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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

My father alway use to say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

‘Til the accident

Nothing is stronger than love

Except Ronnie Coleman.

He can squat 800lbs

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Some local comedians had just finished up a set at the local comedy club...

So naturally, they sat down at the bar and ordered a round. Now, these guys are pretty fucking funny, and they know every joke in the book. So as they're enjoying their beer, of course, they're cracking jokes with each other. But since they know them so well, they started just referring to them by t...

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Did you know that Einstein married his Cousin

Did you know that Einstein married his Cousin,
Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage failed in 1919.?

At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa "because she was so well endowed".

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large mammary glands, the attraction...

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The cheif of a tribe becomes constipated

He askes one of his tribesmen to go to the white doctor in a nearby city and get medicine. The tribesman does so. He reaches the doctor and says 'Big chief no shit'

The doctor understands and gives him some laxative. However, the next day the tribesman comes back and says 'Big chief still no ...

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

I’ve spent a month lifting and I still haven’t gotten stronger

I guess it’s not working out

So I’m sitting in the bus with my friend. I’ve been thinking about something for a while, so I got a bit curious

I asked him if you could smell a fart in space.

He said: “No, because in the process of diffusion, the air must carry the aroma particles around, and there is no air in space.”

Surely that couldn’t be true. There is no air getting in the way of the aroma particles, so the smell is even...

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USS Placentia

His ship's compliment stood at attention on the dock. The boat, a Virginia class submarine in the United States Navy floated behind him, the sail, blocking out the sun as rose in the east. Captain Johnson stepped onto the dais and walked up to the microphone to addressed his crew.

"Men, I'm...

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Which are the stronger days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays:D

Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times...

I need to see some concrete evidence

I have six kids...

I have six kids, but my pullout game is still stronger than Brexit.

A man enters the confessional.

."Bless me Father, for I have sinned. There was a pile of lumber in a vacant lot. It had been there for weeks. I helped myself." The Priest says, "Stealing is a mortal sin, my son. Say 3 Hail Marys, 2 Our Fathers, and return the lumber." Next Sunday the man goes into the confessional. ...

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Except, of course, Muscular Dystrophy.

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Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

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Research reveals stronger people have healthier brains - A study of nearly half a million people has revealed that muscular strength, measured by handgrip, is an indication of how healthy our brains are.

My fucking night time activities have finally made me a genius!

They said I'd get stronger if I hit the gym

they didn't mention it would hit back

If you lose one senses, your other senses become stronger.

That's why people without a sense of humour have such a high sense of self importance

A girl named Darling had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name.

Darling always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, after she had grown up and was married, she realized that the teasing actually made her stronger, and that having a unique name was actually a good thing.

So, when her first child was born, she talked her husband into naming...

Americans are getting stronger.

Fifty years ago, it took two people to carry twenty dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

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Glad my friend finally found a good diet/lifestyle to lose her weight without being miserable all the time.

Considering how she's allergic to everything. It's nice to see there is such a thing that is gluten-free and dairy free. She seems stronger, more energetic, more alert than usual. She even looks a lot skinnier as advertisement, too. I heard some celebrity follow this diet but don't tell anyone since...

A man approached me today and said "I am harder than you, I am better than you, I am faster than you, I am stronger than you."

What a Daft Punk

Minecraft is Racist

Minecraft has taught me not to look tall black guys in the eye or they get aggressive. They're faster and stronger than you and they randomly steal things. However, you can escape by running to water--they can't swim.

Roses are red

Nuts are brown

Skirts go up

Pants go down

Body to body Skin to skin

When its stiff

Stick it in

The Longer its in

The Stronger it gets

It goes in dry And comes out wet

It comes out dripping And starts to sag

Its not what you think....

What is stronger than Ronda Rousey?

Her anti-depressants.

A submarine is following its course, when the alarm goes off...

Everyone starts panicking, except for James. He is known for being the funniest among the recruits and he always lights up the mood, even in critical situations.

"What is going on?" he asks.

"We are about to crash, you imbecile! Go help Smith, quick!"

"Wanna hear a funny j...

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

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How bout a limerick?

There once were two girls from Birmingham.

I know a story concerning 'em.

They lifted the frock

And diddled the cock

Of the bishop as he was confirming 'em.



But the bishop was nobody's fool.

He gone to a fine public school.

He lowered his brit...

A middle-class white woman goes to a beach, pulls out a mug and fills it with sea water.

She takes a large swig and sighs with relief as she gulps. A nearby beach-goer sees this.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm drinking tea," replied the woman.

"Tea?"

"Yes, tea."

"That's not tea!" said the beach-goer.

"I think you'll find that this is the strongest t...

An Evil Witch kidnaps some boys...

During a nightly raid of a local village, an evil witch makes away with a few young boys she will use for her potions (hocus pocus style)

Upon arriving back at her witch den, she proceeds to cage up the terrified young boys, and begins brewing her evil potion according to her recipe.

F...

A man with chronic vision problems...

