My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back

I bought the love of my life some fish from Washington, but she dumped me immediately afterwards.

Oh well, there's plenty more fish in DC.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dumped a girl right after she took me to her home and showed me all her Nazi pride memorabilia

There were a lot of red flags

My girlfriend dumped me after my grandma had a stroke last night.

She said it was disgusting to let my grandma touch me like that.

While my roommate was sleeping, I dumped chess pieces on his head.

You should have seen the rook on his face.

My girlfriend, Lorraine, dumped me when she found out I was cheating on her with her fit friend, Claire Lee

Good news, I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his bum.

Hey, have you heard of the person who got dumped over playing too much video games?

That's such a trivial thing to Fallout 4.

I once dumped a cross-eyed chick.

Thought she was seeing someone else.

My girlfriend dumped me for an indian

At least I know he's going to treat her good, I heard they worship cows

A guy dumped his girlfriend for a keyboard.

She just wasn't his type.

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I dumped my girlfriend last week because she had really bad breath.

With hindsight though I'm really missing those 10 blowjobs a day.

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I recently fucked my best friend after my girlfriend dumped me.

I don’t know wtf I was doing fucking a guy but I obviously wasn’t thinking straight

A stash of cannabis plants has been dumped in a local Estuary and local seabirds have been seen feeding nearby.

Bird welfare groups are investigating and they say no tern has been left un-stoned!!..

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I got dumped by a blind lady.

I knew she was full of shit when she said that she wanted to see other people.

My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell...

...upon further reflection, I may have misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.

Why did the oyster get dumped by his girlfriend?

He’s shellfish

My girlfriend dumped me. Says I'm too hung up on getting revenge on people.

We'll see about that.

My girlfriend dumped me today saying I was too childish

But today is opposite day so it's all good

I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.

I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.

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A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

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An Irish Tale

The daughter of a poor Irish farmer had not been home for over five years. When she did return, her father cursed her heavily.

“Where have ye been all this while, lass? Why did ye run off and not write us, not even a line? Why? Can ye not understand the pains you've poor ol' mother through? A...

Every day after waking up, I find that someone dumped a bunch of LEGOs on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

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One day, a girl comes home crying, upset that her boyfriend had just dumped her.

Devastated, she starts trashing the place, smashing pictures of her ex-boyfriend and knocking things off shelves, rampaging from room to room. In her mother’s bedroom she rips down the curtains, jumps on the bed and smashes some mirrors. She finally calms down enough to notice that a small secret dr...

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A guy recently got dumped by his girlfriend...

He also lost his job and has no money. He decides to go to the bar to forget his problems. When he gets there there are two other guys sitting at the bar. One of them notices that the guy is sad, and walks over to him.

"Hey man, whats got you down?" the man says

"I lost my job and my ...

My extraterrestrial girlfriend dumped me

now she’s my Spacex

I moved her panties to the side as I dumped my huge load of white...

clothes into the washing machine.

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The Old Lady Who Makes Bets

A little old lady went into the headquarters of the Bank of America one day, carrying a large bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "It's a lot of money!"



The receptionist objected, stating, "You can't just wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend’s girlfriend dumped him and is telling everyone he has a small penis.

He claims he wasn’t that much into her anyways.

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My girlfriend dumped me because I have a weird nickname for my penis.

I guess I have to take Matter into my own hands.

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My brother was dating a Japanese woman for a while but was dumped today.

You could say that he was disoriented

I just got dumped by a communist.

She said, "It's not you, it's we."

I used to go out with an English-language teacher, but she dumped me.

She didn't like my improper use of the colon.

About 15 years ago, my girlfriend dumped me on a tv show that ended up airing on tv.

This is very personal information to me guys, so whatever you do, don't watch "To Catch a Predator" episode 3.

My girlfriend dumped me because I'm unorganised.

So she packed my suitcase and I left.

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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, just dumped into a taxi in New York City.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman, but made no attempt to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said "What's wrong with you, honey? Haven't you seen a naked woman before?"

The old Jewish guy slowly answered "Let me tell you sum...

A child psychologist had twin boys—one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games. In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings.

That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying.

“What’s wrong?” the father asked.

“I have a ton of game manuals to read … I need batteries … and my toys will all eventually get broken!” sobbed the pessimist.

Passing the optimist’s room, the father fou...

Everything was going great with me and my girlfriend until she told me she used to be a Christian. I wouldn't put up with it, so I dumped her.

Call me judgmental all you want, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

My ex dumped me because I was "too business minded".

So I hired a new girlfriend.

A Scrabble game got dumped all over the interstate highway.

That's the word on the street at least.

Ruth just dumped me. Told me I was too uptight. Well, now I'm

Ruthless.

My girlfriend dumped me because she didn’t agree with my politics

I’m right and she left

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The Medicran (long)

Fair warning: I heard this from my Dad years ago, so…dad joke ahead. Consider yourself warned.

Long ago, a tribe of the northlands was being savaged by the fearsome Medicran. A council of the tribes elders, after some discussion decided something needed to be done. They charged the tribe’s b...

My girlfriend dumped me because I’m cross eyed.

I think that’s why at least. We never could see eye to eye though.

My girlfriend dumped me over my love for pasta

And now I'm feeling canaloni

Do you know what Aquaman says when he gets dumped?

There's plenty of fish in the sea.

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Why did the illiterate man with the 11 foot penis get dumped by his girlfriend?

TLDR

Q. Why did the girl steal her boyfriend's wheelchair after she dumped him?

A. Because she wanted him to come crawling back to her.

My girlfriend dumped me because I was obsessed with my job as a cashier.

I said, "Would you like your receipt in case you change your mind?"

I dumped my girlfriend when she said she had the banner of the USSR on her wall.

It's a huge red flag.

I dumped my blonde girlfriend after she tried to poke holes in one of the condoms.

She might have gotten away with it had I not been wearing it at the time.

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