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Java Jokes

Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

Why do blind programmers use Java?

Because they can't C.



(I'm so sorry.)

I made a java program to tell me my purpose.

It keeps saying "Null point exception", so it works great.

If i create a Java class public Class Woman{}

Am I objectifying women?

Two students are leaving a Java seminar

The guy turns to the girl and says "So... how much do you weigh?"

The girl says, "I'm not telling you! That's private!"

Taken aback, the guy says "But I thought we were in the same class!!"

Hey girl, are you a Java compiler?

Because when I proposed a Date, you said I wasn't your type.

Java is the most misogynistic programming language in existence

It thinks women are objects

To follow up on the Java/C# joke...

Q: Why did the Java Developer quit his job?

A: Because he didn't get arrays.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

JavaScript is a lot like English;

No one knows how to use semicolons properly.

My son finally landed a position as a software engineer. He proudly told me that his new job title will be “Java Developer.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that means he’ll be making the coffee.

A zombie walks into a brain store

On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get...

what is the difference between java and kotlin Android developers?

Java developers have no fun

I'm trying to teach my cat Java programming...

But he keeps complaining about a `NullLaserPointerException`.

Why do Java Programmers wear glasses?

Because they don't C#.

Why was the JavaScript developer sad?

Because he didn't Node how to Express himself

A computer programmer was asked if he used Java or something else.

After a short pause, he replied "Yes."

Mongols once launched a naval invasion on Java but failed....

They sucked at C

My wife is the least technical person in the world, so when she told me she had finished installing Java, I was astounded.

Until she held up her empty coffee cup.

I'm old fashioned when it comes to coffee. If someone offers me a hot cup of java, I say no thanks.

I'd much prefer a cup of C++.

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

Why should u buy a WiFi enabled espresso machine?

To get the latest Java updates

Who has the thickest coffee?

App developers. They like their Java GUI.

My IT Company Got Catfished

They hired a Java Developer remotely but when they finally met him in real life, he turned out to be a JavaScript developer!

Programmers make bad dating partners

A JavaScript developer will make empty promises and not call you back.

A Java developer will act classy but he’ll treat you as an object.

And a Python developer will take up all the space and everything will move too slow anyway.

i was in Jerusalem for a holiday

Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.

From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a femal...

I once appeared in a theatre production about a very popular web programming language

JavaScript?

No, it was entirely improvised.

What do you drink when you program?

A cup of java.

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with al...

Kitty

A cat walks into a bar and orders coffee. The waiter is speechless and seeing this, the cat asks:

\- Is anything the matter?

\- Well, yeah.. you're a cat.

\- So?

\- You can talk..

\- I fail to see the problem. Please get me my order.

\- Right away, it's just...

I need to get a new friend

I’ve been trying to develop a website on my laptop but needed help as I only know basic coding. I asked my friend, a computer programmer, for advice and he told me to get Python

After about a week, the snake arrived. It then proceeded to wrap itself around the computer now it doesn’t work at ...

The three most well known languages in India are English, Hindi, and...

JavaScript

Why are programmers in a love/hate relationship with coffee?

Because it helps them work but it's made of Java.

A banker died. When he arrived at the junction between heaven and hell, God gave him a choice between the two. The banker decided to take a tour.

He toured heaven. It was calm, serene and comfortable. Then he toured hell. There were nightclubs, endless bars, girls all around and loud music. He obviously chose the hell.

When he entered hell, there were fireballs, demons spitting java and not a pickle to eat. He turned to God and asked ...

I heard wired connections are faster...

So I poured some coffee on my router and now it's even slower...Do I need another java update?

After I drink coffee I show my empty mug

to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java.

He hates me.

There was this guy who asked me, "how do I open this jar?!"

"Install the latest version of the Java Runtime Environment", I said. Silly guy, now he's all confused. People these days... SMH.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a programmer, I had a shit day

I spilled Java all over my paper, found a Python in my backpack, and to top it all off, I got a C++ on my final exam.

How many agile programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to write the web page. One to make the video proclaiming the changing to be the next step towards the singularity. One to upload the video to Kickstarter. One to send out invitations to a meeting to decide whether to use Scrum or another method. One to argue that the way the invitations were se...

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