Scroll down for some positive Brexit news!!

Scroll down for some positive Brexit news!!
.
.
.
.
.

Keep going...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

What, you didn't seriously expect to see some did you?

What do call a Senior Citizen when they use a Computer?

Elder Scrolls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who is the greatest?

A BOOB, a VAGINA and an ASSHOLE are debating as to who is the greatest of them all

BOOB: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest

VAGINA: that's nothing. I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I'm ...

Elder Scrolls Joke

Yo momma's so fat the dark brotherhood needs two contracts to get her

Why do we scroll down in r/jokes?

To check for ripostes.

I would rather my boss scroll through my reddit feed than my girlfriend

But then again. The reason I'm on reddit is because I'm single and unemployed

Story with a moral

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

Pete and Repost are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who's left?

Repost? If you insist...

A redditor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?"

"It's been so long since I've had a good laugh", replies the redditor. "I'll give you $100 if you can tell me a joke I haven't heard before."

"That sounds easy enough", replies th...

A young monk arrives for work at a monastery

A young monk arrives for work at a monastery where scrolls are copied from prior scrolls by hand. After some time he noticed that they are copying from copies. Humbly he points out to the master monk that an error could be introduced and then copied and recopied via this process.



The...

What flavor of chips do the citizens in the Elder Scrolls like the most?

Cyrodiill Pickle

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

The wishes conundrum...

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."



The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Movie Quiz

Try this quick and easy test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out what movie is your favorite. It Really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 19 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how.

\- Pick a number from 1 to 9

\- Multiply by 3
...

If an old person looks through their Facebook timeline

You could say that the Elder Scrolls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some reddit jokes are like porn videos

You click on the title and scroll just to see if it’s really as long as the title says

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's wife catches him watching porn

She gets hurt and angry and asks him why he needs that.

He says, "I'm sorry, but these cam girls do things you would never do, honey."

She says, "That's simply not true! You just didn't scroll down far enough."

The Wong Brothers

In ancient China lived the Wong brothers, three wise men who studied the arts of magic. Wong Wan could create beautiful tapestries with the tiniest bit of thread, and Wong Tsu could miraculously make crops grow in barren soil. Wong Lee, however, was much more sinister than his brothers. His magic co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes out for the night with his friends but forgets to bring his phone.

His wife, who's been suspicious of his faithfulness, decides to take the opportunity to go through his phone to make sure he's not talking to other women. She scrolls down through his contacts and stumbles upon a number named "Free Sex".

"That asshole, I knew he was cheating on me." She said....

Prom is near.

So prom is near.
A couple named Jacob and Scarlet have been dating for a few months and Jacob asks her if she wants to go to prom.

"Of course!" she says. "But I require three things first. A limo, flowers, and you must wear a tux."

"Okay" says Jacob.

He has procrastinated t...

This is my body, this is my blood and this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down....

... I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of peace with long hair. In Bethlehem city, born and raised, in the temple is where I spent most of my days. Prayin', blessin', readin' the scrolls, beside the Sea of Galilee and fishin' for souls, when a coupl...

3 Men standing in front of the gates of hell

Suddenly Satan appear in front of these three men and started reading the scroll he was holding.

You three have commited serious crimes during your life,

John, you have raped many womans

Michael, you have robbed many liquor stores.

And Jeff, you apparently smoke too m...

What is positive about beeing blonde?

You are allowed to park your car in the disabled spot




(Dont know if it have been done before, no energy to scroll through the endless thread)

The Pope dies and ascends into heaven. St Peter mets him at the Pearly Gates and welcomes him into the fold.

"Pope, welcome. We would love to make your stay here as comfortable as possible in return for your faithful service to the Lord during your time on earth. What could we do for you?"

The Pope replied "I spent my life studying the word of God, but it was always in the hand of man, and therefore...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is taking confessions...

in the confession booth, and he desperately needs to take a bathroom break, however the queue outside the booth of confessing sinners is building and he really doesn't want to delay any further.

Thankfully, with him is a young deacon in training, so the priest whispers to him,
"listen, I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I know everyone..." was on Bill's resume.

Was on Bill's resume when he applied for his new job. His manager, Dave, impressed by everything else made a comment.
Dave: "Surely, you dont know EVERYONE."
Bill retorts: " I do infact know everyone."
Dave asks smugly: "Even the President of the U.S.?"
Bill nonchalantly pulls out his ph...

Talking with your girlfriend is just like software installation EULA

you just scroll down waiting for it to finish and agree without understanding what it says

Two old friends meet in bar...

[translated from Turkish]

-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!

-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while


-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?

-Mais biensur !

-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the sam...

The curious monk

A monk in an ancient monastery is doing his daily work, transcribing and recopying the ancient scrolls and scriptures of his tradition that his predecessors wrote, which they copied from their ancestors texts and so on....

The curious monk begins to wonder if in the endless sequence of copyin...

3 nuns are at the pearly gates...

St Peter greets them saying "Sisters of the faith! I have some bad news. Due to the current state of the world, there is a lineup to get into heaven. But since you devoted your lives to the Lord, I have a special surprise for you! You all get to go back to Earth until we can get you in past the gate...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scientist, mathematician, and logician are in a car.

A scientist, mathematician, and logician are in the car. They crash and die. The three men appear in heaven on front of St. Peter and Satan. "Gentlemen," Satan began, "Now that Heaven is overcrowded, St. Peter has allowed to limit the amount of people entering. You may ask me a question; if I answer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So 3 men die and go to heaven...

So three men die and go heaven- a chemist, an idiot, and a mathematician.

When they get to the pearly gates of heaven, St. Peter is standing there, and says "Alright heaven is getting full, so to get into heaven, you have to ask me a question that I do not know the answer to.
The mathemat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hen Joke

Sorry if this is a retread, but I've always liked this one...

Dave comes home after a long night of drinking at his favorite bar. His wife is asleep, so he tiptoes into the dark bedroom, undresses, puts on his pajamas, and slips into bed beside her. Moments later, he becomes aware of a tall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

russian

A Russian woman married an Australian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Melbourne . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher an...

The pope arrives in heaven...

After decades of faithful service, the pope finally dies and ascends to heaven where he is greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter.

"Welcome! For living such a good life and serving God all these years, you're welcomed to heaven and may go anywhere and see anything your heart desires for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is hiring a girl at his bar

He is faced with three girls, but only one one will get the job.

He asks them what they would do is they found 20 dollars on the ground near the cash register.

1st girl: 'I'd pick it up and put it in the register.'

2nd girl: 'I'd pick it up, ask the manager of it was his THEN ...

Last Supper

Recently discovered scrolls reveal Jesus' words to his disciples at the Last Supper:

"If you guys want to be in the picture, you've got to get on this side of the table."

The Gorilla on the Roof

A woman keeps hearing loud thudding noises coming from her ceiling. She goes outside, looks up toward her roof, and sees a gorilla jumping up and down, banging on the roof. The woman goes back into her house, distraught about what to do. Deciding to look for help in the phone book, she opens the ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.