COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman

Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.

Batman wlked into a bar...

he got kicked out cause his mask didn't cover his mouth

Why does Batman only wear dark colours? Easy. Because Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colours?

Easy.

Because Batman doesn't want to get shot.

One time I went to Blockbusters and asked if I could rent Batman Forever...

The man at the counter said, “NO! You can only rent it for the week”!

Person 1:Do you want to hear my Batman impression ?

Person 2: Sure!

Person 1: AARGH NO! Not the Kryptonite!

Person 2: That’s Super Man!

Person 1: Thanks, I’ve been practicing it

What do you call a smaller batman villain who likes to carve wood?

The littler whittler riddler.

What are Batman's insurance policies called as?

Dark Knight Returns

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has actually been confirmed in a recent Batman comic that Robin's dick has no color at all.

Dick gray, son!

What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?

The dark night rises.

Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?

So cops can see that he's white

My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”

“Thanks, man, ” he replied, “I’ve been practising it a lot.”

Robin: Where are you, Batman?

Batman: on my way, was in the bathroom

Robin: what's a hroom?

Batman walks into a room which alfred is ìn, late at night.

"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room.
Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"

In a very Catholic country, a man was arrested for impersonating Christopher Nolan's Batman.

Out of fear for his cape, no Christian bail was set.

Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says

"No swimming without supervision."

What do you call a beat-up Batman?

A Bruised Wayne.

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

Batman has designed a tuxedo version of his crime fighting costume so he can attend formal occasions.

It's a class action suit.

What happened to Batman and Robin when they got run over by a steamroller?

They became Flatman and Ribbon.

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

The Joker Asks Batman Where He Got The Batmobile From

Batman : You Wana Know How I Got These Cars?

What’s the reason batman has a gap in his mask

So that cops know he's white

What Shampoo does Batman always use?

Conditioner Gordon

Batman is the Covid Vigilante

Given:
a) He covers his entire body except his mouth and nostrils
b) He’s a bat

Therefore:
He may be a superspreader.

Rubber bullets are like Batman

They won't kill you, but you'll probably be disfigured for life after encountering one.

What is batmans favorite fruit?

BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA

[Batman's parents return after 40 years]

Surprise!!

Wait... WTF are you wearing?!

Wonder Woman walks in on Batman and Robin's training session

Batman asks "Have I ever shown you how to do a side-kick?"

Wonder Woman shouts "BATMAN! THAT IS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL!!"

Batman’s mask

Is worthless against the COVID.

Joker to Batman: "Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?"

"Yeah sure."

Joker: "Ok, parental love".

Batman: "I don't get it.."

"exactly."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Robin: "Batman, the batmobile doesn't work. "

Batman: "Robin, did you check the battery?"
Robin: "Batman, what the fuck is a tery?"

Batman gets a call from Robin, who was having trouble with the car

"Batman, I can't get the Batmobile to start! I turn the Batkey, press the Batpedal, but nothing!"

Batman thinks a moment before asking "Did you check the battery?"

There are a few seconds of silence before Robin asks "What's a tery?"

Why there are no villains in Batman's city?

Because he Gotham...

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

The Joker finally captured Batman

The Joker: Say something funny, or die!

Batman: No you.

The Joker: I... you... how... *laughs hysterically*

Batman: That wasn't funny.

The Joker: *commits suicide*

How does Batman take care of Poison Ivy?

Ointment.

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors

Carole Baskin And Robin's

Why does Batman's mask hide only half his face?

So that the cops can see he's white and not shoot him on sight.

Batman and robin after a party

When both of them get to the batmobile,
Batman tells robin that he is too drunk to drive. Robin, says fine I'll drive..

Robin gets sets and starts driving. Before he gets in the highway heading to cave he shifts gears back and forward, stopping at a few lights then ,In the highway he c...

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

I always found the idea of Batman to be laughable.

But just in case, I shot the kid too.

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

My friend said I'm starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman.

What a joker!

How long does it take Batman to change a lightbulb?

Depends. How much prep time does he get?

Batman is having a good month

Supercriminals: "Okay! I'll go quietly! Just don't cough on me!"

What did Batman show the Joker when he dropped his batpants?

Deez batnutz.

GOTHAM!

-I made a statue of Batman.

-What did you make it of?

-Just-ice.

Batman would be low tier in smash bros

He never kills

Have you heard of Batman's brother, High-Hatman?

He's a cymbal of justice.

Robin: "Holy disappointment Batman, the TV remote doesn't work!"

Batman: "Have you checked the batteries?"

Robin: "What are teries?"

The Joker says to Batman: Have you seen Noe ?

He asks: Who's Noe ?

The Joker replies: Noe Mama.

Batman's dad's new name will be John in a retcon

He will be played by The Wayne, John's Son

Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth?

Because *littering* is a crime.

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

1960s Batman Phase (Original Joke Fight Me Reposters)

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it. So he decided he will just make the movie but instead of using the character's real names he would just take away the last letter of their names. Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty part...

What is the difference between batman and a blackman

batman can go to the store without robin

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar

Followed by Batman.

Why is Batman so good at hitting home runs?

He has a batting cage.

Batman was my tour guide in Antarctica.

“What can we even find around here?”

“Justice.”

What is a snow shaped batman made of?

Just-ice

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

What did Batman put in Mr. Freeze's drink?

Just ice.

Do you know the reason all the bat boys in major league baseball are replaced when they turn 18?

Because otherwise you'd have to call him Batman.

Batman order a drink. Waiter asks, "Pepsi or Coke?"

Batman responds, "Just ice."

Batman in school

When Bruce was still a kid and was in school, one day a teacher announced  “Listen, children. We’re going to play a game called ‘Three Questions’. When I come to you, I want you to answer these three questions. What’s your name? What’s your dad’s name? What does Dad do for a living?”

When she...

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

Three men suddenly become aware they are in the set up to a joke. The first man says something clever. The second does something stupid. The third tries to kill Batman.

I guess we know who the real joker is...

What does Batman put in his scotch?

Justice.

Occam's Razor?

Is that a weapon you'd find in that one Batman game?

Batman to Alfred

B: Alfred, why batremote for batTV is not working?

A: Have you changed bateries sir?

B: ...

B: What are eries?

I live my life based on the words of Batman:

“I’ll get drive thru.”

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

A man goes to Blockbuster and starts looking at films

He goes through different genres until he stops at superheroes and ask to the shop assistant:

\- Could I rent "Batman Forever"?

And the shop assistant replies:

\- No, Batman returns always to the shop

What tea does Batman drink?

**Vigilan-tea**

I’ll excuse myself now.

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”

“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman!...

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