Castle Jokes

Due to the cost of inflation

It was impregnable

Aroooooooooooooooom with a view.

while they are visiting the castle, they come accross some stairs that lead to another floor. since the castle is filled of history and authenticity, the man, amazed by the castle, tells his daughter: "can you believe that a long time ago, the king, ministers and other important people used to take ... read more

I work most knights

A woman one day takes a hike around the forest by her house, to take some time off from people.

She stumbles upon a teapot, grabs it, and (obviously) rubs it. A Genie appears:

"Hello lady, you've released me from my trap. Now I shall grant you 3 wishes, but theres a catch. Whatever I g... read more

He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”

And that's when I let her know that I'm the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of the Mancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.

The rent's pretty expensive, but it's mostly due to inflation.

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.

The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.

The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
... read more

It is not his fault his has Turrets.

...until my mom took the urn back.

"God commands that I fight, but not even he can promise that I will return. If I die fighting in these holy wars, I leave it to you to release my wife to marry again." The king mounted his horse and rode off the horizon.

As he nearly rode out of sight, he turned back and looked at his kingdom... read more

This year I notices that the prices had almost doubled from this time last year.

I asked the guy behind the counter why the sudden price rise.

He told me “that’s just the price of inflation unfortunately”

"This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years."

"Wow," said one woman “they must have the same landlord I do."

It's called TURRETS!

...after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asks the king.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
... read more

It had turrets.

They stumble into a storage room on the far side of the keep that is piled high with boxes, barrels and sacks. The Redhead hurriedly empties a bunch of potatoes out of one of the burlaps and climbs inside. The Brunette and the Blonde quickly follow suit.
The guards are about to rush past the sto... read more

It was a huge loss

He didn’t die, though. He got de-moat-ed.

at some point, he had a sick hand

but he also had a sick stomach

he left the game to take a dump on a golden toilet

he did not fret

he smiled

for either way,

it was a royal flush

It always make me jump

"Have you bean stalking me?"

and the psychiatrist collects the rent.

The servant asked if the man was ok, and he replies:

"Oh, hi, I'm Will. Nice to meet you! Would you like to buy me?

"What, you mean like a servant?" says the King's servant.

"No, just to have me around"

The servant was lonely, as he had to work day and night for the king,... read more

Today, I made sand castles with my grandma, but for some reason, everybody freaked out and called the cops on me.



Next time, I'll do it away from the cremation center.

I’ve just been reading an excavation report of a cemetery inside a castle linked to a medieval siege. One of the burials was, from the skeletal analysis, a high status individual, but with the strange feature of having a skull embedded in the torso, this being of a lower status person. A careful rea... read more

The next day, Snow white came back to the castle in a huff.

"Why are you back so early?" asked the prince.

"Grumpy harassed me," replied Snow White.

"What happened?"

"Well, as soon as I entered the cottage, he told me my hair smelled nice."

"That doesn't sound like... read more

But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around during the ceremony.

For the night knights!

One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood. The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs.



He says, “See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people.”



The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, “See that castle o... read more

Fort Wenty

For this AMA, I'd like to focus on rampart.

One of the footmen guarding the gatehousse begins calling.

"SIRE, WE SEE A BATTALION IN THE DISTANCE"

The knight orders the men to defensive positions and rushes up the wall where the footman points at the indistinct and distant mass of men.

"What do you think? Friends or foe?" ... read more

...in a manor of speaking

the price of inflation would be way too big

When I looked confused, he explained, "no ballroom"

Hey son, I think your bucket is getting sick. It's starting to look a little pail.

Classic rook-y mistake.

Heirbnb.

There's no ballroom!




Sorry if this is a repost, I've never seen it posted to r/jokes before. I only just heard it yesterday from a coworker who claims her grandfather made it up. I thought you lot might like it!

He decided to take a break because he was hungry.

Two knights practicing combat nearby. One of them accidentally made a mistake and got shoved into the unfixed fence.

When the fence broke, he forcefully fell down the long distance. When he got down, in his dying breath, he screamed "... read more

He gets Toad

The three vampires are sitting together in a cabin talking about their accomplishments as vampires.
Soon, they start to brag who's the best vampire. Then they suggest a competition: who can the most blood in the least time.

The first one leaves and returns after an hour, his lips ... read more

When He saw the princess He said:

Hi Daisy!

To wich She replied:

I'm Peach Donald.

Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.

Because He-Man has the power.

Grow up!

Because they're in-spired.

Suddenly, one of the soldiers guarding the gate yells out:

-SIR, WE SEE A BATTALION IN THE DISTANCE!

The knight goes up the gatehouse and asks the soldier.

-So, what do you think? Friends or foes?

The soldier takes a look at the distant mass of men coming towards the cast... read more

A Fortnight

another man walks up to him and says "Excuse me mate, I just wondered how come you've got an orange for a head?"

The man with an orange for a head says "We'll, it's quite a story, if you buy me a pint, I'll tell you."

So the man buys 2 pints and they settle down at the bar. "A few year... read more

Guess that's inflation for you

Knighty Knight

So he sent a group of his soldiers to sack the earl's castle. As word of the soldiers coming spread through the town outside the castle, most people ran or hid. But as the soldiers passed through the market square, they heard a voice calling "wool for cheap, wool for cheap".

The captain of... read more

A Rook-ey mistake.

Because Koopa forgot to erase his Bowser History.

A Bouncer

No ball room

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom ruled by a kind but ageing king. This king had a single daughter, beautiful and clever, but incredibly picky regarding suitors.
At first, the king entertained many foreign princes and young nobles, seeking the hand of his daughter in marriage. However, the pr... read more

He had *bean stalking* her.

He was going to be leaving his young wife in their castle for who knows how long. He thought to himself: "I don't know how long i will be away but i need to make sure no one will have with my wife while i am away".

So he put a chastity belt on his wife & kept the key. He begg... read more

So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

Until my mother hid his urn away from me.

Credit. Sandi Toksvig

He was a two-door tooter Tudor too dour to tutor

Imagine my disappointment when I found out the reason why you take your shoes off is not because there is a bouncy castle inside.

You sand it!

Please grow up.

He soon woke up in a land of paradise. He spent the next few days exploring. Heaven was exactly as he imagined—pristine rolling hills, golden castles upon cloud tops, reunions with lost loved ones, and endless opportunities to explore one's hobbies. He had access to the finest selection of inks and ... read more

... who used to be very lustful. He slept with many women in the kingdom. One day the prince was roaming around and stumbled upon a washerman's shop by the river. He saw a young boy washing clothes. Upon coming near the boy, the prince realised the boy has the same facial looks as him. He approached... read more

10 years - prince with a castle

15 years - a rock star

20 years - beautiful, smart and rich boy

25 years - a smart and rich man

30 years - a man that cooks and cleans

35 years - a man

40 years - a cat

45 years - two cats

"Ah yes, Poilon, superb work with the gold thread on my boot leather as per usual. And now: the silk pants with Morocco pearls."

"Y-your Majesty... I think they're breaking down the front wall."

"Nonsense! Clothe me or I shall have you beheaded!"

"Absolutely, your majesty! There... read more