk to her.

“Excuse me, your holy one, do you have any short nuns here?” Mother Superior is quite puzzled by the question but replies,

“Not very short, some around 5 foot.”

“Are you sure there aren’t any nuns about 3 fo...

Today i saw a dwarf prisoner climbing down the wall

i thought to myself, that's a little condescending.

What do you call an Irish dwarf whose limbs keep falling off?

A Leper-chaun.

An irish dwarf and a doctor walk into a bar

An irish dwarf and a doctor walk into a bar, its about 5 in the afternoon but they start putting down drinks like no other. The dwarf not wanting to risk it and drive home decides to call his wife for a ride. He tells her "i was just with a doctor, and I'm a wee bit smashed" and she tells him "Reall...

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A dwarf enters a competition to see who can lift Mjolnir.

Thousands of people try, but of course, fail. Then it's the Dwarf's turn.

Thor himself is in fact in attendance, and takes great amusement when he sees the dwarf waddle up to the hammer.

He squats down, grabs the handle, and using all of his power, lifts the hammer.

The dwarf lo...

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The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican

When the Pope answers the door, Dopey steps forward and nervously asks "Your Excellency, I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

"No Dopey, I don't think there are," the Pope replies.

The other six dwarfs start to giggle.

"Well, are there any dwarf nu...

What do you call a well dressed dwarf that keeps perfect time?

A Metro Gnome

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep making comments about her height

So when she gets home from work, i’ve got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I’m going to run her a nice hot sink

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Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

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What do you call a dwarf whose testicles touch the ground?

Dragon Balls.

Earlier today six dwarfs stole my antidepressants.

Not Happy.

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A dwarf lady goes to the doctors complaining about a pain down below.

She sits down and says to the doctor “I have a terrible pain in my vagina!”

The doctor looks at her for a minute then grabs a pair of scissors. He works away near her vagina for a couple of minutes and then exclaims “There you go. If you would like to stand up for me.”

She stands up an...

What do you call an epileptic dwarf?

Little Seizures

A dwarf was upset someone picked his pocket

He said, " How could someone stoop so low"

Why did the dwarf get kicked out of the nudist colony?

He kept sticking his nose in everyone’s business

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Why were the Dwarfs under the Lonely Mountain so good at sex?

All they wanted to do was go deeper.

A psychic dwarf broke out of prison last week. The police are still looking for him

He's a small medium at large

The average height of a dwarf is about 3 feet tall

That's a little gnome fact

Who is Bruce Lee's dwarf brother?

Gim Lee

Why was the dwarf alcoholic having trouble driving?

Well, he was a little drunk.

An atheist , a Muslim and a dwarf walk in a bar and the muslim says

This sounds like a setup to a joke



Your mission should you choose to accept it is to find where that joke was from
Hint:it comes from a book genre fiction

A dwarf, an elf, and a man are wading a river.

The elf says, “Wow, the water reaches up to my waist!”
The man says, “Well it reaches my chest.”
The dwarf says nothing.

My dwarf friend got fired from his low paying waiter job.

He was struggling to put food on the table.

Do you know the story of the dwarf woman who has 47 children ?

Very short but exciting.

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

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Nice Smelling Hair!

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.


After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to HR.
Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker do...

Why can't the seven dwarfs walk into a bar?

Because the bar is raised to high.

A dwarf with a frog on the head walks into a bar...

The barkeeper asks: "That looks funny, what happened to you?"
The frog replies: "I don't know, I must have stepped into something."

A dwarf ant was complaining to her mom that her friends tease her for being short.

Her mom said, "Be taller-ant."

I visited the dwarf hospital near where I live today but the doctor got angry with me almost immediately.

I visited the dwarf hospital near where I live today but the doctor got angry with me almost immediately.

I think it's because he has little patients.

The Milky Way experienced a cosmic fender-bender with a dwarf galaxy 500 million years ago.

It was the ultimate slow-down of ultimate density.

I gave my dwarf friend a call but it rang through to his answering machine.

"Hey! I'm sorry I can't reach the phone right now, please leave a message!"

A dwarf walked into a bar.

The bar for this joke is set pretty low.

What will a cure for Dwarfism lead to? Dwarf shortage

If offended, grow up

My car rear-ended a car driven by a dwarf.

He said, "I''m not happy." I replied, "Which one are you then?"

My girlfriend left me today to be with someone who was a dwarf. I'm heartbroken.

I didn't know she could stoop so low...

I was walking into Best Buy...

When I saw a dwarf walking out carrying a flat screen TV. I asked him, "Are you going to be able to carry that TV by yourself?" He screams back, " F*ck you! It's an iPad!"

I dated a dwarf once

I was nuts over her

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A dwarf is sent to prison for securities fraud

One night he is able to slip under the fence and escape. He runs into the woods for as long as he can, and decides to hide in a tree, in case the guards come to track him down. After some time he falls asleep, being exhausted from running so far. He dreams of freedom and spending his hidden fortune....

Dwarf walks into a tavern and says "Ladies, I am 4'11''

..and those are two different measurements!"

A dwarf walks into a bar

A dwarf walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him it will be $7. The dwarf asks if he'll take $5. The bartender says "Nah, you're 2 short".

Did you know that, statistically, only one in seven dwarfs...

Is happy?

Why is a dead dwarf like a small erection?

Because both are a little stiff.

Sick Dwarf

So two Dwarves are walking through the woods when one of them starts to feel really queasy, he turns to the other dwarf and says, ‘I really do not feel well! I feel really dizzy and light headed’
The second dwarf tells his sick pal to sit down on a tree stump put his head between his legs and tak...

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A Red Dwarf star, a Main Sequence star, and a neutron star are all hanging out and telling stories.

The Red Dwarf decides to share a joke. He says, "What’s a light-year?"

"It's the same as a regular year, but with less calories!" All three burst into laughter.

After a few minutes the neutron star confesses that he didn't get the joke. Both the Main Sequence star and the Red Dwarf tu...

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The Seven Dwarfs are in The Vatican

The Seven Dwarfs, of Snow White fame, are in Vatican City, where they've managed to get an audience with the pope. Dopey asks the pope, "Papa, are there any dwarf nuns here in the Vatican?" The old man ponders this unusual question for a moment, and responds no, there are no dwarf nuns here in the V...

If Bill Cosby was one of the seven dwarfs which one would he be?

Dopey

Hey girl, are you a white dwarf?

Because you're one of the hottest bodies in the observable universe. (It's only natural for a star)

My astronomy professor told me it was possible for a white dwarf to turn into a red giant

I then told him to pull his pants back up.

Why was the dwarfs mining business so successful?

Because his overheads were very low.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

My last boss was a dwarf

He was a real micromanager

What do you call a dwarf who regularly rides the Paris Metro?

A Metrognome.

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How the Seven Dwarfs got their names..

Miss Snow White was a randy cow
And desperate for a fcuk,
So off she went into the woods
To try and get some luck.

She’d almost given up looking
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage
And went on in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in second...

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