You got gonorrhea from a sloth...?

*slow clap*

What do you call a nun with gonorrhea?

A burning bush!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”

“OK, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the doc soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

“But, Doc, I’ve been screwing the maid, too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”

“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
...

I told my girlfriend I got gonorrhea from bestiality. She laughed and left me the same way as that sloth.

With a slow clap.

What would you call an extreme case of gonorrhea?

Thunderclap

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Gonorrhea

A man goes to the doctors after his toe goes black and swells up. After he is diagnosed with a dose of gonorrhea of the foot, he asked if it was rare. The doctor told him 'about as rare as the woman we had in yesterday, with athlete's cunt’

Gonorrhea

A great name for diarrhea medicine.

They were pretty optimistic when they named it gonorrhea.

No need to applaud.

What do you call an orgy with people that have Gonorrhea?

A round of applause.

I was kicked out of the army because I got gonorrhea

It was a dishonorable discharge

“Which of the following does not belong in this list: herpes, gonorrhea, or a condominium in Cleveland?”

“The condo, obviously.”

“Nope, gonorrhea. It’s the only one you can get rid of.”

What's worse than your doctor telling you that you have gonorrhea?

Getting the news from your dentist

A man accidentally walks into a Gonorrhea Complications Support Group and says

"Well damn, I didn't expect a round of applause!"

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

Gonorrhea, HIV, condominium, herpes: which is not like the others?

Gonorrhea, it's the only one you can get rid of.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say gonorrhea in Russian?

Rotchurcockov.

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Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Joe goes to the doctor for a checkup. Halstaad M.D. asks just one thing.

Please pee on this cup and come back. Joe's confused by this weird method, but fuck it let's roll.

Joe brings the cup back. Then, Halstaad dips his right pinky into the urine, licks it and pauses.
Then, he...

We're Sergeants Now!

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we're privates," protests Jasper. "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm ...

What do you call gonorrhea that takes a long time to show up?

Slow clap.

What's green and eats nuts?

Gonorrhea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two fisherman were talking: -I can't have sex with my wife

Why?

-Because She has gonorrhea.

So what, fuck Her in the ass.

-I can't because She has diarrhea.

Then ask Her to for a blowjob

-No, because She has phyrrea.

Goddamn dude, so why the hell did You marry Her?

-Because She has worms and You know I like f...

My boyfriend just told me he has an STD...

Looks like I'm *gonorrhea*valuate this relationship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Diagnose

Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my sex life forever.
Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!
It's much worse than that!
I've got arthritis in my hands!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my sex life has been on fire recently!

Gonorrhea really is a bitch.

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Two Soldiers Walk Into A Bar...

It’s the height of the Vietnam War, and deep in the jungles U.S. Army Privates Chip and Dan have just been promoted to Sergeants.

Now Chip hasn’t always been the brightest bulb, and he’s been known to need some time to process big changes.

As Chip and Dan are doing their rounds one aft...

If you don't like jokes about STDs...

... you're gonorrhea-lly hate this one!

Tiger Woods gave me gonorrhea!

*golf clap*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man goes to the doctor and says... (dirty/swearing)

Man says, ‘Dr, Dr, I think I may have gonorrhea!!’

Dr: ‘Don’t stress, we’ll fix you up with some antibiotics before you leave.’

Man: ‘No Dr, you don’t understand, I’ve been fucking the maid and I think she may have it too.’

Dr: ‘Ah, I see. Ok, make her an appointment also’.
...

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Two men are fishing.

One asks the other how his recent marriage is going.

"Not so well. We haven't been able to consummate the marriage. The wife has gonorrhea."

"Wow, that's bad. I suppose there's always oral sex?"

"Nope. She has a serious gum infection - pyorrhea."

"Is she up for, ahem, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to the doctor complaining of tennis elbow...

Doctor says to him that because of social distancing, he’s got this new machine that can diagnose anything with just a urine sample and just drop it off at his convenience.

The guy is upset and just wants his tennis elbow looked at, so he pees in a cup, has his wife and daughter pee in the s...

People make mistakes

That's why a pencil has an eraser and Katie has gonorrhea

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A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand,...

