My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell...

...upon further reflection, I may have misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.

What did 50 Cent do when he got hungry?

58

If I had 50 cents from every time I failed a maths test

I'd have $8.32

What do you call a 25 cent hooker?

A quarter pounder.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickleback

Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

So 50 cent was angry with his german girlfriend

He was about to hit her and she screamed 59!!!!!!!!!

2 pac of eminems for 50 cents?

Man thats ludacris!

Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in?

Somebody’s making a penny.

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

What happened to the beef between 50 Cent and Ja Rule?

51

As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that’s just 25 cents.

Heads is positive. Tails is negative.

If I had 50 cents for everytime I failed a math test..

I would have $6.38.

“If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

“One quarter." answered little Johnny.

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

A little old lady sold pretzels on the corner for fifty cents each

A little old lady sold pretzels on the street corner for fifty cents each. Every day, a young lawyer would exit his office building at lunch, and as he passed her pretzel stand, he'd leave two quarters. However, he never took a pretzel.

This went on for nearly five years.

Even though ...

50 cent gave Eminem a really high quality sweater for xmas. EMINEM was super thankful and said to him

GEE, YOU KNIT.

Who knew.

I asked my father for permission, to go on a 50 Cent concert.

He handed me 1 Euro and made me take my brother with me.

Son: Hey dad, can I borrow ten dollars in Bitcoin?

Dad: Twenty dollars and thirteen cents? Why in God's name do you need to borrow nine dollars and sixty-seven cents?

I really like 50 cent

Or as we call it in zimbabwe, 40 trillion dollars

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her...

50 cents

This kid goes to his dad and say
- Dad I want to go to a 50 cents concert and I need money
The dad gives him $1 and say
- take your sister with you

Socialism is just common sense...

Because it’s common cents.

What’s 50 cent’s name in Zimbabwe?

400 million dollars

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is the story of 5 cents.

Take five pennies...lay them out in a row. As you tell the joke slide one into a different row.

You smell anything? There's a scent.
You see any fruit? There's a pear.
You see any cars? There's 3 Lincolns.
You see any snakes? There's 4 copper heads.
You see any pussy? Not for 5 ce...

A Man meets God and asks

Man: God, how much is a 100 years for you?

God: Its nothing more than a second son

Man: How much is a million dollars for you?

God: Nothing more than a cent son

Man: Could you please give me a cent?

God: Just a sec !!

A man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots at once

The bartender brings out the shots and the man downs each one quickly.

The bartender is a little concerned by this and decides to say something

Bartender: "Hey Buddy, why don't you pace yourself a little? That can't be healthy."

Man: "You would be drinking like this to if you ha...

I encountered a young cashier while checking out.

My total was $4.07 to so I handed him a $5 bill and 7 pennies. Confused, he said, "This is too much, just give me the $5 bill." I tried explaining to him that I didn't want change back. This situation still had him bewildered as if he doesn't understand the basics regarding math and money.

I ...

Why should you never listen to coins?

It never makes any cents

I have a job at the mint making paper currency.

That’s right, my job isn’t making cents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to a friend when she asked “do you wanna see a trick?”

Interested in what it was, I reply “sure, what do you have”

She pulls out a penny and asks “ do you smell anything?” Puzzled for a moment I reply “no, not really” she smirks “you should, it’s a cent.”

She then puts a second penny in front of the first and asks “do you see any fruit?” A...

First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense.

Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

More of us guys are unemployed as a result of the pandemic, but we're getting fucked over worse

I mean, damn, we're losing $1.00 for every .77 cents women lose.

A man is talking to god

"God, are you there?" the man asks. "I have a question for you."

"What is it?" God asks.

"Is it true that a million years for you is only a second?" The man asks.

"Yes, it's true." God replies.

"So what's a million dollars for you?" The man asks.

"A million dollars...

