Wasteland Jokes

...a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he... read more

The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.

The amount Xi has been drinking.

A Baron wasteland.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”
The man says, “No problem. I’m from Ottawa.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then goes ... read more

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ... read more

The idea is that russian astronauts will live there permanently. When the astronauts were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty wasteland, they said:

"No. That's why we want go to the moon."

One day the last man on earth went out for a stroll through the wasteland. As he was walking along, a giant, silver flying saucer burst out of the sky and landed before him. The door slowly opened and out of the craft came a little green fella who saw the man and shouted “Hey! What happened here?” T... read more

Ten years from now you’ll put on a jacket and find a mask in the pocket. “Oh man, what a weird year that was.” Then you pick up your machete and continue across the wasteland, keeping to the shadows to avoid the roving gangs of cannibal raiders.

In Britain, prisoners would climb a treadwheel that turned a fan.

In Russia, prisoners would break rocks in the Siberian wasteland.

And in Germany, prisoners are forced to fit the blinkers to BMW cars.

It's interesting. One of these countries is a corrupt, remote wasteland headed straight into chaos, pitting religious fundamentalists headed by a crooked tyrant against the majority of the people, and the other one is Syria.

Mike and David are stranded in the desert. They've been walking for ages without food or even a sip of water. All of a sudden in the baron wasteland they find a mosque. David and mike agree that it is their best bet to go to the mosque because there'll be food and shelter. On the way to the mosque m... read more

They soon became good friends and exchanged their business cards.


"If you ever come to China, call me and we can hang out!" says the Chinese official.


"Really? Cool! Same to you. If you ever come to Nigeria, call me and we can hang out!" says the Nigerian official.

6 mon... read more

George and Karen were highschool sweet hearts, and got married at 19. They were the perfect couple. Except for one thing.

For ten years, George and Karen gave it their all to have a baby. They calculated her cycles, ate right, and went to doctors. But, in the end Geroge just didn't produce en... read more

Once there was a man named Zade Zazinski. Zade was always last for everything due to his name. Everything always seemed to run out before Zade received his portion. Schoolbooks, supplies, food rations. Disappointed, Zade joined the military out of high school thinking that he would be treated eq... read more