Hooves Jokes - 36 Hilarious Hooves Jokes

Why do cows have hooves?

Because they lactose

A baby camel asks his father, “Dad, why do we have a hump on our back?”

The dad replies, "So that we can store water in those."

He then asks, "Why do we have hooves then?"

The dad replies, "To prevent our feet from sinking in the sand."

After thinking this over, he then asks, "Then why do we have big eyelids?”

The dad rep...

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I find myself very attracted to men with hairy legs, hooves, and horns who play the flute.

I guess you could say I am Pan Sexual.

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A man goes down to a ranch to look at a horse

The rancher brings out a beautiful mare.

"Can I see her teeth?" The man asks nicely.

"Sure thing!" Says the rancher and opens her lips to show off her perfect teeth.

"Bautiful! Can I see her tail and hooves?" The man asks.

"By all means, partner!" Replied the rancher an...

What do you call a deer with hooves in its ears?

Anything you want, he can't hear you!

Two hunters are walking through the woods when they come across a large hole.

It's so deep that they can’t see the bottom. One hunter goes looking for something to throw down the hole hoping to see how deep it is.

He finds a rusty old anvil near by and throws it down the hole. The hole is so deep they never hear it hit the bottom.

Suddenly, they hear speeding h...

Dog paws smell like Fritos. What to horse hooves smell like?

A broken nose.

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A small person with a speech impediment was thinking about purchasing a mare for his stable.

He heads over to the ranch and asks the rancher if he could inspect the horse before he bought her. The two of them head into the stables and the rancher brings the mare out of her stall. The buyer does a walk around, inspecting the hooves and legs, before looking around for a stool. Seeing none, he...

Camel Joke

A young camel asks his mother
“Why do I have a big hump on my back”
The mother replies
“You use it to store water when your in the desert”
“That’s cool” says the young camel “ And why do I have these big hooves”
The mother answers “Your hooves stop you from sinking in the quicksand w...

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A horse walks into a bar...

...and orders a beer. The bartender is in shock, an actual horse just walked into his bar, sat down at the bar like a person, and ordered a beer in perfect English. He tells the horse,

"I'm sorry sir, I just have to go speak to my manager for a moment."

So the bartender goes to the ba...

A blonde tries to go horseback riding ....

.....
even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to lose her grip and starts to slide in the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the man...

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Harry the horse

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village nestled between rolling green hills, there lived a horse named Harry. Now, Harry was no ordinary horse; he possessed an uncanny ability to make the most mundane situations utterly hilarious. His knack for comedy made him the talk of the town, and villager...

My farmer friend claims one of his horses can do math using its hooves.

It is a stable genius.

I don't understand how DDR RAM works at all

How do they get their hooves to work the arrow keys?

A minor league baseball pitcher visits the baseball field the day before the big game

Wanting to get a feel for it, he goes alone and sees a horse near the dugout that seems to be wearing the hat and jersey of the opposing team he'll be playing against the next day. Surprised, he laughs and wonders if this is supposed the opposing team's mascot. He approaches the horse to pet it.
...

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.

The sta...

At the local Hospital

Doctor, “What is this?"

Me “This is a book that I’ve written, it’s got 500 pages."

Doctor, “You wrote 500 pages. What did you write about then?” Me, On the first page I wrote “One day a King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.

And on the last page I wrote The King reac...

two farmers are talking

and one is lamenting to the other.

"man, I've got all these female cows and no male bulls to breed with them. It's gonna cost me a fortune to rent bulls!"

the other farmer responds, "don't sweat it joe, I've got tons of bulls so tomorrow, pack your cows up in your truck and drive them...

I decided to go out horse riding one afternoon on a horse I hadn’t rode before....

I wasn’t sure if the horse was ready for a rider just yet, so I slowly approached him, all the while talking gentle to the horse like I have always done when dealing with newer horses. I kept saying “easy boy” and I slowly reached out to pet him. The horse nervously kept its eyes on me, but he final...

A man and a woman are out to dinner at a fancy restaurant

Right around when the appetizers they hear a loud sound like galloping hooves on the marble floor.

