Almost made a joke about an amphetamine addict with a lisp...

But that’s methed up.

A gospel choir leader with a lisp embezzled tens of thousands of dollars from his church.

But eventually he got caught and had to faith the music.

A dwarf with a lisp goes to visit a stud farm.

"I'd like to buy a horth"

He says to the owner of the farm.

"What sort of horse?"

Said the owner.

"A female horth"

The dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a lovely mare.

"Nithe horth."

Says the dwarf,

"Can I thee her eyeth?"

So ...

Stop making fun of fat girls with lisps

They're thick and tired of it.

Why does nobody like a lobster with a lisp?

They are way too shellfish.

As a stand-up comic with a lisp, it can be difficult to convey sarcasm online

/th

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Two Nazis with a lisp raced each other...

They wanted to see who was the fascist

I asked my friend with a lisp if he saddle stitches leather under his kitchen faucet.

He said “I sink sew”

My friend with a lisp has a strong opinion on the Titanic II

As he put it, they're doing the unsinkable!

What does a fireplace and a dead guy with a lisp have in common?

Both are in a hearth.

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

The owner of the local strip club has a lisp.

I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.

What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts?

Ethereal killer

Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp who worked out too hard?

Hes really Thor

I'm gonna make a movie about a man with a speech impediment during world War 2

I'm gonna call it Schindler's Lisp

Why should we be lenient on drug abusers with lisps?

All they did was meth up.

What's a moth pit?

It's where you find all the heavy metal rockers with lisps.

Imagine the Titanic with a Lisp

It's unthinkable

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What does a horny mathematician with a lisp do to have fun?

**Math debates**

A man with a lisp is arrested on drug charges

When his family asks what happened he responds:

"I gueth I really methed up"

I'm starting a social media website for religious people with a lisp

Faithbook

Why did the guy with a lisp hit on the girl with the flu?

Because she was thicc

When a man with a lisp says 'bithneth'...

You know he means business.

The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp

It was a real slap in the faith

What did the guy with the lisp say to his friend right after watching him get struck by lightning?

Are you Thor?

How do priests with a lisp communicate?

They use faithtime.

The lisp magician gives everyone a chocolate bar

Apparently he still had a few twix up his sleeves.

What did the Star Wars fan with a lisp say?

May the Fourth be with you.

What do you call a sad junkie with a lisp?

Metherable

What kinda snake has a lisp?

A Mike Python

I knew a guy with a lisp I didn’t take seriously. But when he said binith

I knew he meant business

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A dowdy housewife with a lisp slipped Viagra into her husband's soda.

As he was drinking it, he asked: honey, what's this soft drink called? She replied: that ithent a thoft dwink, it'th a hard dwink... I call it mount and do.

Does anyone know of any actors that can help cure my lisp?

I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.

I went to the doctors the other day because I had developed a lisp and get agitated when people don’t share

Turns out it’s just a shellfish allergy

What do Einstein and an iceberg with a lisp have in common?

They both tried to think the unthinkable.

I ground up the stems of some plants to spray all over the lisp convention next week.

They're gonna be pithed.

Why was the detective with a lisp called hanger?

He always clothsed the case

Guy with a lisp turns up to a dinner party carrying a selection of cheeses and a couple of ducks under his arm

The host says, "thanks for bringing the cheese, but why the ducks?"

The guest replies, "can't have cheese without cwackers"

A roofer with a lisp

Is hired to install new roofs across the city, when he didnt get paid - he began tearing up all his hard work without discrimination.
It was roofless.

What does a teenager with a lisp and a nun have in common?

Faith book

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A man goes to the doctor about a lisp.

He says, “Doc I feel fine, it’th juth that I can’t thpeak clearly. I have thith lithp that I can’t theem to get rid of.”

The doctor replies, “Ok, let me have a look then.” and proceeds to examine the man. “Ahh, I see the problem here. Your penis is so long that it’s weight is pulling on your ...

