Bear & Human encounters

If bears and humans live in close proximity, they can be prepared ahead of time for such encounters. Obtain airhorns and pepper spray.

If the first couple of blasts of an airhorn doesn't scare them off, then run at them with an airhorn blasting. If you get close enough, use the pepper spray...

Two guys are in a helicopter.

During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk. Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piece of pap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A barbarian slave in Rome somehow won the attention of Caesar's daughter

They became lovers. To avoid pregnancy, they agreed to oral sex only. After just a few encounters, they were caught in the act. At first the barbarian, imprisoned and sentenced to fight to entertain the crowd, regretted his poor judgment.

Eventually, though, he was gladiator.

Some laws that we didn't learn at school

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe...

A Priest encounters a nun while going to the monastery with his car

He encounters a nun in the side of the road. The priest stops the car and offers to drive the nun to her destination, the nun accepts.

The nun gets in the car. She crosses her legs making her pretty legs to come in sight

While the priest is looking at her legs he nearly crashes. After ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who keeps list of all his sexual encounters

Anal-yst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sad But True

A 37 yr old virgin, exiting a bus, passes the grand opening of a new pet store, on her way to work. Out in front of the pet store on a perch is a parrot. Now there's a reason why this lady is a virgin and it is not by choice. So as she's passing the parrot, it says, "Hey lady" A little amused, she r...

A boy is given the math problem...

What is 2 + 2? The boy is instructed to go home and find out the answer.

On his way home he encounters an accountant. The boy asks the accountant. What is 2+2?

The accountant replies, “If you have exactly 2 and add exactly 2, you get exactly 4.”

The boy moves on and encounters...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man encounters a magic lamp and out pops a genie

The genie tells the man he will grant a wish of his choice, and the man proceeds to tell the genie his wish. The genie replies, “no problem, it should be done by tonight.”
Later that night, the man is waiting in his living room when he notices what appears to be a Ku Klux Klan rally forming in h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking along the beach, and encounters a woman with no arms or legs

She catches him looking, so he feels it necessary to say hi. She explains that her caretaker left her there, while she went to get lunch. They chat for a while, and he stands to walk away. The woman looks at him, and blurts out:

"Hey. You're so nice and handsome. I'm embarrassed to even ask t...

It could've been worse.

James is walking on a downtown street one day, and he happens to see his old high school friend, Harry, a little ways up ahead. "Harry, Harry, how are you?" he greets his old buddy after getting his attention.

"Not so good," says Harry.

"Why, what happened?" James queries.
...

A pilot encounters engine trouble during a storm over the Pacific Ocean

In a desperate attempt, he crash-lands on an uncharted island and loses consciousness.

A day or so later, he awakens to find himself bound and being dragged by some native savages to their camp.
The natives are going wild at the spectacle, as he is left in the center of the camp next to a...

The Greatest Dad Joke: Moses goes to the top of the mountain and encounters the Heavenly Father, bewildered Moses exclaims “I’m confused, I don’t know what to call you?”

Gods voice booms back “HELLO CONFUSED, I AM”

Area 51 encounters a Cessna.

You've all heard ofthe Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hau...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Transvestite Hooker (Very NSFW)

A transvestite hooker is getting ready for his night out. He puts on his fish-net stockings, a red mini-skirt, and his tallest red heels. While he's at his street corner, this hulking guy approaches him and belts out, "How much for sex?" The transvestite tells him that it's *that* time of the month,...

An engineer encounters a frog...

A Civil engineer, while doing field work, comes across a frog, who suddenly begins to speak to him.

"Sir" she says, "I know this must seem very strange, but I'm actually a woman, cursed to inhabit this frog form. But if you would help me, you could turn me back into a woman with a simple kis...

Guy: I'm writing "Transformers": a crossover fanfic where Othello encounters Sauron...

Other guy: "why's it called "Transformers"?"

Guy: Moor then meets The Eye

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couples' therapist encounters a client with a giant red "M" on her chest. [NSFW]

Concerned, the therapist asks the woman if her husband is abusing her in some strange satanic manner. "No," replies the client, "my husband is a Mississippi fan and insists on wearing his game jersey every time we have an 'interaction'." A couple days later, the therapist meets another client who sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Jewish man went for a hike

He hikes all the way up to a viewpoint overlooking his city. There he meets a Chinese man, they greet each other and after some conversation the Jewish man asks:

"where are you from?"

"From China" the chinese man responds.

"I don't like you Chinese you bombed pearl harbour!" s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you avoid sexual encounters with The Fonz?

Because he has Ayyyds.

A long time ago in Judaea...

There's a woman buried up to her neck in the sand, and angry villagers are eagerly waiting with sticks and stones.

But! There comes a man, and he's beautiful and charismatic, and when he speaks, everybody listens. So he speaks and he concludes "he who never sinned throweth the first stone", a...

A Vietnamese knight encounters a stray dog...

He grips his blade and calls out, "friend or pho?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A holy priest encounters some kids playing on the street...

... and says to the first one he meets, “Do you want to go to Heaven?”

The kid says, “I do, Father.”

The priest said, “Then tell no lies.” and approached a second child. “Do you want to got to Heaven?”

“Yeah, Father,” was the reply.

“Then listen to your ma and pa,” said t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One evening, a man on his way home encounters an old hag saying

she's a beautiful princess of a certain kingdom before, because of her unparalled beauty an envied witch cursed her making her looks like a hundred year old hag and to lift the curse someone must satisfy her sexual desires.
The man being heroic help her to lift the said curse
so he satisfy he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Red Riding Hood strolls into a dark forest, delivering her goodies as usual.

“La la la la la, la la la la la,” she caroled.

All of the sudden she encounters a vicious wolf that appears to be behind a tree. She becomes fearful for her life, but the wolf notices her presence and runs off into the darkness.

Red, confused, shrugs and goes about her stroll.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Close Encounters

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A celebate man was about to get married...

He had been "saving himself" for marriage, and had never watched pornography or had any remotely sexual encounters. He was incredibly nervous about being able to perform on his wedding night, and went to his best man to talk about it.

His best man tried to give him a pep talk, but ultimately...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving through the country side when he encounters a road block by the police

He stops, a police officer approaches his car, signifies him to roll down the window and asks for his drivers license. The man obeys the order and while doing so asks, whats going on. He is told, that they've closed all the roads, because they are looking for a rapist. The officer waves him through ...

We're not in Kansas anymore

Donald Trump is campaigning in Kansas. Suddenly, without a warning, there's a giant tornado and he’s turning, tumbling, and transported to a strange and distant field.

He calls for help but nobody answers. He tries his phone but there’s no signal. He waits for the Secret Service to come pick ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.