UPJOKE
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What do a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets

If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be just water under the fridge.

Why are Americans so Good at Solving Rubix Cubes?

Because they have a long history of separating colors…

Why are racists so good at solving rubik's cubes?

Cuz they looooove seperating colors.

You have three cups of coffee and 20 sugar cubes? How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes into each cup of coffee using all 20 sugar cubes.

1 cube in the first cup, 1 cube in the second, and 18 in the third because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put in coffee.

What's the difference between a happy jug and a terrified ice cube?

One is filled with cheer and the other is chilled with fear.

Since it's my cake day, I asked the Baker for 2 cubed loaves of cake.

They gave me 8. (8 year Cake Day).

Oftentimes i find myself putting ice cubes on my eyeballs.

I think its because i wanna look cool.

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A woman walks into a bank to deposit $100,000 in cash

The bank manager decides to handle this himself, as it’s such a large deposit. As he is processing her request, he asks, “Do you mind if I ask what it is you do for a living?”.

She says, “I make bets with people…For example, I bet you $50,000 that your testicles are cube shaped, like dice”....

An ice cube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

“Bunsen... My flame...I melt whenever I see you," confessed the ice cube.

*“Chill, it’s just a phase you’re going through.”*

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. (Long)

The caretaker sat pondering a cube he held before him. He sat amidst billions upon billions upon billions, which surrounded him. He alone, at the end of time, bore witness to the Great Library, the vast repository of consciousness in Universe.

Before him was a pile of similar cubes. These cub...

What do Rubik’s cubes and your wee wee have in common?

Well for most people the more you play with them the harder they get... for me, I play with them for a few seconds and then it’s finished.

What’s the difference between an amateur thief, a professional thief, and a Rubik’s cube?

An amateur thief says “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY” while a professional thief says “Sign here, please.”

My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am......

.....


an Ice Cube

Cred: Russell Peters

A person unsure if God exists rolled a numbered cube to determine the answer.

It was a diagnostic test.

When does a square become a cube?

When it hits cuberty.

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Ice Cube talking about why he doesn't want his girlfriend to role play as a cop.

"When I said fuck the police, this isn't what I meant."

The Nigerian ambassador goes to visit the house of the ambassador of France

It's a huge and luxurious house with gardens, pools, greek statues and paintings.

The Nigerian ambassador wanders with the French ambassador after dining. The Nigerian ambassador then asks to the French ambassador how did he do to afford that house.
The French ambassador then tells him to ...

I can complete a Rubik's Cube without touching it

Perk of being colour blind

Life is like a Rubik's cube

If you get one side of it all smooth and organized, you usually mess up all the other sides in the process.

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Damn girl are you a Rubik's cube?

Because fuck you, you stupid piece of shit.

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SUMMER CAMP FOR Husbands. Evening classes for men. Starting this month.

*Summer camp*

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of the content, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

*Topic 1.*
How to fill ice-cube trays and why to fill water bottles before putting them back in the fridge.
Step by step with slide pre...

If you’re ever choking on an ice cube

Just wait,

My wife keeps telling me that soup is better with flavour cubes.

I don’t put too much stock in that.

What happens when an entire Borg cube is exasperated?

They let out a collective sigh.

My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

What do you call it when two Nissan Cubes get into an accident?

A wreck-tangle.

A guy walks in to a bar and there's a terrorist behind the bar...

He orders a scotch on the rocks and the bartender picks up one cube and says " you like ice?"
The guy says " yea, but more than one"
So the bartender picks up a handful of ice in his other hand and says " oh.... so you like ... ices?"

My friend asked me what the name of that famous ice cube movie was.

I replied, "Titanic?".

I recently placed a sugar cube for an ant

When he left to get the rest of the ants, I quickly removed the sugar cube. Now everyone else thinks he lied.

Someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine

I'm confused... What is leftover wine??

I used to worry about the ice cubes I’d kick into the abyss under the refrigerator.

But I figure, what the hell.

It’s old water under the fridge.

