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Circumcisions Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Ukrainian Jew to another: "Would you share this imported bottle of Scotch with me?"

The other: "Of course I would. But we barely have money for food. Where did you get Scotch?"

First: "I traded some Russian caviar for it."

Second: "But how did you get Russian caviar?"

First: "I traded some calamari to them for it."

Second: "But we're hundreds of kilomete...

Circumcisions are painful.

When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year

How does the person who gives circumcisions get paid?

They keep the tips

Did you hear about the doctor who does circumcisions on commission?

He works for tips

What's it like being the rabbi who does circumcisions?

The pay is awful but you get to keep all the tips.

I was assisting a Dr. doing circumcisions

and he asked me “Don’t you ever wonder what I do with all these forskins? I take them home and make wallets out of them…when you rub them they turn into suitcases.”

Why are circumcisions cheap in Israel?

Because rabbis work for tips.

Part Jewish here 🇮🇱

why do jewish men get circumcisions?

because jewish women wont touch anything that isn't 10% off...

Why are discount circumcisions a bad idea?

It’s usually a total rip-off

Did you hear about the drunk surgeon who did circumcisions?

He got the sack

Why do doctors make more money from circumcisions than other types of procedures?

It's the only procedure in which they collect tips!

A local hospital is offering Black Friday specials on circumcisions.

Up to 50% off.

A doctor is retiring, he mostly performed circumcisions his whole career...

...and he collected the remainders in a large glass jar. He brings the jar to a leather tanner and explains that it’s all he has to remember 50 years of service to his community - please make something, anything, nice from it.

The leather tanner says no problem; to come back in a week.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor has been doing circumcisions for 30 years, and he's collected all the foreskins. (NSFW)

He has them all in a box, and decides he should do something with them. He takes them to a taxidermist and asks him to make something out of them.

A few weeks later, he returns to the taxidermist, who pulls out a small box and sets it on the counter. The doctor opens the box and there is a wa...

You know what they say about getting cheap circumcisions.

It'll be a rip-off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you read the report on circumcisions?

Yeah, a number of dickheads were exposed.

A rabbi had worked for many years as a mohel performing circumcisions...

He collected all the foreskins he had cut over his career and brought them to a leather maker after he retired.

He brings the foreskins to the best leather maker in town and says “Make me whatever you can with these.” Surprised but undaunted, the leather maker says “Okay, come back in a week ...

I used to perform circumcisions for a living.

I got tons of tips.

There is a tree named after the rabbi who does circumcisions.

It's the juniper.

Joke from my dad.

I used to know a guy who did circumcisions

The money wasn't great, but he got to keep the tips

How much do people who perform circumcisions get paid?

$50/h plus tips

My dad knows a guy who does circumcisions

He says the pay isn't very good, but he gets to keep the tips

Great deals on circumcisions,

Half off!

I knew a rabbi who wouldn’t accept payment for circumcisions,

He only took tips

A guy gives free circumcisions

He gets asked, "well, if you don't get paid, how do you keep the food on the table?"

He answers, "I keep the tips"

Did you hear about the robot who specializes in circumcisions

Real cutting-edge technology

[NSFW] Circumcisions are odd. Expensive ones are worth it, while

Cheap ones are ripoffs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mohel (guy who does circumcisions) is retiring after a long 50 year career...

A mohel (guy who does circumcisions) is retiring after a long 50 year career...

For shits and giggles, every time he did a circumcision he saved the foreskin and put in a giant jar he kept in the back of his office. After 50 years he has a full jar of foreskins, and he figures he can use them...

I lost my job performing circumcisions

I just couldn't cut it.

I asked a person giving elephant circumcisions if they liked their job...

They said, "The pay isn't great, but the tips are big."

My buddy performs circumcisions, and i was curious how much he got paid

"Oh we dont get paid, we just keep the tips"

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