What do you call a 25 cent hooker?

A quarter pounder.

So 50 cent was angry with his german girlfriend

He was about to hit her and she screamed 59!!!!!!!!!

what did 50 cent do when he got hungry?

58.

2 pac of eminems for 50 cents?

Man thats ludacris!

What kind of concert costs 45 cents?

A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback

As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that’s just 25 cents.

Heads is positive. Tails is negative.

A little old lady sold pretzels on the corner for fifty cents each

A little old lady sold pretzels on the street corner for fifty cents each. Every day, a young lawyer would exit his office building at lunch, and as he passed her pretzel stand, he'd leave two quarters. However, he never took a pretzel.

This went on for nearly five years.

Even though ...

50 cent gave Eminem a really high quality sweater for xmas. EMINEM was super thankful and said to him

GEE, YOU KNIT.

Who knew.

If I had 50 cents for everytime I failed a math test..

I would have $6.38.

I really like 50 cent

Or as we call it in zimbabwe, 40 trillion dollars

50 cents

This kid goes to his dad and say
- Dad I want to go to a 50 cents concert and I need money
The dad gives him $1 and say
- take your sister with you

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This is the story of 5 cents.

Take five pennies...lay them out in a row. As you tell the joke slide one into a different row.

You smell anything? There's a scent.
You see any fruit? There's a pear.
You see any cars? There's 3 Lincolns.
You see any snakes? There's 4 copper heads.
You see any pussy? Not for 5 ce...

I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency

I mean it's just common cents

A kid comes up to me to show me a nickel he had just found...

He then says he could tell my fortune if I gave him a penny. I gave him a penny and he told me my fortune, “You are going to laugh within the next few minutes.”
Confused, I asked how he could know this. He held out his hand with the coins in his palm and said, “I’ve got this sixth cents.”
He ...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch...

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble..

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving with $600, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to bu...

A guy walks into a bar.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a dozen shots. The bartender brings them to the guy, and as the bartender is grabbing the cheque, he sees that the guy has already downed over half of his shots.

The bartender walks over to the guy and exclaims, "Woah buddy, you might wanna chill out over th...

What’s 50 cent’s name in Zimbabwe?

400 million dollars

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A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.

He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change."

Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a...

Santa was 5 cents short.

Jolly old saint; nickel-less.

What do you call it when you return 5 cents to someone who dropped it?

Nickelback

Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail?

Because he was in a cent.

I know it’s stupid but c’mon

How many Florida men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?

You can't. Nobody in Florida has any cents.

A man found God one day

He asked: "God, what is one millions years to you?"
God said : "It's like one second to me"
The man said: "What about one millions dollars?"
God said: "it's like one cent to me"

After a while the man asked: "God, can you give me one cent?:
God said: "Of course, just give me a seco...

So I was at the laundromat the other day

I went to the change machine to get some quarters. It took my bill but nothing came back out.

And I thought, "that doesn't make cents."

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

What do they the call rapper 50 Cent in Venezuela?

479 Billion Bolivars.

I quit smoking once for six years after buying a forty two cent box of toothpicks...

...after six years they were pretty gross so I started smoking again.

I remember when it used to cost 25 cents to fill my tires at the gas station. Now it costs $1.25!

Inflation is getting out of hand.

Why do penny-pinchers make great hunters?

Because they’re good at picking up cents

A child asked his dad," how are coins made".

The dad said," They are made at a mint with a press".

Then the child responded," That makes cents".

A guy prays really hard, and appears in front of God.

God: What do you want ? Ask me anything.

Guy: God how much 1 million years mean to you ?

God: A second.

Guy: God how much 1 million dollars means to you ?

God: A cent.

Guy: I'm not asking much, just give me a cent !

God: why not ? It's at bottom of my pocket...

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child. The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I’m going to hell for this.

Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

Pennies are becoming more and more rare in the US.

We're lacking common cents.

What did 50 Cent's grandmother's say when he handed her a homemade sweater?

Gee, you knit?

If I had a dollar for every person my ex cheated on me with

I'd have 60 cents

The waiter had a spoon in his pocket

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw t...

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A couple are down on their luck and are in desperate need for some money.

A couple are down on their luck and are in desperate need for some money. After a long discussion, the couple both decide that the wife should go into prostitution. So the next night husband drops his wife at a street corner and drives off. Just before sunrise the husband drives back to pick up his ...

If I had a nickel every time I was called an idiot...

I'd have 4 cents

How many of the pennies in a roll of pennies have a Lincoln face?

It's actually one per cent.

It is true, the story that you have heard is true. Women make 80 cents for every a dollar a man makes.

How is a man supposed to survive on 20 cents?

Ed Christie, CEO of Spirit Airlines, walks into a bar.

He says to the bartender “Can I have a draft beer?"

The bartender says "Sure thing. That'll be .50¢"

He replies "50 cents? That's really cheap!"

The bartender looks up and finishes with ."....and it'll be $3 for the glass, $4 if you just stand, $8 if you want to sit down, and ...

What do you get if you cross Groot with the rapper Fifty Cent?

About tree-fiddy

I bought a 2000's Boy band online for only five cents, but it never came in the mail.

I want my Nickelback

I feed and clothe a child in Africa for 30 cents a day.

Ofcourse that's nothing compared to what it cost to send him there

All transactions should be rounded down if you ask me...

But that's just my 0 cents.

I really love the rapper 50 cent

Or as what we here in Zimbabwe call him.
4.563 billion dollars.

