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Picture This: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live in and around the mouths of Alpacas.

Global Chaos Ensues.

The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca-lip-tick wasteland.

Stolen from r/dadjokes from u/habsfan1112

What do Tibetans use to move their alpacas around?

Dolly Llamas

What do you call a toy alpaca that has obtained enlightenment?

The Dolly Llama

What did the yogi say to the charging alpaca?

Llama stay.

What did the male alpaca say to the female alpaca?

Como te llama

a meteor strikes the earth killing everything and the only surviving life form is a hungry alpaca.


If you get kissed by an alpaca it's not the end of the world.

It's the alpaca-lips.

I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm,

next time Alpaca lunch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many alpacas does it take to screw in a lightbulb

I don't fucking know man. They just keep staring at me with this "Give me some fuckin grass" look on their faces.

What did the male alpaca say when he was kicked out of the house for cheating on his wife?

Alpaca bag.

How do camels learn to mate ?

They read the Llama Sutra.

Alpaca my bags, I think.....

I think I'm about to be molested by an alpaca...

Today some guy on the street kept screaming at me to "be ready for the alpaca lips"

What did the alpacas go as for their group costume?

The zombie alpacalypse

What do you call a stampeding herd of Llama?


What did the mama Llama say to the baby llama as they prepared for a picnic?

Alpaca lunch

What did the stoned alpaca say to the other stoned alpaca?

Alpaca 'nother bong

My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns...

'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'

A zookeeper called a coworker at home and said they were out of camel food.

The zookeeer at home said, “alpaca lunch”.

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

What's the difference between an alpaca and your Mom?

One is a hairy beast that spits, the other is native to South America.

A llama walks into her house to see her husband in bed with another llama

After a moment of intense silence, the husband gets up and says, "alpaca my bags."

South American dad joke.

Son: "I'm going to take the herd of llamas up to the pasture in the mountains."

Mom: "Thats a really far walk, you're gonna get hungry."

Dad: "Dont worry, alpaca lunch for him."

Whoops, almost forgot to bring my llamas

Alpaca pair

I heard llamas are going to bring about the end of the world.

It's going to be Alpaca-lyptic.

Knock knock

Who’s there?


Alpaca who?

We’re going on holiday and alpaca up.

No one is afraid of llama kisses

So why is everyone so worried about the alpaca lips?

What did the farmer say when he was invited on a short-notice trip?

Alpaca bag

A llama went on a trip

But he wanted to bring his brother Carl

Carl was excited and said, "Don't worry about food; alpaca lunch"

Wanna get high in the Andes?

Alpaca bowl

I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world.

It was just the alpaca lips.

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