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Heifer Jokes

A rancher hires a bull for his heifer

A rancher hires a bull for his heifer. When they’re both put in the corral to let nature take it’s course, the rancher’s son climbs up on the fence next to the bull owner’s daughter, who is hanging on the fence watching the action.

The boy scoots a little bit closer to the girl and whispers,...

What do you call a heifer in a pond?

A moist cow-lette

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A Texan a bitch and a heifer

A Texan comes to California to visit his friend's ranch. He overhears two workers talking, standing next to a cow and a dog. The first worker looks at the cow and absentmindedly says "yup, she's one fat cow." The next man is looking at the dog and says "well, I've got one mean bitch" The Texan look...

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Do you have a pen?

I was in the Texas Rose last night, at the bar waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass. She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.” I looked at her said, ”Have you got a pen.” She said, “I sure do." I said, “ Well, you better get b...

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

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Willy was bashful, awful bashful.

Well, one day he takes a heifer over to Graves' bull. Everybody was out but Elsie Graves, and Elsie wasn't bashful at all. Willy, he stood there turning red and he couldn't even talk. Elsie says, 'I know what you come for; the bull's out in back a the barn.'

Well, they took the heifer out ...

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A kid is late for school one day. “I had to take the bull down to mate with the heifer,” he explains to the teacher.

“Well, couldn’t your father have done that?” the teacher asks after class.



“Sure,” the boy replies. “But the bull would have done a better job.”

New bull on the farm

Three bulls on the farm. They were just working out divvying up the heifers (young female cows). The biggest claims 60 of the 100 heifers. The second one claims 30 and the smallest, a puny runt gets 10.

Just as they ironed out the details, a huge trailer rolls up and out walks a monster of a ...

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A teenaged farmboy is tending to his family's cattle

When his father comes out to the pasture. He says, 'Son, another family in town is paying us to breed more cattle for 'em. Take our three largest heifers over to their farm where their breeding bull is waiting.'
The son dutifully walks the mile or so with their three cows over to the Anderson far...

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A city slicker goes to visit a cattle ranch in Montana one day.

He meets the chief ranch hand who takes him on a tour of the place.

"Here we keep the heifers," he says. "They have this huge pasture to roam and feed until they're ready for market."

"Interesting," the city guy says. "What about the bulls?"

"They're across the way over there," ...

Calling your wife a “cow” won’t encourage her to lose weight.

Heifer go to the gym

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an american history professor decided that he wanted a large mural painted in his home.

he called in a famous artist and explained to him that he wanted him to paint what he thought general Custers last thoughts were during his last stand. he went on holiday and he returned see a mural of a large praying heifer with a halo above its head surrounded by many native americans in erotic se...

New dad as of today, so here is my first dad joke.

What do you call it when you accidentally butcher your heifer instead of your steer? A Ms. Steak.

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Two cowboys

Riding across the range, they come upon a heifer with her head caught in the fence. Cowboy#1 says "you know I'm getting kind of tired of beating off in the bushes, I think ill take advantage of this situation"

He hops off his horse and goes to the heifer and has sloppy intersperses sexual in...

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Susan the cow

Susan the cow was just in the meadow grazing, when she heard the sound of bells. Panicking she starts running towards the barn, where shes met by more ringing of bells. Looking around Susan sees Garet the bull and all his heifers. They all had fancy bells on that make delightful noises at ever movem...

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Wisdom from an old bull to the young.

My father told me this many years ago, many have heard it but I've never seen it posted.

There is a young bull standing atop a hill with an older bull, below them is a pasture full of heifers, cattle as far as the eye can see. The young bull looks at the old bull and exclaims, "Hey, let's ru...

Old joke (1930s) - Little kid comes in late to school. Teacher says, "Why ya late?"...

Kid says, "Had a take a heifer down—get 'er bred."

Teacher says, "Couldn't your father do it?"

Kid says, "Sure he could, but not as good as the bull."

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog.

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog. They decided to settle the issue by getting all the dogs together and seeing whose could perform the most impressive feat.
"Okay, Rover," ordered the architect, and Rover trotted to a table and in four minutes cons...

Three blokes come across a castle while wandering the woods..

They knock on the door and an older man answers

The first of the three men ask if there's any place they can spend the night, as it was getting dark out and night was coming soon.

The old man responded to the first man "yes, but I don't like you. You'll have to sleep with the cows." ...

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