Jan 22. 2021, Washington DC A guy goes up to a guard at the White House and says "How do I get in to see President Trump?"

The guard says "Didn't you hear? Trump isn't president any more. Biden is president." The guy walks away.

Next day, same guy goes up to the same guard and asks again:

"How do I get in to see President Trump?" And the guard says "Sir, I told you yesterday, Trump isn't president any ...

A Russian diplomat was visiting Washington DC

While there, he was invited to a large dinner celebration being held by members of the US government. As he entered the dining hall, he was taken aback by the decor. It was very impressive. Everyone was served fillet mignon. The plates forks and knives were real silver. A small band was playing clas...

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Medical experts in Washington DC today were asked if it is time to ease the COVID lockdowns.

Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve. Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while optome...

I support statehood for DC

But also Marvel and Dark Horse.

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Can you believe what happened in DC?

Never seen so much press for a micropenis convention, at least none I’ve been to.

The date I took to the AC/DC concert had buck teeth, giving her a cute beaver smile

She was the best dam woman I had even seen

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I need to know if eviction restrictions for COVID are ongoing in DC?

My tenant of 4 years has refused to acknowledge his first notice. Since last Wednesday he has been hiding in the basement. The only time he left was to play golf, so I know he has some funds. Please let me know what my options are. If I even have any?

My friend didn’t believe me that Slash was in AC/DC

C’mon he is right there in the middle

An American and Mexican business men talk about getting rich

There is a conference in DC and a Mexican and American guy meet and talk about highway infrastructure projects. The American invites the Mexican to his home. They show up in a Cadillac where the American invites him inside and they go up to the second story balcony. He points below and says, see tha...

I bought the love of my life some fish from Washington, but she dumped me immediately afterwards.

Oh well, there's plenty more fish in DC.

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Its legal to screw an animal in Washington, DC....

Because that's where all the pigs get together and fuck us

The 50 states and DC each send their fastest runner to compete in a marathon...

The route they are running takes them around Washington DC, and the finish line is the front door of the White House.

At the sound of the starting pistol, all fifty-one runners take off. It's an exciting race.

Meanwhile, at the White House, the President waits in the Oval Office for t...

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are walking through Washington DC when they see a poster advertising an epic insult smackdown between all the living former US presidents.

"This looks like such a cool event!" says the Catholic. "I think Carter will win."

"I think the winner will be Clinton," says the Protestant, "with Obama at a close second."

"I'm...uh...not interested," says the Jew.

The other two are shocked. "Why not?" asks the Catholic.
...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC.

One is from New York , another is from Tennessee and the third is from Florida.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job ...

Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :

-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court

-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave

-...

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window an...

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What do you call a DC villain that stole Batman's porn?

The jerker

Officials have found a brain-eating Amoba in the water supply of Washington DC. Officials are worried

After all, there's a good chance the Amobas will starve to death

A guy was screaming "The President is Stupid" on the middle of a street in Washington DC

A policeman came up to him and slapped him once.
Man : "I was talking about the President of Ireland."
*The policeman slapped the man again.*
Man: Why did you slap me?
Policeman : "As if we don't know which President is stupid"

A tour guide is showing people around Washington, DC, when they reach the Potomac River.

"On this spot, right here," says the guide, "Abraham Lincoln threw a ten-dollar bill all the way across the river in 1863."

"That's impossible," says a tourist. "No one could throw a piece of paper that far."

"Well," says the guide, "it must be understood that money went a lot farther ...

Was playing air drums to AC/DC the other day when I dropped my stick...

...had to switch to Def Leopard

I heard this joke at a new museum opening in DC, told by a five year old:

Knock knock

Who's there?

Donut

Donut who?

Donut ask me, it's a secret.

That kid has a bright future of dad jokes ahead of him

Marvel's greatest villain is Thanos. DC's greatest villain

is Rotten Tomatoes.

I hear the Redskins are out in Washington, DC

If it's all the same, could we get the orangeskin out too?

