UPJOKE
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Completing Jokes

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

A man was enjoying his breakfast while completing the daily crossword in the newspaper

He asks his wife across the table:
"What is a four letter word for a religious song?"

Wife:
"Hymn"

Man:
"Yeah it's a tricky one"

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon.

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."


And then fi...

Completing a push up

is basically you telling gravity "Hey, buddy...you lose".

William Shakespeare died before completing the final act of his last play.

It was a real tragedy.

What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?

Nuttin'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three women are near completing their CIA Academy training...

A white girl, a black girl, and a native American girl. The three must each pass a final test. Each is told that their husband is a foreign secret agent, and that they must kill their respective spouses to prove their loyalty. The white woman first is handed a pistol and enters the room wher...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little know tale of the Legendary duo of King Akbar and his witty Minister Birbal.

So, King Akbar's daughter had reached the marriageable age. As was the custom at the time a competition was held to choose the right groom for her. The task was to pole vault over a 10 feet wall topped with barbed wire.

All eligible princes' were invited to the event, but no one was successfu...

Despite completing my Master's Degree in Engineering, I felt horribly cheated.

Not one of my courses had covered how to drive a train.

A group of coworkers are sitting around

discussing how much work and fun is involved in completing a project.

First, the junior colleague says, "Completing a project is about 80% fun and 20% work."

Then the team lead replies, "No, there's more work involved than that. I would say that it's 60% fun and 40% work."

The m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a recovering-alcoholic vampire get after completing a suicide bombing mission?

72 virgin Bloody Marys

The Pope is visiting Canada.

After completing his visit, the Canadian government gives him a chauffeur-driven car to see the natural beauty of Canada. After 20 kilometers through Canada, he says to the driver:

"Oh, let me get behind the wheel. I'm from the narrow Papal States, and I always have to sit in the back of the...

If a doctor takes a hippocratic oath after completing med school, what does a lawyer take after graduating law school?

A hypocritical oath.

After completing my first three months doing MMA I asked my coach for a nickname that reflected my skills and badassery...

Now everybody calls me John Weak.

I started a joke but I need help completing it.

Two quadriplegics walk into a bar...

After completing filming of License to Kill, Timothy Dalton was dismayed when producers told him they wanted him to retire from the James Bond franchise.

He pleaded with producers to give him just one more film but they already had his replacement lined up, a younger actor they felt was more suitable for the leading role in an action movie. But Dalton wouldn't quit that easily. He convinced the producers that if he could best his would-be replacement...

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