Celebrating Jokes - 64 Hilarious Celebrating Jokes

Lowes is celebrating Pride Month ...

I couldn't find a straight board in the whole store.

I can't believe people are celebrating the Fourth of July early and lighting off fireworks already.

One of my neighbor's fireworks landed in my yard and almost lit my Christmas decorations on fire.

A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when the wife claimed that her and her husband hadn’t argued since their wedding night.

After being asked about how they did it, the wife explains that after their wedding ceremony, they went and took a little honeymoon in a horse and buggy. The horse walked ten miles and stopped, refusing to go further.

“That’s one.” Said the wife. The horse looked back, walked another five ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, a surgeon, “Sorry I'm late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father, “the important thing is that we're all together today.”

...

An old couple are celebrating 75 years of marriage

At the party one of the grandkids asks the Grandma what is the secret to such a long happy marriage as they never seed to argue or disagree about anything. The grandma tells them a story of when they first got married.

"It was our wedding day and we were very poor so we were heading to our h...

A happy couple was once celebrating their first anniversary...

And during the entire celebration, the husband carried his wife on his back. When a friend asked why he was doing this, the man replied, "I'm a turtle." The friend then asked about his wife, to which he replied, "Oh, her? She's Michelle."

I don't understand why people are celebrating pi day.

It's irrational.

Today I am celebrating 100 days without alcohol!

Not consecutively, though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cake day joke - A man goes to a bar and orders 10 shots of jaeger. The bartender says wow, thats a lot, you celebrating?

The man says yes! My first blowjob!

The bartender says congrats! Why 10?

The man says *if that won't get the taste out, nothing will.*

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer said. “This is a special day for me; I am celebrating.”

“This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,” said the woman.

“What a coincidence!” sai...

I’m Celebrating my birthday with many!

many calculus books…my exam is tomorrow

A couple is celebrating their 25th anniversary

They go to a beautiful, exotic resort by the sea. While the wife gets ready for dinner, the husband strolls down the beach when he trips over a lamp sticking out of the sand. The man rubs the lamp, and sure enough a genie appears.

After a couple of minutes of chatting, the genie proclaims, “...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebrating woman

I went out last night and met a nice woman.

She was very bubbly and kept excitedly saying 21 today, 21 today.

We got on very well and one thing led to another and we ended up at my place and had great sex.

After we had finished she looked at me and said excitedly 22 today, 22...

Man’s wife was celebrating her birthday

Her husband made a nice candlelight dinner. It was gorgeous. At the end of the dinner she asks for her present.

Husband all happy says I was hoping you’d ask that, go to the window.

Woman goes to the window and asks “so what am I looking at?”

Her husband points and says do yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven is celebrating

A man was waiting at the Pearly Gates, when he noticed a commotion, suddenly a choir of angels start singing and the whole place is rejoicing.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Soon a man whose deeds and actions were greatly admired by God, will be joining us and we’re anticipating the arr...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, when...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all ...

A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says...

“See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating.”

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl...

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

"It's simple" billionaire boasts... "I faked my age"

"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple is celebrating their wedding night.

They get to the hotel room, and the groom begins undressing his new bride. She stops him and says "Before we get too far, I want you to know I have acute angina."

"Oh, thank god!" the old man exclaims, " 'cause those are the ugliest tits I've ever seen!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple is celebrating their 25th anniversary

The party is lovely - all of their friends and family from all over come to see them and congratulate them. The food is amazing, the champagne top-notch, and everyone has a wonderful time.

Later that evening, after the last guest has left and the house cleaned up, the two retire to bed. As ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is celebrating his 90th birthday

And his friends pooled their money together and hired a prostitute to go to his house.

The prostitute knocks on the old man's door and says, "Happy birthday! I'm here to give you super sex!"

The old man says, "I'll take the soup."

My local KFC will be celebrating Star Wars day on May 4th with an Anakin special.

It’s an extra crispy chicken with no legs and only one wing.

Two blondes are sitting at a bar...

Two blondes are sitting at a bar, obviously celebrating something. They wave over the bartender, and tell him to pour two more shots. Once poured, the two blondes clink their glasses together and say "42! YEAH!! 42!".

"Bartender, another round!"

Same thing happens on this shot. They c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband and wife are celebrating their 20th anniversary.......

The wife is naked in front of her husband and says " The first time you saw me naked you said you wanted to suck my tits dry and fuck my brains out. What do you think now?"

The husband looks at his wife and says "I think I did a pretty good job".

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day.

At one point, Mick the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’. Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

‘Damn,’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes...

An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and reminisced through the halls.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of a...

The lion is celebrating a party. All animals are invited, only the hamster is not.

The hamster does not want to miss the party and asks the rabbit: "Hey, rabbit, can´t you smuggle me in behind your big ears to the lion's party?" The rabbit´answers, "Nope, I'm not tired of life, if the lion noticed that, it would be my end."

The hamster then asks the fox: "Listen, fox, can´t...

Celebrating 4/20

So today was 4/20 and me and my buddy met up to smoke one. After a lot of arguing and persuading we couldn't decide whose weed we should roll up first.

In the end we just decided on a joint venture.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“My husband just wants to have sex all the time”

Vented the recently married woman to her sister, “it’s every day like clockwork he gets home from work, takes off his clothes at the doorstep and says “I’m home honey let’s hit the sack”. Don’t get my wrong I love him and the sex is good but I need a break I can barely walk””

Then the sister ...