Cindy and Lucy were to high-powered DC lawyers.

They had been childhood friends, gone to the same law school, and gone into partnership together. Through their hard work, they became well known in the DC area and bumped elbows with politicians.

One summer, they decided to hold a fourth of july party and invite all the members of congress....

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much ...

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks,
"What's going on?"


"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fir...

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He’s explaining Facebook to old people.

Gee I sure hope the rioters in DC don’t do anything to the IRS building

at 1111 Constitution Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20224.

As Trump flies in his helicopter over DC

As Trump flies in his helicopter over DC, he says to Melania:

Look, there are a million Trump fans gathered in the streets to wave to me.

She says: No, Donald. There are five million. But they are only waving with one finger each.

What is the difference between AC and DC?

AC Hertz more.

What do AC/DC feed their horses?

HAY HAY HAY HAYYY!

Why are there no vegan DC heroes?

Because they are afraid of rotten tomatoes.

Once a blonde bought stick shift car. She was super excited with the car and then took it from New York to Washington DC.

Once a blonde bought stick shift car. She was super excited with the car and then took it from New York to Washington DC. She called her husband and said that she will return tomorrow to New York. Couple of days passed but the blonde didn't return. Worried, her husband started finding out what's the...

The US should make DC, Guam, and PR states.

53 is a prime number.

Then we would truly be 1 nation, indivisible.

I'm thinking about starting up a neurodivergent, mermaid-themed parody band of AC/DC. It's gonna be called

OCD Sea

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No one needs to spoil DC movies

Them bitches come out spoiled.

So DC Comics currency

Superman’s weakness is probably a *krypto* currency

I want to write a rock opera about Rosa Parks; to be performed by AC/DC.

It'll be called Black in Back.

There is a large traffic jam in Washington DC

A man gets caught in a huge traffic jam in DC. While sitting motionless on the road a man approaches him on foot. The man rolls down his window and asks what’s going on.

“The whole capitol is in chaos, armed men have stormed the Capitol Building and are holding congress hostage, they say they...

Say what you want about AC/DC...

But in my mind they will always be current

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what do you call a prostitute in Washington dc

a lobbyist.

DC hasn't capitalize on Static popular

Which is just really SHOCKING.

After stating that AC/DC was the best 80's band, my dad got mad and said, "What do you know about the 80's? I bet you don't even know who Whitesnake is!"

I just rolled my eyes and said "ugh, Here I go again!"


Happy father's day!

Which is an electrician favorite band ?

AC/DC

It was already foretold by AC/DC

Huawei to Hell.

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits fo their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC...

There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected

When you go to Washington DC, you can’t just see one monument

You have to see the Mall.

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Tim Apple walks into a Washington DC bar and drinks couple of beers and prepares to leave

The bartender, a certain gentleman called Dump Trump tells him he owes $8.

"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says Tim.

"OK," says Trump, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."

Tim goes outside and sees Bill Pornhub & tells him that the bartender can't kee...

It was so cold in DC the other day that

I saw a politician putting his hands in his own pockets!

What have Britain and Warner Brothers/DC got in common?

Neither of them know how to handle an EU.

Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC

They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"

"Challenge accepted" Donald Trump replies

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

Why are AC/DC always so hungry?

Cause it’s a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll

At an AC/DC concert...

Brian Johnson: You guys ready to rock?
Crowd: YESSSSSS
Brian Johnson: I can't hear you!

Hillary, Donald Trump, and Barack Obama were waiting in the green room before a banquet with the movers and shakers of DC...

Suddenly a heavenly chorus of angels sang, and God appeared to the trio.

In a booming voice God said, “Each of you may ask one question, and I will answer it.”

Obama asked, “Will there ever be another black president?”

God replied, “Yes. But not during your lifetime.”

Tru...

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Why wasn't Jesus born in Washington DC?

They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin

Trump doesn’t know geography...

