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A Boob, a Vagina and an Asshole are debating

Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the

opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest.

Vagina: That's nothing.

I give birth to babies, and can accommodate the opposite sex.

That's why I'm the greatest.

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So the Pope goes down into a deep vault below the Vatican, where they keep the most ancient sacred texts.

Scholarly Priests spend decades examining these handwritten scrolls for translation errors. The Pope finds one of them hard at work and asks if he has found anything.


"Why yes, your Excellency. Look here, where we have always thought it said 'smite', but there's an 'R' there, it clea...

I thought I was losing my eyesight while scrolling Reddit in the middle of the night.

Apparently there are a lot of blurry images if you're sorted by New in All at 3 in the am.

Yo mama so fat

scroll down

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Been a year of lifeless scrolling on reddit so here's a classic to celebrate it : )

The priest in a small village loved the rooster he kept in the house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the bird and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the...

I got a bit bored on a long highway drive and started scrolling through the various voice choices on my GPS.

There was a USA accent, a French accent and even an Australian accent. Then I noticed "Wife mode". So I selected it, and nothing seemed to happen, until about 10 miles later the GPS said,

"So, if I died, would you get a new GPS?""

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Dave comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note 'Off to the grocery store'. He hasn't been 'getting any' so he decides that this is his chance. He turns on the computer and starts scrolling through PornHub.

He starts to masturbate and before long he's about to climax. All of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the best blowjob of his life. Then, without a word, she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen.

The guy is sitting there stunned and amazed a...

What do you call an app that delivers drugs to you, whenever you need it?

Instagram.





I just thought of this while scrolling Reddit and i just had to post it

If Steve Jobs could see what Apple has become today...

He’d be scrolling in his grave!

I scrolled through 10 puns to see if they could make me laugh

No pun intended

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Scroll to the end

Monday: Greg

Tuesday: Ian

Wednesday: Greg

Thursday: Ian

Friday: Greg

Saturday: Ian

Sunday: Greg

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The Gregorian calendar

If you're looking for new Elder Scrolls Online DLC

Look Elsweyr

I'm sorry

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

A teen goes to a party one day.

He dances for a bit, then he decides to get some punch but sees the line is long so he goes back to dancing. He enters the line but sees the line is still long. So, he dances some more, grabs some food, and scrolls through social media. Eventually he enters the line again. Finally he says: "This pun...

Side scrolling games on pc are all the same...

... kind of d-pressing

While scrolling through the front page of Reddit, I came across the most annoying thread ever.

It was coming out of my favourite sweater that I was wearing.

How does an old man zoom in in Skyrim?

The elder scrolls

I would rather my boss scroll through my reddit feed than my girlfriend

But then again. The reason I'm on reddit is because I'm single and unemployed

What did the skeleton say while scrolling on reddit for 2 mins?

*"I have no life"*

Why do we scroll down in r/jokes?

To check for ripostes.

Scrolling through r/Jokes is always nice.

Reading each new post is like seeing a familiar friend.

Elder Scrolls Joke

Yo momma's so fat the dark brotherhood needs two contracts to get her

I dunno, seems like a joke to me

Never use poems in evil ways. Well I'm

gonna do exactly that. I might as well

give you the knowledge that

you will be pranked **hard**. So leave. Still reading? You don't give

up easily. You should've

never read this. Let me just tell you that you're

gonna h...

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog.

The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish...

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A woman went to a synagogue in Poland after the Holocaust to record the history that was nearly lost forever, where she found an unusual tradition she had never seen before.

At the synagogue, when they carried the Torah\*, they would bring it around to everyone who wanted to touch the Torah, which was normal. But when they brought the Torah down the center aisle, the carrier would get down on their knees and knee-walk all the way!

The woman had never heard of thi...

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A Western Omelet

A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminate...

Stop scrolling. You need to sleep.

(:

What flavor of chips do the citizens in the Elder Scrolls like the most?

Cyrodiill Pickle

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

The CEO of Reddit was bored

He decided to go on his own website to try to entertain himself. After hours of searching for a good subreddit he found one called r/jokes. He scrolled through a couple posts and he had one thing to say.

I Reddit

You can tell

How committed someone is

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A time traveler arrives in the year 2069 and decides to check in with Reddit to see if it's still around.

To his surprise it is. So he heads to /r/jokes to see what has developed in the world of humor.

To his surprise, each post consisted of just a number. Scrolling through, he saw that each vote had a hundreds of upvotes while 3527 had thousands and several awards to boot.

Puzzled, he ...

What did the frog say whilst scrolling down r/Jokes?

Reddit reddit

The kids next door challenged me to a waterfight

Just scrolling through Reddit as I wait for the kettle to boil.

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A priest enters a fish market.

