UPJOKE
midgetgnomelittlesupergiantbetelgeuseshadowovershadowsmall personsmallsagittariusgalaxynebuladvergrorganismcommand

Dwarf Jokes

I won't ever joke about Dwarfs.

I'm a responsible man. They Look up to me.

When is it okay to beat up a dwarf?

When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican NSFW

When the Pope answers the door, Dopey steps forward and nervously asks "Your Excellency, I wonder if you could tell me if there are any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

"No Dopey, I don't think there are," the Pope replies.

The other six dwarfs start to giggle.

"Well, are there any dwarf ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snow White and the Prince decided to buy the Seven Dwarfs a hot tub.

They all got in and started feeling Happy. So he got out and left, now they're all fucking Grumpy.

I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed...

how could anyone stoop so low

I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs..

Not Happy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.
"Fuck off" he shouted back.
"What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

A dwarf with a lisp goes to visit a stud farm.

"I'd like to buy a horth"

He says to the owner of the farm.

"What sort of horse?"

Said the owner.

"A female horth"

The dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a lovely mare.

"Nithe horth."

Says the dwarf,

"Can I thee her eyeth?"

So ...

I called a dwarf by the wrong name.

He wasn't Happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dwarf once offered me money for a blowjob.

I'd never stoop so low.

I’ve seen a few jokes about dwarfs recently and I’m sick of it.

My girlfriend has dwarfism, and is kinder and works harder than anyone I know. She deserves respect and shouldn’t be treated so poorly by you lot.

In fact, to make it up to her I’m going to make her a lovely meal, pour her a glass of wine, and run her a nice hot sink.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the dwarf say to the prostitute?

Hi ho.

Why does nobody ever talk about how tall the average dwarf is?

Because it’s a little mean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

What do you call a Mexican dwarf?

A paragraph... Because it's not a full ese

What's the difference between a Munchkin, a dwarf and an Oompa-Loompah?

Very little.

Met a Dwarf Today....

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

Why can't the Seven Dwarfs get into a bar?

Because they don't serve miners.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dwarf walks into a

A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass.
The madam asks how she can help him.
He says "I need a woman for mine has left me."
The madam says "Whatever for? And what are the honeycomb and jackass for?" The dwarf says, "my wife found a genie that could grant her three wish...

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size

... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.

Hey girl, are you a white dwarf star?

'cause you're pretty hot but kind of dim.

What do you call a dwarf psychic who escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

My late grandfather was a dwarf.

He lived a short life.

A dwarf was upset someone picked his pocket

He said, " How could someone stoop so low"

Due to COVID-19, The Seven Dwarfs have been restricted to gather in a group of no more than six.

One of them is not Happy.

I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall

It was a little condescending

A dwarf was kicked out of a nudist colony

Apparently, he kept sticking his nose in everyones' business.

"Why are scientists calling Pluto a dwarf planet?"

"Oh I think it is pretty self-explanetory."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwarf with a speech impediment wants to buy a horse

A dwarf walks into a feed store and starts a conversation with the owner, it comes up that he’s looking to buy a horse. The owner tells him about his friend who owns a horse ranch just outside of town. The owner calls up his friend and says "I've sent a dwarf with a speech impediment to see you. He ...

A dwarf from Prague runs into a bar…

“Help! Help! The Secret Police are after me. Can you cache a small Czech?”

What do dwarfs talk about on a date?

Nothing much really, they just make small talk

Why doesn’t anybody want to be one of Snow White’s Dwarfs?

Because 6 out of 7 Dwarfs aren’t allowed to be Happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

"What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it arou...

What do a you call a punctual dwarf who lives in the city?

Metrognome.

A Genie once granted me one wish, so I said “I just want to be happy”.

So now I’m living in a little cottage with 6 dwarfs, working in a mine and singing ?’Whistle while you work…….’ ?

What is the dwarfs favorite type of cake?

Shortcake.

Why do dwarfs laugh when playing soccer?

