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Foreskin Jokes

What happens to a Jewish boy's foreskin as he reaches his coming of age?

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You'll never guess what happened to my foreskin when I went to a Jewish festival the other day?

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A mohel collected all the foreskins in a jar, for the duration of his thirty year career.

Upon his retirement, he brought them to a local leather shop and requested a custom piece.

"What should I make?" asked the leathersmith.

"Surprise me," said the mohel.

A week later he returned to find the result. A wallet.

"There were hundreds of foreskins there, and all ...

Three men arrive simultaneously at the Pearly Gates.

They are greeted by St. Peter, who tells them, "Welcome! Before you can enter heaven, you must be circumcised, and I can see that none of you are. The standard procedure these days is that we remove your foreskin using whatever method your father used to make a living."
To the first guy, he says...

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Speaking of foreskins.....

A baby boy was born back in 2015 with a rare condition called Ablepharon-macrostomia syndrome that left him without eyelids.  This happened in my small resort town in upstate NY, it turned that there was a world-renowned plastic surgeon in town and he performed a surgery to correct the condition. Du...

Why do politicians wear neckties?

To keep their foreskin from flopping over their head.

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A boy was born without eyelids the other day.....

So they grafted some of the foreskin from his penis to make him some eyelids. He's expected to be fine but the doctor said he'll be a little cock-eyed.

Hey, check out my foreskin.

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A doctor has been doing circumcisions for 30 years, and he's collected all the foreskins. (NSFW)

He has them all in a box, and decides he should do something with them. He takes them to a taxidermist and asks him to make something out of them.

A few weeks later, he returns to the taxidermist, who pulls out a small box and sets it on the counter. The doctor opens the box and there is a wa...

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My wife has this weird kink, where she loves to bite and suck my foreskin after sex

Kind of makes me wish I threw it out after the circumcision

There was a mohel who had the odd habit of keeping the foreskins in a box in a closet.

One day he noticed that they'd naturally tanned into very supple leather, so he took the boxful to a bag maker, to see if anything could be done with them. The craftsman told him to return in a month.

When he did, he was presented with a shaving kit.

"All of that leather, and this was ...

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Did you guys hear about the kid born with no eye lids?

They made him some out of his foreskin. he came out a little cock eyed but other than that he’s fine

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A baby is born without an eyelid and referred to a Plastic surgeon

Plastic surgeon : You’re lucky it’s a boy. We will perform a circumcision and reconstruct the eyelid with the foreskin.
Mom (not entirely reassured): Will he be ok ? Will he be cockeyed?

Plastic surgeon : Oh no Ma’am, in fact he will have foresight.

What do you call a knight with no foreskin?

Sir-cumcised

A foreskin walks into a bar...

The bartender immediately says, "hey wait! I cut you off an hour ago!"

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Kid born without eyelids.

I just read where a kid was born without eyelids. The doctors have came up with a way to correct the problem, they are going to use his foreskin to make him eyelids. The doctors said that they will work fine and the kid will live a normal life. The only problem is that the kid will be a little cocke...

A guy walks into a tailors shop

He gives the tailor a large bag of foreskins and asks if he can make anything with them. The tailor thinks about it and says that he think he can, and asks the guy to return to the store tomorrow.

The guy leaves, returns the next day and asks the tailor if he made anything with the foreskins....

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[NSFW] I once knew a man who was born with no eyelids. They had to use his foreskin to make new ones...

You could say he was a little cockeyed!

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What do they use to chop off your foreskin

Circumsizzors

Did you hear about the foreign government growing potatoes in their foreskin?

Bunch of dictators.

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My Cousin was born with no eyelids. Later when he was circumcised, they used the foreskin to create eyelids for him.

Everything turned out fine......he's just a lil Cock eyed.

Did you hear about the knight who used to take his slain enemies' foreskins as trophies?

His name was Sir Cumcision

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Why did the circumcised foreskin have trouble making friends?

He was a bit of a dick.

What’s the difference between foresight and foreskin?

If you have foresight, you see something coming. If you have foreskin, nobody sees you coming.

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My wife came home after a long day in the operating room and told me about a patient she had that required eyelid transplants. With no other options they were forced to use skin from the man’s foreskin to complete the transplant...

Apparently he came out a little cock-eyed

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One of the first steps toward becoming a man...

One day, the father of a young boy decides that it's time to teach his son how to pee standing up.

"Alright, son, this is one thing that will help you become a man. It's a privilege we have that women do not, so it's important to take advantage of it. All you have to do is follow these nine s...

I tried to post a joke about foreskin earlier...

but it got removed

What was the name for that stuff that builds up under foreskin again?

It's on the tip of my tongue.

What did people call the knight who lost his foreskin during a battle?

Sir. Cumcision

The IRS Assigns an Agent to Audit a Synagogue

The agent sits down with the rabbi and starts asking his interview questions.