I don't get why people say rubik's cubes are so hard. There's literally only one combination

Yes, I'm colorblind. Why are y'all asking?

Today I learned that I can make an ice cube melt just by concentrating on it and thinking ''Melt.''

I have to admit that it takes a lot longer than I expected.

Why did the hipster empty water from an ice cube tray into his drink?

He liked ice before it was cool

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The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

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Why did the cube refused to fuck icosahedron?

Because their relationship was solidly platonic.

I used to get irrationally angry at ice cubes and throw them onto the floor.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?

Because cubes are platonic solids.

I just melted an ice cube by staring at it.

Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.

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What would you get if you shove some ice cubes in your asshole?

Some cool shit

If the world were a cube

We'd all be Cubans!

What did the ice cube say to the glass of water?

I’m cooler than you

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In my experience women are a lot like Rubik’s Cubes.

They are incapable of achieving orgasms

Did you know I can melt an ice cube using the power of my mind.

Takes quite a white though.

I was filling my water bottle from the freezer door, and an ice cube fell out and slid out of reach

I was about to get angry but then I realized, no, now it’s just water under the fridge

What do you called ginger cut into cubes??

a Square Root.



... I'll see myself out

What do you call a cube-crafting game that takes place in Iowa?

Des Moinescraft.

Why did the student look underwater for square and cube numbers?

They’re indices

What would happen if the earth became a cube?

We would all be cubans

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What did Ice Cube say when his Teletubbies rental expired?

Fuck the Po lease

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TIL that wombats poo is shaped like a cube instead of spherical.

I almost shit a brick.

Why are there more white sugar cubes than brown sugar cubes?

Because demerera

How did the Blacksmith pick up the red hot 1000° steel cube with just his hands?

He just held it by the cubes corners which were 90°

Ice Cube is 48 years old, but still hasn't melted. Do you know why?

Man's not hot.

A cube walks into a bar...

A cube walks into a bar and comes out as a sphere. A passerby saw and asked them what happened. The sphere replied “oh I just had a drink to take the edge off”.

A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand

The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."

Did you ever hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?

You could say it was a very well thawed out plan

My brother has Aspergers. When you give him a Rubik's cube it takes him like 12 seconds to...

... say “Thank you“.

I got arrested for giving criminals glasses of ice cubes.

Apparently you're considered to be a vigilante if you hand out just ice on the streets.

The worlds two largest manufacturers of broth seasoning cubes are merging.

It was a multi-bouillon dollar deal.

If Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg adopted a child...

they could call it Slush Puppy :)

A friend was freezing some ice cubes for me.

Let's say he was doing me a solid.

How does Ice-Cube drink his milk?

Straight Outta Carton.

Why can't jello cubes dance?

Because they are a bunch of squares.

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Guurl is that ass a rubiks cube?

Because I just wanna give up and say fuck it.

How to make an ice cube melt faster?

Talk to it and get into a heated argument

I wrote a program that figures out if soup is made from scratch or from a cube

It returns a bouillon Boolean.

Why did the GameCube controller get off the boat?

Because he got a little c-stick.

What relates a good reddit post and a poorly kept cube?

RIP in box

Ice cubes are very badass

I mean they float around their own blood

What's the square root of a hyper cube?

A sugar cube!

Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

What is another name for a Nissan Cube?

A tool box.

An ice cube decided to wear a new hat

A nice man saw this, and said to the ice cube: "Looking solid, dude!"

The ice cube absolutely melted at this sweet compliment.

Now he's looking liquid, dude.

Jesus tried to solve a Rubik's cube

He died on the cross.

Two depressed men are sitting at a bar drinking whisky

Suddenly one of them remarks: "Have you noticed the new ice cubes? They have a hole in the middle!"

"They're not new", the other one replies. "I have been married to one for 20 years!"

I went to Sweden to look for some Oxo Cubes.

I hear they have a really good shop there called "Stockhome".

A small village soup chef tried to make a bit of extra money on the side, selling boullion cubes laced with marijuana...

It was the laughing stock of the whole town.

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