Farmer had a champion bull, it bred 200 times a year.

Farmers wife said, “200 times isn’t that wonderful dear,
“Maybe you oughta watch him, maybe he’ll show you how”.
Farmer said, “He’s a heck of a bull, but it wasn’t all with the same cow”

Born and bred in Manhattan Larry and Gene left the city to buy a cat cattle ranch in Wyoming.

Months later a friend flew out for a visit, “so what did you name the ranch,”he asked.

“At first we couldn’t agree on anything”said the new cowboy, “we finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch”

Wow! his friend was impressed but looking around h...

I once knew a guy who cross bred insects for fun.

I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.

Have you heard about the dogs that were bred to hunt bears?

Yeah, they’re extinct.

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One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'. The blonde said it was hers. 'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.' The policema...

So a couple of farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, "I had a bull who just wouldn't breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!"

The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, "I don't know, but they kinda taste like mint."

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

If two red-heads have a child, it’s ginger-bred

this is the seventh time this joke has been posted here in seven years

Redneck Dog in Heat

On a hot day, a 'good ol' boy stopped at the tavern for a cold beer, leaving his hound dog tied to a parking meter in front of the joint.

One beer led to another, and soon a cop came in and said, "Is that your dog outside?" "Sure is," said the redneck. "Well, I want you to know she's in ...

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Made for each other - a thread

How would you describe the perfect couple of eggs?

- Laid for each other

How would you describe the perfect couple of prostitutes?

- Paid for each other

How would you describe the perfect couple of necrophilliacs?

- Dead for each other


How would you desc...

What do you call a dog bred to stay underwater for a long period of time?

A sub-woofer

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Did you hear about the scientists that successfully cross bred a duck with a golden retriever?

The results were good, but she was a foul bitch.

So I went to a park and saw a cross-bred species

The species was named a Zedonk. A half-zebra, half-donkey cross breed. They are known to be very lazy and stubborn. Whenever they manage to do anything, it is usually done half-assed.

A farmer once successfully bred a three-legged chicken...

and bragged about it to his neighbors on how fast it was. A billionaire was passing by and took a liking to it. So he made a million dollar offer to the farmer for the chicken. Surprisingly, the farmer declined.

'Then, I'll give you five million for it,' said the billionaire.

'Sorry, I...

Did you know that the best leaders are born and bred in the capital of Taiwan?

They all have Taipei personalities.

I watched a dog show today and was not impressed. My Mutt would run circles around these Pure Breds!

And probably get disqualified for doing so.

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This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

A gorilla in a zoo was depressed.

The veterinarian tells the zookeeper "She is in heat and she really needs to be bred".

The zookeeper says "we don't have a male gorilla. I'm not sure...."

About that time a janitor walks by pushing a broom so the zookeeper pulls the elderly man to the side.

"Sir, would you mate ...

What do you call a redheaded gentleman from a long line of redheads?

A ginger bred man.

I met a guy who cross-bred insects...

...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks.

American/Russian dog fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the...

What do you call a stallion raised by a reclusive author on whole grain wheat? [oc]

A Thoreau-bred thoroughbred fed thorough bread.

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A teenaged farmboy is tending to his family's cattle

When his father comes out to the pasture. He says, 'Son, another family in town is paying us to breed more cattle for 'em. Take our three largest heifers over to their farm where their breeding bull is waiting.'
The son dutifully walks the mile or so with their three cows over to the Anderson far...

A turkey farmer was experimenting with ways to make a better turkey.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer announced to his friends, "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

New sports car

A man just bought himself a new sportscar so he thought he'd take it out on some back roads to see what it will do. As he's cruising a lovely country road at 50 mph he glances to his right and spots a chicken running right next to him! So he gives the car a little gas and bumps it up to 70. Sure eno...

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When I was 12, I lived with my abusive uncle and auntie

We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields.

My uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse.

Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion.

Auntie loves it for some reason, coz it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty". She was a bit weird l...

The Dog Fight

The Israeli Dog vs. The Arab Dog

  
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fi...

An older couple go to a cattle show...

The wife takes interest in the prize bull. She goes to the first one... bred 100 times in a single year... the second one, 20p times. She comes to the third bull... it bred 500 times in a single year! She turns to her husband and says:

“Dear, you could take example from this bull... it jumpe...

A blond City girl named Amy marries a N. Dakota rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The ...

If humans were categorized like dogs, people from Alabama would be...

The pure breds

An Irishman walks into an English pub with his dog on a leash

The barman looks at him and says, that's a strange looking dog you have What breed is it?
He replies it's a long-nosed, long-tailed, short-legged Irish terrier. They're bred as fighting dogs.

The barman says, Tell you what, I have a champion rottweiler out the back that has beaten every...

A man driving down a freeway road at 55 MPH.

He looks out the window and sees a chicken running along side his car. He speeds up to 65 and the chicken is keeping pace with him. He notices that the chicken seems to have multiple legs but before he can confirm it the chicken takes a hard left turn down a dirt road. Intrigued he turns around and ...

A blonde was touring a farm...

...and asked the farmer, "Why doesn't that cow over there have horns?"

"There are many reasons why a cow doesn't have horns," began the farmer. "Some cows are bred to be hornless. On some cows, the horns come in later. Sometimes, the horns are removed. And on some cows, the horns fall off...

