10% of European babies are conceived on an IKEA bed.

So, be sure to follow the instructions.

Put Peg A into Slot B, and then screw until the nuts tighten.

What do you call a baby conceived in space?

An astronut

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My mom told me that I was conceived in a car

She said it was an internal cum bust, son.

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So my Chinese Zodiac is a rat, and I was conceived and born out of wedlock

I'm very much a Rat Bastard.

My best friend is a Hare for her Chinese Zodiac, and she was planned. — She's clearly a hare-brained scheme.

Mama, how did I get my name?

(USA-centric)

"Mama, how did I get my name?"

"Why do you need to know, Loquinda?"

"It's for my homework."

"Well, I was staying at a LaQuinta Inn the night you were conceived. So I just rearranged the letters a bit to make a pretty name."

"Oh. That's cool. How did m...

A man and his son are walking, and the son says, "Father, I have a question."

The father says, "Yes, son?"

"Father, why is my sister called Brooke?"

The father replies, "We called her Brooke because when she was conceived, your mother and I were near a brook."

The son thinks about this and then says, "Father, I have another question."

The father sa...

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My parents conceived me on a waterbed

Which explains my fear of drowning, while my parents are having sex

If baby boomers were still fertile, how many children would be conceived in quarantine?

None. All of them would be in line for toilet paper.

A boy asked his mother how he was conceived

“Mommy, how was I born?”

Mom: “Well sweetie, Christmas came early”

And that was how the boy learned of his father’s nickname in college

“Daddy, why is my sister called Paris?” “Because she was conceived in Paris” “Thanks for explaining Daddy”.......

“No problem Lockdown”

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I was conceived at a campsite.

My parents were fucking intense.

My wife conceived on the staircase

I guess I have a step child now

Apparently 1 out of every 10 Europeans were conceived on an IKEA bed...

Which is crazy when you consider how well lit those places are.

My friends often tell me I was conceived on the highway

because that is where the most accidents happen....

If twin ducks travel back in time and have a threesome with their mother on the day they were conceived...

...do they create a pair’a’ducks?

Did you here about the pilgrim who was conceived at sea?

Her parents came in the Mayflower.

I named my kids after the place they were conceived

Although I'm almost 100 percent sure Intheass isn't mine.

If a mother and her son conceived a child, what would the child call his/her mother?

"Herrburgggerrrpffffppphfffffdudududeck"

Some people are named after where they were conceived. For example Brooklyn, Paris...

My friend Ally doesn't agree.

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My dad just told me I was conceived in a circlejerk...

apparently things got out of hand.

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The little lizard was shocked when he found out how he was conceived.

Anole sex

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It's 1845 and a man travels to Montana with his wife and son to settle. (LONG)

It's 1845 and Jacob travels to Montana with his wife and son to settle. After hard work, he has a log cabin built and pulls a brass bell from a steamer trunk they brought with them.

His wife, Sara, is bemused, asking what the bell is for. As the man proceeds to hang it from the eaves just in...

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A literal version of 'your joke, but better': I got a tattoo of my girlfriend's name on my penis...

...in full, the tattoo says "FOR AMY" on it.

So I went to a bar, had a few drinks, went to take a leak, and noticed the guy next to me had "FOUR EARTH" tattooed on his.

I couldn't help but laugh and say to him "First off, you misspelled "FOR", secondly, you really think you'll get ever...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all sitting in the waiting room waiting to see their OB/GYN.

The brunette turns to the group and says, “I’m pregnant and I’m having a boy”. The redhead asked her how she knows and the brunette tells her, “I was on top when we conceived”.

The redhead then says, “well in that case I’m going to have a girl because I was on the bottom”.

The blond...

My son, Carson, asked me where he got his name

I told him, "well you were conceived in the backseat of my car, so you're our car-son"

Son: Why is my sister's name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: No problem Quarantine.

A boy asks his father how his sister go the name Paris.

"Well son, your sister was conceived in Paris"

"Oh, so that's why. Thanks dad"

"You're welcome Quarantine"

Birds and bees at a catholic school.

In a catholic school the teacher told the students to count when they were conceived. One of the students ask

student: So according to you I should have been conceived in May 2009, but I know my parents got married in August 2009. We are catholic explain.

