Buddies Jokes - 44 Hilarious Buddies Jokes

A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike. His buddy said “sweet bike, where’d ya get it?”

“You’ll never believe this,” he said, “I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_”

His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said “smart. Her clothes would have never fit yo...

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it ?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, , huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

John was at the grocery store buying beer for poker night with his buddies

When he is in the frozen food section a voluptuous redhead approaches him and says:

“Excuse me, I think you are the father of one of my kids”

John replied: “ohhh, we’re you that redhead that I banged in the bathroom at Shannon’s a couple of years back?, you certainly look good”

...

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After a night out at the pub with his buddies, Carl came home rather drunk.

He slid into bed, kissed his wife on the cheek and fell into a deep sleep.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Carl.”

Carl was stunned. “I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”

St. Peter said, “Hmm, perh...

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A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million do...

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO ha...

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Two buddies are up late smoking a little weed.

The first guy says “what time is it” to which the second guy says “I’m not sure, here give me that trombone”

The first guy asks “how the hell can you tell the time with a trombone?!”

“It’s magic” replies his friend and as he says that he lets out a long, low belt on the trombone. He s...

One of my buddies made a trans girl cry yesterday. So I angrily asked, "How could you..."

"... propose to her without telling me first?"

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Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll.

One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman sa...

A cannibal is walking through the jungle when he sees on of his cannibal buddies leaving the witch doctor's hut...

Cannibal 1: why you at the witch doctor?

Cannibal 2: some new religious people were snooping around the village the other day and I ate one of them. I haven't felt too good since.

Cannibal 1: how'd you prepare them?

Cannibal 2: I boiled em

Cannibal 1: hmm, what did they...

Two statistician buddies went duck hunting.

One of them took aim and fired, missing the duck by three inches to the left. The other statistician took his turn and missed the duck by three inches to the right.

After arguing for a while about who missed, they decided to put their heads together to solve the problem. Suddenly, one of them...

Me and some of my buddies were talking about going to see a drag show, but we decided not to.

Bob said “ not my thing” , Bill said “ I am not really interested “ and Barry said “ I just haven’t got a thing to wear!”.

My father asked me why I call my motorbiking buddies 'The cigarettes.'

I told him it's because whenever we race I always smoke 'em!

Magic Mike and his buddies get called for jury duty

Case was declared a mistrial on account of a hung jury

What do you call a boat full of buddies?

A friendship

I work at a funeral home and just got my drinking buddies a job helping to clean the place up…

…Now I can crack open a cold one with the boys everyday

Four buddies caught up for coffee many years after high school. Each bragging to the other how successful and wealthy they’ve become.

The first guy said, “See that bank building across the street? I am going to buy it within the next six months.”

The second guy then said, “See that hotel building next to the bank? I am going to buy it within the next month.”

Not wanting to lose out, the third guy quickly said, “See t...

Me and my buddies go-to joke.

A high school senior is in a rush to get everything he needs ready for his high school prom the next day. First thing he needs to get is a tuxedo. He goes to the tux shop and there's a huge line. So he waits in the line, gets his tux, and goes on his way. The next thing he needs are flowers for his ...

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his missus wouldn't let him.

After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

The following week, when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see him. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, fishing rod in hand and a camp fire burning.

One ...

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Grandpa tells his grandson, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

Fighting buddies

There were 3 oddly named friends, Somebody, Nobody and Oncrack. One day, an argument broke between Somebody & Nobody. The argument escalated, and a serious fight broke out. Oncrack tried to stop but couldn't succeed. Blood started dripping in the fight. OnCrack immediately thought of calling cop...

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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from

So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddi...

A group of old buddies decide to catch up for dinner...

A group of old buddies, aged in their 30s, decide to catch up for dinner. After much discussion, they decide to go to the Ocean View Hotel....because it has a large sports bar, and the waitresses are hot.

Ten years later, aged in their 40s, the same group of old buddies decide to catch up for...

