A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child. The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I’m going to hell for this.

How does a penny look under a microscope?

Magnificent.

What do you call a female rapper?

38 Cent

What kind of concert only costs 45 cents?

A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends are at a bar, then one goes to the bathroom...

Friend 1: Dude, I just made $150.50 sucking dick in the bathroom

Friend 2: Who gave you 50 cents?

Friend 1: All of them!

If I had 50 cents for every time I failed a math test,

I’d have 16.40 dollars.

Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

There was a man who had worked all his life and saved all of his money...

He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me, because I want to take all my money to the afterlife.

So he go...

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

What’s 50 cent’s name in Zimbabwe?

400 million dollars

What do you call the man who had intercourse with 25 cents?

A quarter pounder

I totally understand why people work at fragrance factories...

Makes scents...

What did 50 Cent's grandmother's say when he handed her a homemade sweater?

Gee, you knit?

I heard Venezuelans like 50 Cent

But they call him two thousand dollars.

What do you get if you cross Groot with the rapper Fifty Cent?

About tree-fiddy

In response to his ex-wife taking The Giving Pledge, Jeff Bezos announced he is giving three quarters of his fortune to charity.

Twenty five cents now and fifty cents over the next four years.

What do you get when you pay $0.55 to see a 50 Cent concert?

A nickel back.

It is true, the story that you have heard is true. Women make 80 cents for every a dollar a man makes.

How is a man supposed to survive on 20 cents?

I bought a 2000's Boy band online for only five cents, but it never came in the mail.

I want my Nickelback

I really love the rapper 50 cent

Or as what we here in Zimbabwe call him.
4.563 billion dollars.

Edit: This is my first post. Thank you for the 9 likes.

What do you call an indigenous person who can’t stop giving out his two cents?

Opinionative

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard of the IRS

I’d only have 90 cents for every time I’ve heard of the IRS

I recently went to a coin factory...

I was in awe at all of the machines and moving parts that filled the factory. At first, I didn't understand what was happening, but then it dawned on me. It all makes cents.

I feed and clothe a child in Africa for 30 cents a day.

Ofcourse that's nothing compared to what it cost to send him there

What happens when you remove 90% talent from 50 cent?

You get a Nickelback

Cashier: you're 8 cents short

Me: it's only 8 cents can you just let it slide

Cashier: no

Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now

Two guys are walking down the street in Florida and they see a sign outside a bar that says "10 cent Martinis" and they decide to go in. They don't believe it, but decide to order anyway. The bartender makes two large Belvedere martinis with blue cheese olives and says "That will be 20 cents."

The two guys can't believe it, but drink up and order again. While the bartender is making the drinks, they ask him "How can you afford to do this?" The bartender responds, "I always wanted to own a bar where people could drink cheaply and then I won the lottery." One of the patrons responded, "That...

If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...

I'd have 60% gross margins.

It only cost 5 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin,

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

What was 50 Cents called after he gave his opinion of Eminem?

48 Cents.

What do you call a jail cell without five cents inside?

A nickleless cage.

50 Cent? For an Eminem?

Man that’s Ludacris

What is the most delicious number in French? Cent? Deux cent? Trois cent?

C’est croissant!

Did you guys hear that Nicolas Cage robbed all the coins from a bank recently? Luckily he got caught and went to jail, plus all of the money got returned!

He’s currently in a Nickleless Nicolas Cage Cage

My son disliked the present he received from 50 Cent.

It was cheap and badly rapped.

A dying billionaire found a young man to inherit his fortunes.

"I have two plans for you to inherit my money, think carefully after I finish: you can take 1 million a day, until the 100th day, or I can give you 1 cent on the first day, then two cents, then..."

"I'll take the second option" The young man interrupted him.

100 days later, the young m...

A man and his wife get a divorce.

She lays claim to half of his things, so one afternoon he’s going through the last of their stuff in the attic. He separates what she wants and what he’ll take when he comes upon something she hadn’t mentioned. A small lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off and a genie pops out of it.
“You get three...

You can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return them.

Apparently, people don't like a nickel back.

It’s 1/4 funny 😄

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a super bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench.
After the game he asked her how she liked it.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied. “I just don’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple are having financial troubles

The wife decides to become a prostitute.

On her first day, she makes $200.50.

Her husband says " Which asshole gave you 50 cents?"

"All of them did"

50 Cent is a very insightful person. Wherever he goes, he tailors his shows to be inoffensive to local cultures and customs.

At his latest gig in Harare he performed under the name "4 Billion Dollars".

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring nickelback

A homeless man asked me if he could get fifty cents for a sandwich.

I told him, “I don’t know, let me see the sandwich.”

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.

Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.

Did you know that women on average only get paid 73 cents to ever dollar a man makes?

That’s not fair, it only leaves the man with 27 cents!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wage gap is sexist, because a woman gets 70 cents for every dollar a man makes...

... then the man is only left with 30 cents. That's messed up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Bill and Hillary first got married

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked ins...

How to get rich

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of th...

If 50 cent were a woman.. would her name be 35 cent?

Credit : twitter @the_anastasia

Happy Hour

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much for a cup of coffee. The bartender replies: "Two cents."

The guy thinks it's a joke and asks: "Ok, how much for a beer?"

Bartender replies: "Two cents."

The guy gets angry: "And the steak dinner? How much?"

Bartender ...

What did 50 cent's grandma say to him when he gave her a hand woven scarf for mother's day?

G u knit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

40 Cents

There was a country family who had struggled with poverty all their lives. Then the daughter got married to the wealthiest bachellor of the nearest town.
All of a sudden their lives started to improve. The husband employed all the wife’s siblings, his company started to buy the family ranch’s...

Eminem, 50 Cent and Andre from Outkast get together to produce a new single.

50 Cent says, 'I'll make the beat.'


Eminem says, 'I'll release it on my label and deal with the promo.'


Andre says, 'I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll write, I'll ...

I asked Rick Harrison for change for a Dollar,

He told me that the best he could do is 50 cents and that he is taking all the risks.

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over he asks if she had a good time. She replied “yes that was fun, but I don’t understand why they do all of that for 25 cents”. The man, puzzled, asks “what do you mean?” To which the blonde replied “well the game started with...

I think 50 Cent should run for President in 2020

He's change we can believe in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 per cent

TL;DR

It was wedding cake

If an opinion is worth 2 cents, how many cents is an argument worth?

It really just depends on how much cents it makes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ms. Pac Man is the biggest hoe in history

For 25 cents she swallows until she fucking dies.

50 Cent goes to a small town for a concert and meets the mayor.

The mayor, being a fan and trying to be casual, offers to show him around town. Before long, he realizes that 50 cent seems to be a little off, because he is asking the mayor to identify inanimate objects. He points to a sewer, and the mayor says, "Sewer." He points to a streetlight, and the mayor p...

The U.S mint stopped making pennies.

I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Japanese man in America with $8932 and 40 cents?

A Mill*yen*aire.

...Yeah I know I'm a shitbird.

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