Instead of building a wall on the Mexico border, he built one in Washington DC

What’s the difference between Hollywood and Washington DC?

Molesting kids in Washington doesn’t cost you your career.

My psychiatrist just told me I have OC/DC

It's like OCD, but it rocks

Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union the same as there is the USA?

In principle, yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the Washington Monument in Washington, DC, and yell, ´Down with Reagan!´, and you will not be punished. In the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square in Moscow and yell, ´Down with Reagan!´, and you will not be punished.

The Pope goes to Washington DC.

He's there to cure the sick, heal the masses, and all those Pope type things he does.

Donald Trump comes up to him and says, "Please Your Holiness, can you help me with my hearing?"

The Pope then placed his hands over Trump's ears and blessed him.

"Well that's all well and go...

Keeping up with DC is like keeping up with my alcoholic father

You hope it's going to get better, but it keeps beating you down

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A man walks into a seedy dive bar in Washington DC.

After letting his eyes adjust to the dimness of the bar, he notices President Trump and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan talking quietly at a corner table.

He orders a beer then walks up to the two and says, "Mr. President, Mr. Ryan, I am a huge fan of yours! What are you guys doing in a sh...

EVICTED FAMILY NEEDS HELP MOVING! MUST BE OUT BY JANUARY 20th!

Please send any unneeded moving supplies to:

1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW

Washington, DC 20500

Jeff was a prolific name dropper and his mate Jack had had enough.

“Surely you don’t know every person you mention,” he said.

“Sure do,” replied Jeff. “I know them all.”

Wanting proof, Jack wagered Jeff that he could find someone he didn’t know, a bet that Jeff accepted. They jumped on a plane and flew to Marvel Studios.

“OK,” said Jack, ...

Trump is at an elementary school assembly and asks,...

"Does anyone know what a tragedy is?"

A kindergartener raises her hand and the president chooses her to answer, "A car crash."

"No, not quite." Responds Trump, "that would be an 'accident' ".

He then chooses a 4th grade boy. "If a school bus went off a cliff and all the kids die...

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the ...

Donald trump was getting his daily briefing...

“Sir, there was another 60,000 cases of corona and a thousand Americans died”

“Huh” - the orange elder barely nods and continues watching Fox.

“Sir- also there was a riot in downtown DC and two cops and fourteen protesters are dead and sixteen in custody”
“Yawn... next”, replies th...

What do you call Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison's band?

AC/DC

I asked a friend in DC what it was like after the 2016 presidential election

He said it was like a man on the Titanic with a glass of whiskey, saying "well yes, I did ask for ice, but . . ."

I may say I hate AC/DC but secretly they're my favourite band.

I've been tsunderstruck.

can you guys help me find an AC/DC song?

it has 3 power chords and the lyrics are about being a badass, Thanks!





*stolen from RYM*

Why did Aquaman join the DC universe instead of Marvel?

Because he was hydra-phobic.

I hope DC residents have good flood insurance

Because that swamp turned into a damn lake real fast.

I finally saw that Wonder Woman movie from a few years back. I think it's really dangerous to let the kids see it.

It could give them the impression that DC movies are good.

Breaking News: The Washington Redskins have changed their name.

They will now be called the DC Redskins.

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The story of Dave (Not my joke)

Once upon a time there was a man named Dave. Now Dave worked in a small business office where just about all his co workers knew each other well. One day, Dave’s boss wants to get to know him better so he invites Dave to go out to lunch. While they were eating lunch and talking about various things,...

I asked an EV driver what music he liked

He said AC/DC

I've just joined a rock band that play the same songs in the same order at every gig.

We're OC/DC

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Going to Hell for this one

Hitler and Mussolini came back from the dead and were sitting in a bar in TX, because why not? This drunk redneck hears them making plans of picking up where they left off.

He hears Hitler say, "So the plan is to round up all the Jews in Hollywood, DC, and Israel; get them all together along...

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THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy...

