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Complication Jokes

What do you call complications during chidbirth

A midwife crisis.

I told my friends a joke about birth complications, but no one laughed.

It must have come out wrong.

Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes

And It cost me an arm and a leg.

I would never vaccinate my own child because of all the complications

Thats why I leave it to the certified medical professionals to do it.

I made a gaffe about birth complications

Well, that came out wrong.

True story: Wife asked the 7yo, "Do you have any girlfriends at school?"

7yo, "No, just 'personal complications'."

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation....

and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntl...

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A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot

with three bullets to her womb. Miraculously she and all her children survived. However, a bullet had embedded in each of the three children. The doctor decided it would be best to leave the bullets. A few months later she gives birth to two beautiful daughters and a son, with no health complication...

Mom and Dad go away on vacation

Mom called her son every day to see how everything is going at home.

Her son explains "Hi Mom, mostly fine here - but the cat died on Monday."

Mom was distraught: "How can you break news like this to me so nonchalantly!? Are you a psychopath??"

The son replies "I'm sorry Mom, I ...

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A pro athlete visits the children's hospital in his town.

A pro athlete visits the children's hospital in his town. He strikes up a friendship with little Timmy, who has a very rare disease. He promises to visit Timmy every week, and he keeps his promise.

He brings Timmy ice cream and pizza. He buys Timmy every star wars toy he can find. They ...

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

A sick Australian ornithologist was 60 feet up a tree, engrossed in two Jackdaws performing a convoluted mating dance in defiance of all known observations of the species, when he had a sudden coughing fit.

They say he died of corvid complications.

My poor baby!

A women gives birth and the baby is quickly rushed out of the room. The doctor soon comes in and says, "I'm sorry, but there was a complication. It may be better if you come see for yourself."
The doctor walks the new mother to the NICU. They stop at a bed and there is a baby with no arms and no ...

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The Moth and the Podiatrist

A podiatrist finishes up with his last patient of the day when in walks a moth.

The podiatrist says, “I’m just about to close up for the night, but I don’t have much going on. What seems to be the matter?”

The moth says, “Everything, Doc. I’m thinking of killing myself. The company I’v...

Me as a doctor...

“There was a complication so I replaced ur eye w/a mini magic 8 ball”
Patient: “Seriously?”
*shake his head. “All signs point to yes”

Short lived

A man wakes up from induced coma after a surgery and finds the doctor sitting by his bed.

"Doctor, was the surgery a success? " - He asks.

"Well there's been a bit of a complication" answers the doctor, "you only have 5 to live".

Panicked, the man asks: "Five what? Years? Months...

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A middle aged woman goes to a plastic surgeon....

And says, "Look, doc, I'm feeling a little saggy and wrinkly in the face, but I live out in the country and I don't want to have to keep coming back to see you, so give me something that lasts."

The doctor says, "well you're in luck. There's a new product on the market called 'The Knob.' Basi...

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Elizabeth Taylor goes in to get her vagina reconditioned.

Elizabeth : Dr. I want to have the vagina of an 18 year old.

Dr. : Ok that can be done.

Elizabeth: Ok but please, ABSOLUTELY NO PAPARAZZI or MEDIA involvement!

Dr. : Of course, it will be completely confidential.


The surgery occurs with no complications. in f...

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Did you see on the news the boy who was born with no eyelids?

The doctors rushed him to emergency surgery for his circumcision and immediately replaced his eyelids with his foreskin in a miraculous surgery. The doctor was praised and during an interview stated "the boy is going to be just fine, we don't see any major complications in his future however he may ...

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A kid was born with no eye lids

And the parents ask the doctor what could he do to fix him. The doctor examined the child and saw that he was a boy. The doctor smiled and told the parents they are in luck! Why is that the mom asks? Because I can take some of your babies foreskin and fashion eye lids. The dad asked if there would b...

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Needed: Eyelids

A baby is born with no eyelids. The doctors need a solution, and fast. The best solution, and the one they arrive at, is to use his foreskin for his new eyelids. They successfully attach his foreskin as eyelids, with only one complication. Now hes a little cock-eyed.

Did you hear the one about the mother who called all her 10 sons Anthony?

When someone told her that it's a complication she replied, "No it's not. It simplifies my life."

"How so?" she was asked.

"Simple" she replied, "When dinner's ready I just call Anthony and all of them come."

"But what do you do if you want to call the attention of one in partic...

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So a Bartender, a Priest, and an Anti-Lockdown protester walk into a bar... [LONG]

Ok, not a bar, because the bars are all closed. But I digress. So they walk into... I dunno, Wal-Mart, Whatever. Turns out all three know each other and start talking about the lockdown and how it has been affecting them.

The Bartender started by lamenting the loss of their income and social ...

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At the beginning of COVID 19, there was a man.

He was told to wash his hands for 20 seconds at a time. He chose not to and said God would protect him and the believers.
He was told he should be wearing a mask to protect others. He chose not to and said God would protect him and the believers.
He was told he should socially distance. He w...

Three men found a genie lamp that grants the opposite of what is wished

The first man wishes that he would win the lottery. He buys his first ticket, and loses, buys his second ticket, and loses. Every week the man dumped his savings into lottery tickets, until he was completely broke.

The second man wishes for a healthy and long life. He decides to abuse his wis...

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Another great salesman

One day the manager of a door-to-door toothbrush sales business calls in his three new employees.

He asks the first guy, "how much did you sell today?"

"Well, I sold 30 toothbrushes."

"That's not bad for your first day," replies the manager, "what was your sales technique?"
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