Seinfeld Jokes

**Jerry:** This isn’t a good time.

**Telemarketer:** When would be a good time to call back, sir?

**Jerry:** I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you back later?

**Telemarketer:** Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.

**Jerry:** Oh, I guess be... read more

I really hope his tombstone says:
*Jerry Seinfeld
1954 yadda yadda yadda 20XX*

“What’s the deal?”

One looks at the other and asks “Does this taste salty?”

A George Costanza.

Its gonna be called "What's the Deal?"

Like, what's up with that?

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —*Jerry Seinfeld*

“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —*Rita ... read more

1) Change the "b" to an "f"

(-Jerry Seinfeld, sort of)

This means that at a funeral, more people would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.

-Jerry Seinfeld

The type where people scream in the flat parts.

-Jerry Seinfeld

A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.<... read more

...of Jerry Seinfeld.

A while into the meal, one of the cannibals says,

"I'm going for the forehead, do you want any?" as he cuts a slice from the front of Jerry's scalp. The other cannibal declines, shaking his head and saying,

"What's the deal with hairline food?"

One is a joke holiday that no one should take seriously. The other was featured on Seinfeld.

hat tip to u/AudibleNod