During a job interview at the 99 Cents store, my son was asked, Where do you see yourself in five years?

My son’s reply: “At the Dollar Store.” He got the job.

For every Dollar a man makes a woman makes 70 cents. That's really unfair.

That only leaves the man with 30c.

What do they call the rapper "50 Cent" in Venezuela?

$1,554,270.59

I am a big fan of Fifty Cent.

Or as we call him in Zimbabwe: **Ten Billions Dollars.**

What did 50 Cent say when his Mom gave him a scarf she made?

Gee! You knit?

If I had 50 cents from every time I failed a maths test

I'd have $8.32

What do you call a 25 cent hooker?

A quarter pounder.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

A waitress at a diner gives a man his check.

As he gets up to leave, he puts down the amount for the check plus three cents for the tip. The waitress notices this and approaches him before he leaves.

Waitress: You know, I can tell a lot about a person by each of the coins that are left.
Man: Okay, what do these pennies tell you abo...

A man walks into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila

The bartender lines up the shots, and the man starts taking them one after another.

The bartender says "wow you're drinking those pretty fast"

The guy says "you would too if you had what I have"

The bartender steps back cautiously "what do you have?"

The guy says "fifty c...

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Rags To Riches Success Story

A real touching success story! 

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. 

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do...

50 cent gave Eminem a Christmas gift

Eminem was taken aback and choked up as he unwrapped the beautiful hand-made Christmas sweater.

Holding back tears, he turns to 50 and asks...

G-g-g-gee, you knit?

If I had 50 cents for everytime I failed a math test..

I would have $6.38.

My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell...

...upon further reflection, I may have misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.

“If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

“One quarter." answered little Johnny.

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

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I told my wife that I was going to stop running around my local roads and join a gym instead.

“Why?” she asked. “You’re in much better shape than you were before, and it hasn’t cost a cent!”

“Yes” I replied, “But I’m tired of having to outrun that fucking coyote.”

A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts 65

The machine reads ‘dime’ so he gets closer and whispers Pepsi

What did 50 Cent’s friends say when they saw him crocheting a sweater?

G...you knit?

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A husband and wife are having money trouble and decide the wife needs to work the streets as a hooker.

Two days later she comes back with $225.25. The husband says "that's good, but what cheap bastard gave you 25 cents?" The wife responds "all of them"

So 50 cent was angry with his german girlfriend

He was about to hit her and she screamed 59!!!!!!!!!

inflation

There’s the story of an old lady selling pretzels for 25 cents on a corner in New York. Every day a young man passes her at lunchtime and drops a quarter in the cup but doesn’t take a pretzel. She never says a word. He does this for three years, until one day he drops the quarter in her cup and she ...

2 pac of eminems for 50 cents?

Man thats ludacris!

A little old lady sold pretzels on the corner for fifty cents each

A little old lady sold pretzels on the street corner for fifty cents each. Every day, a young lawyer would exit his office building at lunch, and as he passed her pretzel stand, he'd leave two quarters. However, he never took a pretzel.

This went on for nearly five years.

Even though ...

I don't understand why people pay for things with exact dollar amounts...

... It makes no cents.

As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that’s just 25 cents.

Heads is positive. Tails is negative.

Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in?

Somebody’s making a penny.

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A Russian Jew decides to emigrate to Israel

At Moscow airport the customs officials stop him when they find a statue of Lenin in his luggage and ask what it is.

He replies, "I think you meant "Who is this?" This my friend, is Comrade Lenin, who laid the foundations of socialism and allowed Russia to prosper. I take a statue of him wit...

What's the cheapest concert you could attend?

50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

Only $153.45 after taxes and Ticketmaster fees.

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

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Why did the dollar bill go to a therapist?

He wasn't making any cents.

50 cent gave Eminem a really high quality sweater for xmas. EMINEM was super thankful and said to him

GEE, YOU KNIT.

Who knew.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, ...

50 cents

This kid goes to his dad and say
- Dad I want to go to a 50 cents concert and I need money
The dad gives him $1 and say
- take your sister with you

Two Sisters...

One blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They ...

In the word "scent", is the S or the C silent?

Not even *sc*ience can explain that...

A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH

Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?

I'll never understand people who fear change

It's like they have no cents at all

What's the most logical building in the USA?

The US Mint.. it makes a lot of cents.

Yo momma's so stupid,

she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Money has never meant a damn thing to me...

...that’s my two cents.

National Bank of USA decides to save some money on coin making...

so they buy a cheap coin making machine made in China.

Soon enough, it stops working, and the bank sends an engineer to fix it. As he looks into the machine, he realises that the hardware is completely different from american, and he does not understand anything about this Chinese coin making...

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This is the story of 5 cents.

Take five pennies...lay them out in a row. As you tell the joke slide one into a different row.

You smell anything? There's a scent.
You see any fruit? There's a pear.
You see any cars? There's 3 Lincolns.
You see any snakes? There's 4 copper heads.
You see any pussy? Not for 5 ce...

I hate that ATMs don't dispense coins.

It just doesn't make cents.

