What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

What happens when 50 Cent eats his food?

58.

Fifty ate.


Okay I’ll just see myself out.. sorry.

We’re big fans of the rapper 50 cent!

Or, as we call him in Zimbabwe, 400 billion dollars.

went to the gas station to pump up my car tire... and the guy charged me 50 cents. I said “it was only 20 gents last week”.

He said “that’s the price of inflation”

A waitress at a diner gives a man his check. As he gets up to leave, he puts down the amount for the check plus three cents for the tip. The waitress notices this and approaches him before he leaves.

Waitress: You know, I can tell a lot about a person by each of the coins that are left.
Man: Okay, what do these pennies tell you about me?

Waitress: This first one tells me that you are very thrifty.
Man: Hmm. Yes, that's true. Go on.

Waitress: This second one tells me that you ...

For every Dollar a man makes a woman makes 70 cents. That's really unfair.

That only leaves the man with 30c.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rapper 50 cent just came out as bisexual…

He’s now called 50/50.

What’s a noodle that only costs one cent?

Penne

What do you call a 25 cent hooker?

A quarter pounder.

Inflation is really getting out of hand…

That’s just my 3 cents.

What did 50 Cent say when his Mom gave him a scarf she made?

Gee! You knit?

Woman's interpretation of football

A Guy Takes His Girlfriend To Her First Football Game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why ...

An old joke I can't find on Reddit. Here we go...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. Th...

A man finds some copper and zinc

A man is out walking one day when he finds some copper and zinc, knowing these are used to make coins he takes them to the government to see what he can get.

There he sits down with a representative of the US mint and says I have here half a grain of copper and 30 grains of zinc, how many ...

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam

I’d have $ 6.30 now.

Young David asked his wealthy grandfather, Sol, how he had made his money.

Sol said, "Well, David, it was 1955, and I was down to my last five cents. I went to the local market and invested that five cents in a large apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested the ten ce...

why are women paid 75 cents for every dollar a man makes?

because a womans work is never done

Ever wonder why stores always charge $$.99

It's because charging a whole dollar amount wouldn't make cents.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

If I had 50 cents from every time I failed a maths test

I'd have $8.32

My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell...

...upon further reflection, I may have misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.

“If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

“One quarter." answered little Johnny.

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

A charity collector paid a visit to the town miser.

"I know you made a profit of more than $500,000 last year alone. Yet you haven't made one donation to our charity!" he berated the miser.

The miser looked up in anger.
"Well, did you also know about my elderly mother, who is currently undergoing an expensive, prolonged treatment for her he...

50 cent gave Eminem a Christmas gift

Eminem was taken aback and choked up as he unwrapped the beautiful hand-made Christmas sweater.

Holding back tears, he turns to 50 and asks...

G-g-g-gee, you knit?

So 50 cent was angry with his german girlfriend

He was about to hit her and she screamed 59!!!!!!!!!

2 pac of eminems for 50 cents?

Man thats ludacris!

What did 50 Cent’s friends say when they saw him crocheting a sweater?

G...you knit?

A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts 65

The machine reads ‘dime’ so he gets closer and whispers Pepsi

A little old lady sold pretzels on the corner for fifty cents each

A little old lady sold pretzels on the street corner for fifty cents each. Every day, a young lawyer would exit his office building at lunch, and as he passed her pretzel stand, he'd leave two quarters. However, he never took a pretzel.

This went on for nearly five years.

Even though ...

A man walks into a bar and orders 20 shots of tequila...

... The bartender looks toward the door, expecting to see 19 more folks walk through the door. That doesn't happen.

"C'mon, man! I don't have all day!' exclaims the customer.

The bartender dutifully pours out 20 shots of tequila. Just as he's pouring the last one, the customer begins s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vending Machines

An American salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "But down the hall from your roo...

A man asked God: "what's a million years to you?"

God replied: "to me it's only a minute"

"And what's a million dollars?"

"To me, it's only a cent"

"So... can I have one of your cents?"

"Sure, just give me a minute."

As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that’s just 25 cents.

Heads is positive. Tails is negative.

50 cents

This kid goes to his dad and say
- Dad I want to go to a 50 cents concert and I need money
The dad gives him $1 and say
- take your sister with you

I really love 50 Cent...

...Or as we call him here in Zimbabwe, '200 million dollars'.

50 cent gave Eminem a really high quality sweater for xmas. EMINEM was super thankful and said to him

GEE, YOU KNIT.

Who knew.

Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in?

