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A man is overweight

A man is overweight, so he looks on the internet for weight loss programs. He is scrolling through the internet, when he finds an ad: “We guarantee you will lose weight or your money back” It said. He clicks on it, and it purchases a 5-pound weight loss program. Two hours later, a beautiful woman sh...

Where do ancient Greek philosophers keep their wooly foot warmers?

Sock-crates.

At the Supermarket

Just saw a bloke in the supermarket buying 5 crates of San Miguel, 8 frozen paella and sombrero... I thought to myself Hispanic buying

With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase 3 crates of San Miguel, 2 bottles of tequila, 6 bags of paella and a sombrero.

I think hispanic buying.

Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10...

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Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

Thousands of crates of moisturizer were reported stolen today

... Police looking for a smooth criminal

Thieves stole 30 crates of red bull from our local supermarket

I don’t know how they sleep at night

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When ...

A classic Russian joke...

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:

The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home...

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Three thieves enter a warehouse full of crates...

Three thieves enter a warehouse full of crates, just as they were being chased by policemen who chanced upon them breaking into a jewelry shop. Now, the warehouse was for various farm produce, and sounds of farm animals still alive in the crates could be heard from some of them.

The first of ...

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Mutiny on the high seas!

Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking across the channel 300 crates of potatoes which were shaped like male appendages, and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a ...

Did you hear about the snail who used to be shipped around the world in wooden crates?

He was ex-cargo.

I've just got back from Tesco...

I've just got back from Tesco and I've seen a guy buying four crates of San Miguel, five paella’s and three sombreros and I thought to myself...


...Hispanic buying

Construction

A construction worker falls off a building and dies. His boss instructs the apprentice to go to his wife and tell her the sad news.

After an hour the apprentice comes back with 2 beer crates. His boss is furious:

„I didn’t tell you to buy beer, I told you to inform Mrs Smith that her h...

Greek Philosopher Gets A Suit

A Greek Philosopher walks into a tailor's office and asks for 300 suits to be delivered to him.


The tailor offers some proposals: "I can send those in plastic bags, or I could even send those in parcels."


The Greek philosopher replies : "no, no, no I would like them to be deliv...

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

The New Market on the Corner

A new market opened up in Bill's neighborhood, so he decided to go down and see what they had for sale.

Inside appeared to be different produce stands, but, strangely, all he saw were bakery stuffs on the shelves. One was covered in pies and labeled "Pineapple Pies - $2/lb." Another was cover...

What is a doctor’s favorite type of animal container?

Hippo crates

Man dies on a building site

The other builders gather around and discuss who should be the one to go and break it John's (dead guy) wife.

One volunteers, saying he is "good with this sensitive stuff".

A short while later he returns with 2 crates of beer.

"Where'd you get them", asks one of the builders...

A military crew in a submarine just won a major battle

A military crew in a submarine just won a major battle, and they rescued a captured civilian from the boat they fought. To celebrate their success, the crew decided to have a small party with whatever food and drinks they had on hand.

The crew set up multiple crates to act as tables, and ever...

So, a three guys are working with imported meats

The team gets three crates. One of French steaks, but the best before was yesterday. One of English pork ribs: best before a week ago. And one of Germain snags: best before a month ago. They draw straws to work out who has to deal with which meats. The longest straw gets the steak crate, the middle ...

Kurg Industries' Story

Kurg Industries was a famed company well-known for producing the highest-quality containers, be it lunchboxes, cardboard packaging or shipping crates.

One Christmas season, they decided to create a new, exclusive and especially high-quality crate to sell off at an auction. Many came to see an...

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I'll never forget how happy i was when i saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me...

..., My heart was beating so fast and the expectation was unbearable. It seemed to take so long but eventually there she was, stood beside me. I gave her a cheeky wink and said, 'get that fucking trolley over here they're doing three crates of Stella for the price of two!!!!

A biologist, a physicist, and an engineer are on a plane that crashes...

...and luckily they are washed up on a deserted island, along with several crates of canned food. However, no can opener washes up with them, and there is nothing sharp on the island, so the three scientists must figure out how to open the cans.

The biologist sticks the can in the water, say...

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Vernon Koekemoer

A British man on safari walks into a bar far out in the reaches of a game reserve in Southern Africa, he stays at the bar for a while shooting the shit with the bartender and drinking like a fish, he offer to buy the barkeep a round and since no one else is within 2km of their small oasis of liquor ...

Plane over the Jungle

There is a plane flying over a vast jungle. The plane is about to crash, so the passengers are instructed to lose some weight on the plane. There are three men in question that day, who each threw over something important to themselves.

"I have too many of these," said the first man, as he th...

Two and one, or one and two?

This is an old polish joke, hope you guys enjoy.


Two men stand in front of the liquor store, and are having the following conversation:

"So how do we go about it, two and one or one and two?"

"I say two and one."

"You sure? I'm leaning towards one and two."

"Tw...

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