COVID is bringing everyone a little closer to being Batman

Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.

Joker to Batman: "Hey Batman, wanna hear a joke?"

"Yeah sure."

Joker: "Ok, parental love".

Batman: "I don't get it.."

"exactly."

My 10 year old Son just came up with this one and I couldn't be more proud: What's Batman's favourite fruit?

A Banananananananananananananananana

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the awards and kind words! Just to clarify:

* Yes, he does know the 60's batman theme. My partner loves campy batman so it was inevitable. [The Simpsons](https://youtu.be/TQepz5rsS6E?t=88) also made sure of that.
* Gi...

Batman wlked into a bar...

he got kicked out cause his mask didn't cover his mouth

What's it called when Batman forgets to pay the electric bill?

A dark night.

One time I went to Blockbusters and asked if I could rent Batman Forever...

The man at the counter said, “NO! You can only rent it for the week”!

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale

If batman didn't fight crime, he would have opened a vineyard...

... Because he brews wine.

(Sorry)

Why doesn't Batman cover lower part of his face?

He is vaccinated.

My Boyfriend said I’m starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman….

What a joker!!!

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

How come Batman shampoo exists...

But not Conditioner Gorder?

Why does Batman just wear dark colors?

Easy. Batman doesn’t want to get shot.

Why does Robin just wear bright colors?

Easy. Batman doesn’t want to get shot

What do you call Batman when he is hurt?

Bruised Wayne

'Wanna hear my Batman impression?"

‘Sure.’

‘Oh no! Kryptonite!’

‘That’s Superman.’

‘Thanks man. I’ve been practicing.’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my penis Batman

Because the Dark Knight Rises.

What do you call a bunch of kids all dressed up as batman?

Halloween at the orphanage.

Batman: "It's been a long day."

Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

What happened to Batman and Robin when a herd of elephants trampled over them ?

They became Flatman and Ribbon...

If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?

Inspector Gadget

What did Hollywood say when they made another Batman movie?

Done another-nother-nother-done-another-nother-nother...Batman!

Robin told batman that the batmobile stopped working

Batman: check the battery

Robin: who is tery?

What are Batman's insurance policies called as?

Dark Knight Returns

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did The Penguin say when he walked in on Batman masturbating?

“Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank!”

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed...

Why doesn’t Batman have super vision?

Cause his Parents died

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

Your Parents when you move out ;)

What do Batman and Alf have in common?

They both eat cats.

Batman invited all the superheros to an evening discussing bitcoin investments

Superman didn't go because it was a crypto-night.

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

Wonder Woman walks in on Batman and Robin's training session

Batman asks "Have I ever shown you how to do a side-kick?"

Wonder Woman shouts "BATMAN! THAT IS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL!!"

Batman is so scary, even bullets are afraid to hit him.

That's why they aimed for his parents.

Batman : You idiot Robin. You don't have to pee in the hall. There is a bathroom you stupid.

Robin : Sorry. What is a hroom.?

Batman does not like stealing or cheating….

I’m pretty certain he also doesn’t like Robin

Batman party

Teenaged son: dad I want to have a Batman party with my friends

Dad: aren’t you a bit old for a theme party ?

Teenaged son: no. The theme is, No Parents.

They've announced who will be playing the lead in the new Blind Batman film.

It's Christian Braille

Batman walks into a room which alfred is ìn, late at night.

"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room.
Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"

In which South African city was Batman originally from?

Capetown

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a DC villain that stole Batman's porn?

The jerker

If Batman and Superman had a baby, what would it be?

Adopted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Batman put in his cocktail?

Just ice

Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman’s family reunion?

Because it was a Wayne-y day.

Some girl

Some girl asked me if she was wearing too much make up.

I told her it depends on if she was trying to kill batman.

Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says

"No swimming without supervision."

Batman gets a call from Robin, who was having trouble with the car

"Batman, I can't get the Batmobile to start! I turn the Batkey, press the Batpedal, but nothing!"

Batman thinks a moment before asking "Did you check the battery?"

There are a few seconds of silence before Robin asks "What's a tery?"

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

[Batman's parents return after 40 years]

Surprise!!

Wait... WTF are you wearing?!

Batman is the Covid Vigilante

Given:
a) He covers his entire body except his mouth and nostrils
b) He’s a bat

Therefore:
He may be a superspreader.

Why does Batman not kill his villains?

Because he’s not a cop

What is Batman’s least favorite food?

A: Chinese takeout

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!" Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

What tea does Batman drink?

**Vigilan-tea**

I’ll excuse myself now.

Is Superman a blood?

Because Batman took him down with a crip tonight

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors

Carole Baskin And Robin's

Batman has designed a tuxedo version of his crime fighting costume so he can attend formal occasions.

It's a class action suit.

Batman and robin after a party

When both of them get to the batmobile,
Batman tells robin that he is too drunk to drive. Robin, says fine I'll drive..

Robin gets sets and starts driving. Before he gets in the highway heading to cave he shifts gears back and forward, stopping at a few lights then ,In the highway he c...

Why did the Penguin get away with robbing the Gotham City Central Bank?

Because Batman doesn’t go downtown.

Batman’s mask

Is worthless against the COVID.

How does Batman take care of Poison Ivy?

Ointment.

Why did Batman turn Catwoman into the police after she gave birth?

Because *littering* is a crime.

I know my friend loves my Batman impressions, but that doesn't mean he has to compliment me all the time.

Every single time I say "I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and the American way," he says, "That's super, man!"

-I made a statue of Batman.

-What did you make it of?

-Just-ice.

How long does it take Batman to change a lightbulb?

Depends. How much prep time does he get?

I always found the idea of Batman to be laughable.

But just in case, I shot the kid too.

What’s the reason batman has a gap in his mask

So that cops know he's white

The Joker finally captured Batman

The Joker: Say something funny, or die!

Batman: No you.

The Joker: I... you... how... *laughs hysterically*

Batman: That wasn't funny.

The Joker: *commits suicide*

So many weird stuff on the internet these days

Makes me think if corona virus was just a 'you are what you eat' by a Batman fan.

Batman and Robin siting in a tree ...

... Looking nonchalant OMG!

Batman's dad's new name will be John in a retcon

He will be played by The Wayne, John's Son

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up

Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

Batman Impression

Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."

"Go on then" the second one says.

"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"

The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"

"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

Batman is having a good month

Supercriminals: "Okay! I'll go quietly! Just don't cough on me!"

Why does Batman's mask hide only half his face?

So that the cops can see he's white and not shoot him on sight.

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