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Magical Jokes

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

A lumberjack went into a magical forest to cut down a tree.

Just as he began to swing his axe at a tree, the tree called out, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"





The lumberjack grinned, "And you will dialogue!"

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There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York there is a magical mirror If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you a wish If you lie – poof it swallows you up.

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead walk into this bar.
They head straight for the mirror.
The redhead goes first and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on Earth” Poof- the mirror swallows her up.
The brunette goes up to the mirror and says “I think I’m the sexiest woman on Earth” Po...

The magical pond

There is a magical pond where if you screamed your favorite thing, that thing would fill up the pond as you jumped in.

A group of 4 tourists visited the pond to test it out.

The German jumped in, shouting "Beer!", and the pond filled with beer.

The Frenchman jumped in, shouting ...

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Magical Octopus

There was once a Man who traveled with the local fair, portraying his Magical Octopus. One fair a little boy cam up and said "how is he magical?" the man replied with " he can sing and play any instrument" so the little boy handed over his harmonica to the octopus. The octopus glanced at it, picked ...

A magical genie

I met a magical genie, he gave me a single wish.

I said; "I wish I could be you."

The genue saud; "weurd wush, but okay, U wull grant ut."

I’m pitching a show about magical arts in the legal system

Subpoena the Teenage Witch

Three children were walking on a mountain when found a magical slide.

Next to it, there was a sign that said, “whatever you wish for comes true when you slide down”. The first child stepped up, slid down, and wished for a river of chocolate. And voila, he swam in his chocolate river! The second child slid down and wished for a mountain of money. His wish came true...

Winter is truly a magical season.

Everyone is so positive all of a sudden.

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Magical Fruit

A man stops at a Chinese stand at a flea market, reads the sign, ”Magical Fruit and asked “What’s so magical about his fruit?”

Chinese man says, “Taste, taste. Taste, taste”

The man bites into it and said, “It taste like a Peach”.

Chinese mans says, “Turn, turn. Turn, turn”
<...

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A man hears about a magical lake…

…. where taking a bath increases penis size by an inch. He travels across the country in search of the this majestic lake when he comes across a homeless person who points towards a tall mountain and tells him the lake is on the top.

The man hastily arrives at the bottom of the mountain try...

My wife and I were blissfully happy for 25 magical, glorious years.

And then we met.

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A bear and a rabbit stumbled upon a magical lamp in the forest...

They rubbed it and guess what, a genie appeared. He granted both of them 3 wishes each. The rabbit asked the bear to go first, becuase he knew the bear's playboy nature.

Bear: I wish to be the most handsome bear in the whole world.
Genie: Granted.
Rabbit: I want a motorbike.
Genie (a...

Butane really is a magical substance

It’s a heavy liquid but a lighter fluid

The Magic Slide

Once upon a time, there was a magic slide that resided in a magical forest. If you shouted something while sliding down, you would land in a pile of whatever you had shouted.

One day, a man found the slide. As he slid down, he shouted "Gold!" and landed in a pile of gold.

Another man f...

A man finds a magical lamp.

He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears and says, "What is your first wish?" The man says, "I wish I were rich!" The genie snaps his fingers and replies, "Your wish has been granted! What is your second wish, Rich?"

My girlfriend said, "I want tonight to be magical"

So I disappeared

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So there was this magical forest with a marble statue of two nude lovers holding hands.

They stood tall in the center of the magical forest for hundreds of years. One day, by happenstance, the Spirit of the Forest reflected on the two lovers and felt pity for them. He decided to bring them to life. He mustered up enough of his magical power to cast a spell allowing them to be living hu...

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An old western tavern is serving a magical drink...

Cowboys from near and far would ride to this tavern in the wild west to try its most famous cocktail which was promised to turn a man's semen into bullets when drank. Many cowboys were hesitant to try, but eventually they would all come a round.

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A cowboy stumbles upon a magical snake in the desert…

Surprised he pulls his gun to kill it but the snake says ‘don’t, I’ll grant you three wishes!’.

Ok snake, says the cowboy, if you don’t, I’ll kill ya. First i want a mansion; the snake replies, granted!
A mansion appears there and there, in the middle of the desert.

The cowboy; as...

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A bear and a rabbit find a magical fish.