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My buddy with a lisp just blew my mind and gut with this joke; we were at the gym and he walks up and asks nonchalantly: “Is your butt thore?”

“Because I’ll be your Ass-guardian.”

That receptionist with the lisp and big booty wasn't at work today

She must have called in thicc

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What do you call a guy with a lisp who likes to jack off during math arguments?

A math debater.

What does a cat with a lisp catch?

A mouth.

What does an ill person with a lisp and someone with generous thighs have in common?

They’re thick

A little girl walked into a pet shop and asked in the sweetest lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shop keeper's heart melted, he got down on his knees to her level, asking: "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like this cute widdle bwown wabbit over here?"
The little girl leaned forward and said: "I don't fink my pet python weally give...

A salesman with a bad lisp...

came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha womb."

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Thor meets a woman with a lisp

Thor decides he hasn't been to Earth in quite some time and decides to go down and let humanity know he still exists. So he flies down and lands on a woman's balcony. After entering her apartment he grabs her, throws her on the bed and fucks the shit out of her.

A few days later, in Asgard, h...

What did the blind kid with a lisp say when Theodore told him to open a door?

I cant Theodore.

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet?

Because thimbles aren't very loud.

What do you call a skinny person with a lisp

Methed up

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Kid goes to the local pet store...

A 10 tear old boy with a bad lisp goes to the local pet store and asks "Ethuse mne, thir, do you haff any birth sneed?"

The shop keeper says "Go away kid, I'm busy."

The boy leaves and comes back a couple of days later and says "Ethuse mne, thir, do you haff any birth sneed?"

...

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I tried to go to a strip club that only hires strippers with a lisp...

Unfortunately, the sign on the door said "Sorry, We're Clothed!"

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A man with a lisp walks into a nut store.

He approaches the man at the counter, who has a very large nose, and asks him "Ekthcuthe me thir, how much are your pithtathios?"

The cashier replies politely, "Pistachios are five dollars a pound."

"Jethuth Chritht, that'th too rich for me. How much are your cathewth?"

"Cashew...

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What do you call a nazi with a speech impediment?

Schindler’s lisp

What do you call a kid with an eye patch, braces and a lisp?

Names

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A man has a really bad lisp...

...so he goes to the doctor to figure out the cause. The doctor tells him, "Well, sir, the reason you have such a pronounced lisp is that your penis is abnormally long. I can do surgery on it and remove three inches, and that should take care of your lisp."

The man says, "Gee doctor, I thure ...

Have you heard the saying "Raining Cats & Frogs"?

Don't make fun of my lisp.

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

I saw a young girl busking today with a great voice.

"Any requests?" she asked the watching crowd.

"Your thong," I replied with a wink.

Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.

It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp!

Who decided to make Dyslexia such a hard word to spell?

Same person who thought it'd be fun to add an "s" to lisp

TIFU by getting my girlfriend a fake leather couch.

I should have known she wanted me to "pleasure" her.

Damn her and her lisp

A heartbroken guy walks into his bar and orders a strong drink.

"You theem pretty upthet", the barman says, with a strong lisp, "I'm a good lithener if you wanna talk about it?"

The man swigs his beverage and tells the barman about how his wife has fallen out of love with him. He explains that he's decided to give her some room in hope that the time apar...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

\*Insert lisp\*
Because 7 was a math murderer

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Ever have sex with a girl only to realize they're completely insane?

For example, last week I hooked up with this cute red-head . She was smart, sexy, bit of a lisp. Everything seemed normal, but the second we got finished she started going on about how she was the Norse god of thunder.

Endowed girl goes to the doctor

Endowed girl goes to the doctor.

Doctor says, 'I'm Doctor Wessler, what's your name.'

She says with a lisp, 'My name's Thuzy Thmith."

The doctor says, "Let's start by checking your heart." He places his stethoscope on her chest. "Ok big breaths.

"I know, and I'm only th...

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