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Completed Jokes

My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

Completed in 1856, Big Ben was designed by architects Charles Barry and Augustus Welby Pugin and took 13 years to build.

Which is crazy long considering they were working around the clock.

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A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month.

A month later, the musician went to a porn theatre to see the adult movie.
With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, ...

My wife just recently completed a 40-week body building course...

It’s a boy and he weighs 11lbs 4oz

I just completed a Rubik's Cube in seven seconds.

I dropped it into a tub of paint.

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

No dictionary has been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'. But I am here to set the record straight.

When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finishe...

Just recently, a multi-year project to renovate and restore London's historic landmark Big Ben was completed.

They had men working around the clock.

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Nsfw I caught my girlfriend using fruit to masturbate whenever i'm not home..

I told her that this is not going to work out.. Then she completed lost it and went fucking bananas!

What did they say about the artist who completed suicide by jumping off a building?

Well, at least they finally made an impact on the world.

I have just completed writing a book on reverse psychology.

Please don't buy it.

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Tyrion's joke completed

Tyrion walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass.
Madame: What can we do for you?
Tyrion: I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me.
Madame: Whatever for? And what's with the honeycomb and the mule?
Tyrion: My woman found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wis...

I recently completed a self defence course

I tell you what, the next person who attacks me in slow motion has a thing or two coming.

Two blondes are sitting at a bar...

Two blondes are sitting at a bar, obviously celebrating something. They wave over the bartender, and tell him to pour two more shots. Once poured, the two blondes clink their glasses together and say "42! YEAH!! 42!".

"Bartender, another round!"

Same thing happens on this shot. They c...

A Gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist ...

I completed a puzzle that said 10+ years.

I guess I 'm insanely skilled, because I did it in 1.

I completed my bucket list yesterday

I finally bought a bucket

Florida voting recount has finally been completed.

Turns out the winner was actually Al Gore.

When an unpopular President completed his presidency, he wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it.

He stressed that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and the former President was pleased. But within a couple of days of the release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he was furious. So he ordered an investigatio...

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Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed...

I have finally completed my PhD in Literary Criticism...

And I beg you not to speak of the irony.

My wife asked me what the difference between finished and completed is

I said

"Well you finished my life, and I completed yours"

I completed my karate exam with flying colors!

Black and blue that is.

When MLB starts back up, I will have successfully completed my goal...

To be banned from all 30 ballparks.

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A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

So she consented and they were married, and they went on honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. T...

My computer has this disgusting virus that has completed slowed everything down.

It's called "Internet Explorer".

I almost completed my collection of herbs and spices today!

But i didn't have the thyme.

Who do musicians call when they need demolition work completed?

A wrecker company!

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After 10 years, my book about the sexual encounter I once had with a clock is finally completed.

It's about fucking time.

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