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A man and his wife doing 69 and when they finish up he realises he still has to go to the dentist.

He then dashes to the bathroom to go and brush his teeth, constantly smelling his breath to make sure his breath doesn’t smell like his wife’s pussy. He eats some chewing gum and even takes mints with him. He arrives at the dentist and eats some more mints just to make sure.

He’s finally call...

A man is making funeral arrangements...

He goes to the funeral director and plans his father's funeral very promptly. He tells the funeral director to make this a fancy funeral and to get the best of the best.

The funeral director writes up a quote and gives it to the man. The man pays in cash right then right there.

The fun...

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Two wasted guys walk into a brothel...

The seasoned madam sees the wasted men and tells her girls, "These fellas are hammered! Put them in the rooms with blow-up dolls. They'll never notice the difference due to their intoxication."

The girls do as instructed and escort the men into their room. A few minutes pass, the men finish u...

A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew

It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san...

A man walks into a supermarket, unfortunately his zipper is down

A young female cashier approached the man and said to him, "Your barracks door is open." Not a phrase that men usually use, so the man went about his business in the store, slightly confused.

As he was almost done with his shopping, another man came up to him and said, "Hey buddy, your fly is...

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Bianca's boyfriend (Brad) goes on a business trip...

A week goes by, and Brad gives Bianca the bad news that his business trip would be extended to one more week. Bianca, starting to feel a bit horny was not excited to hear the news but she thought "its just one more week, I can wait."

The second week goes by and Brad is still not home, so Bian...

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Little Timmy comes home from school to find his parents in the middle of a fight.

Timmy's parents keep him pretty sheltered, and they don't normally fight in front of him, so he stops to see what is going on. The argument is pretty heated and at this point has devolved to plain old shouting insults at one another.

His mother yells at his father "At least I don't have hair...

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An ex-businessman, now bankrupt, is preparing to jump off a bridge...

As he's about to step into the void, a hand grabs him from behind.


He turns back annoyed and sees that the hand belongs to an old bearded overweight guy.


"Why did you stop me you old fool?"


"Have you gone mad my son? You were about to kill yourself!" The old ma...

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There were once three brothers...

They loved to go hunting together. All season long they would get up at the crack of dawn to hunt deer in the woods. However, the youngest brother had chronic bowel issues. He would try to get his “business” done before they started their hunting, but sometimes he would have to take some time in the...

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Blueberry Hill

So this is a joke I heard as a kid really too young to even get it. Sorry if it's a repost, I don't read anything but what comes up in my feed.

A teacher is taking roll in an old rural schoolhouse and realizes several of the students are missing. She isn't too worried as the rural nature of t...

Johnny

Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and sees dad with mom bent over the dresser, doing what parents do. Johnny is shocked. Dad notices and says “Johnny...go back to your room!”

Mom and Dad finish up and Dad heads down the hall to see how Johnny is doing.

When he opens the door, there...

A cowboy walks into a bar...

He parked his horse outside and went in for a beer bottle. After finishing it up he goes to leave and his horse was stolen.

The guy walks in again, gun in the air, shoots the ceiling and shouts "you have until I finish up a second beer bottle to return my horse, or else I will have to do what...

Death comes to collect a man’s soul.

When he gets to the man’s home, he sees the man and his family are in the middle of party. Death tells the man why he has come.

The man begs death to spare him but death insists that he must start at the top of his list and his name is first.

The man sadly agrees but asks death if he...

A six-year-old girl runs into her backyard and sees her neighbor raking leaves...

She runs to him and says proudly “My mommy taught me all about politics today!”

“That’s great! So are you a Republican or a Democrat?” he asks.

“A demmycrat!”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, demmycrats believe in helping the poor. So they take some money from everyone and give it ...

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Guy and his two buddies are at a bar, when one of them nudges the other two

"See those three women over there? Lets go talk to them."

So they go over and strike up a conversation, buying them a few drinks. After a while, each of his friends ask one of the women to dance. As he's about to ask the third girl to dance he notices she's in a wheelchair and then sees him l...

A 90 year-old man marries a beautiful 25 year-old woman...

They go on their honeymoon to beautiful, picturesque Venice, Italy. After a day of sightseeing, they return to their hotel. He turns to his young bride and says "Honey, I'm tired after all this excitement. I'm going to go to bed. See you in the morning." She say ok, and off he goes to bed, whil...

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A man is eating dinner at a very nice restaurant with his Ostrich...

and as they finish up, the waitress brings him the bill. He owes exactly $84.38. The Ostrich takes a long drag from his cigarette, and without looking or hesitating the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly enough to pay the bill. The waitress was impressed but didn’t really give it a se...

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