A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says “I’ll play the part of Mozart”
Liam Neeson says “I’ll make a great Beethoven”
Arnold Schwarzenegger says “I’ll be Bach”

A reporter asked President Trump if he was concerned that one recent poll had 54% of likely voters casting their ballots for Joe Biden.

The president confidently responded that the other 56% were voting for him.

You know how they create fishing lures?

By casting them

What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?

A trans-hex-ual.

Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?

She turned her car into a tree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

The casting for Hamilton was awful,

It makes no sense cast an American to play King George who is obviously British.

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

A tourist drives along the shore of the Dead Sea and spots a fisherman casting his fishing rod into the water.

The tourist, surprised, stops and explains to the fisherman that no fish can live in the Dead Sea.

The fisherman said “Yes, some do.   For $10, you may sit next to me and I will show you.”

The curious tourist paid the $10 and waited patiently. After an hour, the tourist said: “hey, whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy is walking in the woods one day when he comes to a clearing.....

There on a blanket is a naked Indian with a hard on.

“What are you doing?” the cowboy asks.

The Indian answers, “Me tell time.”

“OK. If you are so good, what time is it?”

The Indian looks down at his prick and the shadow it’s casting and says, “It’s

2 o’clock.”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just heard that Budweiser is suing Stella Artois for casting Sarah Jessica Parker in their Super Bowl LIII ad.

Apparently they have a trademark on beer advertisements starring a horse.

Casting Dwayne Johnson in a movie is a bold decision...

Casting The Rock is a boulder decision.

Which singer has problems casting spells?

Barry Mana Low

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"So, Doctor van Helsing, we meet at last," said the Count.

van Helsing turned slowly. The castle library was lit in patches by the bright moonlight spilling through the windows, and otherwise only in a circle of yellow gold by the Dutchman's candle. He had never even heard the door open or a hint of a footfall; and yet there Count Dracula was, less than twe...

Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

Microsoft did a commerical for a disability controller, I wonder how they did the casting.

Wanted disabled kid for a commercial must know a Fortnite dance.

I was never really into fishing until the casting accident.

After that I was hooked.

A famous casting director dies and ascends to heaven.

He comes to Saint Peter before the pearly gates, and Peter asks him, “Why should I allow you into heaven?”

The casting director smiles and says, “Because I’m without sin.”

Peter raises an eyebrow, and asks, “Are you?”

“Yes, I am. You see, just before I died, I worked on a mov...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do lazy fishermen and porn studios have in common?

They both use casting couches.

I'm casting my vote for official anthem of Reddit

I vote that it should be "Karma Chameleon".

Interview (casting) :

- Please, list your 1 strong feature
- I'm persistent
- Thank you, we will contact you later
- I'll wait here

Did you hear about Tom Hiddleston's secret audition to be in the next Marvel movie? Apparently he dropped his voice an octave to throw the casting director off balance...

He was auditioning as a low key, low-key, Loki.

The other day I was casting for a movie about my life

I'd chosen the actor to play my father, but he said "I don't wanna be your father"

To which I replied "Perfect, you already know your lines"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Penis Casting Kit

I bought a penis-casting kit and made my wife a chocolate dildo version of my cock for her birthday.

When she opened her present, the first thing she asked was, "Where is the other one?"

I said, "What the fuck are you on about?"

She replied, "Don't Bountys come in twos?"

Tommy Wiseau was considering casting Dumbo as a lead actor

He changed his mind because nobody would talk about the elephant in the room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

What does a sandwich shop and an adult film casting agency have in common?

Both offer 6 and 12 inches in many varieties.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.