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary.

When the night fell, the wife approached her husband wearing the same shear negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked coquettishly at her husband and asked, “Do you remember this?”

“Yes, dear, I do.” He said, “This is the same negligee that you wore on our wedding night.”
...

I'll be celebrating my birthday next month, but only for half a minute.

It's my thirty second birthday after all.

Today I'm only celebrating my birthday for half a minute!

I guess you could say it's my thirty-second birthday.

An elderly couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary.

It was a beautiful thing to see.

Amid the jolly celebrations, the old man leaned closer to his wife and softly whispered, "Dear, we have been married for 50 years now, and I want to assure you that these past 50 years were the happiest time of my life. But there's one thing that has always be...

My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...

I've told her not to get her hopes up.

"After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."

When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

A little bacteria was celebrating his birthday...

and all of his microbial friends got together to bake him a cake.

He was so excited upon seeing the cake that he underwent mitosis and split in two.

The microbial friends all worried that now there werent enough cakes, and that perhaps they should have planned better...

But actu...

You’d think going an entire year without celebrating joining Reddit would be tough but it’s actually

A piece of cake.

An Irishman is diagnosed with incurable cancer.

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured, you'd best put your affairs in order."

O'Malley was shocked and sad...

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bless my dad, he would've been celebrating his 70th birthday today.

If he wasn't such a depressing bastard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is celebrating mass.

He begins with, "I was going to tell a vegetable joke, but I can't think of any, so lettuce pray."

I was at a night club till 3 am yesterday celebrating my wife’s birthday.

When I came back home, she was furious.

The Johnsons are celebrating Christmas...

Little Timmy, who just turned 6, never speaks. He is always silent and all the family thinks he's got some kind of problem.

While all the family is enjoying Christmas evening dinner, suddenly, little Timmy stands up and says:

"-Uncle"

All the family is speechless...

Twins celebrating their 102nd Birthday (Long)

The editor of a local paper hears about these two twins in the retirement home Harriet and Hazel who is celebrating their 102nd Birthday. He needs a feel-good story for filler so he sends down a photographer to snap some pictures.

He gets there and asks the twins if he can take their picture...

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when Sam says to Becky,

“Becky, I was wondering if you’ve ever cheated on me?”

Becky replies, “Oh, Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question...”

“Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please...”

“Well, all right, three times...”

“Three, hmmm. When were they?”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Chinese are celebrating the year of the rooster

Meanwhile the Americans are celebrating the year of the cock

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high-school reunion...

And I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober sinc...

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man is Celebrating His First Blowjob

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. “What can I get you?” the bartender inquires. “I want six shots of tequila,” responded the young man. “Six shots? Are you celebrating something?” “Yeah, my first blowjob.” “Well, in that case, let me give you a seventh on the house.” “No offence, sir, b...

Maurice and Sadie were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary by having a meal at a restaurant with their friends.

Maurice looked unhappy, so his best friend Michael, a solicitor, asked him what was wrong.

"Do you remember on our fifth anniversary I asked you what would happen if I murdered Sadie?"

"Yes," answered Michael, "I said you would get twenty years in jail."

"Well," said Maurice, "I...

Magicians are celebrating 100 years of sawing people in half

I'm split in two about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebration.

Young man goes into a bar and says, "Bartender, three shots of Goldschlagger."

The bartender pours the drinks and the young man drinks them in rapid succession, grimacing with each shot, and then asks for another.

The bartender says, "Sure, kid. What's the occasion?"

The young m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, and orders six shots of Jack...

The bartender sets up six shots of Jack, and the guy quaffs them down one after another.

"Are you celebrating something?" asks the bartender

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am" the guy smiles "My first blowjob!"

"Hey! That's great! Congratulations. Have another shot on the house!"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman have just finished celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary...

A man and a woman have just finished celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary and are heading up to bed for some twentieth anniversary maritals.

On the way up the stairs the woman glances at the pictures of their children and thinks about how much she loves her life. Once they get to t...

Paleontologists are celebrating the finding of the largest dinosaur tibia in recorded history

It's a real shin-dig!

Got arrested by cops for celebrating earth day and switching off all plugs

Shouldn't have done it in a hospital i guess

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Uncle invited me to a Benefit next weekend celebrating women without legs.

Said the place would be crawling with pussy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sixty-year-old couple was celebrating forty years of marriage...

A sixty-year-old couple was celebrating forty years of marriage when a fairy godmother appeared and told them that she granted each one a wish. The wife immediately and enthusiastically said that she would like to take a trip around the world with her husband. In her hands came plane tickets and boo...

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

A married couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary

They celebrate it in the same hotel as where they spent their honeymoon 50 years ago.

The next morning at breakfast the man says to his wife "isn't it unbelievable that we have been together for 50 years?" The wife replies saying "yes it is, we are even sitting at the same table as we did 50...

Many people will be celebrating alentines ay this year.

It's for the people who won't be getting any v or d this February 14th.

A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary

A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne.

A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, "Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

"Well," s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob and Mary are celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary.

The local news decides to do an op-ed on them. The reporter asks Bob, You two have been married 75 years, what's your secret?

Bob says...Well on our honeymoon, we decide to take a trip to the Grand Canyon. We rent some donkeys and start our adventure. An hour in, Mary's donkey slips on some ...

Being a man means never celebrating International Men’s Day.

Because every year we forget what day it is. Just like we forget what day our anniversary is.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.