When he asks what the man behind the counter recommends, the man brings out a large fish. "My goodness!" The priest exclaims. "That fish is huge!" "Yeah." The man replies. "It's a big son of a bitch." The priest says "Sir. Please mind your language." Thinking quickly, the man says "Oh. No. The name ...

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A redditor walks in to bar...

The bartender says, "what'll you have?"

"It's been so long since I've had a good laugh", replies the redditor. "I'll give you $100 if you can tell me a joke I haven't heard before."

"That sounds easy enough", replies the bartender.

"I should warn you", the redditor says, "I b...

"An Ode to Reddit," a poem by me.

We’ve all seen the joke that’s been goin' 'round Reddit,

The one with lame puns about “spreddit” and “shreddit.”

People assume that we’ll somehow forgeddit,

and then they repost it and act like they seddit.

We—the people—assume that they’ll eddit it,

find the origi...

What's the square root of 69????

8 something.





Havent seen this one and I've been scrolling for hours.

Parker seeks the help of International Rescue for something out of the ordinary...

"You have to help me, Mr. Tracy. It's Lady Penelope. She has gone crazy! "

"Gone crazy, Parker? What do you mean by that?"

"It's her drinking....She cannot restrain herself. Every evening for five months she's been in the bar, drinking heavily, disturbing everybody and being utterly un...

A boy wants to ask a girl to prom, and he really likes her so he goes all out...

He goes to the florist to buy some flowers, but the line is out the door. He thinks, "that's okay, she's worth it," and waits an hour in the flower line.

Next he goes to the candy store to get some really nice chocolates and again, the line is absurdly long. Again he thinks, "that's okay, I'...

Story with a moral

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

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I was hangin' with a couple of buddies

We got really toasted & for some reason we got on the subject of porn. Weird porn. Incest porn, furry porn. Just some kinks. One of my buds pulls up a weird incest/furry porn that was really unwatchable for me. We scrolled through some thumbnails and I said "stop, go back, that one." He clicked ...

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A horse is sitting at home bored on a Saturday afternoon... (long)

He decides its about time he gets into a new hobby, so he looks up the nearest guitar instructor, and gives him a call.

"Hey, can you teach me how to play guitar?"

The instructor replies, "well of course, its what they pay me for,"

"Well... there's just one problem," says the ...

What do call a Senior Citizen when they use a Computer?

Elder Scrolls

This sub is the most representative sub on this platform.

Cause after a minute of scrolling, you start muttering: Reddit, Reddit, Reddit...

How do you know when you are getting old?

When something asks for your age and you have to scroll more than twice.

For years I was searching for...

For years I was searching for the music of a korean show called 'Rep'. I searched all my life for that music. A good part of my life was attached to thaf show. But I cant find it. I lost all my hopes in it.

Now when I am near my death bed, some months ago I get used to reddit. What a womderfu...

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Oh, Little Johnny.....at it again

One day, about a week prior to his birthday, Little Johnny’s dad asks, “Johnny, I know your birthday is coming up, and your mother and I really want it to be a good one, but with your mother losing her job recently, and the fact that we have a $280,000 mortgage, we may not be able to spend too much....

My girlfriend told me I was one in a million....

Then I scrolled through her text messages and she was right.

The Wong Brothers

In ancient China lived the Wong brothers, three wise men who studied the arts of magic. Wong Wan could create beautiful tapestries with the tiniest bit of thread, and Wong Tsu could miraculously make crops grow in barren soil. Wong Lee, however, was much more sinister than his brothers. His magic co...

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

My wife told me to chill with the dinosaur jokes.

I told her Jurassicing a lot of me.

Yes it is terrible, yes I am a dad and yes ill stop scrolling and go to bed now. Salam my friends.

A Sliced Dairy Product

There was once a man named Ani. Ani was a long-time comedian. He had been running both a YouTube and a Twitter account for an entire decade, and did stand-up in bars and comedy clubs. Everywhere he went, he was showered with praise for his originality and dedication. On one 17th of August, however, ...

What's it called when one of your parents is browsing on their phone?

The Elder Scrolls

The ending of Avengers endgame:

A bunch of names scrolling across the screen.

Don Quixote to Reddit

1619 A.D:
Whenever someone laughed hysterically- "He is either Insane or he is reading Don Quixote".

2019 A.D:
Whenever someone laughs hysterically- "He is either Insane or he is scrolling through Reddit".

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Movie Quiz

Try this quick and easy test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out what movie is your favorite. It Really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 19 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how.

\- Pick a number from 1 to 9

\- Multiply by 3
...

If an old person looks through their Facebook timeline

You could say that the Elder Scrolls

A young monk arrives for work at a monastery

A young monk arrives for work at a monastery where scrolls are copied from prior scrolls by hand. After some time he noticed that they are copying from copies. Humbly he points out to the master monk that an error could be introduced and then copied and recopied via this process.



The...

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