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Gift Certificate Jokes

On his 74th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate from his wife...

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

Th...

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a sel...

A man complained to his coworker that he didn't know what to get his wife for her birthday...

"She already has everything you could think of, and she can buy herself whatever she likes," he said.

"Here's an idea," said his friend. "Make up your own gift certificate that says, '30 minutes of great loving, any way you want it.' I guarantee she'll be enchanted."

The next day, th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hanging out at the bar, a man is talking to his friend and says,

“I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I’m stumped.”

His friend has an idea.

“Why don’t you make up a gift certificate that says she can have 2 hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She’ll prob...

A barber gets his first client of the day and begins cutting his hair

The barber asks the client “What do you do?”
The client responds “I’m a waiter at the Italian restaurant down the street.”

The barber says to him “You’re in the service industry, I’m in the service industry, this haircut is on me.”

The next morning, the barber comes back to his shop...

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