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Mohel Jokes

There was a mohel who had the odd habit of keeping the foreskins in a box in a closet.

One day he noticed that they'd naturally tanned into very supple leather, so he took the boxful to a bag maker, to see if anything could be done with them. The craftsman told him to return in a month.

When he did, he was presented with a shaving kit.

"All of that leather, and this was ...

Did you hear about the blind mohel?

He got the sack

A rabbi had worked for many years as a mohel performing circumcisions...

He collected all the foreskins he had cut over his career and brought them to a leather maker after he retired.

He brings the foreskins to the best leather maker in town and says “Make me whatever you can with these.” Surprised but undaunted, the leather maker says “Okay, come back in a week ...

A mohel (circumcising rabbi) walks into a luggage store . . .

He lays what looks like a leather bag on the counter. The clerk looks at it and asks, “What is it?”

“I collected all the foreskins I trimmed over the years, and sewed them together. It’s a change purse.”

The clerk looked disgusted. “I can’t imagine any customer buying that!”

“Wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Jewish men circumcised?

Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off.

Edit: Wow. So to all you humorless twats getting offended over a joke, I heard this while visiting my grandmother in the hospital. The Jewish woman (who was probably a little senile) that shared a room with her told me th...

A mohel collected all the foreskins in a jar, for the duration of his thirty year career.

Upon his retirement, he brought them to a local leather shop and requested a custom piece.

"What should I make?" asked the leathersmith.

"Surprise me," said the mohel.

A week later he returned to find the result. A wallet.

"There were hundreds of foreskins there, and all ...

I'm thinking about becoming a mohel

From what I hear, the pay isn't great but there's lots of tips.

Two Jewish men are standing in the bathroom and peeing in adjacent urinals

the one to the right finishes doing his business, turns around, and says to his neighbor, “Tell me, did Mohel Rabinovich do your bris [i.e. circumcision]?” “Yes,” the other guy responds, “how did you know?!!!” “Well, Rabinovich is a little cross-eyed and you are peeing on my shoes!”

The Clock in the Window

A man was exploring some back streets in a city, when he saw a little shop with a clock in the window - which reminded him that his mantle clock was broken. So he returned home, got his clock, and returned to the shop.

He entered and put it on the counter, saying "Can you repair this?"
The...

A mohel took out an ad saying how good of a circumciser he is.

But he wasn't getting any jobs. So he called the newspaper and asked them "is there something wrong with my ad?" They responded: It might be the tagline:

"Abe the Mohel: A cut above the rest".

A poor Jewish tailor has a son...

So he goes to see the mohel and tells him, "My son must be circumcised, but I have no money to pay you."
After thinking for a moment, the mohel gets a huge jar from his shelf and gives it to the tailor. "For all my years as a mohel, I haven't known what to do with all the foreskins, so I put the...

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A mohel (guy who does circumcisions) is retiring after a long 50 year career...

A mohel (guy who does circumcisions) is retiring after a long 50 year career...

For shits and giggles, every time he did a circumcision he saved the foreskin and put in a giant jar he kept in the back of his office. After 50 years he has a full jar of foreskins, and he figures he can use them...

After 40 years on the job, a mohel* is about to retire.

He's performed thousands of circumcisions and saved all the foreskins in a jar. He takes them to the best leatherworker in town and asks if he could do anything with them as a commemoration of his long career. "Sure, be back in two weeks."

Two weeks later the mohel returns, and the leatherw...

What's the best part about being a mohel? (someone who performs circumcisions in the Jewish religion)

The tips.

A rabbi is hiring an assistant...

Rabbi Hoffman is hiring an assistant, and he’s interviewing a young man named Uri for the job.

The rabbi read through Uri’s resume. He had extensive community service, excellent grades, and had never missed service.

“This all looks very good, young man. I’m going to need help cleaning...

Guy walking down the street notices his watch has stopped working...

So he looks around, and notices a store with a huge watch hanging in the window.

He enters, and tells the clerk he'd like to have his watch repaired.

The clerk, looking confused, tells the customer, "Er, sir, I'm not a jeweler, I'm a mohel."

Customer says, "So why do you have th...

A Jewish woman wants her son to have a bris but her Christian husband is against it

She goes against his wishes and has a secret bris.

The husband shows up unannounced and everyone in the synagogue is in shock.

The mother gasps, "How did you know?!"

The father replies "I could see it coming a mohel away."

A man is walking down the street

When he notices his watch has stopped. Seeing a shop window filled with watches and clocks, he goes inside
“My watch has stopped, could you take a look at it?” He asks the man behind the counter.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t work on watches. You see, I’m a Mohel.”
“What’s a Mohel?”
“Well, a M...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew goes into a brothel

— Hello, I’d like to hire the services of a woman called Alice

— What a coincidence, that’s my name. What do you want done?

— I… I want to be pegged

— Oh, how kinky. Why are you looking for this, my sweet mohel?

— Because I’ve always wanted someone named Alice to find out...

Two Mohels and a Vicar are playing cards

So, two mohels and a vicar are playing a game of cards. And somewhere along the way, they get into an argument -- as they always did -- about who among the three should host dinner that night. You see, they're all very passionate dinner hosts.

One of the mohels says "You should come to my ho...

Some say we should end the practice of male circumcision

Personally I think they're making a mountain out of a mohel.

I asked my doctor if he takes tips.

He said I had mistaken him for a mohel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jews are standing at neighboring urinals, when one asks the other...

"were you by any chance circumcised by Shlomo the mohel?"

The second Jew responds "yes, how do you know?"

"because you're peeing on my foot" responds the first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Circumcision Joke [nsfw]

A mohel (for those who don't know, a mohel/moyel/mohil is a Jewish person trained as a circumciser for the bris) is about to retire and calls his friend in to tell him the news. His friend said "Why that's wonderful news, you've spent many a year behind the knife, I bet you'll be glad to retire." ...

My friend got a new (interesting) job..

I ran into an old friend and in catching up I asked how he was doing and how work was going with Covid.

He surprised me when he said he was laid off from his regular well paying job, but he had taken a part time job as a *Mohel*. I asked what that was and he explained it was the guy in the ...

A Broken Watch

A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.

The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the propr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can someone please explain my joke for me?

Long ago there was a mohel who performed more circumcisions than all other mohels. One day he was talking to a friend of his and the friend asked, "You've performed so many circumcisions, what do you the foreskins?" The mohel replied "Ah, well, you see, I've made a wallet from them all. The friend, ...

Old Jewish joke

A woman walks past a store with a display of watches in front. The woman, having broke her watch recently, goes inside. She asks the man behind the counter, "hey, do you repair watches?"
The man says "No, I'm a Mohel."
She asks, incredulously, "then why do you have watches displayed in front? ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Keep the Tip

A Mohel has faithfully performed circumcisions for his Jewish temple for 47 years and he is finally retiring from service. He wanted something that would symbolize his life's work and being the clever Mohel that he was, he had kept all of the penis skin that he had removed over the years.

...

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