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George raises his beer mug in the air and says, "Here's to spending the rest of my life having with my wife!" The bar is filled with whistles and claps, and the bartender even gives him a ribbon that says, "Best Toast of the Month".

When George gets home, he shows his wife, Linda, the ribbon. "And what exactly was your award-winning toast?" she asks.

George thinks for a while and says, "Here's to spending the rest of my life going to church with my wife."

The next day when George is at work, Linda is walking down ...

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Two buddies were talking about their plans to fly overseas after COVID winds down

- As soon as this mess is over, I'm flying to Paris, France!
- France you say? Wow, you're going to have a blast. Paris is the capital of the world. You'll probably get laid on the flight out, certainly in the cab on the way to the hotel. And when you reach the hotel, man, you won't believe i...

A guy's playing basketball with his buddies...

A guy's playing basketball with his buddies when he injures a finger badly.

He goes to the doctor and explains what happened.

The doctor examines it and says "It's broken, but we'll be able to get it healed up just about as good as new."

The guy gets a concerned look on his face...

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True Golf Buddies

A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after enjoying a day of golf.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.

"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f__king mess and the d...

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went...

John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.

His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?"

"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."

"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.

"Th...

[] A Wealthy Surgeon Goes Golfing with His Buddies

Feeling particularly braggadocious, he starts showing off his new Ferrari.

"It cost over $200,000! The interior is amazingly luxurious, and the paint color is a limited edition. Naturally, it's incredibly fast as well."

One of his buddies, a mechanic, asks him if it can...

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Girl in a super market says to a guy.

Girl: Hi there:

Guy: Do I know you?

Girl: I think you're the Father of one of my Kids:

Guy: are you the stripper that I made love to on the pool table while all my buddies were watching?

Girl: No I'm your Sons Kindergarten Teacher.

Golfing Buddies

Two friends are golfing one day and as they are making their way through the course, they get slowed down by a pair of ladies playing in front of them. The men are starting to get inpatient after following the slow play of the ladies for a few holes.

First man: "You should walk up there and ...

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Golfing buddies

After a big reception at the Vatican, the Pope invites Dave to a round of golf and Dave agrees. On the first hole, Dave misses a relatively easy putt and exclaims "! I missed!" The Pope tells him to please watch his language and they continue playing.

A few holes later, Dave misses anothe...

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My favorite joke: Everyone Knows Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Da...

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Me and my buddies stayed up all night telling Yo Mama jokes.

She was laughing her fat off.

My Buddies bakery burnt down last night....

His business is toast.

Does anyone want to hang out, chat, and basically just be buddies with a lonely guy?

I’m asking for a friend.

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As I get older many of my buddies are now getting married. As I am still single loads of people keep telling how my friends and friendships will change once they get married...

So far I disagree with this sentiment, I am still close friends with all of my buddies, even after they’ve been married for years and years.

But I can say without a doubt that my friends really do change as soon as they become Dads, they immediately become real motherfuckers!

Fishing Buddies

A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.

After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make...

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Two buddies are out hiking in the woods. One goes to take a piss, and gets bit in the by a rattlesnake

His buddy calls 911 to ask what to do

911 tells him he needs to the venom out of the snakebite on his friend’s

The snakebite guy yells out “what did they say!?!?”

His friend responds, “they said you’re gonna die”

John's wife won't let him go fishing with his buddies

They have all went together on a fishing/camping trip the past four years together. But this year she wouldn't let him. The guys were very disappointed

Two days later the other guys made it to the campsite and noticed John was sitting by a fire with a cold beer. The tent was already set and s...

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Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One of the guys said he was going to bug him.

He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a real .”

“Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.”

Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a and he didn't care!"

"You just don't ...

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

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Two buddies were getting drunk together.

One drink too many one of them rushes to the bathroom and moments later comes out with his shirt covered in vomit.

"Jesus Steve, what happened to you?" Asked his buddy.

"Ah, I puked all over myself, my wife is going to kill me when she finds out I messed up my nicest shirt from dr...

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