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Charging Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Group of guys at the pub. One says, "My missus is charging me $50 a time for sex"

The other guys look at each other and say, "That's not bad mate, she charges us $100."

Honda is coming out with the 1st electric vehicle with wireless charging

It’s called the Honda Accordless

Two electric car owners were seen today fighting over a charging port.

The police have said it was a charged environment and they will amp up patrols around area. A lot of witnesses were shocked and some saw someone socket to the other.

I just saw a robot charging itself

It was re-volting!

Happen in real life and wanted to share; My friend is always asking to borrow my power bank, so I said I should be charging you for this. Another guy nearby said immediately:

And another guy said immediately: You will make bank if you do.

how do you stop an elephant from charging?

take away its credit card

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married guy is complaining to his friend:

“I’ve been having sex with my wife lately, but she’s been making me pay for it like a hooker!”

“How much is she charging you?”

“$50 each time!”

“Damn, that’s a great deal! She’s been charging me $200!!”

My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires

When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".

Do you know why they started charging people to fill their tires?

Inflation.

Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a rustling in the bushes. Turning, he sees a massive grizzly charging towards him!

He runs as fast as he can but trips over a stump and falls. As the bear raises a huge paw to strike, the atheist screams: "God! Help me!"

Time freezes. The bear becomes immobile, the forest is silent, and the river stops running. Then the atheist hears a powerful voice: "You have denied my ex...

My friend was killed by a charging cable.

It can happen if you go too close to the baby cables.

Charging $500 for a $5 case of water is considered price gouging. What is charging $500 for a $5 bag of saline called?

Healthcare.

How do you stop a Communist dictator from charging?

Freeze his foreign bank accounts.

Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor!

>!Everybody!<

Edit 1: Wow, this blew up. is this where you post your soundcloud?

Edit 2: My inbox is ruined, I should start charging reddit coins for formatting questions.

The guys on the beach are charging such high prices for their shells

It’s Unconchinable

My pastor told this during a sermon once and it still kills me

Two fellas are walking in the woods one day when they come upon a gigantic hole, so big and deep that they can't see the bottom of it. Naturally, their curiosity gets the best of them and they start looking for things to throw in the hole. They find sticks and rocks and throw them in but never hear ...

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The farmer sells his horse for $2000 to a buyer at the market.

The farmer initially promises to deliver the horse to the man in a week, but halfway through that week, the horse dies.

The farmer offers to return the money, but the man decides to proceed with the purchase. In the following week, the farmer encounters the man and inquires about the fate of...

Charging Bull

What's the first thing you should do if a bull charges you?


PAY HIM!

Why do people who live on dead end roads have trouble charging their phones?

Because there’s no outlet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was hiking with my girlfriend, when suddenly, a really pissed off brown bear started charging at us...

Maybe her cubs were nearby, I don't know, but I've never seen such a crazed bear before in my life!

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.

One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took and I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

A bartender is working one evening, when a panicked man comes charging into his bar.

"BIG JAKE'S COMIN'!" he cries. "EVERYBODY RUN! BIG JAKE'S COMIN'!"

The bartender, having never heard that name before, is a little perplexed - even more so when all of his patrons start screaming and running out the door. In just a few moments, the bar is emptied out.

A minute afterwar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having Sex Is Like Charging Your New SmartPhone

*You can flip over your partner and it's still Plug&Play*

How do you stop a Rhino from charging?

Nothing.
They're extinct now so you dont have to.

What’s the fastest charging battery in the world?

Usain Volt

How do you stop a rhinoceros from charging?

Call customer service to dispute the purchase.

I got punched by my X-Box controller for breaking his charging cord.

He was charged with battery.

Her: They're charging a dollar to pump up your tires now

Me: That's inflation for you

A customer of mine asked how much I’m charging to say this.

I said “Nothing. I believe in free speech.”

iPhone vs Samsung

iPhone user: The new iPhone is coming out

Samsung user: What's new?

iPhone user: We're getting facial recognition

Samsung user: Had that 4 year's ago next

iPhone user: We're getting wireless charging

Samsung user: Had that 2 year's ago next

iPhone user: We'r...

My wife messed with my charging cable...

I was shocked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bank of America is now charging a fee to use the bathroom

Shits expensive

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