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Appendix Jokes

Sometimes I miss having an appendix..

[removed]

Yo girl, are you my appendix?

Because I don't really understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.

Hey lady, are you my appendix?

Cause I don't know what you do, but I got this feeling inside me that says I need to take you out

I had my appendix taken out when I was a kid. They said it was useless,

but based on my life since then, I'm guessing it controls motivation.

You remind me of my appendix...

You remind me of my appendix. I have no idea what you do, but I'd love to take you out.

My grandma had dementia in her later years and would tell me this joke every time I saw her: When your appendix is removed it’s called an appendectomy. When your uterus is removed it’s called a hysterectomy. What’s it called when you have a growth removed from your head?

A haircut. (And she’d laugh every time! I miss her terribly.)

My doctor removed my appendix...

Now all that's left is the table of contents.

A man, who believes in avoiding doctors and hospitals at all cost, had to have emergency surgery for an inflamed appendix.

In pain, but still protesting the whole idea of an operation, he muttered,

"When God gave man an appendix, there must have been a reason for putting it there, am I right?"

"Oh there was," said the surgeon.

"God gave you that appendix so I could put my kids through university."

A stand up comedian named Michael went to get his appendix removed. What did he call the night of his surgery?

Open Mike Night

A man who is well-known for overindulging at elaborate dinners is feeling abdominal pain and goes to his doctor. He asks, "Doc, is it my appendix?"

The doctor replies "No, I think it is more like your table of contents."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny

Little Johnny wakes up in the hospital after having his appendix taken out only to find out he has messed the bed while under anesthesia. Thankfully no one else was in the room and he starts worrying people will laugh at him so he comes up with a plan.

He jumps out of bed, takes his soil bed...

If you drink vodka with ice

It will wreck your appendix

If you drink whisky with ice it will kill your liver

If you drink Tequila with ice it will ruin your intestines...

Apparently, ice is bad for you!

I just found out a friend of mine had their appendix removed...

... so I asked what the surgical team had decided to do with the forward, introduction, contents, glossary and index?

What does your appendix, Republicans, and the slow lane have in common with Matthew McConaughey?

All right, all right, all right.





This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive blonde was failing math class...

She approached the professor, distraught, and asked if she could speak with him.

He, of course, was eager to assist.

She then sat down, and started to explain ...

'Professor, when I was 8, my appendix burst and they had to take it out.

I then wrecked my bike and they had...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife just asked me...

if her appendix scar made her look unattractive.

Apparently, "Don't worry babe, your tits cover it" wasn't the answer she was looking for...

Surgery on an appendix today would have to be

An appandemictomy.

I went to the library to check out a medical book on abdominal pain

but when I got it home, I found that someone had ripped out the appendix.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctors and nurses

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is like reading a book...

I don't stop until I reach the appendix.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor’s boy,

the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. “It’s only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age,” the neighbor said. “Sexuality?! ” the mother yelled. “He took out her appendix!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johny's is neighbour lady storms into his house, looking absolutely furious.

'you need to keep an eye on your son', she yells angrily at Little Johny's mom.

'What happened?', asks Johny's mom.

'I walked in on him playing doctor with my little girl.' says the neighbour.

'Oh', says mom, 'Well it is perfectly natural for kids to be curious about each other...

I got a book titled ‘A Guide to Surgical Procedures’.

I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once Abdul's wife had a severe stomach ache..

He tried Google, asked his friends and relatives, but no respite from the pain for his wife. Finally, someone suggested to him a reputed Gastroenterologist, and he called him.

Abdul: "Doctor! Please help my wife. She has a severe stomach ache, and I tried everywhere, and nothing is helping. W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mary's mom goes to see Little Jimmy's mom...

"I want you to keep your son away from my pecious daughter" complains Mary's mom

"Oh no what's he done now?" Little Jimmy's mom replies

"I caught him playing Doctors and Nurses with my Mary"

"Well they're bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?!?" ...

Requesting a joke... /r/funny let me down.

Hey so my friend's appendix burst the other day and im gonna see her today so im going to need a killer appendix joke to heal her emotionally (and possibly physically). So I asked /r/funny and it was a big let down. Do your best.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library.

Some tosser has taken the appendix out.

Why did the student stop citing references?

Because he had his appendix removed.

Paige finishes writing her biology dissertation and hands it in to the lecturer the following day.

He quickly flicks through it and realises something is missing.

"Where's your appendix page?"

"Easy", she says, and points to her lower abdomen.

Playing doctor

Susie and Johnny were playing doctor, when Susie suddenly started crying and ran to her mother.

Later the Susie's mother confronted the Johnny's mother. "My Susie said that your Johnny was playing doctor with her!".

Johnny's mother responded calmly, "that's OK, kids are always explorin...

Why did the book get stitches?

Because he had his appendix removed.


note: books can also be female.

Book, you look so much thinner!

I know! I had my appendix removed!

A man calls his doctor

"Doctor, my wife has appendicitis, it's emergency !"

"That's impossible, I personally removed your wife's appendix ! I have never seen someone having appendicitis twice !"

"And someone having a new wife, have you seen that ?"

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