Picture This: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live in and around the mouths of Alpacas.

Global Chaos Ensues.

The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca-lip-tick wasteland.

Stolen from r/dadjokes from u/habsfan1112

What do Tibetans use to move their alpacas around?

Dolly Llamas

What did Mario say when he saw the Alpaca?

Don’t-a worry it’s a false-a llama!

a meteor strikes the earth killing everything and the only surviving life form is a hungry alpaca.

ALPACALIPS

My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...

'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'

A zookeeper called a coworker at home and said they were out of camel food.

The zookeeer at home said, “alpaca lunch”.

A little boy llama and his mama llama were at the kitchen table eating breakfast...

The little boy llama says, “Oh, no! Mama Llama I just remembered I have a school field trip so the school isn’t providing meals today.” Mama Llama says, “Don’t worry, son. Alpaca lunch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An alpaca and a llama walks into a bat...

And they both get bludgeoned to death. Thank you autocorrect for fucking up my joke.

Whoops, almost forgot to bring my llamas

Alpaca pair

I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm,

next time Alpaca lunch.

If you get kissed by an alpaca it's not the end of the world.

It's the alpaca-lips.

What did the male alpaca say when he was kicked out of the house for cheating on his wife?

Alpaca bag.

I think I'm about to be molested by an alpaca...

Today some guy on the street kept screaming at me to "be ready for the alpaca lips"

South American dad joke.

Son: "I'm going to take the herd of llamas up to the pasture in the mountains."

Mom: "Thats a really far walk, you're gonna get hungry."

Dad: "Dont worry, alpaca lunch for him."

What did the alpacas go as for their group costume?

The zombie alpacalypse

I heard llamas are going to bring about the end of the world.

It's going to be Alpaca-lyptic.

What did the stoned alpaca say to the other stoned alpaca?

Alpaca 'nother bong

What do you call it when alpacas with speech impediments take over Earth?

The Alpacalisp.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Alpaca

Alpaca who?

We’re going on holiday and alpaca up.

A llama went on a trip

But he wanted to bring his brother Carl

Carl was excited and said, "Don't worry about food; alpaca lunch"

What's the difference between an alpaca and your Mom?

One is a hairy beast that spits, the other is native to South America.

What did the farmer say when he was invited on a short-notice trip?

Alpaca bag

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

What do you call a stampeding herd of Llama?

THE ALPACALYPSE

A llama walks into her house to see her husband in bed with another llama

After a moment of intense silence, the husband gets up and says, "alpaca my bags."

What did the camelid say when I said we were going on vacation?

Alpaca my suitcase

No one is afraid of llama kisses

So why is everyone so worried about the alpaca lips?

Wanna get high in the Andes?

Alpaca bowl

What did the Llama say to his wife when she asked for a divorce?

Fine, guess Alpaca my things.

It’s funny because he was married to an Alpaca.

What does a llama do when it goes on holidays?

Alpaca ya bags.

I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world.

It was just the alpaca lips.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.