The fish tells them “I will grant you three wishes.”
Bear: “I wish for all the bears in the forest to be female.”
Fish: “Granted. All bears in the forest are now female.”
Rabbit: “I wish for a motorcycle.”
Fish: “Granted.” A motorcycle appears out of thin air ...

People say you cant be sad in Hawaii, its a magical place

Apparently, they've never heard of a tropical depression.

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The Bear, the Rabbit, & The Magical Golden Frog

A bear & a rabbit were walking through the forest when they happened upon a magical golden frog, sitting alone by a pond. The magical golden frog was such a rare find, that anyone who found him would be granted three wishes.

“Well, since you both managed to find me at the same time, I’ll...

Wanna hear a magical joke?

Sorry it's just vanished from my mind.

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A Cleveland Browns fan finds a magical lamp.

The fan rubs the lamp and a genie emerges.

Genie: "I am the all powerful genie and I will grant you one wish!"

Fan: "That's easy, I want to live forever!"

Genie: "That's an impossible wish that I cannot grant."

Fan: "Okay then, I want to live long enough to see the Cl...

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There is a magical swearing prostitute

Ho cuss poke ass

What do you call a magical owl?

Hoodini

Beans the magical fruit

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he wa...

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What’s the difference between a magical girl’s comedy sketch and a female dog’s snappy comeback?

One’s a witch’s bit and the other is a bitch’s wit.

Harry Potter, for a magical creatures lesson had the assignment of looking after a magical gecko.

He took great care of it , and was graded “A” for nurturing the pet so well. However shortly after receiving the grade for his assignment , the gecko escaped and went missing.

Harry was understandably upset about this, and a couple weeks of searching went by to no avail.

Then one day ...

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Some people think sperm just magically travels to the penis when in reality there's a whole duct to transport them...

It might not seem like it, but there's a vas deferens between the two.

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The magical beer...

A girl enters a bar and sits close to a nice looking man.

' I am sorry what are you driking?'-asks the girl.

' I am drinking a magical beer.'- nswers him calmly.

' What do you mean with magic?' - asks the girl surprised.

' Well look. After I drink this, I can fly in the s...

A Joke for a Sunday

Jesus was relaxing in Heaven when he noticed a familiar looking old man. Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"

"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a m...

Baby monitors are magical

When I turn it off my baby stops crying

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The Magical Mirror

A husband and wife bought a mirror from a fortune teller hard up for cash. The fortune teller warned them that the mirror was capable of magically granting wishes, but to make sure to be mindful of the words you chose. If you rhyme and keep it simple, everything should be fine.

They of course...

“Isn’t all contemporary fiction just a retelling of older stories, arranged in such a way as to appeal to the broadest population, given their familiarity with technological advancements that would seem magical to authors of earlier ages….

…” I asked the chicken as we both stood on the sidewalk. It suddenly and without comment walked across the road.

“Hey,” I called after the chicken, “why’d you do that?!”

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A magical frog, a bear, and a rabbit

Once there was a magical frog in a forest. He woke up one morning and said to himself, “Today I’m going to be generous. I will grant 3 wishes to the first 2 animals I see.” He goes outside and he sees a bear. Soon after he sees a rabbit.

The frog calls over the bear and the rabbit, and he tel...

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Magical guitar

Alex and John were talking and suddenly John saw an electric guitar in Alex room and said " Is that new?"
Alex said " yeah that new and its magical!"
John said "really! What's the magic?"
Alex said "whenever I play this guitar I get to know " what's the time."
John said "how?"
Alex sa...

Three men find a magical well guarded by a sorcerer.

Three men find a magical well guarded by a sorcerer. The sorcerer says they can jump down the well and whatever they shout as they descend will appear at the bottom.

The first man jumps and shouts “gold!”

The second man jumps and shouts “silver!”

The third man jumps and shouts “...

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A man had a [Long] penis

He had a 25 inch long package.

It created difficulties in his life as it was not easy to move around with it and women were afraid of him too.

One day he was wondering to himself how he could change his penis and his life into a normal one while walking down a road, there, he came ac...

A Lumberjack walks into a Magical Forest..

He finds a mighty tree and begins to chop it down. As soon as he starts chopping, the tree yells out "Stop it! I'm a talking tree!" The lumber jack responds, "And you'll dialogue."

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