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

I thought I’d finally written a non-denominational joke...

but when I told it to my priest, he said it didn’t make cents.

Married couple during hard financial times....

A man and his wife are having hard financial times and decide that the husband will pimp the wife out.



The man parks and waits while his wife goes around the corner to stir up business.



At the end of the night, the wife comes back to the car, and her husband asks how mu...

The machine at the coin factory I work for stopped working.

It doesn't make any cents!

Why can't Lincoln be arrested?

He's in a cent.

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A woman visits her mother and tell her she's divorcing her husband.

The mother replies:

But why? Your husband is super kind, good looking and is a millionaire. You're living in a castle, you're driving a rolls royce, you even have butlers!

Yes mother, but he is obsessed with anal sex. Everyday ha wants to put it in my ass.

Before i met him my as...

What do you call it when you return 5 cents to someone who dropped it?

Nickelback

The US mint seems to be broken

The penny marking machine at the US mint just stopped working for no reason.

It just doesn't make any cents!

There’s no way Abraham Lincoln will be found guilty of any crime....

Because he’ll always be in a cent.

Santa was 5 cents short.

Jolly old saint; nickel-less.

Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat?

They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

Why was Abraham Lincoln never put in jail?

Because he was in a cent.

I know it’s stupid but c’mon

Two Newfoundlanders Travel to Toronto

Two Newfoundlanders, Jimmy and Dave, are out of work, so they decide to move to Toronto to find jobs. They scrounge up every last cent they have for the trip and find they have $1000 between them to get started.

As soon as they get to Toronto, they see a sign in a shop window that says "Suits...

I feed and clothe a child in Africa for 30 cents a day.

Ofcourse that's nothing compared to what it cost to send him there

There is a coin shortage in America

They are officially out of Common Cents

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

I quit smoking once for six years after buying a forty two cent box of toothpicks...

...after six years they were pretty gross so I started smoking again.

What happens when you remove 90% talent from 50 cent?

You get a Nickelback

A man walks into a bar and orders 8 shots of vodka

The bartender lines up the shot glasses and starts pouring them out, and as soon as one's filled the man slams it down.

"Woah take it easy there buddy, we're open all night", says the bartender

"You'd be drinking like this too if you had what I've got"

"Ah I'm sorry to hear that...

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child. The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I’m going to hell for this.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent, featuring nickelback

Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.

Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.

I bought a 2000's Boy band online for only five cents, but it never came in the mail.

I want my Nickelback

I needed some change in my life

So I decided to start a coin collection. I know it seems odd but it makes cents to me.

What do you get if you cross Groot with the rapper Fifty Cent?

About tree-fiddy

You can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return them.

Apparently, people don't like a nickel back.

Did you guys hear they’re thinking about closing the Philadelphia mint?

Im not opposed, it just makes cents

Lawyer: Your honor, my client is trapped in a penny

Judge: What?

Lawyer: he's in a cent!

If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my two cents...

I'd have 60% gross margins.

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A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.

“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.

The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.

“How much will it cost to buy everyone here a round of drinks?”, the man asks, taking a s...

I really love the rapper 50 cent

Or as what we here in Zimbabwe call him.
4.563 billion dollars.

Edit: This is my first post. Thank you for the 9 likes.

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A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a smartly-dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".

The smartly-dressed man says "This is ...

Cashier: you're 8 cents short

Me: it's only 8 cents can you just let it slide

Cashier: no

Me: *slides cashier 20 dollars* what about now

What do you call a jail cell without five cents inside?

A nickleless cage.

What did the dollar say to the yen?

You are so invaluable, it doesn’t even make cents!

What do you call an indigenous person who can’t stop giving out his two cents?

Opinionative

It only cost 5 cents to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin,

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent? ' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel" the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied,...

What is the most delicious number in French? Cent? Deux cent? Trois cent?

C’est croissant!

50 Cent is a very insightful person. Wherever he goes, he tailors his shows to be inoffensive to local cultures and customs.

At his latest gig in Harare he performed under the name "4 Billion Dollars".

Two guys are walking down the street in Florida and they see a sign outside a bar that says "10 cent Martinis" and they decide to go in. They don't believe it, but decide to order anyway. The bartender makes two large Belvedere martinis with blue cheese olives and says "That will be 20 cents."

The two guys can't believe it, but drink up and order again. While the bartender is making the drinks, they ask him "How can you afford to do this?" The bartender responds, "I always wanted to own a bar where people could drink cheaply and then I won the lottery." One of the patrons responded, "That...

If 50 cent were a woman.. would her name be 35 cent?

Credit : twitter @the_anastasia

A homeless man asked me if he could get fifty cents for a sandwich.

I told him, “I don’t know, let me see the sandwich.”

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck.

A man, frantic rushes up to the bar

Gimme twelve shots quick!! He says. The bartender starts pouring them out as the man starts slamming them. After the last shot the bartender says "damn! You sure drank those fast!! The man says "buddy, you'd drink fast too, if you had what I got!" "Jeeze, what do you have bud?" The bartender says....

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