A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, "that'll be a dollar"

The guy thinks, "man, that's cheap," but the beer was delicious. So he finishes his beer and decides to take a chance. "Bartender, I'll have your finest wine" bartender goes through a long process of showing the bottle. Opening it. Aerating the wine. Pouring it into nice a nice glass and says. "That...

Santa was 5 cents short.

Jolly old saint; nickel-less.

What do you call it when you return 5 cents to someone who dropped it?

Nickelback

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fred and Charlie had been having a few beers at the bar together when suddenly they both had to take a piss.

Standing next to each other at the urinal, Fred could hardly ignore the fact that Charlie was very well endowed.

"I say, that's a remarkable donger you have there old boy,” remarked Fred.

"Wasn't always that way,” replied Charlie, “Medical science can do wonders with transplants these ...

I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency

I mean it's just common cents

Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail?

Because he was in a cent.

I know it’s stupid but c’mon

Due to the coin shortage the restaurant didn’t give me any change.

It’s non-cents.

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

I remember when it used to cost 25 cents to fill my tires at the gas station. Now it costs $1.25!

Inflation is getting out of hand.

What do they the call rapper 50 Cent in Venezuela?

479 Billion Bolivars.

I quit smoking once for six years after buying a forty two cent box of toothpicks...

...after six years they were pretty gross so I started smoking again.

What’s Kanye West’s brilliant economic plan as president?

To put 50 cent into the Treasury

A man goes to work at a grocery store.

The man isn't too bright, so they give him a job a grocer. All is going well, until a boy runs up to him and asks how much the tomatoes cost.

The man, baffled, says, "I don't know." He realizes that he just lost a customer to his incompetence. He goes to his boss for help.

His boss g...

What did 50 Cent's grandmother's say when he handed her a homemade sweater?

Gee, you knit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

16yo with a part time job at McDonald's comes home in a new Porsche Panamera Turbo S.

His mom screams at him, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU BUY THAT PORSCHE, WE KNOW WHAT IT COSTS."

The 16yo says, "I got it from that old lady over there, she gave me it for $1.

His mom, steaming: OMG SHE MIGHT BE A RAPIST AND A CHILD ABUSER! LET'S GO SEE HER!!"

His dad goes to the old lad...

Little Bobby and the barber

A barber was cutting his customer's hair when he saw little Bobby walk by outside.

He said to his customer, "Watch this, this is the dumbest kid in the world."

He then went outside and held out his two hands.

One hand had 50 cents and the other had a dollar. He then asked Bobb...

Guy walks into a bar and says I need 6 shots of Jack quick!...quicker... Hurry dammit!!!

Come on man, you'd be drinking quick too, if you had what I have!!!

So the bartender offers up the shots 'If you don't mind me asking... What is that you have?'

Man looks him in the eye, whiskey dripping off his chin and says... 40 cents.

Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

Two women go to Spain to buy a bull...

Two women got sent to Spain from America to buy a bull for a wealthy Rancher.

They have a great time travelling and sight seeing.
They lose themselves in the fun and end up spending all of their bull-purchasing money buying match tickets to watch the El Classico. Once the euphoria is over,...

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child. The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I’m going to hell for this.

A kid comes up to me to show me a nickel he had just found...

He then says he could tell my fortune if I gave him a penny. I gave him a penny and he told me my fortune, “You are going to laugh within the next few minutes.”
Confused, I asked how he could know this. He held out his hand with the coins in his palm and said, “I’ve got this sixth cents.”
He ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a dollar for every person I have in my basement...

I'd have 60 cents

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.

He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change."

Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a...

What do you get when you pay $0.55 to see a 50 Cent concert?

A nickel back.

It is true, the story that you have heard is true. Women make 80 cents for every a dollar a man makes.

How is a man supposed to survive on 20 cents?

I feed and clothe a child in Africa for 30 cents a day.

Ofcourse that's nothing compared to what it cost to send him there

A guy walks into a bar.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a dozen shots. The bartender brings them to the guy, and as the bartender is grabbing the cheque, he sees that the guy has already downed over half of his shots.