Edit: This is my first post. Thank you for the 9 likes.

What happens when you remove 90% talent from 50 cent?

You get a Nickelback

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Guy and an Ostrich Walk into a Bar

The guy tells the bartender: "I'll have a whisky." The ostrich says: "I'll have the same."

The bartender gives them their drinks, and when they finish, tells them: "That'll be 7.46$."

The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out 7 dollars and 46 cents exactly, without even having paus...

Perfectly spell-checked poem

- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my revue,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew...

What do you call an indigenous person who can’t stop giving out his two cents?

Opinionative

What's the biggest difference between Communism and Capitalism?

Capitalism uses common sense

Communism uses common cents

If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...

I'd have 60% gross margins.

It only cost 5 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin,

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

If I had a dollar for every homeless person I gave money to

I’d be making 99 cents per homeless person I found

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching TV last night

And an advertisement came on with the sweet sound of Sarah McLachlan singing her hit ballad “Angel” and a video of little African children COVERED in flies. A 1-800 number popped up on the screen and said, “for just 22 cents a day...” I had heard enough! I picked up the phone to call, I just had to ...

Cashier: you're 8 cents short

Me: it's only 8 cents can you just let it slide

Cashier: no

Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now

What do you call a jail cell without five cents inside?

A nickleless cage.

Two guys are walking down the street in Florida and they see a sign outside a bar that says "10 cent Martinis" and they decide to go in. They don't believe it, but decide to order anyway. The bartender makes two large Belvedere martinis with blue cheese olives and says "That will be 20 cents."

The two guys can't believe it, but drink up and order again. While the bartender is making the drinks, they ask him "How can you afford to do this?" The bartender responds, "I always wanted to own a bar where people could drink cheaply and then I won the lottery." One of the patrons responded, "That...

Did you hear about the bankrupt penny factory?

Makes no cents.

Bartender

A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One Cent?", exclaimed the man.
So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly Sir,"...

A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots of the finest whiskey...

The bartender lines them and the guy downs them one after another within 30 seconds.

"Wow," says the bartender. "You sure chugged those fast."

"You'd drink fast, too, if you had what I had!" the guy says.

"What's that?" the bartender asks.

"Thirty-five cents."

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her...

You can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return them.

Apparently, people don't like a nickel back.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring nickelback

What is the most delicious number in French? Cent? Deux cent? Trois cent?

C’est croissant!

50 Cent is a very insightful person. Wherever he goes, he tailors his shows to be inoffensive to local cultures and customs.

At his latest gig in Harare he performed under the name "4 Billion Dollars".

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

A CEO's advise

The CEO of a large corporation was giving advice to a junior executive. "I was young, married, and out of work," he lectured.
"I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them, and sold them for ten cents each....

Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.

Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.

My son disliked the present he received from 50 Cent.

It was cheap and badly rapped.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time I was in Amsterdam and I decided to go to the Red Light District

As I was walking by the sex shops and back alleys I ran into a man in a suit who said
_"Hey! You lookin' for a good time?"_
So we got to talking and he eventually cut to the chase and said
_"Look you have two choices, our cheapest prostitutes can be had for a cent but our finest will run ...

Joe and Bob are sitting outside a cafe enjoying a couple cigars when a young boy walks out of the ice cream parlour right next door.

Joe says "see that kid over there, dumbest kid I ever met, watch this...." and he calls the kid over.

Joe puts 50 cents in one of his hands, and a dollar bill in the other and holds them both out to the boy. Joe says "which do you want, 50 cents, or a dollar?" The boy quickly snatches up the ...

There once was a man...

There once was a foreign man who tried and tried to make music in english, but he could not make any money off of them. One day his manager said "your music doesn't make any cents!"

I worked at the U.S.Mint because it was the only job close by

I didn't have a car, it was just the only thing that made cents at the time.

A wise old gentleman retired...

...and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every...

How does a penny look under a microscope?

Magnificent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who’s the biggest prostitute in history?

For 25 cents Ms Pac-Man would eat balls until she DIED

Guy walks into a bar

Tells the bartender:
I want 6 beers.

The bartender serves him and the guy chugs all 6 beers one after the other.

The bartender says:
I’ve never seen anyone drink 6 beers that fast!

The guy says:
You would drink your beer fast too if you had what I have.

The ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you believe in change?

That shit makes cents

A homeless man asked me if he could get fifty cents for a sandwich.

I told him, “I don’t know, let me see the sandwich.”

I recently started investing heavily into penny stocks.

It just seemed to make a lot of cents...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wage gap is sexist, because a woman gets 70 cents for every dollar a man makes...

... then the man is only left with 30 cents. That's messed up.

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over he asks if she had a good time. She replied “yes that was fun, but I don’t understand why they do all of that for 25 cents”. The man, puzzled, asks “what do you mean?” To which the blonde replied “well the game started with...

What did 50 cent's grandma say to him when he gave her a hand woven scarf for mother's day?

G u knit?

If 50 cent were a woman.. would her name be 35 cent?

Credit : twitter @the_anastasia

I have 50 jokes about the unemployed

the thing is none of them make any cents

credit to u/NoneNoneNone2020

Did you know that women on average only get paid 73 cents to ever dollar a man makes?

That’s not fair, it only leaves the man with 27 cents!

Trumps Healthcare

President Trump, while on his recent unnannounced visit to a hospital decided to learn more about healthcare, because he had a need to prove to everyone just how smart, how really really smart he was about healthcare to everyone. Smarter than even the doctors and healthcare professionals themselves....

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