Math Time

On Monday the teacher decided to begin the day reviewing basic math with their kindergartners. Hoping that it would be an easy lesson they lined the students up randomly and asked them easy problems.

"Jacob, what is 1+1?"

After a minute Jacob replied "2." The teach rewarded them with a...

My friends keep encouraging me to give alcohol to my dog

Figured I'd give it a shot

A friend messaged me some encouraging words today...

What a thoughtful friend I thought as I read the words he wrote to me. It wasn't until I finished that I realized what he wanted in return...

"See The Bright Side.

Everyone Has Some Good In Them.

Never Go To Bed Mad.

Distrust Will Kill Any Relationship.

New Things ...

After a check-up routine in the quarantine facility one morning,

a doctor notices one of the patients unusually calm and calls the nurse in charge.

Doctor: "That patient in the corner is recovering now, isn't he?"

Nurse: "Why do you say so doc? His temperature isn't that encouraging."

Doctor: "He is neither coughing nor sneezing anymore."
...

Why is the government encouraging more American made vibrators?

They want to increase their gross domestic products.

What's the most encouraging calisthenic?

Chin-ups!

I went to a cannibal's house for dinner. His manners were like nobody else's.

He was *encouraging* me to put my feet up on the table.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A week at the gym

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother daughter action.

A man in his 20's and a few of his friend were at a bar for drinks when a lady in her mid to late 40's started to buy him drinks. Throughout the coarse of the night she kept insisting he go back to her place just around the corner. The man was reluctant but his friends were encouraging him to do it ...

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

The morning of his birthday, Timmy told his mom, “I had a dream I got a BB Gun for my birthday. What do you think that dream means?”

“You'll know what it means tonight,” Timmy's mom said with an encouraging smile. That night, after the birthday cake, Timmy's mom came in with a long narrow package and gave it to her son. Timmy tore the box open. Finally I get a BB gun, he thought. But he thought wrong. The box was empty except for...

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