COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman

Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.

Joker to Batman: "Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?"

"Yeah sure."

Joker: "Ok, parental love".

Batman: "I don't get it.."

"exactly."

My 10 year old Son just came up with this one and I couldn't be more proud: What's Batman's favourite fruit?

A Banananananananananananananananana

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the awards and kind words! Just to clarify:

* Yes, he does know the 60's batman theme. My partner loves campy batman so it was inevitable. [The Simpsons](https://youtu.be/TQepz5rsS6E?t=88) also made sure of that.
* Gi...

Batman wlked into a bar...

he got kicked out cause his mask didn't cover his mouth

One time I went to Blockbusters and asked if I could rent Batman Forever...

The man at the counter said, “NO! You can only rent it for the week”!

Why does Batman only wear dark colors?

Easy. Batman doesn’t want to get shot.

Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy. Batman doesn’t want to get shot

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

How come Batman shampoo exists...

But not Conditioner Gorder?

Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

Do you want to hear my Batman impression?

- Sure
- "Oh no, Kryptonite!"
- That's superman
- Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot

Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

What do you call it when Batman leaves church forever?

Christian Bale

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

What did Hollywood say when they made another Batman movie?

Done another-nother-nother-done-another-nother-nother...Batman!

Robin told batman that the batmobile stopped working

Batman: check the battery

Robin: who is tery?

What are Batman's insurance policies called as?

Dark Knight Returns

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

When he's in the bathtub, Batman uses Bat-shower gel to clean his body, Bat-pumice on his feet and Bat-shampoo to wash his hair.

But to keep his hair smooth and silky he uses Conditioner Gordon

Batman is so scary, even bullets are afraid to hit him.

That's why they aimed for his parents.

Batman : You idiot Robin. You don't have to pee in the hall. There is a bathroom you stupid.

Robin : Sorry. What is a hroom.?

What do you call Batman and Robin after they get run over by a steamroller?

Flatman and Ribbon.

My friend said I'm starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman.

What a joker!

What do you call Batman when he is injured?

Bruised Wayne

In which South African city was Batman originally from?

Capetown

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has actually been confirmed in a recent Batman comic that Robin's dick has no color at all.

Dick gray, son!

What happens when Batman meets Catwoman?

The Dark Knight Rises

Wonder Woman walks in on Batman and Robin's training session

Batman asks "Have I ever shown you how to do a side-kick?"

Wonder Woman shouts "BATMAN! THAT IS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL!!"

Why does Batman not kill his villains?

Because he’s not a cop

Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?

So cops can see that he's white

Batman party

Teenaged son: dad I want to have a Batman party with my friends

Dad: aren’t you a bit old for a theme party ?

Teenaged son: no. The theme is, No Parents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Batman put in his cocktail?

Just ice

Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman’s family reunion?

Because it was a Wayne-y day.

They've announced who will be playing the lead in the new Blind Batman film.

It's Christian Braille

Batman walks into a room which alfred is ìn, late at night.

"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room.
Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"

Why doesn’t Batman have super vision?

Because his parents died

Batman gets a call from Robin, who was having trouble with the car

"Batman, I can't get the Batmobile to start! I turn the Batkey, press the Batpedal, but nothing!"

Batman thinks a moment before asking "Did you check the battery?"

There are a few seconds of silence before Robin asks "What's a tery?"

[Batman's parents return after 40 years]

Surprise!!

Wait... WTF are you wearing?!

Batman is the Covid Vigilante

Given:
a) He covers his entire body except his mouth and nostrils
b) He’s a bat

Therefore:
He may be a superspreader.

What is batmans favorite fruit?

BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA

What is Batman’s least favorite food?

A: Chinese takeout

So many weird stuff on the internet these days

Makes me think if corona virus was just a 'you are what you eat' by a Batman fan.

Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says

"No swimming without supervision."

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors

Carole Baskin And Robin's

Batman has designed a tuxedo version of his crime fighting costume so he can attend formal occasions.

It's a class action suit.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Batman and robin after a party

When both of them get to the batmobile,
Batman tells robin that he is too drunk to drive. Robin, says fine I'll drive..

Robin gets sets and starts driving. Before he gets in the highway heading to cave he shifts gears back and forward, stopping at a few lights then ,In the highway he c...

What did Batman show the Joker when he dropped his batpants?

Deez batnutz.

GOTHAM!

What tea does Batman drink?

**Vigilan-tea**

I’ll excuse myself now.

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

Who was the first superhero to get Covid?

Batman

Batman’s mask

Is worthless against the COVID.

How does Batman take care of Poison Ivy?

Ointment.

A very drunk guy starts beating up a nun on the street

He throws kicks, uppercuts, regular punches, even some drunk karate moves.



Once he is exhausted he steps back and says "You disappoint me, Batman"

Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth?

Because *littering* is a crime.

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

I always found the idea of Batman to be laughable.

But just in case, I shot the kid too.

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

What’s the reason batman has a gap in his mask

So that cops know he's white

The Joker finally captured Batman

The Joker: Say something funny, or die!

Batman: No you.

The Joker: I... you... how... *laughs hysterically*

Batman: That wasn't funny.

The Joker: *commits suicide*

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

How long does it take Batman to change a lightbulb?

Depends. How much prep time does he get?

-I made a statue of Batman.

-What did you make it of?

-Just-ice.

Batman's dad's new name will be John in a retcon

He will be played by The Wayne, John's Son

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

Batman is having a good month

Supercriminals: "Okay! I'll go quietly! Just don't cough on me!"

Have you heard of Batman's brother, High-Hatman?

He's a cymbal of justice.

Why is Batman so good at hitting home runs?

He has a batting cage.

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

Batman to Alfred

B: Alfred, why batremote for batTV is not working?

A: Have you changed bateries sir?

B: ...

B: What are eries?

Why does Batman's mask hide only half his face?

So that the cops can see he's white and not shoot him on sight.

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