COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman

Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.

Joker to Batman: "Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?"

"Yeah sure."

Joker: "Ok, parental love".

Batman: "I don't get it.."

"exactly."

Robin said to Batman...

"Batman, why do you wear dark colors?"

"Easy Robin, it makes me less likely to be shot"

"Then why do I wear bright colors?"

"It also makes me less likely to be shot."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son told me that he wanted to be Batman when he grows up.

The little shit wants me to be gunned down in an alley.

What's it called when Batman forgets to pay the electric bill?

A dark night.

My 10 year old Son just came up with this one and I couldn't be more proud: What's Batman's favourite fruit?

A Banananananananananananananananana

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the awards and kind words! Just to clarify:

* Yes, he does know the 60's batman theme. My partner loves campy batman so it was inevitable. [The Simpsons](https://youtu.be/TQepz5rsS6E?t=88) also made sure of that.
* Gi...

Batman wlked into a bar...

he got kicked out cause his mask didn't cover his mouth

Why did Batman break up with Catwoman?

He didn’t like getting hair balls.

The end of world was coming and all the heroes were assembling together to form an alliance and protect their world. They all saw Batman hadn't joined. So, Superman went to meet him...

Superman: Why aren't you joining our alliance and protecting our world? It's your responsibility as a hero.

Batman: With no powers, comes no responsiblity

What do you call atheist Batman?

Christian Bale.

Why is Batman a bad bartender?

He serves justICE!!

I've just spotted the new Batman shampoo for sale.

Although I feel they're missing a real opportunity by not producing a conditioner Gordon.

What do you call Batman after he has been beaten up?

Bruised Wayne

What happened to Batman and Robin when a herd of elephants trampled over them ?

They became Flatman and Ribbon...

One time I went to Blockbusters and asked if I could rent Batman Forever...

The man at the counter said, “NO! You can only rent it for the week”!

What did Batman say when he had to pee?

"To the batroom!"

A man enters a Blockbuster and asks “I want to rent Batman Forever”

The clerk replies: “I’m sorry but you must return it tomorrow”

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

What did Batman ordered at the restaurant?

Goat ham

Batman bought a French restaurant

"The Creped Crusader"

I heard Batman recently became an atheist.

Christian Bail.

What did Batman say to Robin before getting into the Batmobile?

"Robin, get in the Batmobile"

My Boyfriend said I’m starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman….

What a joker!!!

Batman goes to a party

To his surprise, he sees that the Joker is there too.

"He must be up to something," he thinks.

And so he sneaks up behind him, knocks him out, and puts him in a back room.

When walks out, he sees the Joker again.

"How did he recover so quickly?"

Once again he kno...

You can get Batman shampoo at walmart

But not conditioner Gordon :(

If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?

Inspector Gadget

What do you call a bunch of kids all dressed up as batman?

Halloween at the orphanage.

Why doesn’t Batman have super vision?

Cause his Parents died

What are Batman's insurance policies called as?

Dark Knight Returns

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

What happens when Batman meets Catwoman?

The Dark Knight Rises

What kind of car does the Russian Batman drive?

A Blyatmobile!

The Reason Batman Does Not Cover His Whole Face is

Because He Needs The Police to Know That He Is White.

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the ...

'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

‘Sure.’

‘Oh no! Kryptonite!’

‘That’s Superman.’

‘Thanks man. I’ve been practicing.’

Went to Blockbuster and asked if I could rent Batman Forever.

The best they could do was 3 days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did The Penguin say when he walked in on Batman masturbating?

“Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank!”

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed...

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

Your Parents when you move out ;)

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

What did Hollywood say when they made another Batman movie?

Done another-nother-nother-done-another-nother-nother...Batman!

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has actually been confirmed in a recent Batman comic that Robin's dick has no color at all.

Dick gray, son!

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

If batman didn't fight crime, he would have opened a vineyard...

... Because he brews wine.

(Sorry)

Batman is so scary, even bullets are afraid to hit him.

That's why they aimed for his parents.

What do Batman and Alf have in common?

They both eat cats.

Batman does not like stealing or cheating….

I’m pretty certain he also doesn’t like Robin

When he's in the bathtub, Batman uses Bat-shower gel to clean his body, Bat-pumice on his feet and Bat-shampoo to wash his hair.

But to keep his hair smooth and silky he uses Conditioner Gordon

Batman walks into a room which alfred is ìn, late at night.

"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room.
Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"

They've announced who will be playing the lead in the new Blind Batman film.

It's Christian Braille

What tea does Batman drink?

**Vigilan-tea**

I’ll excuse myself now.

Batman : You idiot Robin. You don't have to pee in the hall. There is a bathroom you stupid.

Robin : Sorry. What is a hroom.?

Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Robin: "Batman, the batmobile doesn't work. "

Batman: "Robin, did you check the battery?"
Robin: "Batman, what the fuck is a tery?"

Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says

"No swimming without supervision."

Batman gets a call from Robin, who was having trouble with the car

"Batman, I can't get the Batmobile to start! I turn the Batkey, press the Batpedal, but nothing!"

Batman thinks a moment before asking "Did you check the battery?"

There are a few seconds of silence before Robin asks "What's a tery?"

Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman’s family reunion?

Because it was a Wayne-y day.

Batman party

Teenaged son: dad I want to have a Batman party with my friends

Dad: aren’t you a bit old for a theme party ?

Teenaged son: no. The theme is, No Parents.

As an actor, you either die,

Or live long enought to play Batman.

In which South African city was Batman originally from?

Capetown

[Batman's parents return after 40 years]

Surprise!!

Wait... WTF are you wearing?!

What is Batman’s least favorite food?

A: Chinese takeout

What does Batman says to Superman's deez nuts joke?

GOTHAM!

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors

Carole Baskin And Robin's

Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth?

Because *littering* is a crime.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Why does Batman not kill his villains?

Because he’s not a cop

Batman’s mask

Is worthless against the COVID.

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up

Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Batman

How come when batman dons a suit of armor and beats up mentally ill clowns its "Heroic" but when I do it I'm "Committing manslaughter" and I'm "Not allowed in McDonalds again’? Its bullshit!

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

-I made a statue of Batman.

-What did you make it of?

-Just-ice.

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

What’s the reason batman has a gap in his mask

So that cops know he's white

The Joker finally captured Batman

The Joker: Say something funny, or die!

Batman: No you.

The Joker: I... you... how... *laughs hysterically*

Batman: That wasn't funny.

The Joker: *commits suicide*

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