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Dumped Jokes

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My girlfriend just dumped me.

She said in a teary tirade:

“I can’t take your shit any more. You’re such a pedant. Everything I do is wrong. I loved you so much, but it’ll never be enough for you. I’m leaving now. Me and Gary are driving up north through the night and then you’ll never hear from me again”

She was a...

My girlfriend just dumped me because of my gambling addiction.

But I know I can win her back.

I dumped my last girlfriend because she was a communist.

I should've known sooner. There were red flags everywhere.

My girlfriend dumped me after my grandma had a stroke last night.

She said it was disgusting to let my grandma touch me like that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a girl comes home crying, upset that her boyfriend had just dumped her.

Devastated, she starts trashing the place, smashing pictures of her ex-boyfriend and knocking things off shelves, rampaging from room to room. In her mother’s bedroom she rips down the curtains, jumps on the bed and smashes some mirrors. She finally calms down enough to notice that a small secret dr...

My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games

What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4

Last week, My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her Wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.

Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns

Canoe believe that?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't upset when my gf dumped me because I had a small penis.

I was never really that much into her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently fucked my best friend after my girlfriend dumped me.

I don’t know wtf I was doing fucking a guy but I obviously wasn’t thinking straight

My girlfriend dumped me because I'm unorganised.

So she packed my suitcase and I left.

My girlfriend dumped me today saying I was too childish

But today is opposite day so it's all good

My vegan girlfriend dumped me. The other day I bit into a vegan sandwich and cried.

Not because I missed her but because it was vegan.

I just got dumped by my cross-eyed girlfriend

She said she wasn’t looking forward to see me.

What did Scorpion say when Sonya dumped Johnny Cage?

Get over her!

My girlfriend dumped me for an indian

At least I know he's going to treat her good, I heard they worship cows

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What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

My cousin's cross eyed girlfriend dumped him

We have a feeling she was seeing someone on the side

I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.

I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.

My girlfriend just dumped me

She got mad because of “the way I spend my money on myself”

But the thing is, I bought her presents every week, took her on trips, spent literally thousands on her in this relationship, and just this one time, I spend literally just a $100 on a hooker, she gets all mad and dumps me…

Got dumped on Halloween…

Well at least she didn’t ghost me

My lawyer dumped me after I said I hated U2.

He was working under a Pro Bono agreement.

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I dumped a girl right after she took me to her home and showed me all her Nazi pride memorabilia

There were a lot of red flags

I was recently dumped by a girl that has a lisp.

I've just received a text from her saying: "Was thinking of you when I bought some highly alcoholic green liquid."

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

My girlfriend dumped me over my love for pasta

And now I'm feeling canaloni

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I got dumped by a blind lady.

I knew she was full of shit when she said that she wanted to see other people.

A Scrabble game got dumped all over the interstate highway.

That's the word on the street at least.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend’s girlfriend dumped him and is telling everyone he has a small penis.

He claims he wasn’t that much into her anyways.

I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.

I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me.


She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon.

While my roommate was sleeping, I dumped chess pieces on his head.

You should have seen the rook on his face.

I bought the love of my life some fish from Washington, but she dumped me immediately afterwards.

Oh well, there's plenty more fish in DC.

A guy dumped his girlfriend for a keyboard.

She just wasn't his type.

My ex dumped me because I never repaid her for the deodorant she bought me.

I odour a lot of money.

My girlfriend dumped me. Says I'm too hung up on getting revenge on people.

We'll see about that.

My extraterrestrial girlfriend dumped me

now she’s my Spacex

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dumped my girlfriend last week because she had really bad breath.

With hindsight though I'm really missing those 10 blowjobs a day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy recently got dumped by his girlfriend...

He also lost his job and has no money. He decides to go to the bar to forget his problems. When he gets there there are two other guys sitting at the bar. One of them notices that the guy is sad, and walks over to him.

"Hey man, whats got you down?" the man says

"I lost my job and my ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've been dumped by my girlfriend...

She found me creepy as I always had to have a name for my penis, oh well, guess I'll have to take Matters into my own hands now.

Why do the British pronounce it "Bri'ish"?

Because the Americans dumped the T in Boston Harbor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says...

"Wait, honey, there's somethin' I need you to know. I'm a virgirn"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out. He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her da...

My ex dumped me because I was "too business minded".

So I hired a new girlfriend.

My girlfriend dumped me because I’m cross eyed.

I think that’s why at least. We never could see eye to eye though.

I went to a seafood restaurant with my new girl friend

I’m not a big seafood guy so I asked if they had any not sea food. The waitress looked at me appalled and shortly after I was asked to leave by the manager. My gf also dumped me because she said she won’t date an anti semite.

My girlfriend, Lorraine, dumped me when she found out I was cheating on her with her fit friend, Claire Lee

Good news, I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

O...

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My brother was dating a Japanese woman for a while but was dumped today.

You could say that he was disoriented

Every day after waking up, I find that someone dumped a bunch of LEGOs on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

Do you know what Aquaman says when he gets dumped?

There's plenty of fish in the sea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the illiterate man with the 11 foot penis get dumped by his girlfriend?

TLDR

I dumped my girlfriend in a restaurant

She started crying and people thought I was proposing so everyone clapped.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, just dumped into a taxi in New York City.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman, but made no attempt to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said "What's wrong with you, honey? Haven't you seen a naked woman before?"

The old Jewish guy slowly answered "Let me tell you sum...

I'm epileptic. My friend dumped a bunch of lettuce on me.

I am now a seizure salad.

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