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Batman Jokes

COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman

Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.

Joker to Batman: "Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?"

"Yeah sure."

Joker: "Ok, parental love".

Batman: "I don't get it.."

"exactly."

Batman: *buys catwoman a drink*

Catwoman: *slowly knocks it off of the table*

Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.


Batman doesn't want to get shot.

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son told me that he wanted to be Batman when he grows up.

The little shit wants me to be gunned down in an alley.

I asked my son what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said, "Batman."

Now my wife and I refuse to take him to the theater.

What do Putin, Batman and Will Smith have in common?

They all attacked a comedian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Batman and Robin go out for a few drinks

Both superheroes are exhausted after a long week of non-stop crime fighting, and decide to chill for a few a hours at the local watering hole.

Robin knows his friend has been working way too hard and for long hours. So he thinks, what the heck, he can get drunk and relax. He decides to remain...

I went to the local video shop and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever.

They said no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow.

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

Robin: The batmobile won't start. Batman: Check the battery

Robin: What's a tery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a black man and Batman?

Batman can go inside a store without Robin

Do you know why batman doesn't have a police badge?

Because he doesn't kill people

My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.”

He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

How does Alfred call Batman to dinner?

Dinner Dinner, Dinner Dinner, Dinner Dinner, Dinner Dinner, BATMAN!

What do you call batman when he skips church?

Christian Bale

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman.

NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa BATMAN!

Batman walks into a room which alfred is ìn, late at night.

"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room.
Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"

Batman and Robin are in the Batcave

Batman and Robin are in the Batcave. Batman is putting the Batmonile through its monthly tune-up, and it won't start. So Batman goes and asks Robin for help.

"Is the tank empty?" Robin asks.

"I just filled it," Batman replies.

"Is the oil full?" Robin asks.

"Freshly repla...

Batman gets a call from Robin, who was having trouble with the car

"Batman, I can't get the Batmobile to start! I turn the Batkey, press the Batpedal, but nothing!"

Batman thinks a moment before asking "Did you check the battery?"

There are a few seconds of silence before Robin asks "What's a tery?"

I've just spotted the new Batman shampoo for sale.

Although I feel they're missing a real opportunity by not producing a conditioner Gordon.

Batman says to Alfred, “I’m really tired Alfred, it's been an exhausting day, please can you just get the bathtub ready for me?"

Alfred replies, "Master Wayne, what is a htub?"

What does Batman put in his beverages?

Just ice.

I'm half Spiderman, half Batman

Half without superpower, half without money

Snoopy writes a Batman comic book.

"He is the Dark and Stormy Knight..."

What's the first thing Batman does when he wakes up?

He goes to the Batroom.

Holey metal bowl, batman

For the last time, Robin, it's called a colander

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up

Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

Why does Batman love playing Solitaire?

Because there is no Joker.

What do you get when Batman leave church early?

Christian BAIL

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That’s Arkham’s Razor.

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”

“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman!...

What does Batman drive when he reaches old age ?

His Batmobility scooter

Why did Batman break up with Catwoman?

He didn’t like getting hair balls.

What tea does Batman drink?

**Vigilan-tea**

I’ll excuse myself now.

My Boyfriend said I’m starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman….

What a joker!!!

D’y’ know why Batman has all those cool doodads in his utility belt: smoke bombs, grease slicks, nose plugs/filters for poison gas, breath mints?

Because he doesn’t have pockets.

I am half Spiderman, half batman and half moon knight...

\- Poor
\- With no powers
\- With mental disorders

What is it called when Batman gets an erection?

The Dark Knight Rises

Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave?

He had to go to the Bat Room.

[an old classic]

What would you call a hair product that was marketing batman?

Conditioner Gordon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is Black Adam like Batman’s penis?

They are both Da Wayne Johnson.

A man enters a Blockbuster and asks “I want to rent Batman Forever”

The clerk replies: “I’m sorry but you must return it tomorrow”

If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?

Inspector Gadget

Why is Batman an Anti-Vaxxer?

His parents took shots and died.

Why is Batman a bad bartender?

He serves justICE!!

What happened to Batman and Robin when a herd of elephants trampled over them ?

They became Flatman and Ribbon...

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

Why does Batman wear a mask?

Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis

Why is Batman great in bed?

Since he’s not a superhero, he uses gadgets

Batman says “If you kill a killer the number of killers stays the same”

Who the hell said I was innocent?

Our kid is always saying, “I want to be Batman!” or “I wanna be Spider-Man!”

So we dropped him off at the orphanage.

What do you call it when Batman gets hurt?

Bruised Wayne

Batman & Robin

Batman & Robin have had a bad day fighting crime.

Batman says to Robin ‘Go relax, have a bath’.

Robin says ‘What’s a h?’

You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler)

A democratic senator from Kentucky.

Joker asks Batman whats the worst part of going to the opera?

When your parents die at the end

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did The Penguin say when he walked in on Batman masturbating?

“Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank!”

What kind of car does the Russian Batman drive?

A Blyatmobile!

What did Batman’s friends say when he ditched them

Christian Bailed

What's the difference between Batman and Donald Trump's tax?

People saw Batman Returns.

There was a murder in Gotham last night. Police Commissioner Gordon told Batman some elaborate conspiracy theories,

But it's more likely that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

What do you call a group of Batmans?

An orphanage

The Reason Batman Does Not Cover His Whole Face is

Because He Needs The Police to Know That He Is White.

What do you call Batman and Robin after they get run over by a steamroller?

Flatman and Ribbon.

Why doesn’t Batman have super vision?

Cause his Parents died

What do you call a bunch of kids all dressed up as batman?

Halloween at the orphanage.

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the ...

If batman didn't fight crime, he would have opened a vineyard...

... Because he brews wine.

(Sorry)

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bored Superman

One day Superman is flying around looking for crime. Lex Luther is locked up along with all the other villains so not much is going on. Superman sees Batman crouched next to a gargoyle on a building so stops by to see what's up. "Hey Batman what's good wanna do something?" Batman answers gruffly, "I...

Batman bought a French restaurant

"The Creped Crusader"

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed...

What do Batman and Alf have in common?

They both eat cats.

Why can't Two-Face beat Batman?

Because he's two Dents.

How do you get Batman into the Marvel Universe?

Hang him on the wall. Now he's a Bruce Banner.

I heard Batman recently became an atheist.

Christian Bail.

Batman goes to a party

To his surprise, he sees that the Joker is there too.

"He must be up to something," he thinks.

And so he sneaks up behind him, knocks him out, and puts him in a back room.

When walks out, he sees the Joker again.

"How did he recover so quickly?"

Once again he kno...

Batman : You idiot Robin. You don't have to pee in the hall. There is a bathroom you stupid.

Robin : Sorry. What is a hroom.?

I saw Batman leaving Church early on Easter

It was the first time I had seen a Christian Bale

Why did the blonde make her password "BatmanRobinBatgirlJokerHarelyIvyOslo"?

Because the rules said it needed to contain at least 6 characters and include at least 1 capital!

I have a higher IQ than Batman and Donald Trump combined.

By the way, Batman has a higher IQ than me.

Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

What is Batman’s least favorite food?

A: Chinese takeout

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

Why does Batman not kill his villains?

Because he’s not a cop

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