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Sometime I get so sick of my large intestine.

It always gives me shit.

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What did the colon tell the large intestine after several hours' worth of diarrhoea?

"Get your shit together"

It took guts to buy the new iPhone X

Specifically, both my kidneys, my pancreas, and my large intestine.

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New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

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The trip to Home Depot

I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point o...

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