A man with chronic vision problems appeared to have his visual health declining quickly. He'd go to visit doctor after doctor, who had been prescribing him stronger and stronger prescription glasses. However, the degeneration of his vision was making him approach blindness, and he finally cracked an...

A college girl was found dead in her bathtub...

She decided to take a bath after a long day of testing. Unbeknownst to her, her roommate had a fetish of putting a 9-volt battery in the bath to give herself a small electric shock.

This time, however, she left it in the tub. The college girl decided she wanted to put some soothing bath salts...

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There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.

The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was.

They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all...

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

There were two cavemen, one named Nate and one named Andy

Nate was much stronger than Andy, but Andy was the smart one. One day they came back to their hut and a large boulder was blocking the entrance. They couldn't get in, but Andy had an idea.

Andy said, "lets put a stick under the boulder, and put it over a smaller rock to leverage it, it's cal...

An expecting father

John was always a loving husband. For years he was constantly on beck and call. He never strayed from his wife Marla and Marla adored John. For years and years John and Marla attempted to have children. They went to fertility clinics, they sought guidance from multiple specialists, and even tried al...

A young Italian couple were just married...

The year was 1901 and a young couple was just married in a small town in Italy. They were staying at the brides parents house, as it was customary for the first few days while their living situation was sorted out. The mother was making a delicious red sauce when the bride decided she would join h...

The Wong Brothers

In ancient China lived the Wong brothers, three wise men who studied the arts of magic. Wong Wan could create beautiful tapestries with the tiniest bit of thread, and Wong Tsu could miraculously make crops grow in barren soil. Wong Lee, however, was much more sinister than his brothers. His magic co...

I try to limit how often I make homeopathy jokes

That just makes them stronger.

A Man is in an Awful Car Accident [Long]

A man is in an awful car accident - so bad, that he is literally, well, decapitated.



Thanks to the miracle of science, however, his body was no longer needed, and his head was attached to a bionic system which made him stronger, faster, and he would live longer with it.


...

My wife keeps telling me I need anger management

My psychiatrist keeps telling me I don’t have a wife and I need stronger medication for my hallucinations.

Why are Canadians always happy?

Their beer is stronger.

So the other day Mick and Paddy were walking down the road...

...when they came across two blokes on a bridge. One was holding the other by the ankles over the edge, and the other fellow had his hands in the water.

Curious, Mick and Paddy watched them for a while until the bloke dangling from his ankles began to scream "Pull me up, pull me up quick!"...

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What does smoking a cigarette and eating a pussy have in common? [NSFW]

The flavor gets stronger as you get closer to the butt.

My doctor is concerned my hypochondria is getting worse

So he put me on stronger placebos.

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A man's wife is diagnosed with terminal cancer...

A man's wife is diagnosed with terminal cancer. The doctor tells her she doesn't have long. The husband is devastated.

On the way home the husband asks his wife if there is anything he can do for her, a fantasy she's never had fulfilled.

So the wife says, "Well, I've never had cunnilin...

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In a small convent

There was the priests side and the sisters side, and there was only one large bathroom, with several showers.

In order to not disturb the sisters, the priests went all together to take their showers around midnight. On one of those nights, at the bathroom and already naked, one of the priests...

The Whistle

Two dads, Jim and Bob are busy drinking beer and watching the game, while their sons are getting ready to go for a swim outside.

"You know I'm not even sure how well my son can swim", says Jim.

"Don't worry about it", says Bob, "I'll give my boy a whistle, so we'll know when their in t...

Moth Joke

A moth goes into a dietitian's office looking very unwell.


The dietitian goes, "What seems to be the problem?"


The moth replies, "Where to start, doc? Each day I wake up at 6:00 a.m. next to a moth wife I once loved, who I have slowly drifted away from over the days. Her once...

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A man and a woman were sitting next to each other on a flight

A man and a woman were sitting next to each other on a flight from New York to Los Angeles.


As they were taking off, the man let out a sneeze, then took a napkin out from his pocket and reached into his pants and patted down his crotch region. The woman, being polite, pretended not to not...

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Tommy goes to the doctor complaining about increased appetite and insatiable hunger.

The doctor asks for the symptoms and diagnoses that he has tapeworms. The doctor prescribes medication and asks to meet him in a week. Tommy comes back and says that it was ineffective and that he still feels hungry all the time.

The doctor prescribes new stronger medicine but even then T...

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field..

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves against the gale.

All the cows stand up and go back to their chewing.

Pretty soon, an even stronger wind blows through and a...

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Life is like a penis

It's all relaxed freely hanging, then a woman comes and makes it go big, stronger than ever and reach its full potential.

A candy's factory is on fire

A research team of a candy factory have just lately developed a new type of candy that should change the candy market as we know today forever.

One day, the factory is burning up. While the local firefighters arrive to the site, the CEO of the factory shouts "the brave men that will bring me ...

In light of the recent fentanyl incidents. Who would have thought the solution to the war on drugs...

Was just stronger drugs???

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