The 75+ Best Cent Jokes

Russian Ruble is now worth less than 1 U.S. Cent after SWIFT Bank Sanctions

I think it's time we start calling the Ruble for what really is: Rubble

What did 50 Cent say to his Grandmother when she made him a sweater?

Gee, you knit?

I bought a CD at a yard sale for 5 cents...

I listened to it at home and it sucked.

I went back to the yard sale and I said "Give me my nickel back!". They said, "We already did."

50 Cent has officially changed his name

It’s now 3.50 to adjust for inflation.

What did 50 Cent do when he got hungry?

58.

I heard 50 Cent wasn’t expected at the half time show

I didn’t think it was a surprise he came out after two quarters

It only makes cents

Perfumer: I invested 200 dollars, but do you know how much I got back?

Person: How much?

Perfumer: Three scents.

What does 50 Cent call himself in Russia?

50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 rubles

What concert only costs 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickleback

I asked 50 Cent for some advice

Now he is 48 Cent

Anyone see 50 cent perform at the Super Bowl?

Inflation is real

What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?

400 million dolla man.

Putin once said: “I really like 50 cent”

“Or as we call him in Russia, 4 million ruble”.

The rapper 50 Cent is known by many names

For instance, in Russia they call him 1352 Ruble

**Edit:** Make that 1459 Ruble

When someone says, a penny for your thoughts, and I throw my two cents in….

What happens to the other penny?

My wife is a hooker?

My wife woke me this morning after being out all night I asked her where she was and she told me that because we were going through some money problems she decided that she was going to go on the game and after a lot of arguing I asked how much money she made and she said 4 thousand 6 hundred 40 eur...

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Vincent Van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Claude Monet, and Leonardo De Vinci are all eating at a nice restaurant when the waitress comes around with the bill.

They’d all ordered the same item and had previously agreed to split the bill four ways.

When they looked at the check, however, they saw that the 10% gratuity would not split evenly, so one of them would end up paying an extra $0.01.

“We should have an art competition to decide,” Da Vi...

Did you hear about the perfume factory that went bankrupt?

It just stopped making scents/sense/cents

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A couple were having money problems.

One day the wife went to her husband with an idea to make some quick cash. He listened and after arguing for a little while, finally agreed.

Dressed in her sexiest most revealing dress, the wife jumped out of the car and posing provocatively under the street light, she waved her husband goodb...

Due to recent changes, 50 cent has changed his citizenship to the UK.

After experiencing weight gain, he is being converted to UK currency and will now be known as "50 pounds".

If I had 50 cents for every time I'd read a 50 cent joke today...

I'd have about tree fiddy.

Did you know that 50 cent's mother was german? Every time he did something wrong, she screamed

59!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfoun...

David Byrne gets elected as U.S. president.

His first act is to issue an executive order to the U.S. Mint.

To stop making cents.

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A wife and husband are having money issues. One day they decide to have the wife work the corner. Later that night the husband goes to pick the wife up. He asks, "How much did you make, sweetie?" She answers, "I made $200.50." The husband says, "What asshole gave you 50 cents?"

She replies, "All of them."

Garbage can

An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came dow...

Hey grandpa, do you know that mom said that she will never forgive you because you let me eat a coin and didn't do anything?

She must be nuts if she thinks that I will spend thousands of dollars in a hospital just to get 10 cents back

What do you call a 25 cent hooker?

A quarter pounder.

What is 50 cent known as in Zimbabwe?

Eighty million dollars

What happens when 50 Cent eats his food?

58.

Fifty ate.

Okay I’ll just see myself out.. sorry.

My girlfriend of two years dumped me on her birthday. I dont know why she was so mad, I got her EXACTLY what she asked for; 10 cents and a bell. ..

...upon further‍ reflection, I may own misunderstood "a dime and ring", my bad.

Two sisters inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 available.

The older sister says, "I’m going t...

100 is a nice round number

The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar?

The American: 100, of course

The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37?

The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calcula...

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The sausage trick

Fred and Ray go to the liquor store to buy a cheap bottle of booze. Once in the store, they discover that they only have $1.50 between the two of them.

Ray says, 'I've got an idea', and goes next door to the butcher shop and comes back with a polish sausage. 'here Fred, stick this in your pan...

How DARE you all make fun of 50 Cent’s weight from last night?!

It took a lot of courage for those two guys to hang upside down on national television!

For every Dollar a man makes a woman makes 70 cents. That's really unfair.

That only leaves the man with 30c.

I love 50 Cent

Or as we call him in Venezuela, 60 billion bolívar

A kid is selling lemonade…

The boy’s sign reads “1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1

A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade.
"25 cents", says the kid.

The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.

As the construction worker walks away, he t...

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam

I’d have $ 6.30 now.

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback

Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

Movie

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.

After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, “The last time I came to the mov...

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Rapper 50 cent just came out as bisexual…

He’s now called 50/50.