The grass tickles their balls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said "Ive always wanted to have sex with a little person"

**The dwarf replied "Im sorry, but Ive had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up" "Its ok" said the woman, "my husband is working away until next week" So, against his better judgement he goes back with the woman. They start having...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is the first dirty joke my dad ever told me

So Dopey and the other seven dwarves go to visit the pope. Doc goes up to the pope and asks, "Pope can you tell me, are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"

He thinks for a moment. "No", he says, "There are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican."

The other dwarves chuckle.

"Well can yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwarf Buys a Racehorse

A Dwarf with a hairlip finds a racehorse for sale so he goes to see it.
He tells the man selling the horse that he will have to be lifted up to see what he needs to see, the man agrees.
the Dwarf says " furst i need ta see de eawrs"
the man lifts him up and the Dwarf says "vewy nice v...

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.

A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub now requires every user to watch at least one hour of dwarf-MILF content.

That's the bare mini-mum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Female Dwarf

Goes to the doctors and says "everytime it rains my Vagina hurts" The doctor has a good look at her lady garden and can't see anything that could cause it. He advises to come back on the next rainy day.

A few days later the dwarf is back at his office saying its raining and my vagina is hurti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s a rainy Tuesday and a dwarf lady runs into a doctors office in tears.

She sobs and tells the doctor “I can’t stand it any more, every time it rains I get a terrible pain in my crotch! Can you help me?”

The doctor is rightly baffled by this, so he asks the lady to get on the table so he can examine her. Straight away he says “Ah I can see the issue, and I’m sure...

what do you call a dwarf with erectile dysfunction?

Micro soft

A dwarf walks into a bar

He hits his head and falls down.

.
.
.

Yes, I could have made a better joke, but the bar was set too low.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three little dwarfs

Three little dwarfs were hanging out when one said “I think I have the world’s smallest hands!”

The second dwarf said “I think I have the world’s smallest feet!”

The third dwarf said “I think I have the world’s smallest penis!”

They made an appointment with the guinness book o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwarf nun

A man knocks on the gate at a local monastery as to see the dwarf nun. When they tell him they have no dwarf nuns he walks away confused. A few minutes later he goes back and ask them are you sure you don’t have any dwarf Nancy here? When they emphatically say no we don’t he walks off mumbling to hi...

Snow White, a dwarf and Freddy Krueger are having an argument

Snow White says "I'm the most beautiful person in the world! I know it!" The dwarf says "Stop lying, of course you're not! But I'M the shortest person on this earth." Freddy Krueger says "Well, I'm the ugliest person on earth!" Snow white says "Guys, stop arguing! We can just go to the magic mirror ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We were looking up at the sky and my astronomer friend said, “Do you know what a white dwarf is?”

Me: Yes. I think his name is Peter Dinklage.

Why did the dwarf get slapped by the woman?

He said “your hair smells amazing.”

A local store recently had an incident where a dwarf was spotted standing on the shoulders of two vampires and hiding merchandise beneath their cloaks.

He's being charged with shoplifting on 2 counts.

What do the seven dwarfs say when they go to the club?

Hi hoe!!!!

Dwarf enters the library

"One book on discrimination of dwarves, please." - says the dwarf


"Third row..." - replies the librarian - "top shelf."

what's the difference between a thieving dwarf and a yeast infection?

One is a cunning runt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 7 Dwarfs on vacation



While on vacation, the Seven Dwarfs visit the local convent to buy some souvenirs.

They meet up with the Mother Superior and Dopey stops to talk to her.

“Excuse me, your holy one but do you have any short nuns here?”

Mother Superior is quite puzzled by the ques...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub was just banned in Arkansas, but there's a catch. Before you can gain access, you have to watch at least one video of dwarf MILF content.

That's the bare mini mum.

My mom and dad were both dwarfs

All their lives they struggled to put food on the table

Why are dwarfs so good at math?

Because it's the little things that count.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Probably bad but why not. Al Pacino and a dwarf walk into a bar

The bartender asks Pacino what he wants to drink, but ignores the dwarf. This goes on for some time, until the dwarf gets pissed and tells Pacino. Pacino then pulls out a gun and points it at the bartender, and shouts "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"

What type of milk do you get from a dwarf cow?

