A stand up comedian named Michael went to get his appendix removed. What did he call the night of his surgery?

Open Mike Night

Sometimes I miss having an appendix..

[removed]

Daaaamn, girl. You're like my appendix...

Because I dont understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me wanna take you out.

What does your appendix, Republicans, and the slow lane have in common with Matthew McConaughey?

All right, all right, all right.





I had my appendix taken out when I was a kid. They said it was useless,

but based on my life since then, I'm guessing it controls motivation.

A man who is well-known for overindulging at elaborate dinners is feeling abdominal pain and goes to his doctor. He asks, "Doc, is it my appendix?"

The doctor replies "No, I think it is more like your table of contents."

When did a gut feeling save your life?

When my appendix burst.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.

Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

If you drink vodka with ice

It will wreck your appendix

If you drink whisky with ice it will kill your liver

If you drink Tequila with ice it will ruin your intestines...

Apparently, ice is bad for you!

I borrowed a book from the library the other day..

..it was all about surgery.

It wasn't until I got home that I realised someone had taken the appendix out.

What do they call it when you have your appendix taken out?

Appendectomy.

What do you call it when you have your tonsils taken out?

Tonsillectomy.

What do you call it when a woman changes to a man?

Addadicktome.

A man calls his doctor

"Doctor, my wife has appendicitis, it's emergency !"

"That's impossible, I personally removed your wife's appendix ! I have never seen someone having appendicitis twice !"

"And someone having a new wife, have you seen that ?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is like reading a book...

I don't stop until I reach the appendix.

Why did the book get stitches?

Because he had his appendix removed.


note: books can also be female.

Paige finishes writing her biology dissertation and hands it in to the lecturer the following day.

He quickly flicks through it and realises something is missing.

"Where's your appendix page?"

"Easy", she says, and points to her lower abdomen.

Playing doctor

Susie and Johnny were playing doctor, when Susie suddenly started crying and ran to her mother.

Later the Susie's mother confronted the Johnny's mother. "My Susie said that your Johnny was playing doctor with her!".

Johnny's mother responded calmly, "that's OK, kids are always explorin...

Requesting a joke... /r/funny let me down.

Hey so my friend's appendix burst the other day and im gonna see her today so im going to need a killer appendix joke to heal her emotionally (and possibly physically). So I asked /r/funny and it was a big let down. Do your best.

Book, you look so much thinner!

I know! I had my appendix removed!

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