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Why did the Girl Scout leader get kicked out of the troop.

They got caught eating brownies.

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I made pot brownies with laxatives…

You know, for shits and giggles.

Everyone’s heard of weed brownies.

But of a buddy of mine recently had a fierce competition on injecting hemp oil into rib eyes and who could cook the better piece.

Boy I’ll tell you… the steaks were high.

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One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

When I went to the park today, I saw an old man sitting on a park bench crying.

I asked him what was wrong.

He replied, "I have a beautiful 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning, and then gets up and makes me pancakes, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I asked, "Well then, why are you crying?"

He says, "She makes my favourite lunch...

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What do you get if you make a weed brownie in the shape of your mother’s vagina?

An Edible Oedipal Edible

"Hey Honey, I made some brownies as an apology for wrecking your car today." "You did what?!"

"Brownies, you deaf idiot"

Damn girl, are you the brownie I just dropped on the floor?

because you're hairy but I still wanna eat you

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Ate some Fiber One brownies

That shit was amazing.

Just burned 2,000 calories.

That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

I tried a pot brownie once and I hated it

I couldn't keep the damn thing lit.

The cops confiscated all my brownies at a bake sale.

Jokes on them, the weed was in the apple pie.

What's blue and comes in brownies?

Cub Scouts.

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A stockbroker walks past a kid selling lemonade

“Hey mister, ya want some lemonade?”

The stockbroker is just getting out of his brand new BMW in a nice tailored suit. He was about to walk past when he a double take at the sign that says “Lemonade $50”.


“Your sign is wrong kid. I think you mean fifty cents.”

The little gi...

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What do brownies and vaginas have in common?

Nothing worse than a dry one

I ate a couple brownies the other day

Now I'm not allowed back at the girlscout meetings anymore

What's the hardest part about eating a brownie?

Having to face her parents at the sentencing.

I can’t stop eating these weed brownies my mom made.

I guess I have an edible complex

The brownies I started making in my easy bake oven in 1987

are done if anyone wants some.

Why did the computer programmer put his brownies back in the oven?

They were too GUI.

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An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

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People ask me all the time why I like putting laxatives in my pot brownies...

... I don't really know. I guess I'm just in it for the shits and gigs.

What do a plate of homemade brownies and a golden shower have in common?

Urine for a treat.

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Old World War II political joke my granddad told me when I was a kid.

I'll try to retell it exactly as he told it to me when I was about seven or so.

>There's this intersection with a four way stop. Four cars displaying reichstag flags approach the intersection. You know, like those official flags the president's got, except they got the kraut eagle and car...

How many of those brownies did you eat, private?

"All of them sir!"

"That was my stash private."

"Negative sir it was labeled private!"

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Selling Toothbrushes. Source: My Dad

(Long)
One day a man was walking down the street when he sees a kid on the corner selling tooth brushes. The kid asks him, "Hey sir would you like to buy a toothbrush?"
The man says, "I would except I already have one at home. I don't need one right now but do you want a tip to help...

When does a boy scout become a man?

When he eats his first brownie!

What is worse than a Boy Scout in your pocket?

A Brownie in your pants.

Free Speech

Dude:I believe in freedom of speech


Bro:So does everyone else you idiot.You don't get brownie points for believing in a basic right


Dude:Hey you can't say that!

My friend's parents run a marijuana bakery.

They make cookies, brownies, scones, the works. But my friend is odd. He will only eat edibles made by his mother, and he never touches edibles made by his father.



I think he has an edible complex.

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A salesman is peddling his goods from door to door in a massive high-rise building.

He knocks at a young man’s apartment and asks him, “Would you like to buy a top-of-the-line toothbrush? It’s only ten dollars.”

“Ten bucks for a toothbrush!” the man yells. “What moron would pay ten dollars for a toothbrush? You’re out of your mind.”

“All right then,” the salesman cont...

There was a boy who grew up in San Francisco and he absolutely loved watching the street cars going up and down the streets.

His goal, when he grew up was to eventually drive those things. Before he even graduated high school, he applied to the street car driving school. He got accepted and once he graduated high school he headed off to training. After months of classes and tests, he was off to his first day of work as an...

I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip.

I fudged a Brownie.

So everyone's at the Last Supper...

... and Jesus is speaking to his disciples.

He says "Take this bread, for it is my body. Take this wine, for it is my blood."

Then Peter turns to Paul and whispers "Don't eat the brownies!"

[NSFW] Why did Roy Moore never miss a local Girl Scouts' meeting?

Because Brownies are delicious.

What does a white supremacist eat at birthdays?

KKKake. No brownies allowed though.

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It's a good thing Hitler didn't kill more black people.

Because I'd feel awful every time I said I wanted to bake brownies.

Most people like their eggs fried or scrambled, I like mine baked...

in cookies, brownies and cake.

Heading to market

Little Johnny's mom sends him out to the store for some nuts so she can make brownies. On the way to the store, little johnny witnesses a horrendous car accident in which a car explodes with a man still inside. Stunned by what he jus saw he runs all the way home to tell his mom. He runs in and says...

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