Teacher: Ask your parents if ...

A Native American boy is talking to his father...

And he says “Father, the other children at school are teasing me about my name!”

Father: “Son, your name is very special. In our tribe we name our children after a significant event that occurred during conception.

For example, when your sister Falling Water was conceived a torrential ...

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The children gathered around their father

The first one asked "Why is my name poetry?"

"Because I went on a poetry website to recite a beautiful poem to your mother and then you were conceived"

The second one ask "Why is my name Amazon?"

"I went on that website to order a beautiful diamond ring for you mother. After she...

A Native American boy and his father are walking by a creek

The boy looks to his father and asks, “Father, why does my sister have the name Beautiful River?”

The father answers, “That’s because she was conceived next to the most beautiful river.”

Unsatisfied with the answer, he asks, “So why is my brother named Golden Sky?”

“Because he...

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A mathematician, an Astronomer, and a idiot go to heaven

They reach heavens doors to see God talking to the Devil. God turns to the three and says, “So Heaven is a little backed up right now and we can’t take everyone, so I struck a deal with the devil by asking him a question he can’t solve”

The Mathematician goes first says, “I need a chalkboard”...

A blonde woman is taking a walk around the neighborhood, pushing a pram with her baby in it..

An elderly woman walking towards them stops, looks into the stroller and says, "What a beautiful baby! What sign was he conceived under?"


The blonde blushes slightly and replies, "It said 'Keep off the grass'."

So three women are sitting in the OB/GYN

One asks, "Are you expecting a boy or a girl?"

She replies, "It's definitely going to be a boy."

The other woman asks how she is so sure and she says, "My husband was on top, so his dominant masculinity means it will be a boy."

The first woman then says, "Oh gee, I suppose I'll ...

A kid asks about his name...

Kid: “Dad, why am I named after where I was conceived?”
Dad: “Shut up Glory Hole, I thought that was a mouth.”

Michael Phelps is such a good swimmer...

He was conceived anally

your momma is so ugly

your dad was accused of bestiality when they conceived you

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Two boys go to religion class

10 minutes into the class, the teacher asks Timmy "Who was Mary?" Immediately, Adam pokes Timmy's ass with a pencil. "MOTHER OF GOD!" Timmy yells. The teacher says "Good, but don't yell." 15 minutes into the class, Timmy is called on again. "Who is the son of God?" Adam pokes his ass with a pencil a...

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We're told men with large feet have large dicks and men with big cars have small dicks

You would almost think these stereotypes were conceived by clowns.

2 test tubes

‘We have two test tubes here,’ said the professor of IVF studies from Monash University. ‘They contain two carefully synthesized ingredients that we can now use to create human life. Solution A is a genetically engineered copy of all the ingredients in the female ovum, while Solution B replicates th...

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3 mothers-to-be in antenatal class...

The first one says; "I think I'm having a boy because my husband was on top when we conceived" The woman next to her replies "I think I'm having a daughter because I was on top" The woman at the end starts panicking and says "I think I'm having a puppy"

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding...

..."Afternoon ma'am. May I see your license and registration?" The old lady wordlessly hands the officer these items. As the officer reaches for the papers, he takes observation of the old woman.

She wasn't just old, she was very old. Must have been in her mid 90's. The fact that she was spee...

I'd like to thank my dad for always being there for me

From the day I was conceived to the day he found out my mom was pregnant

The native american boy asked his father why...

His brother was named dancing cloud.
it because when he was conceived a cloud danced by, said the father. Do you understand now, broken rubber?

In the gynecologist

There were three women in the gynecologist taking prenatal exams.

The doctor asked the first woman:

– In which position were the babies conceived?

And she said:

– He was on top.

– You are going to have a boy!! - the doctor said.

And the doctor asked the same...

My mom always called me squirt as a child.

She said it had something too do with the way I was conceived.

Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy.

Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids.

Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is.

Native American Father

A Native American Father was sitting around the campfire with his 3 daughters and the oldest asks "father where do our names come from?" The father replies "well my daughter we give names based on what happened the evening the child is conceived. On the night you were conceived there was a full moon...

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