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Cured Jokes

A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...

The CPAP machine instantly cured my sleep apnea

Can’t sleep at all with that thing on my face.

Best name for cured meat convention in San Francisco...

... Bay Con.

What do you cal halal cured meats?

Salaami

A guy walks into a bar and says, “O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please.”

The bartender tells him, “I used to have a stutter too. Then one day, my wife gave me head, and from that point on I was cured!” The guy gets really excited and runs out the door without ever getting his beer.

The next day, the guy walks back into the bar and says, “O-o-one b-b-beer, p-plea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him

Finally, he was brought to an old physician. After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinalsthat he had some good news and some bad news.

The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was ha...

A new guy starts working at the local mental asylum.

After giving him some general indications, the director tells him to ask any question he may have.

-Yes, director, I have one. How do we know if a patient is cured and ready to leave the asylum?

-Well -says the director-, once per year, we gather some of them and ask them a question. I...

The butcher had over 20 types of cured cylindrical meat for sale.

I never sausage a selection.

A mathematician cured constipation.

How, you ask?

He worked it out with a pencil.

A man got cured of lycanthropy and defended his doctoral thesis on the same day.

Now he is looking for a post dog position

What do you give the mass murderer who cured cancer?

The no-bail prize

I found a way to make cured sausage halal for Muslims to eat.

I offered it to an Imam for testing. He takes a bite and says "Ah, Salami okay, yum!"

I picked up this thing that almost instantly cured my life long habit of picking scabs.

Herpes.

I cured a terrible case of nail biting.

I told him to become a plumber, he did and now he never bits his fingernails.

A doctor found a cure for muteness

Dr. Smith, a medical professional studying human vocals, found a cure to muteness.

He found out after dealing with a patient and an unlikely scenario happened.

He receives an award for medicine, and is invited to give a speech. He speaks about his life, inspiration, and discovery. He b...

In a parallel universe, mouse scientists just cured cancer!

But alas it only works in lab humans

I had the swine flu but they cured me...

Now I have bacon flu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why haven’t researchers cured sex addiction yet?

Their studies are fucked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After Jesus cured the blind man...

Do you think he gave up masterbation? Or did he go up to Jesus again later like "So, funny story..."

Where do you send your kid to be cured of ADD?

A concentration camp

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I cured my Alzheimer’s by wanking in the wind.

It’s all cumming back to me now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guys at a bar when he sees on TV that a doctor has cured cancer.

The man says "wow, that's amazing this will have so many effects on the medical and scientific fields. I wonder when they're gonna start using that drug to help those with cancer?" His friend next to him says "man I hope never" the man looks at him and says "why's that?" The friend replies saying "w...

An Irishman is diagnosed with incurable cancer.

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured, you'd best put your affairs in order."

O'Malley was shocked and sad...

I'm not saying cosmetic surgery cured my depression

But it definitely put a smile on my face.

I was cured of lycanthropy.

Now I'm a were-wolf.

What does a redditor call it when his ED has been cured?

A repost.

I used to have an addiction to ham.

But now I'm cured.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl with a nasal voice walks into a speech therapist's office to get herself "cured."

After going through the therapy, she starts getting hit on by guys who earlier bullied her. She starts having positive thoughts and dreams again. One day she dreams of having sex with her hot Biology teacher. The next day she stays in for office hours and ends up fucking him.

She starts getti...

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

An Engineer Decides He Wants To Make Some Easy Money.

He thinks to himself, and he decides he's going to set up a medical center in an abandoned corner store. After all, he's an intelligent man, how hard could it be? He puts a large sign on the front, promising to cure any illness for a five hundred dollars, and if he can't, the patient gets 1000 dolla...

I know why the Coronavirus will not become a serious threat and will be contained and cured

anything "Made in China" never works properly

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