Condensed milk.

Why should you never make a joke about height around a dwarf?

It’ll just go over their head.

My ex-girlfriend was a dwarf

We really didn't see eye to eye

The dwarf wanted to quit his job and become a butcher...

...but the steaks were too high

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL, in the original draft of Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, JRR Tolkien wrote that Bilbo Baggins died while having sex with a dwarf prostitute…

Apparently old hobbits die hard.

The first time I saw a dwarf escorted off the set of a late night show while the band played goodbye music, it was hilarious!

But now it's a little played out.

“Dwarf Shortage”

Credit to Jimmy Carr.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a dwarf the other day

He told me that my hair smelled good

So I reported him for sexual harassment

My grandfather was a dwarf

Poor guy always struggled to put food on the table

Did you hear about the dwarf that escaped by rappelling from Alcatraz?

I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.

Two dwarf brothers are walking home with one girl each...

Two dwarf brothers are walking home with one girl each, to do you know what.
The first dwarf goes to a room and gets in bed with one of the girls, but things don't go their way and after a while they give up. But the first dwarf can clearly hear the second dwarf yelling: "I'm coming, I'm coming!...

These times are harder on people with disabilities.

My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table

Is this the world's smallest joke?

"Dwarf Shortage"

Today I got slapped for telling a girl her hair smelled nice.

I hate being a dwarf.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tall, attractive blonde woman walks into a lift

and next to her is a dwarf. After a few seconds, the dwarf turns to her and says: "Hey, can I smell your pussy?". The woman screams back: " No, you can't! You little pervert!". And the dwarf replies: "Oh, right. It must be your feet, then".

What's the seven dwarf's nickname for snow white?

Heigh Ho.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwarfs

A man is driving along a road after doing grocery when a red dwarf jumps in front of his car. His car screeches to a halt and the dwarf says: "im a red dwarf and asshole and if you dont give me all your strawberries then i wont move out of the way." The man reluctantly hands over the strawberries th...

To the dwarf who stole my antidepressants ...

I hope you're Happy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this Elf, Dwarf and a Thief go out on an adventure

So this Dwarf, Elf and Thief go out on adventure - the Elf armed with a great bow, the Dwarf with a warhammer and the thief with an empty sack "for all the gold we'll find!" They travel for days and days until they approach the entrance to a dangerous and dark dungeon. Bu they see that another par...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why wasn’t the ‘Snow White and seven dwarfs’ porn parody successful?

There were too many short comings.

A dwarf called me an idiot

I told him to grow up

Who is Bruce Lee's dwarf brother?

Gim Lee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was driving past a prison the other day...

Looking out my window, I glanced up and saw a dwarf scaling down a very tall fence. It was obvious he was breaking out of the prison. I looked up at him and he looked down at me with an angry stare like “wtf the fuck are you looking at?”

I drove away and thought to myself that was a little co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a fancy club and right past the bouncer.

When the bouncer tries to stop him, the guy says "let me through, I'm fucking rich."

The bouncer, eager for a tip, lets him through. The guy proceeds right to the VIP section, past the ropes, and sits down at the best table.

The bouncer tries to stop him again, but the guy says "I can...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the guy who fucked a chicken?

A man named Steve just turned 30, and was still a virgin.

He decided that it was finally time to change that, and decided to drive down to the nearest brothel, a good 4 hours away.

When he arrived and asked the owner for a lady to accompany him, he was told “Unfortunately, all of our...

I dont date dwarfs...

My standards are too high for them.

This movie about killing dwarf vampires has no tension

The stakes are too low

As an Italian, I am often confused when people have trouble addressing my dwarf father

I mean, it's a little apparent.

So a dwarf stumbles out of a bar...

...because he's a little drunk.

What did the dwarf say at the job fair?

Minimum wage please!

What do I know about Dwarfs?

Very Little.





\-Joke credit goes to Jimmy Carr

A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.

The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."

The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.