Your typical rock band

In my history of Rock and Roll class, chapter 13 focused on the early rock artists post punk era. At the very beginning of the chapter the band King Crimson is briefly mentioned, they seemed to have qualities that later artist would adopt and were quite popular, with songs such as 21 century schizoi...

Marvel have a Muslim superhero?

I thought suicide squad was a DC thing.

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A Washington, DC flea goes to book a vacation with his travel agent

because he's been cooped up in a K Street lobbyist's crotch for the past 8 months and he feels overworked. So his travel agent says,

"You won't believe the package I've got for you! Fifteen days in Obama's hair—can you believe it? He's going to be at Camp David the whole time, it should be...

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Surgeons

The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."




The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

<...

House Speaker: I now invite Bill de Blasio, the president of the United States to give his address to the nation.

Bill de Blasio : 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington DC. Thank you!!

Congress has been hijacked by terrorists:

Washington DC is at a standstill and traffic is stuck in gridlock.

A man in a car is waiting patiently for the traffic to clear up but doesn't understand why it's there in the first place.

Another man is walking down the side of the highway with a bucket knocking on people's windows an...

Dan Snyder has finally agreed to change the name of The Washington Redskins

Now they'll be called the DC Redskins.

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A Canadian drove into the US in hopes of visiting Orange County.

He stopped at the first gas station he saw and asked the attendant for directions.

“Orange County?!” exclaimed the attendant. “You’re in fucking New York! Get out of my station, you crazy son of a bitch.”

The Canadian left, puzzled by the attendant’s impoliteness. He decided to drive ...

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A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little...

A Bus Stop

On a bus stop in Washington DC, there were a cop, a nurse, a man in a suit, a philosopher and a priest. The cop spoke first:

Cop: ”Is this the right bus stop to Congress hill?”

Man in suit: ”yes”

Cop: ”Good. As it happens, there was this school shooting incident last week; I was...

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I saw a sign on a gas station bathroom the other day

It said "If you voted for Trump, you can't shit here. Your asshole is in Washington DC"

World Health Organization’s rebranding

In honor of our single biggest patron, China, we hereby announce a rebranding - from W.H.O. to XiDC

Before we sign off the old name, we’ll use it one last time to show our compassion —

Your well-being, WHO cares.

I was watching a movie with my wife, we had the brightness turned all the way up and still couldn’t see anything.

That’s when I realized we were watching a DC Comics Movie.

An American and a Chinese man are talking in a cafe. They’re engaged in a debate over their two systems of government.

The American says, “Look, our system might not be perfect, but we have freedom!”

The Chinese man asks, “Freedom to do what?”

The American responds, “Well, for one, I can go down to Washington DC, walk up to the President’s desk, and say ‘Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re runni...

Dave is a man who knows everyone

Dave is bragging to his boss one day.
“I know everyone there is to know!” He says
Calling his bluff, his boss says “What about Tom Cruise?”
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood. On the set of the new movie, Dave spots Tom and yells to him
“Dave! Ah, I was just going to shoot a scene...

What rock band is the neatest?

OC/DC

A Soviet and an American are talking

The American says, "I am able to March into DC, march into the oval office, and say. Mr Reagan, I don't like how you're running this country." The Russian scoffs and says, "I can do the same, I can march into Moscow, go to the Kremlin, go to the general secretary's office and say. Mr Gorbachev, I do...

My uncle in Washington started an Air Conditioning business.

it's called ac/dc

During a zombie apocalypse, where is the safest place to be?

Washington DC. There aren't any brains.

What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split atoms?

Don’t worry, theres other fission, DC.

A woman found herself in a traffic jam...

on the freeway in Washington DC. Traffic was locked up for over an hour when she saw some men walking towards her car carrying buckets. She leaned out of her window and asked them what was going on up ahead. The men explained that terrorists had taken over the capitol and they were holding Congress...

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The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill.

This isn't for any religious reason. They just haven’t been able to find Three Wise Men in DC. A search for a virgin was also fruitless. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

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