"What do you do with the crumbs left from the matzos?" The rabbi replies "we save them up and when we have enough we send them to the matzo factory and they send us back a free matzo ball."

"Ok, then wha...

A doctor specializing in circumcision is about to retire...

Over the years he has kept all the foreskins and approaches a leather smith to see if he can make them into something.

A few weeks later the leather smith delivers a small wallet to the doctor, the doctor is confused saying "I gave you loads of foreskins and you only made this tiny wallet?"...

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So a man had his eye lids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his foreskin

He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed.

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A boy was born with a rare condition called ablepharia..

It’s were the child is born without eyes lids. The doctor tells the parents that there is a new surgical treatment were they take the foreskin of the circumcision to create new eye lids. The parents asks how successful the surgery has been.

The doctor says “The surgery itself is pretty simp...

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Did you hear about that baby that was born without one of his eye-lids? they used part of his foreskin to replace it.

He’ll be alright, just a little cock-eyed.

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Did anyone else hear about the baby who was born recently, without eyelids? The doctors actually used his foreskin to make a pair of lids for him.

It was an experimental procedure, and it worked great!.... except now he's all cock-eyed.

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What do a redneck truck and foreskin have in common?

If there's a set of balls hanging, the dick's inside

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My niece was born with no eyelids, bless her heart, but the doctors were able to replace them with surgically removed foreskin...

Only side effect is she's a little cock-eyed now.

A Rabbi had been saving foreskin

He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his foreskin collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.

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TIL Doctors have successfully grafted eye lids on a patient using foreskin.

The surgery went well, but now she's a little cock eyed.

Did you hear about the Rabbi who kept all of the foreskins from the circumcisions he did and sewed them into a wallet?

Whenever he took a vacation and needed a suitcase, he would just stroke the wallet a few times.

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What do you call uncircumcised neo-nazis?

Foreskin heads

A retiring obstetrician takes the bag of foreskins he collected during his career to a taxidermist.

The taxidermist looks at the thousands of dried up bits of skin and then looks quizzically at the obstetrician -- who says "I don't know, just make something nice with them."

A couple months later, the taxidermist calls to say that the souvenir of the obstetrician's career is ready. When the ...

What do sperm and politicians have in common?

About 1 in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming human.



Bonus Joke;

### Why do politicians wear neckties?

To keep their foreskin from flopping over their head.

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service.

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day in...

I got a job making wallets out of elephant foreskins

If you rub the wallet it turns into a suitcase.

What did the bartender say to the foreskin?

"You're cut off."

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Did you see on the news the boy who was born with no eyelids?

The doctors rushed him to emergency surgery for his circumcision and immediately replaced his eyelids with his foreskin in a miraculous surgery. The doctor was praised and during an interview stated "the boy is going to be just fine, we don't see any major complications in his future however he may ...

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News Report: Child born with no eyelids.

A baby boy has been born without having his eyelid full formed. In a radical new surgery the doctors were able to form eyelids for the foreskin of the child. Doctors report the surgery successful, however the child may be cock-eyed.

Here's a joke about circumcised foreskins.

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I was born without eyelids, so they created them from my foreskin...

Now I’m a little cock-eyed.

My dad has a lazy eye and tells this joke when someone asks about it.

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I had to have foreskin removed when I was thirteen

My sister was born with no eyelids and the doctor suggested making them out of foreskin.
Worked awesome, she can blink and wink normally. Only thing is that she is a bit cockeyed...

A poor Jewish tailor has a son...

So he goes to see the mohel and tells him, "My son must be circumcised, but I have no money to pay you."
After thinking for a moment, the mohel gets a huge jar from his shelf and gives it to the tailor. "For all my years as a mohel, I haven't known what to do with all the foreskins, so I put the...

I don't understand the concept of foreskin

It goes right over my head

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I had to go to the hospital to help my wife deliver a baby

While I was there my wife suddenly started freaking out about what if the baby came out with a birth defect. Everything was going through her head from it having six toes to having three heads. Eventually it got bad enough that a doctor had to come in and calm her down. Her first question was what w...

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Did you hear about the little boy born with no eyelids?

After they circumcised him the attached the leftover foreskin to his eyes and made new eyelids.

The doctors said he would be alright..

..just a little cock-eyed.

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NSFW Back in the 1990’s, a baby boy was born without eyelids.

His parents go to a plastic surgeon and the surgeon finds out the boy hasn’t been circumcised yet.

The foreskin has nearly the same tissue as the eyelids, so the surgeon suggests a procedure using the baby’s foreskin to fix this problem.

Ecstatic, the parents agree.

After a few...

What is the worlds biggest drawback?

A whales foreskin.

A Rabbi is thinking to himself one day...

"What do I do with all of these foreskins?"

As a Rabbi, he had accumulated at least a thousand foreskins and was stumped at what to do with them. Finally, he decides to take all of these foreskins to a leather worker to see if the leather worker could make something out of them.

The ...

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Why do lawyers wear button up collars and ties?