The bartender walks over to the guy and exclaims, "Woah buddy, you might wanna chill out over th...

What do you get if you cross Groot with the rapper Fifty Cent?

About tree-fiddy

I bought a 2000's Boy band online for only five cents, but it never came in the mail.

I want my Nickelback

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

--50 cent

What happens when you remove 90% talent from 50 cent?

You get a Nickelback

Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night, all he could offer her was $0.50 and a pair of sneakers.

She refused with disdain.

He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she wa...

What did Abraham Lincoln say when he was accused of stealing a penny?

"Hey! I'm in-a-cent!"

I really love the rapper 50 cent

Or as what we here in Zimbabwe call him.
4.563 billion dollars.

Edit: This is my first post. Thank you for the 9 likes.

What do you call an indigenous person who can’t stop giving out his two cents?

Opinionative

A child asked his dad," how are coins made".

The dad said," They are made at a mint with a press".

Then the child responded," That makes cents".

How many Florida men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?

You can't. Nobody in Florida has any cents.

The waiter had a spoon in his pocket

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw t...

If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...

I'd have 60% gross margins.

So I was at the laundromat the other day

I went to the change machine to get some quarters. It took my bill but nothing came back out.

And I thought, "that doesn't make cents."

Cashier: you're 8 cents short

Me: it's only 8 cents can you just let it slide

Cashier: no

Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now

It only cost 5 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin,

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

What do you call a jail cell without five cents inside?

A nickleless cage.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring nickelback

You can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return them.

Apparently, people don't like a nickel back.

Two guys are walking down the street in Florida and they see a sign outside a bar that says "10 cent Martinis" and they decide to go in. They don't believe it, but decide to order anyway. The bartender makes two large Belvedere martinis with blue cheese olives and says "That will be 20 cents."

The two guys can't believe it, but drink up and order again. While the bartender is making the drinks, they ask him "How can you afford to do this?" The bartender responds, "I always wanted to own a bar where people could drink cheaply and then I won the lottery." One of the patrons responded, "That...

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

The easiest job I ever had..?

I was the price check guy at the 99 cent store.

Why do penny-pinchers make great hunters?

Because they’re good at picking up cents

How many of the pennies in a roll of pennies have a Lincoln face?

It's actually one per cent.

What is the most delicious number in French? Cent? Deux cent? Trois cent?

C’est croissant!

Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.

Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.

50 Cent is a very insightful person. Wherever he goes, he tailors his shows to be inoffensive to local cultures and customs.

At his latest gig in Harare he performed under the name "4 Billion Dollars".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple are down on their luck and are in desperate need for some money.

A couple are down on their luck and are in desperate need for some money. After a long discussion, the couple both decide that the wife should go into prostitution. So the next night husband drops his wife at a street corner and drives off. Just before sunrise the husband drives back to pick up his ...

My son disliked the present he received from 50 Cent.

It was cheap and badly rapped.

Ed Christie, CEO of Spirit Airlines, walks into a bar.

He says to the bartender “Can I have a draft beer?"

The bartender says "Sure thing. That'll be .50¢"

He replies "50 cents? That's really cheap!"

The bartender looks up and finishes with ."....and it'll be $3 for the glass, $4 if you just stand, $8 if you want to sit down, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Guy and an Ostrich Walk into a Bar

The guy tells the bartender: "I'll have a whisky." The ostrich says: "I'll have the same."

The bartender gives them their drinks, and when they finish, tells them: "That'll be 7.46$."

The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out 7 dollars and 46 cents exactly, without even having paus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wage gap is sexist, because a woman gets 70 cents for every dollar a man makes...

... then the man is only left with 30 cents. That's messed up.

A homeless man asked me if he could get fifty cents for a sandwich.

I told him, “I don’t know, let me see the sandwich.”

All transactions should be rounded down if you ask me...

But that's just my 0 cents.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.