UPJOKE
jerry seinfeldlarry davidcheersnielsen ratingsthe contestjason alexandernbcsituation comedymichael richardsfrasiertv guidethe betrayalthe outingthe invitationscbs

A joke on telemarketers from Seinfeld

**Jerry:** This isn’t a good time.

**Telemarketer:** When would be a good time to call back, sir?

**Jerry:** I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you back later?

**Telemarketer:** Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.

**Jerry:** Oh, I guess be...

When Jerry Seinfeld dies...

I really hope his tombstone says:
*Jerry Seinfeld
1954 yadda yadda yadda 20XX*

Jerry Seinfeld at a Poker game:

“What’s the deal?”

Two cannibals were eating Jerry Seinfeld...

One looks at the other and asks “Does this taste salty?”

What do you call part of a poem written by a Seinfeld character?

A George Costanza.

Did you hear Jerry Seinfeld is hosting a new poker show

Its gonna be called "What's the Deal?"

I went to a Jerry Seinfeld stand-up last night. It was actually really disappointing; he didn't use any of his old jokes I used to love...

Like, what's up with that?

Happy Fathers Day Quotes,,,

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” —*Jerry Seinfeld*

“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.” —*Rita ...

I'm getting pretty old and I can feel myself slowing down, so I made a bucket list:

1) Change the "b" to an "f"

(-Jerry Seinfeld, sort of)

Public speaking is the #1 fear of the average person. #2 is death.

This means that at a funeral, more people would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.

-Jerry Seinfeld

What type of roller coaster goes through the Bronx?

The type where people scream in the flat parts.

-Jerry Seinfeld

A riddle for the day

A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.<...

So a pair of cannibals are sitting down to a nice meal...

...of Jerry Seinfeld.

A while into the meal, one of the cannibals says,

"I'm going for the forehead, do you want any?" as he cuts a slice from the front of Jerry's scalp. The other cannibal declines, shaking his head and saying,

"What's the deal with hairline food?"

Kwanzaa and Festivus were both made up in 1966.

One is a joke holiday that no one should take seriously. The other was featured on Seinfeld.

hat tip to u/AudibleNod

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

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