Somebody’s making a penny.

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

What happened to the beef between 50 Cent and Ja Rule?

51

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A stockbroker walks past a kid selling lemonade

“Hey mister, ya want some lemonade?”

The stockbroker is just getting out of his brand new BMW in a nice tailored suit. He was about to walk past when he a double take at the sign that says “Lemonade $50”.


“Your sign is wrong kid. I think you mean fifty cents.”

The little gi...

A customer asked a grocer, "How much is a banana?"

Grocer: $1

Customer: Would you sell it for .60 cents?

Grocer: You could only get the skin for that price.

Customer: Here's .40 cents for the banana, keep the skin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish -

### A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.


“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.


The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.


“How mu...

A guy runs into a bar says to the bartender

"Quick! Give me 50 shots of your best whiskey!"

The bartender lays out 50 shot glasses and fills them with the best whiskey he has.

The man pounds them down, one immediately after another.

After the last glass, the bartender says "Wow! I've never seen anyone take that many shots...

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

I heard Venezuelans like 50 Cent

But they call him two thousand dollars.

I remember when it used to cost 25 cents to fill my tires at the gas station. Now it costs $1.25!

Inflation is getting out of hand.

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is the story of 5 cents.

Take five pennies...lay them out in a row. As you tell the joke slide one into a different row.

You smell anything? There's a scent.
You see any fruit? There's a pear.
You see any cars? There's 3 Lincolns.
You see any snakes? There's 4 copper heads.
You see any pussy? Not for 5 ce...

I feed and clothe a child in Africa for 30 cents a day.

Ofcourse that's nothing compared to what it cost to send him there

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

What do you call it when you return 5 cents to someone who dropped it?

Nickelback

Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.

Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.

Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

Did you hear the one about the dollar bill factory?

Never mind, it doesn't make cents

What happens when you remove 90% talent from 50 cent?

You get a Nickelback

Santa was 5 cents short.

Jolly old saint; nickel-less.

What happened when the Bank teller went crazy?

All I got was non cents.

Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail?

Because he was in a cent.

I know it’s stupid but c’mon

A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH

Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples go on a camping trip.

On their last day, the men decide they want to go explore a cave, while the women choose to hang out at the campsite.

After a while of exploring the cave, it forked into 3 different paths. The men agree to all follow one path and meet up in an hour to tell the others what they had found.
<...

So my buddy told me that India was going to start making single rupees out of bread

I told him that sounds like naan cents

If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...

I'd have 60% gross margins.

I bought a 2000's Boy band online for only five cents, but it never came in the mail.

I want my Nickelback

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child. The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I’m going to hell for this.

What do you get if you cross Groot with the rapper Fifty Cent?

About tree-fiddy

What do you call a jail cell without five cents inside?

A nickleless cage.

Cashier: you're 8 cents short

Me: it's only 8 cents can you just let it slide

Cashier: no

Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now

In the word "scent", is the S or the C silent?

Not even *sc*ience can explain that...

I really love the rapper 50 cent

Or as what we here in Zimbabwe call him.
4.563 billion dollars.

Edit: This is my first post. Thank you for the 9 likes.

If 50 cent were a woman.. would her name be 35 cent?

Credit : twitter @the_anastasia

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You decide to get some new water storage tanks for your house out in the countryside.

The plumber doing the installation, some guy called Terry, arrives hours late, completes the job way over schedule and overcharges you, so you give him the finger and pay him in one-cent coins (which you've saved for occasions like this). Terry says nothing and leaves, but unbeknownst to you, he fir...

Did you know Johnny Cash and Eddie Money were really good friends?

They both had common cents.

A homeless man asked me if he could get fifty cents for a sandwich.

I told him, “I don’t know, let me see the sandwich.”

50 Cent is a very insightful person. Wherever he goes, he tailors his shows to be inoffensive to local cultures and customs.

At his latest gig in Harare he performed under the name "4 Billion Dollars".

What do you call an indigenous person who can’t stop giving out his two cents?

Opinionative

What is the most delicious number in French? Cent? Deux cent? Trois cent?

C’est croissant!

It only cost 5 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin,

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife that I was going to stop running around my local roads and join a gym instead.

“Why?” she asked. “You’re in much better shape than you were before, and it hasn’t cost a cent!”

“Yes” I replied, “But I’m tired of having to outrun that fucking coyote.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

45 Cents

A Jewish daughter says to her mother,
"I'm divorcing Nathan.
All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece,
when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece."
Her mother says …..
"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman!
You live in a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.