COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman

Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.

Why does Batman only wear dark colors?

Easy. Batman doesn’t want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?

Easy.

Batman doesn’t want to get shot

Batman wlked into a bar...

he got kicked out cause his mask didn't cover his mouth

How come Batman shampoo exists...

But not Conditioner Gorder?

My 10 year old Son just came up with this one and I couldn't be more proud: What's Batman's favourite fruit?

A Banananananananananananananananana

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the awards and kind words! Just to clarify:

* Yes, he does know the 60's batman theme. My partner loves campy batman so it was inevitable. [The Simpsons](https://youtu.be/TQepz5rsS6E?t=88) also made sure of that.
* Gi...

One time I went to Blockbusters and asked if I could rent Batman Forever...

The man at the counter said, “NO! You can only rent it for the week”!

What's it called when Batman forgets to pay the electric bill?

A dark night.

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

Why doesn’t Batman have super vision?

Because his parents died

In which South African city was Batman originally from?

Capetown

What are Batman's insurance policies called as?

Dark Knight Returns

Joker to Batman: "Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?"

"Yeah sure."

Joker: "Ok, parental love".

Batman: "I don't get it.."

"exactly."

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

What do you call it when Batman leaves church forever?

Christian Bale

What do you call Batman and Robin after they get run over by a steamroller?

Flatman and Ribbon.

My friend said I'm starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman.

What a joker!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Batman put in his cocktail?

Just ice

Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?

So cops can see that he's white

Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman’s family reunion?

Because it was a Wayne-y day.

They've announced who will be playing the lead in the new Blind Batman film.

It's Christian Braille

What did Hollywood say when they made another Batman movie?

Done another-nother-nother-done-another-nother-nother...Batman!

Robin told batman that the batmobile stopped working

Batman: check the battery

Robin: who is tery?

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It has actually been confirmed in a recent Batman comic that Robin's dick has no color at all.

Dick gray, son!

What is Batman’s least favorite food?

A: Chinese takeout

What do you call Batman when he is injured?

Bruised Wayne

What does Batman says to Superman's deez nuts joke?

GOTHAM!

What happens when Batman meets Catwoman?

The Dark Knight Rises

Wonder Woman walks in on Batman and Robin's training session

Batman asks "Have I ever shown you how to do a side-kick?"

Wonder Woman shouts "BATMAN! THAT IS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL!!"

Dad to his son: “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?!”

Son: “Go on, then.”


Dad growls: “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”


Son: “Dad, that’s Superman!”


Dad: “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

Batman walks into a room which alfred is ìn, late at night.

"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room.
Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"

[Batman's parents return after 40 years]

Surprise!!

Wait... WTF are you wearing?!

What is batmans favorite fruit?

BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a DC villain that stole Batman's porn?

The jerker

Lex Luthor invents a device that affects Superman's hearing

This way his crime-fighting abilities would be severely limited.

One Metropolis resident anxiously screams: "Help, Superman! They're robbing a bank!"

"Who's stopping a prank?", replies Superman, confused.

Another one begs: "Please help, Superman! Someone stole my car!"

"T...

Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says

"No swimming without supervision."

What’s the reason batman has a gap in his mask

So that cops know he's white

A very drunk guy starts beating up a nun on the street

He throws kicks, uppercuts, regular punches, even some drunk karate moves.



Once he is exhausted he steps back and says "You disappoint me, Batman"

Where does Swiss cheese come from, Robin?

Robin: Holey cows, Batman!

Robin: Where are you, Batman?

Batman: on my way, was in the bathroom

Robin: what's a hroom?

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors

Carole Baskin And Robin's

Batman is the Covid Vigilante

Given:
a) He covers his entire body except his mouth and nostrils
b) He’s a bat

Therefore:
He may be a superspreader.

Batman’s mask

Is worthless against the COVID.

Batman has designed a tuxedo version of his crime fighting costume so he can attend formal occasions.

It's a class action suit.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Batman gets a call from Robin, who was having trouble with the car

"Batman, I can't get the Batmobile to start! I turn the Batkey, press the Batpedal, but nothing!"

Batman thinks a moment before asking "Did you check the battery?"

There are a few seconds of silence before Robin asks "What's a tery?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy starts kindergarten

The teacher tells the class, “Tomorrow, I want all of you to be able to tell me the first four letters of the alphabet.”

So the boy goes home and approaches his mother in the kitchen, and asks, “What’s the first letter of the alphabet?” His mother glares at him and says, “Shut up, I’m on the ...

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

What did Batman show the Joker when he dropped his batpants?

Deez batnutz.

GOTHAM!

What tea does Batman drink?

**Vigilan-tea**

I’ll excuse myself now.

How does Batman take care of Poison Ivy?

Ointment.

I went out late at night to call my cat.

And now I really regret naming him Batman. The neighbors are looking concerned.

BRUCE WAYNE: I won't do it

**ALFRED:** Sir, you have to sing along or it'll look suspicious

**CHOIR:** *Jingle bells...*

**BRUCE: [choking back tears]** ...Batman smells

I always found the idea of Batman to be laughable.

But just in case, I shot the kid too.

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

The Joker finally captured Batman

The Joker: Say something funny, or die!

Batman: No you.

The Joker: I... you... how... *laughs hysterically*

Batman: That wasn't funny.

The Joker: *commits suicide*

How long does it take Batman to change a lightbulb?

Depends. How much prep time does he get?

Batman and robin after a party

When both of them get to the batmobile,
Batman tells robin that he is too drunk to drive. Robin, says fine I'll drive..

Robin gets sets and starts driving. Before he gets in the highway heading to cave he shifts gears back and forward, stopping at a few lights then ,In the highway he c...

-I made a statue of Batman.

-What did you make it of?

-Just-ice.

Why there are no villains in Batman's city?

Because he Gotham...

What does batman like to snack on?

Just-ice

Why does Batman's mask hide only half his face?

So that the cops can see he's white and not shoot him on sight.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

Batman is having a good month

Supercriminals: "Okay! I'll go quietly! Just don't cough on me!"

Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth?

Because *littering* is a crime.

Batman's dad's new name will be John in a retcon

He will be played by The Wayne, John's Son

Robin: "Holy disappointment Batman, the TV remote doesn't work!"

Batman: "Have you checked the batteries?"

Robin: "What are teries?"

The Joker says to Batman: Have you seen Noe ?

He asks: Who's Noe ?

The Joker replies: Noe Mama.

Batman was my tour guide in Antarctica.

“What can we even find around here?”

“Justice.”

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

Have you heard of Batman's brother, High-Hatman?

He's a cymbal of justice.

Why is Batman so good at hitting home runs?

He has a batting cage.

Batman to Alfred

B: Alfred, why batremote for batTV is not working?

A: Have you changed bateries sir?

B: ...

B: What are eries?

What did the Joker say when he was on top of Batman?

"Joke's on you, Batman"

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

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