They both turn to see a half-man half-horse jogging around the restaurant

Eventually it stops running and stands at attention.

They stare

A loud trumpet sounds and the Head ...

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A banker's son, an investor's son and a farmer's son were going to prom.

But the day before the prom, the principal made it a requirement for all students to arrive in limousines.

As the banker's son entered through the school gates in a Mercedes Maybach, the engine roared, and all the girls cheered.

"Nice limousine." Said the school security guard.

...

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and p...

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A horse walks into a bar.

He says to the barmen, “Can I have a pint of beer please?”

The barman replies “Look mate, we don’t serve horses.”

The horse leaves.

The next day the horse walks in and says to the Barman “Can I have a pint of beer please mate?”

The barmen replies “Look mate I’ve told you!...

Everyone knows how Bert the Brown Nose reindeer got his name, but nobody knows how Rudolph did

Rudolph the regular nose reindeer was on sabbatical and took a brief trip through Portland Maine.

While Rudolph and his life partner Gary were there, they spotted a fortune teller on the other side of the street. As the pair crossed the road, a truck carrying industrial red naval paint swerv...

Interesting Title Here

Pun time!!

Q: What do you call dental x-rays? A: Tooth pics.

Q: What do you call a group of babies? A: An infantry.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A: He pasta away.

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: Because they lactose.

Q: What do yo...

The Rabbi and the Devil

So, one day, the devil visits a synagogue while all the folk are deep in the middle of whatever it is they do at synagogues.

Once the smoke and clamour clears, the devil steps forth, slicing the air his pitchfork, flashing eyes of fire. At the sight of him, hooves and all, all the men and wo...

I dont wanna do what I did in Texas.....

Man rides up to a saloon on a beautifullly patterned Palomino stallion, ties the horse to the rail, walks inside, orders lunch and a beer. After his meal is done he gets up, pays the waitress and walks out the doors...to find his horse missing.

He sighs mournfully, removes the safety loops on...

So, I'm on base when my sergeant calls me into his office.

He hands me the keys to his SUV and says "Look, I know it's not a new vehicle, but they recently stopped making this model. It's important to me that it not get damaged. I need you to take it and get it washed off-base." I'm taking the duty really seriously, but when I drive by the woods I see th...

Brick

- An airplane had 100 bricks in it. One brick falls out. How many are left?
- 99, of course.

- What are the three steps to put an elephant in the fridge?
1. Open the door.
2. Put the elephant in.
3. Close the door.

- What are the three steps to put a horse in th...

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The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

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Three horses walk into a bar..

One horse trots up to the barman, the other two grab a seat at a table. The horse at the bar orders three beers and grabs them with its hooves, then walks on two legs and joins the other seated horses.

First horse says: " Shit guys, last night at my race, it was some crazy shit. I was way ahe...

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A man is lost in the desert...

A man is lost wandering in the desert. After pushing as hard as he could, his horse has died, and he is near to death himself, when along comes a missionary. The missionary, having come extra prepared in case he should come across a poor weary soul, has brought enough food, water, and an extra horse...

A man feels burnt out by his busy city life, and decides to vacation as far away as possible from the hustle and bustle.

He finds himself in a cozy cabin just outside of a small, remote Alaskan town. For a few days he marvels at the serenity of the forest. He fishes, he hikes, he naps blissfully while listening to the trees sway. But by the middle of the week, he begins to get bored, and goes to town.

Checking...

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Two horses live on a farm.

Their names are Harry and Larry. Harry and Larry are best friends. They do everything together, they eat together, play together, sleep together...

One day, while Harry and Larry were grazing in the fields, Larry said to Harry, “Harry, I think it’s time we figure out who the Alpha Horse on th...

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

1008 AD - A tall knight is summoned by his lord...

On the way to the lord's castle, the knight, one Sir Richard of River's Bank is surprised to see that the fields are empty, and the serfs are nowhere in sight. When he arrives, he asks his lord if the summons has anything to do with the absence of the workers in the field, and his lord replies that...

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