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Pest Control Jokes

Left a review for my pest control company:

Con's: The pesticide they used made me go blind

Pro's: Haven't seen a bug all year

Ukrainian pest control

A Ukrainian and a German are sitting in a bar in Hamelin, the Ukrainian asks if the legend of the pied piper is true. The German says, “not quite” and pull a small mouse out of his pocket. The mouse begins to whistle and march in circles. Rats and mice come out of the all the nooks and crevices in t...

After Arnold Schwarzenegger quit the acting world, he should have started a pest control service

He is an ex-Terminator, after all.

If Sarah Connor needed pest control...

She can call an Ex-Terminator

What did the Priest say to the pest control people?

Let's spray.

Pest Control

There is a church that is infested with rats. No amount of traps or exterminators have any effect on the still growing population. One day the local pastor thinks up a plan. The next day, all the rats are gone. The people are floored and asked what he did. He replies by saying that he baptized them ...

Farmers hired a DJ for pest control

To drop some sick beets

Did you hear Arnold Schwarzenegger and Robert Patrick are starting a pest control business?

I mean, it makes sense, they're ex-terminators after all...

I'm doing a course to become a pest controller. Did really well in my exam today....

Got a bee.

The Terminator got sick of chasing Sarah Connor, so he started a pest control company.

He became an exterminator.

I won’t be posting any jokes over the next few days. I've got to revise for a practical exam in pest control.

I'll probably be up all night swatting.

Robert Patrick, an actor best known for playing the T-1000, has left behind the Hollywood life to pursue his dream of owning a pest control business.

He is quoted as saying “I can’t wait to start my new life as an exterminator.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control.

He's an ex-terminator now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A women is cheating on her husband we she hears him returning. "Quick hide!"

The man desperately darted around the room looking for somewhere to hide. Before he could find a good hiding space it was too late, the husband was already making his way up the staircase. Losing all hope the man hid in the bathroom. As soon as the husband arrived in the room he told his wife he goi...

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

Service call

My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company.

One of the rules of the company is that he has to confirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household.

One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Quick Ones

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small church became infested with rabbits...

A small church became infested with rabbits. Pest control professionals were called as soon as the problem was discovered, but nothing could stop the rabbits from overtaking first the basement, then the grounds, then the kitchen and offices, and finally the meeting hall. Realizing that nothing could...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tenant goes to the landlord and tells him there are mice in his apartment

-I know these kinds of hoaxes, it wont work on me, but let me see those "mice" you're talking about - says the landlord.

So they go to the apartment that is right on the top of the building, they open the door and ... no mice whatsoever.

The landlord angrily asks the tenant why he so b...

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