We chatted a bit. Smart and funny so i asked for a date. She said yes!
I'm not expecting much, probably 400lbs. But she answered the door, this little strawberry blomde with a head full of curls and all the right curves in all the right places. We exchanged our real names and i asked what sh...
I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.
But these are just miner details.
Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.
In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.
So I matched with a beautiful girl on Tinder
The good news is she didn’t try to get me to join her Onlyfans.
The even better news is she’s going to help me start investing in crypto!
"I looked up into the sky and matched each star with a reason why I love you."
"That's so sweet."
"Not particularly. It was a cloudy day."
Many years ago I knew a man who's love for God was matched only by his love of dipping meat into melted cheese.
That's right, he was a Christian fonduementalist.
I asked my dentist to put in a new tooth that matched my other teeth
He put in tooth with 4 cavities.
Amazon’s facial recognition matched 28 members of Congress to criminal mugshots
Now they just have to fine tune it a bit to pick up the other five hundred and seven.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A guy gets matched with a couple and a gorgeous blonde for a round of golf...
During the round he flirts with the blonde a bit. On the 16th, he says, "How about after the round, I buy you a drink at the club house?"
"I have a better idea," she replies, "I have a place on the lake not far from here. Why don't we head there for some fun. "
Not believing his l...
Someone I matched with on Tinder asked why I have an unlit cigarette as my pfp
I told her I was looking for matches
So... I matched with a Chinese girl on Tinder. Her bio said I like my men like I like my food.
My opening message was “I’m Batman!”
Believe it or not, my wife and I were actually matched on Tinder.
We'd been married for 12 years.
In my freshman year of college...
I lived in a dorm with other students. The guys were on the top floor and the girls were on the bottom floor. Unfortunately, the dorms were quite run down, and some mice began to infiltrate the girls' rooms. The girls set up traps to catch the mice, but they were not keen on throwing out the capture...
"So I matched with this cute guy on Tinder last night, and we started chatting and sending each other memes and little animations. But then he mentioned that he was an exchange student from Athens, so I ghosted him." "Why?"
"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"
It is early January of 1793. The commotion outside of the Castle of Versailles is growing louder by the minute. Louis XVI, however, is not bothered, as he is getting his new suit matched, pleated and frilled in his chambers by his favorite tailor.
"Ah yes, Poilon, superb work with the gold thread on my boot leather as per usual. And now: the silk pants with Morocco pearls."
"Y-your Majesty... I think they're breaking down the front wall."
"Nonsense! Clothe me or I shall have you beheaded!"
"Absolutely, your majesty! There...
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