Stand Up Comedy Jokes - 17 Hilarious Stand Up Comedy Jokes

I love doing stand up comedy at the retirement homes.

And I know I'm really good because they laugh at the same jokes every week.

I was asked how did you start your stand up comedy….

…well I started walking first

What's the opposite of stand up comedy?

A SITcom!

Stand up Comedy on Star Trek

Yo mamma so fat… she tried to use the teleporter, but it ran out of atoms before she made it to the other side

My chiropractor recently started doing stand up comedy

He really cracks me up.

I could do some great stand up comedy about Stephen Hawking...

but then it wouldn’t be stand up comedy

I just watched a beautiful woman doing stand up comedy totally naked.

Never laughed so hard in my life.

Everyone laughed at me when I said I wanted to do stand up comedy

Well, no one's laughing now

A Terrorist Tries Stand Up Comedy for the First Time...

Let's just say he was the bomb.

looking for a great stand up comedy show?

just watch the GOP debate

That his punchline comes before the joke

Chuck Norris is so powerful at stand up comedy...

Why couldn't the comedian in a wheelchair get an audience?

He couldn't do Stand Up comedy!

I’ve always been told that you shouldn’t tell jokes at other people’s expense.

Which makes me question the ethics of charging people to watch stand up comedy.

A man gets sentenced to life in prison

On his first night there, his cell mate tells him there's a stand up comedy event.

They are sitting watching, and an inmate gets up and stands on the stage

"15", he calls out. The whole audience starts laughing.
"23", he continues. Hysterical laughter everywhere.

The man...

Why do you never see any disabled comedians?

Well, it’s called stand up comedy for a reason

One thing a paralyzed person can not do is?

Stand up comedy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Chinese Wife: Lost in Translate

This isn't a joke, but a true story and a lesson for those who dare tackle racial boundaries. I spent a couple years living in China (I have no Chinese heritage whatsoever), where I met my wife, who speaks Mandarin & some English as a 2nd language. Her English is good, but she struggles with s...

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