I was having stomach problems the other day so I went to the doctor for my diarrhea.

He gave me a blind fold and told me to wait 20 and that I would be fine and it worked.

Now I have gonorrhea

The doctor comes in the room and says, "I've got good news and I've got bad news for you."

The bad news is you've got "HAGS".



"HAGS? What's that?"



"That's what we call it when you have herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis all at the same time.



"Doc, that's horrible, what's the good news?"



"There is a special treatment regime for...

What do you call it when someone gets gonorrhea multiple times

*Applause*

I just made this up, i know it's terrible but at least its not a repost (I think).

A salesman flies to Vegas for a convention.

He’s driving down the strip when he sees a hooker who tells him, “Yoo Hoo! I’m selling!” They strike a bargain and do the big nasty.

When he returns home, he discovers he’s contracted gonorrhea. He’s on medication for the rest of the year. But the convention rolls around again and he flies ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW : He just LOVES to fish!

A couple checks into a seedy motel and asks for the Honeymoon suite. Around 3:30am the groom all decked out completely in fishing gear comes walzing thru the lobby and headed for the door.

Overcome with curiosity the desk clerk stops him and asks, "Aren't you the fellow that just checked in a...

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A man gets out of prison and finds a prostitute.

“I just got out of prison and haven’t had sex in a long time. I only have $20. What can I get?,” he says.

The prostitute replies, “I can’t help you but I think I know someone who can.”

So he goes to her friend and tells her the same story. The friend can’t help him but sends him to som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two people prepare to have sex for the first time, but one of them hesitates

"Wait a minute, isn't this a little rash?"

"No, it's gonorrhea."

Inspector in a hospital is interviewing a room full of patients

He asks the first one

- What are you in here with?
- Gonorrhea
- How are they treating you?
- Swab it with iodine
- Any questions or complaints?
- No

So he moves to the next one

- What are you in here with?
- Hemorhoids
- How are they treating you?
- Swab...

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad.

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really sick. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says, "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."
"What is HAGS" the man asks.
"It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis," says the doctor.
"Oh my God," say...

John and Susie just got married.

John and Susie just got married and are spending their honeymoon at a beautiful resort on a fishing lake. For the first 3 days of their getaway, John is spotted by the groundskeeper, fishing all day long. Finally, the groundskeeper decides to approach him.




"Hey there son, I recko...

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The Illness

A man returned from a business trip to Dubai feeling nauseous and looking ghastly. He rushed to the ER and was immediately put through some medical tests.


After a few days of experiencing excruciating pain throughout his body, the doctor walks into the room holding his medical report.
...

Mother Superior

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'

'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of Chardonnay.

Went fishing with a girl I met at the bar.

Caught gonorrhea

Skeeter and Bubba got promoted from Privates to Sergeants.

Shortly after, they were out walking when Bubba said "Hey Skeeter! There's the NCO Club! What say we go in there and have us a drink?"

"But we don't belong in the NCO Club!" Skeeter protested. "We's Privates!"

Bubba points to the new stripes sewn on their clothes and says, "No we a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Couple Go on Their Honeymoon

A man and his new bride check into a resort lodge in Alaska. The resort manager/park ranger checks them in, tells them to let him know if they need anything, and wishes they congratulations and a happy stay.

The first night, while the park ranger is making his rounds, he sees the husband sit...

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Made this one up in health class today

Suzy gets invited to go to her first high-school party with alcohol. Her mother is no fool and understands how teenagers are, so she sits Suzy down and gives her the talk "Now Suzy. it is normal for girls and boys your age to begin to have sex. It is natural and nothing to be ashamed of , BUT if you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THE FISHING GROOM

A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The
desk clerk notices the "Just Married" sign still on the car. As soon
as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go
fishing.

He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his
lante...

A lady's man goes to the doctor because he's been sick.