Pay it Forward:

I was at Walmart and this lady was sobbing because she lost all of her tax money out of her purse. She couldn’t pay for her groceries. I don’t know why but I decided to give her $200. I had just found $3,000 in the parking lot and since I was blessed I was bred to help her too.

What do you call a child with redheaded parents?

Ginger-bred

What do you call someone who has been raised by garlic?

Garlic bred

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[Long] [NSFW] One warm autumn day,

A man walks into the patent office and slams a stack of papers down triumphantly. "I've bred apples that taste like different fruits, and furthermore, each half of an apple tastes different!"

The patent clerk looks up in boredom, "Sure, sure... But I need to verify the truthfulness of this cl...

People think i'm a monster for only hunting pregnant deer

but doe taste better once it's bred.

A man was driving at 80 kph one day when he was passed by a 3-legged chicken.

He accelerated and passed the chicken. Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 kph. The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down a side road. The man followed it into a farmyard but couldn't find it anywhere. He saw the farmer and told him the story and the ma...

A middle-aged man has a mid-life crisis, and, predictably, buys a Ferrari.

A middle-aged man has a mid-life crisis, and, predictably, buys a Ferrari. He goes for a drive, and decides he wants to see how fast he can get his new super car.

He drives out to the country, where he opens up the throttle. 100km/h. 150km/h. 200km/h! He is absolutely flying.

All of ...

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull...

I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some p...

Why are people from Alabama so good at making burgers?

Because they know alot about things that are in-bred.

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Surprise...

I took a girl home from the club last night and while I was in the bathroom rummaging for condoms, she shouted “I hope you won’t be grossed out when you see that I’m in bed.”
I rushed into the bedroom to assure her that there was nothing wrong with her but I was met by a sight that took me by su...

Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?

Because they're in-bred!

A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.

Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.

"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.

"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"

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A blonde is walking her dog down the street...

when she decides to stop for a coffee in a little cafe on her street. She ties her golden retriever up to a lamp post and heads inside. The woman doesn't realize that her female dog is in heat, and a crowd of horny males quickly begin to gather around her.

Meanwhile, a police officer notices ...

The National poetry contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the conte...

What do you call children born of ginger people?

Ginger-bred

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The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

John went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull.

John went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill , who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing. John complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. The Banker suggested that he have a veterinarian take ...

Old joke (1930s) - Little kid comes in late to school. Teacher says, "Why ya late?"...

Kid says, "Had a take a heifer down—get 'er bred."

Teacher says, "Couldn't your father do it?"

Kid says, "Sure he could, but not as good as the bull."

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Sesame Street Bus

A guy gets a job as a city bus driver. After going over his route, his supervisor tells him about the buses advertisement. "This week, it's a sesame street ad. Do not let these ads get damaged as you make your way through the city. We make a lot of money from these companies and we want it to look g...

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A Guy and His Turtle Walk Into a Bar...

And he sees another guy sitting at the bar with his pet greyhound. So he walks over to the guy and says "I bet you fifty bucks my turtle can beat your greyhound in a race to the other side of the bar". The guy looks at his pure-bred, muscular champion of a dog - then he looks at buddy's turtle - wit...

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The Trucker and His Dog [NSFW]

A truck driver was sitting in a truck stop down in Mississippi when a State Trooper walked in and asked who's dog was sitting outside of the truck stop.

Driver: "That's my dog out there sir, is something the matter?"

Trooper: "Nothing is the matter driver, I just happened to notice yo...

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A guy is driving down a country road...

He's kinda cruisin' and he looks out the window and sees a chicken running next to him. He also see the chicken has 3 legs. He checks his speedometer and he 's doing 45. So he accelerates and he's doing 60 now. Sure enough the chicken is running right next to him.

He sees the only farm house...

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A man wakes up to his wife screaming about a gorilla in the garden.

Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he staggers to the window just in time to see a huge silverback climb up into a gnarled old oak tree at the bottom of his garden. A little perplexed, he calls the RSPCA and gets put through to the Gorilla Dept.. Turns out this is a common enough occurrence, and before...

What do hillbillies and yeast have in common?

They're both in bred

Why does the baker have so many loaves?

Because they bred.

What type of dog did the tweaker have?

A pure bred meth lab.

What do you call a family of redheads?

Gingerbread.

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A Newfie goes to a bar.

One sunny day, a Newfie was walking his dog down the street, when he noticed a bar along the way. He wanted to grab a nice cold beer, so he tied his dog's leash to a nearby tree, in the shade where it's cool. As the Newfie sits down at the bar and orders a beer, a police man walks in, and asks every...

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3 legged chickens.

A man was driving down a country lane one day when he looked into a farmer's field and noticed that all of the chickens in the field had 3 legs. He became curious as to why all of the chickens had 3 legs, so he pulled into the farmer's driveway, walked up the house, and knocked on the door. When th...

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The Wasp

There once was a wasp, he wasn't very happy with his life in the hive. One day he decided to go back to high school. After his senior year he graduated with flying colours, a 4.0 GPA, honours with distinction and 4 scholarships. After high school he applies to Harvard. Of course, he gets accepted an...

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