A man who is well-known for overindulging at elaborate dinners is feeling abdominal pain and goes to his doctor. He asks, "Doc, is it my appendix?"

The doctor replies "No, I think it is more like your table of contents."

Sometimes I miss having an appendix..

[removed]

Yo girl, are you my appendix?

Because I don't really understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.

What do they call it when you have your appendix taken out?

Appendectomy.

What do you call it when you have your tonsils taken out?

Tonsillectomy.

What do you call it when a woman changes to a man?

Addadicktome.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

A man, who believes in avoiding doctors and hospitals at all cost, had to have emergency surgery for an inflamed appendix.

In pain, but still protesting the whole idea of an operation, he muttered,

"When God gave man an appendix, there must have been a reason for putting it there, am I right?"

"Oh there was," said the surgeon.

"God gave you that appendix so I could put my kids through university."

You remind me of my appendix...

You remind me of my appendix. I have no idea what you do, but I'd love to take you out.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jenny’s Mother phones Johnny’s Mother in a rage..

“I need to talk to you about your son’s behaviour! I walked in on him and Jenny playing doctors and nurses earlier, I was shocked. “

“Well all kids experiment sexually, I’m sure it was perfectly innocent” Johnny’s Mother replies.

“Sex?? He was taking her fucking appendix out!!”

When did a gut feeling save your life?

When my appendix burst.

I borrowed a book from the library the other day..

..it was all about surgery.

It wasn't until I got home that I realised someone had taken the appendix out.

A man calls his doctor

"Doctor, my wife has appendicitis, it's emergency !"

"That's impossible, I personally removed your wife's appendix ! I have never seen someone having appendicitis twice !"

"And someone having a new wife, have you seen that ?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

little Johnny was on his way back from his play date with little suzie

little Johnny was on his way back from his play date with little suzie, he was being dropped home by Suzie's.
when they get to Johnny's house, Suzie's mum stormed up to Johnny' s mum absolutely fuming

"your shit of a little son was playing doctors and nurses with my suzie" she roared.
...

Paige finishes writing her biology dissertation and hands it in to the lecturer the following day.

He quickly flicks through it and realises something is missing.

"Where's your appendix page?"

"Easy", she says, and points to her lower abdomen.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sex with me is like reading a book...

I don't stop until I reach the appendix.

Playing doctor

Susie and Johnny were playing doctor, when Susie suddenly started crying and ran to her mother.

Later the Susie's mother confronted the Johnny's mother. "My Susie said that your Johnny was playing doctor with her!".

Johnny's mother responded calmly, "that's OK, kids are always explorin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call an operation.

what do you call an operation to have your tonsils removed? a Tonsillectomy.

What do you call an operation to have your appendix removed? an Appendectomy.

What do you call an operation where a man has his tubes cut so he can't have children? a vasectomy.

What do you call an ope...

Book, you look so much thinner!

I know! I had my appendix removed!

Why did the book get stitches?

Because he had his appendix removed.


note: books can also be female.

Requesting a joke... /r/funny let me down.

Hey so my friend's appendix burst the other day and im gonna see her today so im going to need a killer appendix joke to heal her emotionally (and possibly physically). So I asked /r/funny and it was a big let down. Do your best.