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Let Loose Jokes

The Test

This joke was told to me 20 years ago by a friend of my Dad’s.

The President of the USA decides to run an exercise to test the effectiveness of the CIA, the FBI and the LAPD with a simple task - a bunny rabbit will be let loose in a designated forest and he will send in one agency at a time ...

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[NSFW] Thomas Edison is busy inventing in his basement, when his wife, Mary, goes to a friend's house to ask for her advice.

"Thomas just won't go down on me", Mary tells her friend.

"I'll let you in on a little secret", the friend replies, "If you want oral sex with Thomas, try coating your privates with something sweet tasting, it works for me!"

When Mary arrives home she checks in the cupboards and finds...

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Spot

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.


The problem develope...

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There is no arguing with cowboy logic.

The Sierra Club and the US Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the naturalists had a "more humane" solution. What ...

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NFSW A young man had made up his mind to become a lumberjack. So he takes all his tree falling equipment to a lumberjack camp in Quebec.

On his first day he does very well. Keeping up with the other lumberjacks all day.

When the evening meal came, he joined the circle sitting around the campfire, eating the standard
woodsmen's fare; beans & black coffee.

Around the middle of their meal one of the largest lumberj...

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… and he deserved it.

Hey, boys and girls, it’s Lee here with News from the Trenches, and as always, Ithank you all for subscribing to my podcast.

So I got some good news about my old pal, Barry! He finally dumped that gold digging witch he was dating!

For those of you just tuning in for the first time, B...

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What's a penguin?

A man is walking down the street and is really horny. He goes to the
first brothel he sees but only has five dollars, so they kick him out.

The man goes to the next one. But, since he only has five dollars,
he gets kicked out again.

So by this time, he's really super horny,...

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FIDO!

This guy was dating a woman and they decided to go back to her place. When he arrived he had really bad gas and noticed a dog laid underneath a chair. He thought to himself that if he sat in the chair he could blame his gas problems on the dog. He sat down and let out a little silent fart and that w...

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cold lips

There once was a young apprentice shepard learning the ropes of his job at an old remote farm in the mountains. The old shepard took the young apprentice under his wing. "Looky here rook, you're going to be staying alone for the night at the farm. We've had problems with the wolves before, but if th...

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Jeff was running late for a union meeting, and really needed to take a dump.

Finding the men's room clogged, he went up a floor in the auditorium, to find another bathroom. When he got up the stairs, he found a long hallway, leading to a door.

He opened the door, and found himself in a dimly lit attic.

His stomach gurgled, just as he spotted some light comin...

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An American was invited to a Royal dinner in England

He was placed to the left of a very old, very fat Grand Duchess, with an elderly English Baron sat on her right. During the soup course, the Duchess farted. The Englishman, taking chivalrous responsibility, said "I beg your pardon."

During the fish course, the Duchess farted again, louder tha...

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Melania is talking to Janet Yellen at a party...

They talk about the the improving economy, the Fed, whether quantitative easing really was a good idea, about how Janet will be retiring soon. They have a few drinks and Melania becomes less guarded. Janet asks Melania about the hand slap incident on the tarmac.

Melania: Donald can be such a ...

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Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, “I’m so pissed off!”

“What happened?” asked the bartender politely.

“See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window an...

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Man walks into a bar ( long)

A fellow walked into the bar,sat down and ordered a beer. Over the course of a few hours he continued to drink beer after beer.
The barman notices that the fellow never got up to go to the gents room. He continued to drink through the night until last call.
At this point, the barman was aston...

True Story

I was driving home with my 5 year old daughter tonight asking about her day.

"What did you learn at school today?", I asked.

"I don't remember.", she replied.

"Chicken lips?", I suggested

She immediately said, "Noooo."

I asked again. "Tuna hips?"

She let l...

Billy was very proud of his new car.

He was driving back home after striking a great deal with the salesman. As he neared the intersection, a grey Toyota crashed into his car at a high speed. He was furious, as he knew he had the right of way. He was about to let loose a barrage of four letter words at the other driver, when a gorge...

The Professor's Lecture

Professor Drobkin was about to lead a lecture in front of a large group of students and fellows at the University, and he was terribly nervous. He had never been very good at speaking in front of large audiences, so he'd practiced at home constantly with a set of notecards.

When he was summon...

A tourist came too close to the edge of the Grand Canyon

A tourist came too close to the edge of the Grand Canyon, lost his footing and
plunged over the side, clawing and scratching to save himself. After he went out of sight and just before he fell into space, he encountered a scrubby bush which he desperately grabbed with both hands. Filled with terr...

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[Long] Farts and Thanksgiving

John and Susan have been married for many years. Every morning as John woke up, he would let loose the loudest, most foul smelling fart you could imagine. Every morning, Susan would tell John that he was going to blow his guts out of his ass. John would just laugh and continue his morning routine...

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[Long] [NSFW] Three couples wanted to join a very strict church.

As they met with with the Membership Committee, the Lead Elder told them they could join if they passed a simple test of purity.

"All you need to do it abstain from sexual intercourse for six months," he said. "Do that and you are in."

Six months passed and the three couples returned t...

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My first joke post. nsfw. also long read.

so a japanese man living in the u.s. hires a hooker.

right before they get into it, the hooker asks the man a question:
"are you Japanese or Chinese?"
Confused and bewildered the man says
"Why do you need to know that?"
the woman replies
"Well I heard that Chinese men are grea...

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Pissing on the bar

A guy is hanging out at a bar late one night. He walks up to the bartender and says, "I can piss father and more accurately than anyone in the world. I bet you $100 that I can piss into a glass you put at the other end of the bar without spilling a drop." The bartender looks at him skeptically, but ...

A Jewish man traveled to a small mountain island

He was greeted at the harbor by a friendly resident who took him on a tour of the town. As they were walking, they heard a squeal and saw a small furry creature falling down the mountain, tumbling past them before rolling to a stop. The Jewish man looked on in astonishment at this exotic creature. <...

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