Hey girl, are you a Java compiler?

Because when I proposed a Date, you said I wasn't your type.

Why do Java programmers wear glasses?

Because they don’t C#

If i create a Java class public Class Woman{}

Am I objectifying women?

Why do blind programmers use Java?

Because they can't C.



(I'm so sorry.)

I made a java program to tell me my purpose.

It keeps saying "Null point exception", so it works great.

Java is the most misogynistic programming language in existence

It thinks women are objects

Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java

as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

Existential Java

I mixed de-caf coffee with regular coffee and they must have cancelled each other out because now I feel nothing.

My son finally landed a position as a software engineer. He proudly told me that his new job title will be “Java Developer.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that means he’ll be making the coffee.

Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

Two students are leaving a Java seminar

The guy turns to the girl and says "So... how much do you weigh?"

The girl says, "I'm not telling you! That's private!"

Taken aback, the guy says "But I thought we were in the same class!!"

My wife is the least technical person in the world, so when she told me she had finished installing Java, I was astounded.

Until she held up her empty coffee cup.

A computer programmer was asked if he used Java or something else.

After a short pause, he replied "Yes."

Who has the thickest coffee?

App developers. They like their Java GUI.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

I'm old fashioned when it comes to coffee. If someone offers me a hot cup of java, I say no thanks.

I'd much prefer a cup of C++.

Why should u buy a WiFi enabled espresso machine?

To get the latest Java updates

I'm trying to teach my cat Java programming...

But he keeps complaining about a `NullLaserPointerException`.

To follow up on the Java/C# joke...

Q: Why did the Java Developer quit his job?

A: Because he didn't get arrays.

A zombie walks into a brain store

On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get...

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

A banker died. When he arrived at the junction between heaven and hell, God gave him a choice between the two. The banker decided to take a tour.

He toured heaven. It was calm, serene and comfortable. Then he toured hell. There were nightclubs, endless bars, girls all around and loud music. He obviously chose the hell.

When he entered hell, there were fireballs, demons spitting java and not a pickle to eat. He turned to God and asked ...

Why are programmers in a love/hate relationship with coffee?

Because it helps them work but it's made of Java.

The three most well known languages in India are English, Hindi, and...

JavaScript

There was this guy who asked me, "how do I open this jar?!"

"Install the latest version of the Java Runtime Environment", I said. Silly guy, now he's all confused. People these days... SMH.

After I drink coffee I show my empty mug

to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java.

He hates me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with al...

How many agile programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to write the web page. One to make the video proclaiming the changing to be the next step towards the singularity. One to upload the video to Kickstarter. One to send out invitations to a meeting to decide whether to use Scrum or another method. One to argue that the way the invitations were se...

I heard wired connections are faster...

So I poured some coffee on my router and now it's even slower...Do I need another java update?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a programmer, I had a shit day

I spilled Java all over my paper, found a Python in my backpack, and to top it all off, I got a C++ on my final exam.

A Wealthy Programmer Freezes Himself.

Back in the early 70s, a programmer was able to build several complex systems and was heavily compensated for his work. Throughout the years, he put his knowledge to work and was able to fix almost any problem thrown at him. Unfortunately, however, he learnt from his doctor that he was slowly dying ...

What's the difference between a normal intern and a tech intern?

One gets people coffee, and the other sends Java programs

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