After running several tests, the doctor tells the man, "I'm sorry, sir, but you have HAGS."
"HAGS? What is that?" asks the startled man.
"Herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis," replied the doctor.
"What can you do for me, doc? Please, help me!" pleaded the man.
"First, we have to quar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the doctor for a physical. [Long]

The doctor tells him they have a new machine that can diagnose all ailments with 100% accuracy with a urine sample and would like to have him be the first to use it. The guy, curious, agrees.

The guy gives a urine sample and the doctor pours it into the machine. After some beeping and boopin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wartime injuries (NSFW)

A general is visiting troops in the hospital during wartime. He walks up to the first bed and asks the soldier what he is in for. The soldier replies, "Chronic gonorrhea, sir." The general asks how he is treating it. The soldier replies, "15 minutes a day with a wire brush, sir." The general asks wh...

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Fisherman's Joke

A man and a woman are on their honeymoon at a nice resort for a 3 day stay. The resort manager notices the man leave in the morning on the first day and spent the day fishing. He does this for 2 more days, so the manager decides to approach the man and ask "Why aren't you in there having sex with yo...

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At a country club tennis court, a man clutches his elbow in pain...

He says to his friend, "Geez, my elbow aches. I think I should see a doctor about this".

The friend says, "Well before you do, why don't you try that machine in the locker room. You pee in a cup, and it writes you a prescription!"

Although skeptical, the man agrees to try out the machi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to see a doctor because of an itch 'down there'

When the doctor receives his results from the lab he calls the man in to go over the results. The doc sits him down and tells him "I'm afraid you've contracted Shag."
The patient immediately has a puzzled look on his face. "Shag? What's that?".
Slowly, with a solemn look on his face, the d...

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The Lonely Buy and the Bum (longer joke)

So a guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. When the bartender hands him his drink, he leans in real coy, looks around and asks quietly "Hey man, do you guys have any hookers in the back?".

The Bartender very quickly replies, very firmly "No sir, we do NOT do that here." The guy is taken abac...

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The old one about a guy and his big toe

So this guy has had a sexual fantasy for years about having sex with a gal using his big toe. After years of thinking about non-stop and never finding a gal to participate, he hires a hooker.

She obliges and it is just as awesome as he thought it would be, but a week later he gets a crazy ras...

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"Have you heard the one about Charlie Brooker's sex club?"

"No. Wait, what? Charlie Brooker has a sex club?"

"Yeah man, **wild** orgies, *very* selected members".

"Oh my. All right, so what happened?"

"One of the women attended an orgy and gave everyone gonorrhea".

"Oh Jesus! That's awful! What did Charlie do?"

"...

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Franks sees Bob down by the water fishing one afternoon...

Frank: "Hey Bob, what are you doing down here?"
Bob: "Just fishing, you know how much I like to fish."
Frank: "Didn't you get married today?"
Bob: "Sure did, she's a keeper, couldn't be happier."
Frank: "Well, uh... not to get too personal, but shouldn't you be with your wife, uh, con...

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A guy goes to get his physical (long)

So Tom goes to his doctor for his annual physical while sitting in the examining room he notices a large machine with a lot of lights and buttons looking more complicated than the space shuttle cockpit.
The doctor walks in and explains that the this new machine can diagnose every possible ailmen...

Racism at its finest

They asked a Scottish man
"What is better for you? A Muslim or a Jewish?"
He replied: the Muslim is better than the Jewish in the sense that gonorrhea is better than chlamydia

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The fisherman

A man and his wife are staying at a lake cottage when they notice a couple driving up one day with a "Just Married" sign on the back of their car. Every morning he sees the man who just got married head out to fish in a row boat all day long. After a week of seeing this, the man says to his wife, "I...

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The honeymooners

So me and an old friend decide to go on a fishing trip. When we arrived at the lodge we were informed that the only boat they had was for the honeymoon cabin, we asked if it was available, but no, it had just been rented my a newly wed couple for the weekend.



So we rented a boat from ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy has $5 and is horny as hell...

He goes to a brothel and asks the bouncer what he can get for $5.
The bouncer says you'll have to go see Irene out back.
So the guy goes to a little shed behind the brothel.
He sees Irene, takes a deep breath and asks her "can I get a blowjob, I have $5?" She says can't I have Pyorrhea, he ...

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