A waitress at a diner gives a man his check. As he gets up to leave, he puts down the amount for the check plus three cents for the tip. The waitress notices this and approaches him before he leaves.

Waitress: You know, I can tell a lot about a person by each of the coins that are left.
Man: Okay, what do these pennies tell you about me?

Waitress: This first one tells me that you are very thrifty.
Man: Hmm. Yes, that's true. Go on.

Waitress: This second one tells me that you ...

I am a big fan of Fifty Cent.

Or as we call him in Zimbabwe: **Ten Billions Dollars.**

What’s a noodle that only costs one cent?

Penne

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A joke about 50 Cent

I might have capied this from somewhere, Who Gnows???

50 Cent is on a world wide tour and is playing his first gig in Ballarat. The place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Austr...

A man has a vision of God

God says to the man "You may ask three questions of me."

The man thinks hard, and says "God, the universe is so old...how do you keep track of it?"

God says "My child, to me a million years is only one second."

The man thinks again, and says "God, why do so many rich people forg...

Bronko Nagurski story

After retiring from the NFL, Bronko lived out the rest of his 82-year life on the shores of Rainy Lake on the Canadian border. He preferred not to "toot his own horn" and refused most interviews. Other than farming, Bronko ran a service station in International Falls with his sons. He became famous ...

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Hotel.

A salesman checked into a futuristic hotel:

Realising he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir." The clerk told him apologetically. "But down the hall from your room is a vendi...

My favorite rapper is 50 cent

Or as the British people now call him, 10,000 pounds.

50 cent gave Eminem a Christmas gift

Eminem was taken aback and choked up as he unwrapped the beautiful hand-made Christmas sweater.

Holding back tears, he turns to 50 and asks...

G-g-g-gee, you knit?

The bathroom had no toilet paper, and all I had to use was the money in my pocket.

So I did what had to be done.

It was tough, and a little messy.

But for a clean ass?

it was the best 43 cents i’d ever spent.

A man is praying to god

Man:god I have a few questions,how do you perceive time?

God:you see 10 million years to me is nearly a minute

Man:and what about money

God:10 million euro’s to me is just a cent

Man:okay can I have a cent?

God:yeah just a minute

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The chicken farmer

A chicken farmer is visited by an official looking person one day. The farmer has no clue who the visitor is. The visitor asks "What do you feed your chicken?"

The honest and innocent farmer says "they just pick worms in the fields and eat whatever seeds and grains and crap they can get hold ...

“If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

“One quarter." answered little Johnny.

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

Inflation is really getting out of hand...

But that's just my 5 cents.

A man walks into a bar.

He orders 12 beers and starts drinking them really fast.

The bartender asks “why are you drinking those beers so fast?”

The man says “if you had what I had you’d be drinking fast too”

“What do you have?” asks the barkeep

“75 cents”

What did 50 Cent’s friends say when they saw him crocheting a sweater?

G...you knit?

50 cent gave Eminem a really high quality sweater for xmas. EMINEM was super thankful and said to him

GEE, YOU KNIT.

Who knew.

A little old lady sold pretzels on the corner for fifty cents each

A little old lady sold pretzels on the street corner for fifty cents each. Every day, a young lawyer would exit his office building at lunch, and as he passed her pretzel stand, he'd leave two quarters. However, he never took a pretzel.

This went on for nearly five years.

Even though ...

2 pac of eminems for 50 cents?

Man thats ludacris!

I heard Venezuelans like 50 Cent

But they call him two thousand dollars.

50 cents

This kid goes to his dad and say
- Dad I want to go to a 50 cents concert and I need money
The dad gives him $1 and say
- take your sister with you

Why smart people with good opinions are poor?

Because they make cents.

I got a great deal and paid only $6 for a book titled “100 Truly Disgusting Jokes.”

If you break it down per joke, I only paid for the author’s 6 cents of humor.

What happens when you remove 90% talent from 50 cent?

You get a Nickelback

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

As the United States reopens, the federal government has issued a rapid coronavirus test that’s just 25 cents.

Heads is positive. Tails is negative.

I never understood the expression "free.99"...

...it makes no cents

What happened to the beef between 50 Cent and Ja Rule?

Stopped to put air in my tires today. The pump cost $1.50! I remember when those things used to only cost 25 cents.

Guess the price has adjusted for inflation.

If 50 cent were a woman.. would her name be 35 cent?

Credit : twitter @the_anastasia

A latino goes to buy soda for 75 cents, he puts 65

The machine reads ‘dime’ so he gets closer and whispers Pepsi

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This is the story of 5 cents.

Take five pennies...lay them out in a row. As you tell the joke slide one into a different row.

You smell anything? There's a scent.
You see any fruit? There's a pear.
You see any cars? There's 3 Lincolns.
You see any snakes? There's 4 copper heads.
You see any pussy? Not for 5 ce...

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

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