This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a 9 volt battery and an ass hole.

You know you shouldn’t but you still want to put your tongue on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a 9 volt battery and a woman’s arsehole have in common?

You know it’s wrong, but sooner or later you’re going to stick your tongue on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are women's buttholes and 9 volt batteries alike?

You know you shouldn't, but eventually you'll put your tounge on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate double standards

When a girl buys a dildo, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, he's called a pervert?

Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs?

Sales Rep: For what? 

Customer: No, two. 

Sales Rep: Two what? 

Customer: Yes. 

Sales Rep: No.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do 9 volt batteries and butt holes have in common?

You know you shouldn't, but one day you're probably going to try licking one.

Governments worldwide are pushing electric cars.

It's just going to cause a re volt.

What do you call NaCl and a 9 volt being thrown at you?

Assault and battery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you stick your testicles onto an electrical socket?

Nuts and volts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

Wanna hear something shocking?

A million Volts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mary had a little lamb, It ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse,

And turned its wool to nylon.

What a horrible way to die

Two guys meet up in a bar.

The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, in a faraway land, there was this doctor who was a professional trickster...

This doctor was quite popular, but he had a big, bad secret; he deceives people. How? Well, let's just say a patient walks into his office with an illness. The doctor, after doing some checkups, gives his prescription for a medicine, which he even gives for free. It turns out, however, that the medi...

Chevrolet is about to introduce another fully electric car

Many people think it's great but others think it's just re-Volting.

A college girl was found dead in her bathtub...

She decided to take a bath after a long day of testing. Unbeknownst to her, her roommate had a fetish of putting a 9-volt battery in the bath to give herself a small electric shock.

This time, however, she left it in the tub. The college girl decided she wanted to put some soothing bath salts...

Why are German flashlights always dead?

They use Nein Volt Batteries.

What kind of car does Pikachu drive?

A volts-wagon.

What’s the fastest charging battery in the world?

Usain Volt

My pet rabbit was an enlightened thinker but was electrocuted.

Now, he's a Volt-Hare

If Usain Bolt was an electrician...

His name would be Usain Volt

A police officer is doing his patrol when he sees two men arguing.

He goes to approach, when suddenly it gets physical. The first man throws a packet of sodium chloride at the second, and the second responds by throwing a bunch of 9 volts at the first.

The officer arrests them for a salt and battery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family

So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer on a bike route sees 2 men arguing.

The officer slows down to observe, and to see if the argument would become violent. The 2 men are bitter, and get louder by the minute. Suddenly, they both reach into their pockets. The first man pulls out some sodium chloride and throws it at the second man, while the second man get a 9 volt and 2 ...

I just fell in love with a girl who builds circuit boards for a living...

I just couldn't *resistor.*

I couldn't help but say "*Ohm* my word, you're gorgeous!"

We talked for a while, had quite an *amp-*le conversation.

We eventually went to get lunch and took her *volts-*wagon.

*Current-*ly, I'd say this relationship is working out well.
...

Did you hear about the guy who got pulled over?

The cops received a warrant and were able to search his car and they opened the glove box and ended up finding sodium chloride and a nine volt...

He got charged with assault and battery

Two men are sitting at the bar

One says to the other: "So I've just crawled into bed. My wife's sound asleep. All of a sudden the smoke alarm starts chirping because the battery died."

The other guy says: "Let me guess. You tried to ignore it, drift to sleep and deal with it in the morning?"

"No way. Do you think I ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.