So their foreskin doesn’t slip up over their head

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Medical science has come a long way.

There's a tribe in Africa whose exposure to chemical runoff in the water from local mines created birth defects. One out of every three children are born with no eyelids. Volunteer doctors created a procedure where they take the foreskin from new born males and create eyelids for those born without ...

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I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." ...

Retiring Dr.

A doctor who delivered thousands of babies over his career is finally retiring. He had an odd habit but whenever he circumcised a baby boy he would throw the foreskin in a large gallon jar of formaldehyde. As he is cleaning out his office there sits this large Jar and he begins to think "What can I...

How do you eat a banana?

*Peel back the foreskin*

Regarding myself: I must confess to my one and only draw-back, and it's a fairly massive one...

It's my foreskin.

A rabbi had worked for many years as a mohel performing circumcisions...

He collected all the foreskins he had cut over his career and brought them to a leather maker after he retired.

He brings the foreskins to the best leather maker in town and says “Make me whatever you can with these.” Surprised but undaunted, the leather maker says “Okay, come back in a week ...

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Did you hear about the Jewish man who kept drawing on his penis?

He was told for good hygiene you have to draw back your foreskin.

A joke my dad told me. With my twist.

A Jewish circumcision doctor once had a jar full of the skin he had circumcised over the last few hours. He went to a new leatherworker he had heard about that could use the leftover skin. So the Jewish doctor thought he would try and reuse, reduce, and recycle.

The doctor met with the leathe...

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A father decides it's time to teach his young son how to pee standing up...

So he brings his son into the bathroom.

"Son, it's a 7 step process. Step 1: you unzip your pants. Step 2: you pull your penis out. Step 3: you pull back your foreskin. Step 4: you go pee. Step 5: you push your foreskin back over your penis. Step 6: you put your penis back in your pants. And ...

A synagogue is being audited by the IRS

The auditor was really eager to catch the Rabbi with wasting charity funds.

Auditor - what do you do with the candle drippings?

Rabbi - we collect it and send it back to the candle company. Every once in a while, they send us back new candles.

Auditor - when you're finished ea...

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A guy from IRS shows up at the rabbi's house

"So, you produce a lot of waste during your ceremonies that could potentially be sold for profit but it's missing from your books, how do you account for that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the matzo bread you eat... It's awfully dry, it must surely leave a lot of crumbs... What do you d...

A father is teaching his boy how to pee in the toilet.

"OK son", he says. It's as easy as counting to 5.

1. Pull down your pants.
2. Pull back your foreskin.
3. Pee in the toilet.
4. Put your foreskin back.
5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father no...

On their last day, a group of tourists traveling around Australia decide to go to a souvenir shop.

Everyone’s shopping for cool stuff until one lady stops and wonders why two absolutely identical wallets cost $100 and $1000 respectively. To which the owner replies, “They may look identical to you, Madam, but the 100-dollar wallet is made of crocodile skin, whereas the 1000-dollar one is made of c...

I'm so torn on circumcision.

I mean, you're either foreskin or against it.

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Born with no eyelids

( I usually start this one off by casually asking if someone has been keeping up with the news)

Oh, did you see the story about the missionaries that adopted that baby that was born with no eyelids?

No? It was pretty interesting. So, check it out, this group of missionaries was wor...

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The local synagogue is having their taxes audited...

The IRS agent goes through the audit normally, and finds nothing wrong with the synagogue's taxes. Eager to find something amiss, he looks around and sees the candles burning. "Rabbi Rabinowitz," he begins, "what do you do with the drippings from the candles you burn?"
The Rabbi quickly repli...

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Kid born without eyelids

Just saw in the news that a kid at a nearby hospital was born without any eyelids.

Poor little guy had a hard time sleeping until a doc fixed his issue by using the baby's foreskin to create eyelids.

Kid is doing alright now. He's just a little cockeyed.

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A mohel (guy who does circumcisions) is retiring after a long 50 year career...

A mohel (guy who does circumcisions) is retiring after a long 50 year career...

For shits and giggles, every time he did a circumcision he saved the foreskin and put in a giant jar he kept in the back of his office. After 50 years he has a full jar of foreskins, and he figures he can use them...

The Circumcision Surgeon

A surgeon retires from his long career as a specialist in circumcision.

Throughout his career, he has saved hundreds of foreskins as mementos and now wishes to turn them into a souvenir.

He takes his specimens to a leathersmith and asks him to make something out of them.

A...

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There was a baby boy born without eyelids ...

To remedy his everlasting stare, when it came time to purge the foreskin, it was fashioned into a new set of eyelids. I guess that's what it means to be cockeyed.

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Have you heard about the baby born without eyelids?

The doctor took the baby's foreskin and and created perfect eyelids.

"Oh, my goodness! This is amazing news!

Will there be any long term effects?" the Mother asked.

"Well" the Doctor replied, "He may be a bit cock-eyed".

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